CHAPTER TEN

Hannah yawned as she pulled herself up and out of bed, stretching her limbs until she heard the satisfying click of her shoulder blades. She wasn't sure why she was awake so early on a Saturday morning but after lying in bed for a while, she decided to appreciate the extra time and make use of it. For some reason she felt as though life was ten times more stressful than usual although nothing had changed; she just couldn't shake off the unexplainable feeling brewing in her gut that something bad was going to happen.

She forcibly shook the foreboding feeling off and pattered out of bed and around her house, her usually straight hair tousled and not bothering to change out of her lilac princess pyjamas. A wide smile spread across her face when she caught sight of Cameron sprawled out on the dark brown leather sofa, his breathing slow as he slept peacefully. Unlike her, he wasn't a morning person at all and so she was careful not to wake him as she crept past – why had he not slept in his own bed anyway? – and pulled an old fleece blanket over his sleeping form with something akin to affection.

Hannah hummed to herself as she spread out her Math's books across the dining table and shoved a piece of toast with raspberry jam in her mouth. She attacked the complicated Poissan Distribution chapter from her Statistics book with vigorous energy, determined to do brilliantly in her last year at school so she could make something of herself following graduation. She still wasn't sure exactly what she wanted to do but whatever it was, there was nothing but success on her mind. She had to prove she had been worth the life given and if this was the way then so be it.

Hannah's mind briefly flickered over the idea of software programming or something of the sort as she remembered Mr Harris' recommendations but she quickly nipped that idea in the bud as she thought of Ashlyn and the rest of her friend's inevitable reactions.

She sighed; speaking of Ashlyn, she hadn't gotten a chance to get back to her like she'd promised the previous day. Hannah had gotten so caught up in the refreshing simplicity of working with Rayne that she'd forgotten her best friend! Or rather, she'd purposefully ignored the niggling voice at the back of her head reminding her of Ashlyns' disgust if she had able to see her. Not only had she happily spent the day with a scholarship kid, something deemed entirely unacceptable by students of Pemrose but also doing homework in a ratty library! She could almost hear Ash berating her in her mind and was relieved her best friend didn't know about it.

With her lips pursed, Hannah pushed away her books slightly and unlocked her phone. Intentionally ignoring all seventeen Facebook friend requests, she quickly replied to a text from Gabriel, carrying on the conversation from the previous night before she'd fallen asleep. It was now 9:13am and she knew Ash would be awake – she had some crazy schedule of intense yoga workouts every morning. Pressing two on her speed-dial, she called her best friend, her fingers drumming on the table absent-mindedly.

"Hello?" Ash answered, her voice slightly groggy.

Hannah smiled at that; it was adorable to hear her sound so child-like before she had fully woken up and reassumed being the Regina George of Premrose.

"I'm sorry Ash, I didn't mean to wake you. I thought you'd be up already," Hannah rushed out, grateful that Ashlyn only laughed. She knew Ash would be mad at her for forgetting about her and would have to do whatever she said so for a while before all was forgiven. If there was one thing everyone knew about Ashlyn Janek it was her ability to hold onto a grudge for the longest time.

"It's no biggie, I should probs get up now anyway," Ashlyn replied before excitedly chattering on about random people as they usually did. She was in the middle of an interesting conversation about Karishma slapping Yakub the previous evening at Charmaine's party when Cameron woke up.

He trudged towards the kitchen with his eyes half shut and a frown on his face – evidently not happy about waking up so early. Flinging the fridge wide open, he pulled out some orange juice and gulped it down straight from the bottle, ignoring the look of disgust from his cousin.

"So we're going shopping later to buy a dress from Jazz for you, right?" Ashlyn asked, somehow making it sound more like a demand than an option. She must have known Hannah was about to object however because she continued talking. "I mean you've been ditching it for whatever you did yesterday with that weirdo scholarship loser so you owe me!"

Hannah frowned at the revulsion in her best friends voice at the word scholarship but had no choice but to agree. She knew she was going to be guilt-tripped into this sooner or later.

"Yeah, I guess so," she agreed grudgingly before swiftly changing the topic back to Tobias, the newest guy Ash had her eye on until it was time to say goodbye.

Once she had made sure she had hung up, Hannah groaned loudly and banged her head down on the table. She had to go buy a dress her mother had designed today, just bloody great!

Cameron laughed.

---

Hannah smiled widely at her reflection.

She was in the changing room of Jazz, having been forced to try on a dress by Ashlyn who wasn't taking no as an answer. Although she had tried to say she didn't even like the dress and therefore there was no point trying it on, Ash had been adamant. Ashlyn Janek was no fool – she knew exactly what the gleam in Hannah's eye meant the minute she had caught sight of this particular dress, they weren't best friends for nothing after all.

"Hurry up babes!" Ash called out, her voice carrying over the elaborate pastel curtains of each cubicle. "Or else I'll be coming in!" she threatened, having stood there waiting for far too long.

Hannah gave herself one final look in the mirror before exiting, preparing herself for her best friends reaction.

