I wasn't about to be left alone and bored in some broken-down gym. I hadn't slept for days, besides my numerous but brief bouts of unconsciousness. But no amount of weariness could make facing my master in my dreams any more appealing, especially after my fun with his Skia. He would not be pleased, and I never faired well when I displeased him. And though Jordan was entertaining to play with, something unpredictable, she was right, Gabriel was so much easier to ruffle. Years of history made his skin easier to slink beneath. I knew his weak spots, his buttons. Jordan might run hot quickly, and be exciting because I never knew what she was about to do, but Gabriel I could play with for far longer. Old habits die hard, I suppose.

I hurled an emotion at his back, the one I always had most readily available; anger. I saw his shoulders stiffen just before he made it to the doors, and then he turned, looking thoroughly unamused. I gave him a finger and a wink.

"Enough with the emotional fetch. Jordan's right, I'm done with you."

I had always hated it when he put on his calm mask, the one he wore when he acted like a young god, like royalty, as if nothing affected him because nothing was good enough or important enough for him to waste himself on. Like everything and everyone was beneath him. It was all bullshit, a ruse, but one he kept up so tenaciously, so religiously, most believed in it. Just like most believed in him. But I could see the real him underneath, I had ever since he ran away.

He wasn't a god, he was just a man, damaged and afraid, burdened by the responsibilities he thought he had to carry, the redemption he thought he had to attain, and crippled by every shard and jagged edge that made him up inside, all the horrors he lived with, those he had done and had done to him. He was just a man with a hard but brittle shell and a good mask.

"Running away every time you're faced with something difficult? And I thought you had grown in your time away."

I was only mildly baiting him, but I figured he would take it anyway. It didn't take much with Gabriel, I knew he was always looking for a fight, either to prove to himself that he was strong or to take whatever pain he thought he deserved. Whether arrogance or masochism, his reactions were predictable to me, even still, years later, the littlest spark could light him up. We both lived up to our Signs, but he had always been the hothead.

"What do you want from me?"

His quietly voiced question caught me so off guard I stared back at him for a beat. What did I want from him? What kind of fucking question was that? Nothing. Never again would I make the mistake of relying on him, of needing or wanting him. Or anyone.

"Right at this moment? I want you to stay and play with me. As I said, I'm a prisoner here, collared like a pet, the least you can do is let me mess that pretty face of yours."

Gabriel stayed annoyingly calm, despite me pushing more anger on him, sending the emotion as quickly as I could create it. He replied evenly as if he didn't feel any of it.

"What do you want from me in the long run?"

"I want nothing from you."

I snapped my reply quickly, his refusal to get angry making me angry instead. He just watched me with those damn ocean eyes, looking like his father with that hair, that superior air around him. He waited for me to continue, so I pressed my lips together, refusing.

"Good to hear you don't want to kill me any longer," he replied after a brief pause, a smug look of triumph in his nightmarish eyes.

I scowled at him. That wasn't what I had meant. I still wanted to kill him, he was just enjoyable for the time being, gave me something new to do, someone to talk to and poke at. I had been alone for so long. But I would still end up killing him or delivering him to his father. And of the two, killing him would be the kinder option.

"I'm not allowed to kill you. Your father has made that excruciatingly clear to me on numerous occasions."

"You weren't allowed to lose his sight-lines into the Vault either. Or fight with us for Chi's Clan. Probably weren't supposed to get collared either. Seems your transgressions are piling up. Good thing you're protected here."

He even sounded like his father, arrogant and all-knowing. He thought he was so smart, but I had made each decision full-knowing I would have to pay for them, sooner than he knew. I had calculated the price against each action. I always did. Everything was a series of transactions for me. I had just decided the punishment was worth it.

"I can see your thoughts rolling around in that head. You're smart, so tell me honestly; what do you want from me?"

Gabriel didn't know my thoughts, not really, that wasn't one of his Gifts. But he had his calm, quiet voice again, his infuriatingly controlled face. I wanted to smash it in, to test his restraint until I broke it, broke him. So I did. I pulled my speed from my still-buried Shift and shot over to him, throwing a punch that he barely dodged. But then I was close enough, there wasn't space or footing for a second dodge. I grabbed his shoulders and smashed my head into his, surprising him and knocking him back. I spun him into the doors he had been about to exit, and though he wasn't fighting back, I didn't care to wonder why. His calm apathy was meant to annoy me and now it had and he would have to deal with the consequences.

My ribs were a dull ache somewhere in the back of my mind, poking my skin from the inside, but easily ignorable as I shoved his body into the wall with mine, my forearm at his throat. He was too slight, too thin, too easy to overpower and I hated it.

"I want nothing from you. You are too weak. Anything I wanted, you clearly cannot give, not anymore."

I growled in his face. Hating him and his weakness, how he had let himself fall so far. I wanted nothing from him because he had nothing of worth to give. And I hated him all the more for that. I hated how easily he would lose. I could best him, just a Half. I could have killed him a handful of times in the woods when we first clashed. I had been waiting for the chance to go up against him for almost fifteen years, built him up in my mind. And I was sorely disappointed when we finally met. He had no chance of winning against my master, so there was nothing I wanted from him. Not anymore and never again.

I was pressing against his throat hard enough to collapse it, just above the gleam of his metal collar, but my own collar didn't react, and he still breathed easily, like he had a steel windpipe, the air refusing to be closed off. The air. Then I realized how.

