CHAPTER TWENTY EIGHT

Hannah sat on the top of the stairs on Christmas day, focusing on nothing but the way the fairy lights that were draped around the house twinkled brightly. She thought of nobody but the twists and turns of the tinsel adorning the extravagant stair-rail, primary colours shining.

It was easier to think about her surroundings than to focus on what was happening downstairs. She and Cameron had arrived early to his parents' house, enveloped in hugs and kisses as they called out greetings. Whilst neither of them particularly looked forward to the day, they both knew how much it meant to her Aunt Sara and so, made an effort. But it had soon been ruined by the arrival of her mother and grandfather.

She vaguely remembered one Christmas many years ago at the tender age of nine, where she had concluded to herself that her grandfather had skin that had never seen a smile. Despite the many years that had passed, as she sat there that day, she decided nothing had changed. He was all sharp angles, pointed sneers and glowering eyes. As a child, he had often forced his way into her nightmares, merging with the monster she saw wearing her mother's face. They were a mixture of revulsion and regret, made entirely of sharp tongues.

This year, just like every year, she tried to avoid them.

She spent some time with her uncle in the kitchen, watching him with the finishing touches of the seemingly never-ending desserts. He sprinkled some powdered sugar over them whilst listening to his niece ramble on and on about school. It meant a lot to him, to see Hannah speak with joy falling off her lips, a feeling he was hadn't been sure she would ever experience.

Jay still remembered the day of her birth, the way his father hadn't allowed anyone but the midwife to be around his sister. The moment he caught sight of his new-born niece, lying helplessly in a cot by herself, something inside of him shifted. Cameron had been a few months old; a round-faced happy baby, a contrast to his cousin. Jasmine hadn't picked her daughter up after giving birth to her, hadn't thought of a name, hadn't wanted her. All she saw when she saw Hannah was Chris and ultimately, his departure.

He and Sara had been the ones to name her, to make up bottles of formula, to console her when she cried and most of all, to be there. She had been a small baby, lungs weak and skin thin but there was no doubt that Hannah had been born a fighter. Looking at her now, he could scarcely believe this was the small little thing – a touch of light in their lives.

"What?" she asked, brows furrowed as she wondered why her uncle was looking at her so strangely. Uncle Jay was always so stoic, barely a fleeting of emotion crossing his face but in that moment, he stared at her with shining eyes.

"I'm just thinking of how I felt when I first saw you as a baby," he answered, throwing an arm around his niece, a rare chink in his armour. "And how big you're getting. It's just weird, knowing you both are all grown up now. I'm so pleased with how you've turned out, so proud of you two."

His honesty warmed her heart and she tried not to sniffle. For some reason, she was more emotional today than any other Christmas had been. Perhaps it was because everything had been fairly repetitive the past eighteen years but now, this year, her life was changing. There was a shift in the atmosphere.

Her grandfather was seated at the head of the dining table, his mouth twisted into a scowl. Whilst they had a very large extended family, not many relatives knew about Hannah's existence and so, their Christmas was always very small. She was always nothing more than a shameful secret; the biggest mistake.

Sara loved the festivities, decorating every inch of the grand house in tinsel but no amount of decorations could cover the darkness.

"One month," her grandfather spat at Cameron, who was shuffling against the sofa he sat on, back straight. "You have one month to decide, boy. By the end of January, you'll need to send your university applications off and you're telling me you haven't decided on what to pursue yet?"

Sara had tried to diffuse the topic whenever it came up – knowing perfectly well that her son just didn't think about his academics enough to care – but to no avail. There was no stopping her father-in-law when he got started.

Cameron shrugged, feeling as though he was stifled under his maroon shirt. His mouth was dry, something about the way his grandfather glared at him making him want to flinch. They usually directed so much of their anger towards Hannah that he'd forgotten how intense it was – was this how his cousin felt every time they so much as looked in her direction?

Hannah lingered at the doorway, not quite sure if it was worth making it any worse. But her uncle lay one hand on her shoulder with a silent encouragement, giving her a strength she barely remembered she had. She strode in the room with her head held high, pretending not to notice the way her mother flinched at the sight of her.

Despite Hannah's outward determination, there was a part of her that felt she was shrinking inside, beneath the frowns that only grew a shade deeper with her presence.

"Merry Christmas," she said, the greeting stiff against her soft lips but thankfully, they ignored her, her grandfather's anger still directed towards Cameron. And beneath the pretences Hannah built up, she felt as though there was nothing she wanted more than to pull the thread that held her together, unravelling in a pile of nothingness.

Cam looked over to his cousin and the way she sat beside his mother, leaning slightly towards her as though she was feeding off Sara's strength. Despite whatever Hannah thought about herself, he realised in that moment that she didn't need it. His cousin had always been full of a fire he couldn't describe, one that burned her in a determination to succeed. She had always worked harder than he had in everything she did, she had to – to prove her worth.

It was that thought that made him do it. He sat up straight, waiting to be sucked into a raging storm, and spoke with all the clarity in the world. "I haven't sent an application yet because I'm not sending one off."