"Oh, it's beautiful!" Ashlyn exclaimed in unabashed wonder, clasping her hands together subconsciously. The act reminded Hannah of her when they were young – it was so childlike and this together with the sincerity of her voice made her tell the truth.

"It is, isn't it?" Hannah agreed softly as she admired the dress in the large ornate mirror. The gown was long and flowing, a soft greyish cream in colour with a sweetheart neckline and subtle glittering beads placed around the silken material. It wasn't anything too extraordinary on the hanger to be honest but on Hannah, it looked absolutely exquisite. There was something almost ethereal about the pale colour against her golden skin and the shape was perfect for her body.

Hannah had always felt a little second-best when standing next to her best friend; Ashlyns' heart shaped face, flawless skin and delicate Polish features tended to make Hannah feel a little dirty, truth be told. However, as she stood there admiring the Jazz gown wrapped around her, for once in her life that wasn't the case. She felt incredible!

But she also felt ashamed and disgusted with herself. This was a gown designed and created by her mother; how could she possibly wear it? By constantly refusing to step foot into the store despite its enormous success, Hannah was rebelling in her own weird way. To buy the dress would be like accepting her mothers blatant disregard for her and she couldn't do that. It killed her to admit it but deep down inside her, there was still an aching little girl longing for her mothers love. Although wearing a dress didn't have any significance normally, this particular one meant accepting she would never have that love and she wasn't ready for that.

Hannah was brought out of her daydream by a sudden flash of light, realising a little too late that Ash had taken a photograph of her.

"Hey!" she exclaimed, crossing her arms self-consciously over her waist.

"Oh hush!" Ashlyn chided her, her fingers tapping rhythmically on her iPhone. "I'm snapchatting it to Gabe."

Hannah's heart sank; she was hoping she could avoid buying it despite how much she wanted to. She tried explaining her thought process to Ash who only furrowed her golden brows slightly in confusion – she couldn't possibly understand. Hannah ignored her best friends outrage and stood by her choice, refusing to buy it but Ashlyn wasn't taking no for an answer.

She marched to the till, dress in hand, and practically demanded the sales assistant to hurry and allow her to buy it. Hannah tried to protest but Ashlyn guilt-tripped her by mentioning Gabe. She sighed weakly at that; Gabe was a good boyfriend most of the time and he deserved better than her. He deserved to not be ashamed of his girlfriend around his family like she knew he was. It was only as Ashlyn handed over her own credit card that she came to her senses and yelped, claiming she could pay for it herself which Ash just brushed off.

Hannah calculated how much she had in her account and decided she had just about enough money left over from whatever Auntie Sara had given her last time for the dress. It wasn't much though. She needed to find a job as soon as possible; Hannah couldn't bear relying on other people for money even if it was family or her best friend.

Her protests were to no avail however as Ashlyn ignored them – there was no changing her mind once it was made up.

"Shut it!" Ashlyn chided her with a satisfied smile as they exited the shop. "It looked so hot on you and you'll be thanking me when Gabe's eyes fall out of his head the moment he catches sight of you!"

She wiggled her eyebrows in such a suggestive way that Hannah couldn't help grinning and the two of them burst into uncontrollable giggles as they left the shopping centre. These rare moments of pure unadulterated friendship with Ash was what was most important to Hannah. She knew her best friend was only trying to help in her weird way and it was perhaps because of this that she offered for them to go over to her house for a change, something she never did.

Ashlyn had only come over to the house she shared with Cameron a handful of times in all the years they had been best friends. Hannah had always avoided it as much as possible out of shame that her house, although nice and comfortable, couldn't possibly meet the standards of Gabriel, Ashlyn and all their other friends. She felt guilty for that though, especially with how much Ash adored her mother. Jasmine Adem was Ashlyn's number one celebrity idol and deep inside her, she'd always known that was probably the reason she was kept around by her best friend. She thought Hannah was the luckiest person in the world to be Jasmine's daughter even if nobody else really knew that.

Even to this day, all these years later, Ash had always believed Jasmine denied any rumours of having a child purely to protect her ice-cold reputation. She had no idea that the real reason was because she truly was ice-cold; a woman who had vehemently denied her daughters existence just make herself feel better about the mistakes made with Hannah's father – whoever the hell the bastard was. Ashlyn had always assumed everything was perfectly fine with the mother-daughter pair but that couldn't be further than the truth.

And that was Ashlyn, her very best friend. If she couldn't tell her, who could she possibly ever tell?

Not even Gabriel was as close to Hannah as her best friend, despite the show they put on at school being the picture perfect couple. Sure, they were supposedly in love and dating and they obviously liked each other but could she really tell her anything about herself? No, of course not.

'Especially with all the arguments we've been having lately,' she thought with a shake of her head. To be honest, she knew they all came down to his frustration of her not wanting to have sex with him. Despite what Ash, Catherine, Mohammad and the rest of their friends thought, she hadn't done anything like that yet.

She was waiting. Hannah wasn't quite sure what she was waiting for but she trusted her gut instincts. Something wasn't quite right with their relationship and she believed that feeling whatever it was. She relied solely on herself; she had to. Other than Cam, there was nobody else that she possibly could rely on.

Everyone was fake – including herself.