I glanced behind me at Jordan, feeling her focus as she watched us with her storm-silver eyes. What a nice, little trick. Her Sign was well-controlled, impressive, but even with her on his side, Gabriel would lose to my master easily. It wouldn't even be a battle, just a massacre. And then he would capture them and break them and use them. And I would be there with him, to watch it happen all over again, ever his silent, loyal soldier. The bitter thought made bile rise in my throat, and I pushed harder against Gabriel's as I swallowed it back.

"What did you want from me? 'Not anymore' seems a meaningful admission."

Gabriel spoke in a thoughtful voice as if he wasn't choked up against a wall by a being far more deadly than him, far more dangerous. And far less calm. His voice continued to be unstrained, unruffled, wholly maddening.

I scowled again, hearing my teeth grind like chewing on sand, joining the feeling of my ribs grinding and moving in unnatural ways. But what I had wanted didn't matter anymore. That small scrap of hope had died the moment Gabriel couldn't even beat me, the moment I saw how weak he had grown, how soft, every ruthless bone in his body turned toward mercy. I hated him for it. For leaving and then pissing away his freedom on comfort instead of sharpening himself for his return, his bloody homecoming, what should have been his only goddamned purpose.

"Nothing. I've never wanted anything from you. You have nothing of worth to give."

I spat the words. Wishing I could hurt him more, do something lasting. But Abby's rules were pressing on my mind, my anger pushed back, but not near hard enough. I tried to rally it, to strengthen it, but to my dismay, I felt my usual wrath and rage melting away, falling and crumbling. I grabbed at the emotion more, tried to feed it with memories and nightmares and promises I had made to myself, pulling and creating as much hatred as I could, but it wouldn't grow.

No, it was growing, but being taken from me just as quickly, stripped away, exposing me. Horror grew as I felt my layers of strength and protection weakening, thinning. I let go of Gabriel, throwing him to the side as I rounded on his Pair. I still saw focus etched onto her face, but it wasn't for her Sign now. Her palms were open down by her side, her fingers stiff...and anger was clear on her face. My anger. She was taking it somehow, my emotions, stealing them away. I felt fear rising higher in me, the terror that was always covered, kept gagged by my rage. But she was allowing that fear to breathe and stretch without the constricting coffin of wrath around it - and it was becoming stronger.

Soon, it was overwhelming. Dread and panic rose higher and higher in me, choking me, trying to freeze my lungs. My pounding heart hurt, sending stabs through my tightening chest, compressing inward. My head swam, the world spun, and I felt my mouth begin to water as my stomach churned and flipped and rose. I took a step toward her but my legs shook, my breath coming heavier and heavier, shorter. My chest continued to fill with the ugly feelings as my heart drummed painfully, too fast, too hard. And then I was held back, Gabriel before me with his hands on my biceps, walking me back to the wall. He didn't slam me against it like I had to him, but leaned me into it, his hands on my shoulders now, pinning me there as I gasped for breath.

"Tell me what you wanted, what can I do? Then she will stop."

He sounded pleading, afraid, but that didn't make sense. Maybe fear was just so thick in my mind that everything else was painted in its colors. Maybe only I was afraid. I couldn't tell anymore. I felt my eyes widen as my terror grew, as the last thin covering of my anger was ripped away by her siphoning power, the shield I needed just to breathe, to stand, to survive. For the first time in years, I wasn't angry. I was terrified. I didn't want to die for their side, for either side. I didn't want to be a pet or weapon or toy under Gabriel's father. I didn't want to go back, I couldn't go back, but I couldn't stay here, join them and lose, and take the punishment of a traitor when I was delivered back to my master. He would take me apart, piece by piece, take me over, and I couldn't let that happen either.

I couldn't breathe, couldn't get in enough air. I was going to die, attacked by my own body, my own fears. I was going to die and I knew it. My heart was hammering so hard, too hard, and eventually, it would stop, burst, and I would die just as pathetic and weak as I had been as a child. Black started edging into my vision as my body trembled, wavering between chills and flames, my skin damp, my mind spinning out of control. Gabriel's grasp on my shoulders became harder, holding me up as my legs weakened.

"Tell us."

He raised his voice as he shook me slightly, returning my attention to him and not my pounding heart, my racing breaths, my lungs that couldn't get in enough air. Or the blackness that continued to creep in from all angles.

"Please."

He shook me again, softer, and a voice I hardly recognized escaped me, afraid and gasped out like I was begging. Like I was a child again.

"Show me you can win!"

I hated the voice coming from me, it was weak, like I was back pleading with Gabriel's father to stop, Gabriel to stop, Grayson and my other tutors, my mother to stop. Immediately I felt my fear receding, or maybe it was just my anger returning, covering me, protecting me. And I found my real voice again.

"This world can crumble for all I care, as long as I don't fall with it! I don't care what side wins, but I promise you I will be on it! So you want to know what I wanted from you? The only thing I ever wanted from you? That you would be that side, the winning side. If you only could have shown that to me, that it's you, your side, then I would have given you my allegiance, brother. I would have given you anything. But you won't win. You can't. You are weak! So there is nothing I want from you. You are worthless to me and once again, you have let me down!"

My wrath continued to return and rise as I yelled at him, as his Pair stopped using whatever sick power she had. I sneered at him and fought the cringe of my Shift digging into me, begging to be let out and destroy him, destroy them both, destroy me. Instead of testing the collar once again, or my own self-control, I turned on my heel and left, avoiding Jordan's pity-filled stare.