CHAPTER THIRTY THREE

"Are you sure you're alright?" Cameron asked, for what felt like the millionth time as he paced her bedroom.

It was the following day and in an hour, it would be time for her – and the rest of the Advanced English and Italian classes in school – to leave for Rome. He had been worried about her ever since the drama of the Winter Ball had gone down, even more so when she had gotten home the previous day with tears in her eyes and not a word of what had happened.

Hannah managed a small grin whilst she nodded, her hands pressing down on her navy suitcase as she slowly zipped it up. She really didn't want to go on this trip any more, especially considering Ashlyn would be her roommate but what choice did she have?

The work they would do there was part of her final grade and no matter what, she couldn't allow her former best friend to ruin even her grades. She had to do well this year, she just had to. She couldn't let them win, couldn't let them know how much they had hurt her over the past few months because Hannah had to prove herself. She had to prove her worth to her mother, to her grandfather but mostly to herself.

"I'll be fine," she answered, throwing an arm around her cousins' shoulder with all the affection she could manage. "Rayne, Becky and our little Momo will also be there to hopefully keep me sane. You just make sure you feed Puddles for me, okay, and let him out to play and empty his litter tray and–,"

Cameron laughed, head thrown back.

"I will, I will. Calm your tits, woman!" He lowered his voice as she slipped on her jacket and double checked her passport and boarding tickets were with her. "If anything happens, if that fuckin' bitch tries anything at all again, just let me know, okay? I won't hesitate to fly down and rip her Barbie hair off her head."

Hannah chuckled at the thought, although it was brief, and finished packing the few last essentials she had left behind. Mentally making a list of all she needed to keep in her hand luggage, the two cousins made their way to the car in order to drive to London Heathrow.

Cameron drove in silence, eyes flicking over at her every few seconds but wisely keeping his mouth shut. He knew that the more he brought up what had happened, the more Hannah would curl up inside herself and that was the last thing he wanted to happen. His only consolation was that at least that bastard Gabriel wouldn't be on the trip and if Hannah managed to avoid Ashlyn as much as possible, Rome might not be so bad.

Perhaps the change of scenery would be good for her.

She had begun to retreat deep inside herself after all that had happened; lying in her bed with the blankets wrapped right around her for most of the day. And when he was lucky enough to get more than a few sentences out of her, she would clam up again, her mind evidently recalling everything that had occurred.

He would murder Gabriel if he would, squeeze every ounce of life out of his pathetic body. How dare anyone hurt her so much, when she had done nothing in the first place other than to stand up for herself?

"Is everyone here?" Mr Daniels counted heads when everyone had arrived at the busy airport and had said goodbyes to their family members. Mrs DePalma, the Advanced Italian teacher, begun to do the register as the two classes gathered together, voices rising in excitement. Hannah had made her way towards Charmaine and Mohammad, hands clasped tight around her suitcase and hair swinging behind her. She had left it down for a change, enjoying hiding behind the raven screen as she watched her classmates interacting.

Ashlyn was standing on the other side, makeup done flawlessly and designer jeans sculptured around her body, as she chattered along to a few girls Hannah vaguely recognised. To her relief, her former friend didn't so much as shoot a glance in her direction and Hannah was able to push the events of the Ball out of mind for a few precious minutes.

"Hey, Momo!" Becky called out, wheeling an outrageously pink suitcase towards them with Rayne close behind. His hair was hidden beneath the black beanie Hannah had almost forgotten about, eyes brightening when he caught sight of her.

"I'm gonna shove that suitcase up your arse if you call me that again," Mohammad threatened with a roll of his eyes as Charmaine laughed loudly. The group of friends made small talk for a while whilst the classes queued up, Hannah trying to join in the conversations but her body was tense as her eyes were kept close on Ashlyn. The waiting in the airport was longer than the plane journey of only three hours and the two classes were trying to pass the time quickly.

Hannah was seated beside Charmaine on the plane, with two random guys on the other side whilst Becky and Mohammad sat at the front. The latter two were whispering to each other and whilst Hannah knew it probably wasn't about her at all, everything was making her on edge.

She tried to be positive about the trip, repeating it over and over again in her mind like a mantra but it was no use. No matter what she told herself, she would be sleeping in the same room as Ashlyn for three nights. They'd had plenty of sleepovers over the past few years but this was a whole new territory; one that made fear nestle deep inside her. Ashlyn had stood back at the Ball, smirking as Gabriel wrapped his filthy body over Hannah. She hadn't cared what he did to her, had welcomed the way her former best friend had shrunk under his gaze.

Ashlyn had always liked being completely in control of every situation: stepping on everyone she had to in order to remain at the top but that had been far too much.

When the two classes had initially found out about the trip, at the end of the previous academic year, the two girls had been ecstatic. They had both been looking forward to staying up all night gossiping and planning outings for the small amount of free time they'd have. But now the trip was tainted with the hurt Hannah felt and the lengths to which Ashlyn would go to.

She felt nauseous just thinking about it. Sleeping in front of someone was such a vulnerable act, one of trust. How could she possibly survive three nights letting her defences fall in front of someone who had betrayed her in such a way? She knew that if Gabriel had the opportunity, he would have raped her and she knew, Ashlyn would have stood back and let it happen.

A shudder ran through her, the fear pounding inside her blood like crashing waves. Hannah willed herself to stop thinking about it, focusing instead on the many conversations occurring around her and the soft hum of the aeroplane as the clouds blurred past. Her stomach churned in a mixture of sickness and fear but she tried to calm herself down, nails digging deep into her palms.

Thankfully, she managed a little sleep on the plane and woke up in Rome, feeling somewhat brighter.

The city was beautiful, historic off-white buildings with intricate details, rising against the softly setting sun; an artist's dream. Voices filled the air, Italian sentences spoken so fast that they barely had time to try to understand a word before it became laughter. People were rushing past, returning home from work to meet their loved ones, with a smile plastered on content faces.

Hannah took a deep breath, stretching her limbs as their groups made the way to the expensive hotel, led by the two teachers. She allowed her body to soak up the warmth of the atmosphere and the faint smell of food, smiling properly for the first time that day. From across her, Rayne looked back with a soft glint in his jade eyes.

Maybe this trip wouldn't be so bad after all.

---

Or maybe not.

The beginning of the day had been fine, they had all briefly dropped their luggage at the glamorous hotel and had followed their teachers around the city with only a notebook in hand. They had spent time looking up at the historic sites with awe painted on their faces, scribbling down notes whilst walking on towards the next one. They had gotten food, the smell of freshly baked bread and warm melty cheese still clinging onto their clothes, just before returning back to the hotel as the sun had long set.

She couldn't avoid Ashlyn forever.

Ash was already in their room when Hannah arrived, her large suitcases adorning one of the twin beds and her clothes piling out of them. Hannah felt it strange that out of all the things she could think about in that moment was the fact that she knew all of those clothes. She had been with her when Ashlyn had brought most of them – many from Jazz – and had even borrowed a few. And now, that would never happen again.

Hannah walked stiffly towards the other bed, kneeling down to open her navy suitcase as quietly as possible. Her shoulders were tense and she could feel a static in the air, one that indicated something bad was coming. Not making a sound, Hannah pulled out some thin pyjamas from her suitcase and stood up quickly. The trousers were dotted with pictures of small cartoon bunnies and the vest-top had her name plastered over the chest area with a carrot drawn next to it. Cameron had gotten them for her after she had adopted Puddles but she hadn't had the chance to wear them until now.

It wasn't until after she had gone into the lavish en-suite bathroom to change her clothes, remove her makeup and brush her teeth that Ashlyn decided to begin talking.

"So, how did you do it?"

Hannah flinched at the unexpected words breaking through the sharp silence. She spun around with hesitancy rushing through her limbs, her eyes trained on her ex best friend trying to figure out the meaning of her words but before she could utter a word, Ashlyn continued.

"How did you get everyone to vote for you? How the fuck did that happen when nobody even likes you? It was supposed to be me, it was always supposed to be me."

Gritting her teeth and praying her voice was steady, Hannah slowly answered. "Nobody likes me? Bit rich coming from you, isn't it?"

Ashlyn laughed, but it was bitter. She snarled towards Hannah, her pale blue eyes darkening until they were like glaciers being thrown at her. "Better to know you're a bitch that's feared but still loved, than to be just another sheep that's hated, eh?"

Hannah didn't really have any answer for that, her heart pounding loudly inside her as the blood rushed around her head so fast that she felt dizzy. Ashlyn was right – she had been a sheep throughout her whole life, going along with what people said at every opportunity. She had never done anything for herself.

Until this year anyway – she had disregarded her reputation and begun ICT lessons, had tracked down her father, had begun working for herself, made her own friends without Ashlyn's help and most of all, she had walked away from their crumbling friendship.

"You think you're so special and so goddamn nice, don't you?" Ashlyn growled, golden brows furrowed tight as she took a threatening step closer. "But no matter what, you'll always be the same dumb little girl you were all those years ago. The one with the mother who doesn't want her, the non-existent father, the one without any friends or any hope of getting anywhere in life. You haven't changed a bit, Hannah, you wouldn't have had anything if it wasn't for me making you into someone decent. All because I felt sorry that nobody liked you, how fuckin' stupid of me, eh?"

It wasn't so much the words that felt like a dagger through her chest, but more the pure hatred in Ashlyn's eyes. There was so much anger nestled in the icy orbs that for a moment, she didn't even recognise the girl in front of her. How could this be the same girl who would spoon her throughout the whole night at any sleepover, so tightly that she resembled a koala clutching on to its tree?

When had she become so self-absorbed, so fixated on things that were so fleeting? When had she become so malicious?

"What did I ever do to you?" Hannah managed to whisper, the words getting stuck in her throat.

Ashlyn laughed, so softly it was almost too sweet and the sound sent shivers up Hannah's spine. "It's not what you did, it's what you always had." The words made no sense to Hannah's mind but without waiting for an explanation she rushed out of the room, hands trembling as she ran down the long corridor until she was far away from icy eyes.

Hannah grit her teeth hard, willing her emotions to stay in check but it was difficult. Ashlyn's hate filled words were running through her mind, her self-confidence shattered like glass along a pavement. It was all true, she knew it, and that was what was hard to face.

Her feet stumbled a little in the dimly lit hallway, fingers holding onto the wall as though she would fall without the support. And perhaps she would.

After all that had been thrown against her, could she hold herself up anymore?

She was so focused of the taunts that had spewed from her former best friends perfect lips that she hadn't realised how much her limbs were shaking. When a sudden dizziness threatened to overwhelm her, she leant back, her shoulder blades against the cool wall and sank down against the plush carpet.

Her head was lowered, nestling against her knees and if it wasn't for the soft padding of footsteps coming towards her, Hannah was convinced she would have burst into a mess of blubbering tears.

"Hannah?" Becky's voice rang through the air, fuzzy slippers landing in front of her. "What the fuck happened? You look like shit."

Hannah laughed, tears paving their way down her cheeks as her nails dug deep into her bare arms until she drew blood. She missed the way Becky knelt down with concern etched over her face, the way she managed to force her to stand and walk down the stairs until they were on the previous floor. All Hannah could focus on was the words that were still running through her mind. She had always known that Ashlyn kept her around because of how much she adored Jasmine but it was a lot worse hearing it – and so much more – out loud.

"I'm guessing you're rooming with that blonde bitch so that explains a lot. I would take you back to mine but I'm sharing with the Wilinski twins and you know how they gossip and I'm pretty sure Rayne was meant to be with that Chinese kid in Italian but he didn't show so here we go."

Hannah tried to talk but her throat seemed to have clogged up, her eyes wide and dried tears coating her lashes as her arms trembled in her thin pyjamas.

"Hey gu– wait, what the hell?"

She vaguely heard Rayne's voice but it seemed to be blurred, Becky's arm the only thing that held her up as her balance was unsteady.

"Okay, that's fine, Becks. I guess I'll take her from here, cheers. C'mon, Hannah, you're shaking." His voice was soft, soothing but she barely registered it, her feet robotically following his until they were standing against the hotel bed. It was only when he threw a fluffy pink blanket towards her and she cocooned herself inside, that she fully realised what happened.

"I– I–," she tried to stutter, finally focusing on the fact that she was sitting on his bed opposite him in her bunny pyjamas and evidentially one of his sisters blankets wrapped around her shoulders. "I'm sorry."

He shrugged his shoulders, as though he didn't need an explanation and instead smiled at her. "So, what did you think about the photographs Mr Daniel's is making us take with the journal thing?"

Hannah couldn't describe the feeling that rose inside her, other than knowing that it filled her with a warmth that she didn't want to ever let go of. Somehow, Rayne always knew the right things to say. It was clear as day that she didn't want to talk about what had happened and instead of badgering her about it, he had changed the topic to something completely irrelevant.

It was perfect.

She wiped her face with the back of her hands, leaning back on the headboard of the bed as she analysed him. He was sitting cross-legged opposite her, wearing grey sweatpants that were falling off and a faded blue t-shirt. His hair was sticking up on side, as though he had been lying on it and the socks on his feet were two different colours.

"I'm not much of a writer," she managed to stutter out, wide eyes trained on his. "But I guess it's not too bad, we have the three days whilst we're here to soak up inspiration and stuff. I guess that will help."

Rayne nodded but before he could continue talking about the English work that neither of them actually cared about, Hannah interrupted him with a sigh. She leaned back, her head resting on the wall and the moonlight flitting in from the wide open window shining bright on her skin. Rayne shivered slightly in his thin t-shirt but he didn't quite have the heart to close it, rather enjoying the way her hair swayed in the evening breeze.

"Thank you," she finally said, eyes lowered. Hannah was the last person used to showing her vulnerability in front of others but after everything that had happened, she felt as though her walls had all crumbled down in that moment. And to her surprise, she wasn't scared of Rayne seeing her like this – he knew more about her than she had ever dared to show before.

"Do you wanna talk about it?"

She shook her head, raven locks becoming undone as her tight grip on the blanket loosened and her limbs relaxed. He only nodded with understanding; sitting back and letting her dictate the conversation in a way that filled her up with a light she couldn't explain. Her thoughts swirled in her mind, a jumble of words and laughter that flooded through every vein until her entire being felt as though it was lighting up with a happiness he had ignited.

"What was your dad like?" she asked, letters falling off her lips like honey.

Rayne's eyes widened with a surprise he couldn't conceal, her question seemingly so random. But he wasn't to know that all she could think was how he had become so amazing, who had he learnt it from?

He shrugged, edging a little closer on the soft bed. "He was a good man," Rayne answered, brushing a hand through his hair as he lost himself in the nostalgia. "Y'know what I mean? Always friendly to the neighbours and so loving with my mum and kind with us three, he taught me so much. Hailey was only a baby when he died, the girls don't remember him much but I do, or at least I did. The only I get, the more I forget some things about him... and that really fuckin' sucks."

Hannah smiled with him, ignoring the ache that grew inside her as she thought of his perfect family. After all, Rayne was such a genuinely nice person that he honestly deserved the best, in her eyes.

"Does it matter though?" she asked, her own sadness forgotten as she grinned at him from beneath his pink blanket – or that of his little sisters. "Does it matter if you slowly forget the small things about him? That's only natural, I reckon, as time goes by, isn't it? But you'll never forget the important things, the things that made him your dad. How could you when he's part of the reason that you are the person you are?"

She wasn't sure if her rushed answer made any sense but the way his jade eyes lit up was enough. He nodded slowly, leaning back against the bed as she continued, with a need to explain herself. "I found my father's address the other day, well, technically I stalked him from work until he got home but same thing. He... he lives near school, how fucking unbelievable is that? I've been thinking about who he is all these bloody years and this dickhead universe decided he would be five minutes away from me all this time!"

Rayne laughed at the way her entire body trembled with something in between happiness and anger, a swirl of emotions that he knew even she wasn't sure about. "What happened? Did you talk to him?"

And with that she deflated, shoulders dropping. "Not exactly. I kinda, might've gotten a little, well, y'know, a little scared and ran off before his wife could let him know some random ass girl was at the door who happens to suspiciously look a lot like the ex-girlfriend he had eighteen years ago."

Rayne made her re-count the entire situation second-by-second and by the time she was done, Hannah felt a lot lighter. Perhaps all she needed all this time was someone to understand her. After all, what else could be more important in life than having someone who understood you?