Flashback

"Where have you been?" My dad asks as I come back home, he was lying on the coach, probably drunk "since when do you care?" I asks

"I am your father, answer my question. You've been out a lot lately, it's not like you" he says "I've been out with a friend" I says

"What friend? You don't have any friend" He says "what would you know about me?" I says before he walks towards me

"Is that a boy?" He asks "maybe it is" I says "I knew it. You're a slut" he says "dad-"

"Running off with a boy at 15" he chuckles "he's just a friend" I says "it explains the cigarette I found in your room" he says

"What?" I tries to deny "don't act stupid. What, you think you're a badass now? Smoking with a boy?" he says

"He doesn't smoke, I started before I started hanging out with him. Don't blame him" I says "I mean, that makes more sense" he says

"What are you talking about?" I asks "you've always been a trouble. And you'll also be a trouble for that kid"

"Hey, at least I don't get drunk every night" I says before he slaps me "why are you like this? Why?" He says

"Are you actually asking me that?" I asks "yes." He coldly answers "why I am the way that I am? Are you genuinely curious about that?" I asks

He hums as he looks at me, waiting for an answer "what about all the time that you hit me or call me worthless in front of other people?" I says "yeah, what about it?"

"You want me to say it? That's abuse. Dad, that's abuse" I confronts him "ah. Okay, and what about it?" He asks again

"What about it?" I questions "yeah, what about it? I hit you, whatever the fuck else. What about it? That's why you're a loser?" I looks at him with shock

"Your mother would've been so disappointed in you right now" he adds "I am not the only one she'd be disappointed of" I says

"She was a great woman and she's dead because of you!" he says "didn't kill her" I shakes my head "well, she died having you. What will you call that?" He says "fine! I killed her. But even if I did, what does it have to do with anything? I didn't even born yet!" I says

"Even before you were born you killed everything you touched, you're a disease" he says "oh, so I am a disease now?" I asks

"You're worse than fucking cancer. At least cancer is honest. It says; hey, here I am, I am gonna fucking kill you!" "Dad, stop" I says

"You know what you say? You say nothing. You're going to kill that boy just like you killed your mother, because that's what you do" he points at me before he falls into the couch and passes out

"That's not true" I mumbles to myself as I shakes my head. I wipe my tears and take a deep breath and goes to my room

End of Flashback

-

My dad was right. Jasper might not get any better, but I am not going to destroy Murphy too. He could have died because of me. Exactly like my dad told me would gonna happen.

I never really though about what he said until Murphy told me what happened to him in Polis, I guess I just though that my dad was saying a couple of stupid things because he was drunk

Maybe at that time it was just a stupid couple of things. But maybe, just maybe, he's accidentally right. If he is, I can't be the reason Murphy would die, he's a survivor. He survived too much, he can't throw everything for me, I am not worth it

"Hey, Mary?" Murphy walks towards me. We were still at Polis. We just walked off the tower, watched all the pain that was around us, all the dead bodies

"Murphy" I says "Jaha isn't making friends" Murphy laughs as he watches a woman spits on Jaha, he was trying to help her but I can understand why she's mad about the man who brought Alie

"Murphy, there's something I need to tell you" I says. His laughs fades and his look gets serious "what is it?" He asks

"I don't want us to be together anymore." I says, it wasn't something easy to say, but I had to. For Murphy "what?" He looks at me shocked

"I don't think we're good for each other. I don't think I am good for you" I says

"What are you taking about?" He asks "you could have died" I says "come on, is this how you know me?"

"I can't risk that" I shakes my head "risk what? I chose to do that, okay? You didn't do anything" he argues

"You did that for me" I says "I would do anything to keep you safe" he says "see? That's the problem" I says

"If the problem is that I love you then yeah, we have a big problem here" he says "you don't get it. We can't do that, we can't survive like that. If we'd keep on like that both of us would die" I says

"What are you saying?" He asks "you know what I am saying" I says "no, I am not. You're not thinking about this. We've been all through that for what? To just break up?" He asks

"It all could have been a lot easier if you wouldn't try to protect me" I says "I don't care if it was easier. None of this would have been worth it if I couldn't have stare at those beautiful eyes" he tucks my hair behind my ear

"It should've been easier" I says "falling for a girl who would go with Clarke's crazy ideas is not easy, I'll give that, but... I want to do it. I want to be with you, I am willing to do whatever it takes" he says

"I know, but I am not letting you to do whatever it takes. You've been through so much because of me, it's all my fault" I says "Mary, please. You're the best thing that has ever happened to me" he shakes his head as his eyes starts get watery

"I am sorry" I starts feeling the tears in my eyes as well "tell me you didn't come here for me" he says

I shakes my head, staying silence. That silence gives him the answer he wants, I can't lie to him. I never could

"Okay, you see? I know you want this, you came here for me I came for the tunnels for you, that's perfect" he says

"We both keeps risking our life, we'd both die at the end, I don't want you to die" I says "we survive for each other, that's what we do" he says

"A smart friend of mine once told me life is more than about surviving" I says "Clarke told you this" he says "how did you know?" I asks

"She said it to Lexa before she.." he says, referring to Lexa's death "but it's true, you should live, Murphy" I says "I am living when I am with you" he says

"You felt alive in Polis?" I asks "worry about yourself, baby. I'll be good" he says

"I can't just hope you'd be good knowing you'd risk yourself for me, I am not gonna do it. I am sorry" I says

"don't do this" he says. My heart was shattering. I lays a long kiss on his cheek, knowing that was a goodbye kiss.

"Don't cry, I want to remember you smiling" I wipes his tears as he looks away from me "look at me like you always used to" I says, he returns his gaze at me

"Don't go, Mary" he shakes his head "I have to, I don't have a choice" I sniffles

"I care for you still, and I will. Forever" I adds as I sees his tears rolling down his cheek "goodbye, John Murphy"

It hurts me seeing him in pain, especially because it's my fault, but it's better that way. That way he could move on and survive.

I love him more than anything I've ever loved, I actually don't think I've known what's loving someone before I met him.

I love the sound of his voice, I love the feeling of my hand going through his hair, I love the feelings I get when he holds my hand, of when he hugs or kisses me. I love his dark blue eyes, they remind me of the ocean.

I love everything about him. But I know that me loving him, is too dangerous for him. He risked his life for me. Ontari did what she did to him because he did that to protect that, that is fucked up in so many ways, and it's my fault.

"Mary!" Clarke calls me "may we meet again" I gives Murphy a sad smile before I walks to her and Bellamy

"Are you okay?" Bellamy asks "whats going on?" I asks "Hi, Mary" I hears Raven voice on the radio

"Oh, my god, Raven, how's Jasper?" I asks "he's okay, Monty is with him" she says. I let out a breath of relief

"Raven did Ally ever told you why she created the city of light?" Clarke asks "no, why?" Raven asks before we hears a yelling in Trigedasleng, calling for help to the king

"Clarke?" Raven says "fill Raven in. They need a doctor" Clarke says before she walks away "right, Raven-"

"Mary" I hears Jasper's voice "Jasper, how are you?" I asks "I am sorry" he says "we'll talk about everything when I'll be back, I promise. We have to tell Raven some important stuff but don't do anything stupid, okay? I love you, cousin"

"I love you too" he says "Mary, go rest, I'll fill Raven in" Bellamy says "thank you" I gives him a soft smile before I walks away

-

Murphy's pov

"Hey, what are you doing?" I walks towards Emori "stocking up. What's it look like?" she packs a bag

"Stocking up for what, exactly?" I asks "it's not safe for my kind here. I have to leave this place, John" she says

"So, what are you gonna bail on me again?" I asks "I didn't bail on you, I came back. Took the damn chip because Jaha said he would take me to you"

"Hey..." I sits on my knees next to her "come with me to Arkadia" I said making her scoff

"I am serious, Emori, okay? You could stay there, my people will protect you" I says "are you sure about that? How many times have they cast you out?" She says, I looks down

"It's different now. They owe me, okay? Please. Come on" I says "what will Mary say?" She asks "what do you mean?" I asks

"I don't think she'd love it" she says "Mary and I broke up" I says "really?" She asks "I don't think she would have cared if we didn't. But, uh, yeah. We did" I tells her "okay" she says "okay?" I asks "okay" she assures me

"Why did you two broke up?" She asks "she said something about that she don't want me to risk myself for her again" I says "sounds like a chip excuse to me" she says

"You don't know her" I says "I know she clearly didn't appreciated you" she says "she just wants me to be safe" I says

"If that what you want to tell yourself go ahead" she says "don't be like that" I says "like what? Telling you the truth?"