There was a silence, one that could hold a lifeless body with its weight and Hannah's fingers trembled. She curled her fists tight, not knowing what he was going to say but knowing what the aftermath of displeasing him would be. She had lived it enough to know.

"What?" their grandfather asked, the word slow and voice cold.

Cameron shared a look with his cousin, drinking in the colour of her copper eyes and taking a deep breath. "I'm not going to university."

Jasmine raised her head at that, she had been sitting silently from the moment her daughter walked in – not wanting to face her biggest mistake. But even she knew that what her nephew had said was the wrong answer, education and status being the singular most important thing in their lives.

Cameron's parents shared a look, wary but both knowing that he needed to fight his battles himself. Jay could remember how tough it had been to convince his parents to give Sara a chance when they had first met, how much he had fought for the woman he loved. Almost twenty years had passed but yet, nothing had really changed.

"And what do you plan on doing instead?" The words felt like ice, as though the edges were sharp enough to cut his flesh. Their grandfather had stood up, his steps heavy as he almost marched towards Cameron.

Cam felt everything inside him tightening, a trickle of perspiration collecting against his hairline but he ignored it. "I'm going to take some time out before I decide, do some travelling and see the world with Tyler."

Hannah's eyes widened, only then realising what he was going to do and what the consequences of it would be. She knew first-hand how much rage their grandfather held inside, something he had evidently passed on to his daughter.

"Who?"

He stood up from where he was sitting on the sofa, until he was staring his grandfather directly in the eye. Despite the older age, the man was robust as anything, scowls lining his russet skin. Cam thought back to those that he loved; he pictured his mother's smile, his father's easy-going trust, Hannah's pure love merged with bravery and then he thought of Tyler.

He thought of Tyler's caramel locks, the way they always fell in front of his eyes when he laughed. He thought of the angles of his jawline, his eyes and the way they shone every time they caught sight of him. He thought of Ty's lips, so soft and yet so sturdy and how they felt against his own. His tongue, the way he stuck it out at him childishly when he didn't get his own way and the way it felt running down his body, breathing warmth onto his skin.

"I'm not going to go university," he repeated, voice louder and clearer, not showing even a glimpse of the fear he felt building inside. "I'm going travelling... with Tyler, my boyfriend."

There was a silence that enveloped him, one that felt sharp enough to rip him apart. But he knew it would end soon, he knew how it would end. His parents may not have known how badly Hannah had been pushed around by her mother as a child, in the years before Jasmine began ignoring her daughter instead. But he did. He was the one who held his cousin close when she cried, body shaking as her tears merged with her blood. And more than that, he knew without a doubt that his grandfather was ten times worse than Jasmine.

He wanted to look at his mother's face, to see if there was any disgust in her warm smile but he couldn't. He wanted to look at his father, to see if there was any anger painted on his face but he couldn't. Instead, he looked his grandfather in the eyes, watching the rage grow beneath the black orbs.

The silence grew, five pairs of shocked eyes directed at him but he didn't move, waiting for it. And sure enough, it came: a crack against the air, the sound like a whip. His grandfather's hand collided with his face, the strength of it powerful enough to push his body back. But he stood as steady as he could manage, trying not to wince at the stinging of his lower jaw. He kept his feet rooted, looking up with all the resolve he had, refusing to back down.

Jay didn't move, his eyes wide and his mouth slightly open as he gaped at his son. No matter how many times the scene echoed in his mind, he just couldn't grasp the concept of what had just happened. Cameron hadn't been the easiest child to raise in the world, a trouble maker from the moment he learnt how to walk. He'd been in trouble from school and occasionally the police on a number of occasions, said and done all sorts of stupid things. And yet, not for one moment did Jay expect those words to ever come out of his son's mouth.

"Don't," a slow voice came from behind them, Sara shaking as she halted her father-in-law in his tracks, face darkened. Hannah stared at her, unable to process the fact that her soft-spoken and kind-hearted aunt could have so much fury in her eyes. "Don't you fucking dare touch my son."

Jasmine put out a hand, instinctive as she tried to stop Sara but there was no love in the world like a mother's love. Trembling with an anger none of them had ever seen before she glared up at her father-in-law and snarled as his hand raised again. "You pushed around your own kids their whole lives, beating the fuck out of them whenever they didn't reach the impossible criteria you set. You forced your aspirations on them, suffocating them until they couldn't handle it. And when they stepped a toe out of line, you projected so much hate onto them that they internalised it. You did it with Jay and Jasmine but I'll be damned if you do it to my babies."

Cameron almost reeled with the force of his mother's words, a relief flooding into his blood. Whilst he had known logically that his parents weren't prejudice in the slightest, it hadn't done much to quell the fears that rose in him whenever he thought about telling them about Tyler. But now it was done, as reminded by the burning of his flesh.

His grandfather spun to face Sara, his lip curled in in disgust and brows furrowed deeply. It was only when he stepped towards her with a start that Jay shook off his shock. "Don't touch her, dad," he warned, voice steely. "Sara's right and you know it. You fucked us up so much that I didn't want any more kids in case I hurt them like you did me. And you fucked Jasmine up so much that she can't even look at her daughter, can't even admit that she has a child never mind remember how free she was when she was with Chris."