"That's not the truth, that's your truth" I says "you know that everyone calls her Wanheda's bitch?" She says

"What? Who calls her that?" I questions "I heard it all over Polis, everyone around us" she says "they're just a couple of assholes who don't know shit about her" I says

"She helped Clarke in Mount Weather you know? I mean, of course you know" she says "if you got to know her you'd realise how stupid you sound right now" I says

"I doubt that" she says "what's that supposed to mean?" I asks "I am just saying, she killed a lot of people" she says

"She's not the evil person everyone makes her sound like. She did what she had to do to survive. You should be the first person to understand it, not judge her" I says

"I am just saying-" she says "look, I don't want to talk about it, not with you" I cuts her off "okay, sorry"

-

Mary's pov

"Hey" Octavia says as she sits next to me "hi" I quickly wipes my tears "what's going on?" She asks "I broke up with Murphy, Jasper was in the city of light and he probably still hates me" I says

"Woah, hold on. One problem at a time, is Jasper okay?" She asks "yeah, I talked with him for a few moment earlier on the radio. Everyone is okay" I says

"Okay. Then that's good" she says "I am happy he's safe but he still hates me" I says "he doesn't hate you. You two will sort this out, I promise" she says

"I hope so" I shrugs "but what did you say about Murphy? You love Murphy" she says "I do, but he keeps risking his life for me, I figured the only solution is to break up with him" I says

"He better risk his life for you, you worth it" she says "I don't think I am" I says "then you're stupid"

"Blake..." I says "no, your love him, he love you, that's supposed to be the end of it" she says "I am doing this to protect him from himself, it's the right thing"

"Does it feel right?" She ask, I stays quite. "Look, Mae. I know that you're scared" she starts "everyone knows I am scared, most of the time I am scared" I says

"Let me finish" she glares at me "okay, sorry. Do your Blake thing" I says "your Blake thing?" She questions "the motivative speech that you and Bellamy loves giving me" I says making her roll her eyes

"I'll just ignore you. I meant to say that I know you're scared, the ground is scary, you can die any second, Murphy can, I can too, everyone can, that's scary. But we all protect each other and by that we keep each other alive" she says

"I know, that's why I broke up with Murphy" I says "but you're miserable now" she says "I don't care"

"Mae-" she says but I cuts her off "no, I get that you're trying to protect me, I do. But I made up my mind already" I says, she sighs

"So it's over?" She "it's over" I takes a moment to reply "it's not about Murphy" she says "what?" I asks "it's not about him, it's about Jasper. You're still beating yourself up over Mount Weather, Mae, you've been forgiven" she says

"This is bullshit" I says "you think you don't deserve someone that will protect you. That's it" she says, I shakes my head "I am tired" I admits

"You seriously should stop be so hard on yourself, you're torturing yourself" she says "do you ever wonder why I sleep through the day so often?" I asks

"Sometimes. Abby told us to be sensitive with you" she says "I see Maya every night" I starts

"I see Jasper holding her, after we radioed the Mountain. The look he had on his face. He really hates me, not an "I hate you, you're so annoyingly" sarcastic family way, he really does hate me"

"Jasper can't hate you more than you hate yourself, no one can" she says "I don't know why I am like this, everyone seem to keep on with their lives, and I am just stuck at the same place for months" I says

"Maybe it's time to move on" she says "like it's that easy?" I asks "no, but at least try" she says "I have been trying!" I stands up

"Why are you getting so defensive?" She stands up too "because you don't understand" I walks away "you're doing that again" she follows me

"Doing what?" I turns around and stops to face her "you're pushing everyone who's trying to help you away" she says

"That's bullshit" I argues before Indra approach us "Indra" Octavia says "I don't give a shit about what you two argues about, we need to go" she says

A/n
I just wanted to make it clear that Emori acts in this chapter kind of a bitch to Mary but I love Emori's character sm and she won't stay like this just wait🙏🙏

It will take more time for me to publish each character because I am back at school