His father's scowl deepened, if that was even possible, and his limbs shook with the intensity of an anger growing by the second. "Don't you dare mention his name," he seethed, the words so sharp they felt as though they could cut through diamond. "That bastard ruined this family name, destroyed every bit of honour we had just because your stupid fucking whore of a sister couldn't keep her legs closed for one second."

Jasmine flinched, Hannah noting the movement from the corner of her eye but not making it evident she had seen. But as soon as it had happened, her mother's face relaxed again, a wall pulled up over her emotions. And for the first time in her life, Hannah considered the possibility that perhaps they weren't so different after all. Perhaps she learnt the art of pretence from Jasmine.

She knew what was coming next, had heard it a million times over the years. The hatred had been drilled into her from birth, clinging onto her skin no matter how much she scrubbed her flesh raw.

"Even when your mother and I gave her an out, she wouldn't take it, too swept up by her stupid fucking fairy-tales. And look where that got us, eh? You lumped with another brat you didn't want in the first place, your sister spinning lies to the press at every interview and your mother and I going back and forth between the rest of our relatives and you all, hiding the shame at every chance we get."

Hannah clenched her fingers tight, nails digging deep into her palms until they left behind crescent shaped scars in the beige of her skin. She hated the feeling of being a burden that rose inside her, burning like wildfire against her lungs until she could barely breathe.

Her grandfather grabbed his suit jacket from the edge of his chair, movements robotic and marched out of the house, turning to get one final taunt in. "You're nothing but an abomination, you hear me?" he spat at Hannah, quiet enough for nobody else to hear but her. She didn't answer or dare to move until he strode out, slamming the door behind him as the Christmas dinner lay forgotten.

There was a silence for a second and then chaos seemed to erupt, Sara practically jumping on her son. She pulled Cameron's head down to match her height and held him close, mumbling something or the other about him being an idiot but loving him all the same.

Cam grinned, feeling the warmth from his mother's skin as his stomach twisted inside. He wasn't sure what his father would say, wasn't sure how he would react. But Jay didn't do anything other than send a small smile his way, a symbol of acceptance. The relief that flooded him was momentous, pushing back his fears. Whilst he hadn't intended on coming out to his family just yet – and definitely not on Christmas day – he felt a liberation in knowing they were all okay with it.

School would be another story however, the homophobia of the student body and particularly his friends was enough to make him nauseous. He wasn't ready for that, nope, not at all.

Hannah leaned forward from where she sat, propping her head up with her hands and watching the three of them. Whilst she adored her cousin and his parents, there was a part of her that felt like an intruder. And it was only when she felt a rare gaze on the back of her neck did she remember that her mother was there, the other outsider.

Before that thought had barely finished crossing her mind, Jasmine stood up and hugged Sara, whispering something in her ear. She kissed Cameron on the cheek and squeezed her brother's hand tight. "I think I had better go back home to be honest," she said, slipping her feet into elegant silver heels and balancing perfectly. Hannah didn't really know where her mother's home was, only having heard that she had a couple of apartments around the world from what she saw on TV. "It's been a long day even though it's barely dinner time and honestly, my head is spinning. Thank you for inviting me and for the food though and Merry Christmas."

Sara opened her mouth to protest but her husband spoke before she could. "Of course," he answered in reply, making a plate of food for her before wrapping it in cling-film. "Nothing says Christmas like the Adem family, eh?"

They all grinned at that, the atmosphere slowly lightening. Jasmine took the food graciously and called out her goodbyes, making her way out of their house. Before she left, however, she paused from where she stood at the exit, long fingers trailing against oak doorframe and slowly turned back around. With a slow smile – making the resemblance between mother and daughter uncanny – she faced her nephew.

"I'm proud of you, Cameron," she said, her voice like honey. Jasmine had always had the natural charm to sound enchanting with her words but the sound was foreign to Hannah, who only ever heard negativity from her. "That was so brave of you, especially to say to your grandfather. Well done, love."

Cameron just stared at his aunt, watching the adoration shine bright in her eyes; eyes that were so like her daughters. "Thank you," he finally answered, his tone as clear as glaciers as he stepped forward slightly. "But all I know about being brave, I learnt from Hannah. Maybe someday you can swallow your pride and take a lesson from your daughter. I hope you do."

Hannah gasped, biting her lip hard enough to draw blood as soon as she realised what she had done. She didn't want to bring her mother's attention back to her but thankfully, Jasmine was too stunned to notice. With the metallic tang of her blood against her tongue, Hannah watched carefully, shoulders stiff and head lowered slightly down.

Jasmine didn't respond, much to their surprise. Her copper gaze scanned over her daughter for a millisecond and for the first time in years, Hannah didn't see an ounce of hatred in the eyes that were so like her own. She only saw regret pooling behind the deep orbs before Jasmine nodded curtly and left the room.

"Merry fucking Christmas," Hannah mumbled to herself.

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A/N: this  was a pretty difficult chapter for me to write tbh as I wasn't sure which direction to take the story in (in terms of family, anyway) so please leave me a comment letting me know what you think c: