All alone he turns to stone while holding his breath half to death.
Terrified of what's inside, to save his life he crawls like a worm from a bird.

The Used - The Bird And The Worm

She sat before me wet and beaten and bloodied, shivering with something more than the cold, trembling like something was inside of her wishing to be free. She no longer looked beautiful to me, she looked dead. And that's precisely what she was asking me to do to her; kill her. Not permanently, but still. I was shocked, which was a rare phenomenon for one as perceptive as myself, with as much wisdom and experience and prowess at understanding lesser beings.

I had been sure when she left just a few hours ago that she wanted nothing to do with being a hybrid like myself, and yet at the very next sunrise she was back, begging for the gift she had previously spurned. She wasn't necessarily begging in the truest form of the word, but if she was as similar to my old partner as my observations seemed to attest, I assumed this was the closest to begging she had ever been. But I would change that. I knew how to make those like him, like her, beg. Pride can be such a tedious, painfully pointless thing.

Though there was nothing I wanted more than to taste her blood, to see what such power felt like on my tongue as I drained it from her warm body, I undoubtedly wasn't the hasty type. Caution is an asset of my breed, so naturally, I wanted all the information before I made a decision, even if the correct choice seemed obvious. Call it extra care. Regardless, I would not dare make a hurried decision, especially if certain hurdles were still in existence, if certain consequences would kick down my door with an ugly sneer and a frustratingly strong Sign at his fingertips. How I hated fire.

The shadow of the woman before me no longer had fire in her eyes, or a look of defiance on her face. She had lost her will, which excited me. It was shocking how different she could look now from the masterpiece I had seen before me just hours earlier. She looked like a different being, like a doll, my doll. Her eyes were wide and empty where before there had been something worthy of envy in them, something deserving of fear. She looked like someone had taken the light from her, the life, like she was already bloodless, just waiting for my venom to take hold and bring her back.

Sometimes she cringed, though she wasn't injured, I would have been able to smell the weakness. Usually, the cringe came when she wasn't even moving, but sitting completely still like she was now. Her injury was something else, something deeper, something in her mind then. I absently wondered if she was poisoned, that would explain her sudden change of heart, self-preservation, or maybe it was just James, he was similar to a poison for most people. He was toxic and maybe she wasn't as immune as I had initially believed. Maybe their connection wasn't the antidote I'm sure he had hoped. I suppose even that was in my favor. She had been annoyingly strong before, it would have been difficult to break her, entertaining yet difficult, and I was tired of putting so much effort into people just to have them forget my labors for them. I gave so much to others like I had to James, yet he left when he should have been grateful, been mine.

Some are meant to be owned by others, some are better off that way. And it isn't cowardice to prey on them, merely smart, advantageous. One should always take the opportunities that are presented. I learned to not go after those like James though, not anymore. They were prone to violence, to attacking their masters and I was content living forever, building my legacy, my kingdom. Ones such as James may be more powerful of weapons, but they were also more volatile, difficult to collar, and friends to irrational actions. I had learned my lesson against taking in those like him.

Sure, at times my servants bored me, at times death seemed an awfully new and exciting adventure, but others times, like now, I was glad I was still alive to grasp the opportunities life so often offered me. Whatever had happened to Jordan would only make her a more malleable tool for me, more manageable, which is what I wanted. I had almost feared her before, her strength, her anger, but there was nothing to fear before me now. I felt my teeth sharpen behind my lips, tasting the sweetness of my venom.

I sat before her and patiently waited for her to speak again. She hadn't said anything since her request that my offer still stand. I sat and watched her instead. The big, gray, empty eyes as they looked back at me, her slumped shoulders, the shallow cuts on her hand that she kept rubbing. They must have been fresh, I could still smell her potent blood. Finally, my tolerance wore thin and I broke the dragging, dull silence.

"You want what I can give you because you want the power, or you no longer want your humanity? I can see you are hurting, child, tell me, did James hurt you? He does that, nasty little habit of his."

I spoke calmly, not wanting her to know how interested I truly was. At first, I thought she wouldn't reply, she just continued to stare ahead as if I hadn't even spoken, but then her eyes came to mine and I saw something there. A spark of anger had replaced the nothingness, and I was oddly relieved she had a bit of life left. The last thing I wanted was the broken remains of one of James' toys. I wanted to be able to have a little fun, conquer something at least, I just didn't want the full project of breaking someone as stubborn as he had been. His past had made him controllable for a short time, his upbringing made him crave another's rule, another's punishment, but then he had grown out of it, grown into his own little person. I hoped that Jordan's current state would allow me to control her as well, though hopefully a more long-term agreement could be negotiated, or forced.

When she spoke, her words surprised me.

"James is gone and I want everything your opportunity can give me."

She sounded just as determined as she looked now, though her breath still came in shallow, almost painful bursts. Emotions could be so physically draining.

"James is dead?"

He wouldn't leave her unless death separated them, I knew that much. I worked hard to keep my voice even. He was gone, meaning he couldn't be a looming shadow over my head, a boogeyman I had to fear in case I overstepped into some sacred moral ground he found offensive. It was wonderful to feel free of him, to have him gone. I had hated him for years, though I knew he wasn't someone I could make a move against. And now I didn't have to. The cherry being that I had his Pair instead, all to myself, to play with and use to bring about my reign even faster. He couldn't stop me anymore, ever again.

Jordan made a movement that seemed a stiff nod before her eyes dropped to the fire crackling on the far wall again.

Now it all made sense to me, she would be lost, helpless without her Half, her Pair. I had to hide my glee. James had always been a thorn in my side, ever since he'd left. I'd almost thought my paranoia and fear of him were driving me to madness at one time, but a mind as great as my own couldn't be crippled by one man. And now Jordan, like a lamb brought to me, she would be such a wonderful weapon, with no protector, no ties. She could be mine alone and I wouldn't have to fear anything ever again.

James was her only true connection to this world, and his Clan had foolishly kept her from others, 'training her', shielding her. Silliness. Now that her only bind was gone, she could be all mine, with no one looking after her, no one even knowing of her existence, her identity, her face, no one caring. I would have the most powerful weapon of all, made that much sharper by her secrecy. I just had to play my hand right.

"I know your Gift. If you want to see what to expect, I have nothing against you coming into my mind. I have a lot to show and tell."

I smirked as I spoke, letting my fangs lengthen, letting my voice drift over into something more alluring. The charm worked, and she returned my smile, but it was scarily similar to James'. A curve on the lips but nothing more, nothing in the eyes, no teeth, it made her look oddly disconnected, like two different people sharing the same face. I ignored her eerie smile and focused my mind on the story I wanted to show, of my past before and after my transition. I threw in a little of James as well. I chose wisely, wanting to get as much information about their relationship as I could.

I felt something like a breeze, just a slight stir of the air, too light for a Human to detect, and then her face took on a faraway look and I knew she was seeing what I was in my mind's eye.

» ✦ «

There was a man, an older man with silver hair. He had someone bowed before him, and from the coppery color, I knew it was Jevin. The man touched Jevin's shoulder and he stiffened before straightening. Three other men materialized behind the first as he spoke in a deep voice.

"Tell them why you want to desert your kind to join ours. Tell them what you offer us."

Jevin's face took on mild surprise, but the silver-haired man nodded, prodding him on.

"As I've told you, I need the power. I have strong enemies and I don't want to fear anything from this world or any other. I...I need the protection your transformation can offer me. In return, I offer you three years of servitude, I'll be in your debt."

I felt a bitterness come from Jevin's mind as I saw the memory, and I could feel how difficult it had been for him to submit to these creatures. The silver-haired man didn't seem satisfied though and a frown pulled at the corners of his mouth.

"True, but why do you have such powerful foes after you? How did you possibly get so deep in the mess you now find yourself? We don't long for any more trouble than your kind already gives us."

The man still spoke calmly, slowly even, but he already knew the answers to his question. He was merely making Jevin say them in front of the others. Jevin's eyes flashed but he kept the rest of himself under control as he spoke.

"I won't cause you any greater risk, nor will my kind. I have difficulty controlling my nature. You could say I have some anger problems. I don't just want the power of your kind...I need the control too. I can't afford to make the same mistakes again. My security has taken a blow recently. I had a powerful card which stopped many from thinking of coming for me, but now that card is gone and I find myself at a disadvantage. I need the control you can give me. I need to be able to...tame my nature, you could say."

Many of the words Jevin had spoken were difficult for him. He was proud and admitting he couldn't protect himself was quite the stab at his ego, but he had a deep fear under his pride, a fear of being hunted by his enemies.

His mind felt different to me, like it was ill, like it had a great crack in it. It made my neck tingle, the hairs standing out as if electrified. He was different, but it wasn't just his kind, his mix between Darkling and Vampire, it was something else I couldn't quite grasp.

A flash of fear, of mistrust, ran through his thoughts and that's when I fully realized his disease. Obsessed with power, with control, with protecting himself from enemies I didn't entirely believe he actually had. He was delusional, paranoid, always thinking he was being watched, followed, persecuted. There was the calm version of him, the controlled one, and then there was another, one whose fear drove its actions, who wanted immortality more than anything else, who couldn't differentiate friend from foe, so he sought to control them all equally.

I had seen it before, how differently he acted sometimes, when he tried to Turn me. Calm and controlled one moment and then James came and Jevin's facade had shattered and it was like he wasn't himself anymore. I hadn't given it much thought because of the rest of the night's events, but now I could feel it, see it, sense it. Now I knew just how sick Jevin's mind was, how delusioned, how twisted by his own paranoia. I was about to make a deal with a madman, but I didn't have a choice.

The silver-haired man smiled, long canine teeth gleaming in the dull light of the room.

"I believe your payment is fair, and I believe we can give you what you seek."

The man's smile grew into a wicked grin, as he licked his lips hungrily.

The scene melted and instead Jevin sat in a deep crimson plush chair in a large hotel room. By the size and grandeur, the room looked to be more of a penthouse than a simple suite, with marble floors and large gilded paintings and mirrors hanging from the walls. Jevin sat in a relaxed pose, but his eyes were angry, a barely concealed sneer on his lips.

A man with golden hair curling almost to his shoulders, was standing with his back to Jevin, facing a large window looking out at a gray city far below. He had his arms crossed and I knew by his stance, the set of his shoulders, the way he held his head, I knew it was James, years ago.

A jolt of adrenaline ran through me, but I tried to stay calm. A flash of hate, then disgust, and then sadness swept over me, but the sadness stayed the longest. I bit down on the inside of my cheek, waiting for the emotions to pass so I could breathe again.

"I'm your brother, Ash. You can't leave me. I made you."

Jevin's words were cool and calm, almost indifferent as if he could care less if 'Ash' left him. But his eyes betrayed him, he was furious at the thought and I felt the cracks in his mind, even at his younger age, starting to form, to deepen.

"I can do whatever I want, my Abas," James said quietly, still staring out the window.

There was a long pause before Jevin spoke again. He glared at James' back, chewing on his teeth as he lounged back in his chair. James' stance by the window somehow looked sad, and his face in the reflection hardly even looked like him. I had seen his apathy before, but this was like a mask of the James I knew, an imitation, a husk. His eyes didn't even capture mine, they just stared out, vacant and lifeless. It was like he didn't care, about himself, Jevin, anything.

"You might as well kill me then. You leaving is practically a dinner call to my enemies. I'll be dead within the week."

Jevin sounded petulant now and he shifted in his chair to lean forward, still staring at James' silhouette against the window, paranoia flickering through his mind like a worn-out bulb.

"We had an agreement, I'm the leader and you are the force behind my words. I make the decisions and you make them real. You cannot leave me after all I've done for you. I pulled you from your own fucking mind. You were destroying yourself! I taught you control and now you leave?"

Jevin believed his words, he thought he owned James, that he had somehow created him in their short time together and that gave him the right to place a collar around his neck for the rest of his life. James turned his head at Jevin's last words, his profile in shadow from the glimmering city. His hands flexed into fists at his side for a brief moment before he spoke.

"I won't be your fucking pet anymore."

"You think you can save this world? You can't. Life is cruel and the world is sick!"

Jevin's voice cracked as he yelled, unchecked rage making his face flush in irregular blotches.

James turned to face his friend and there was anger deep in his dark eyes, their black centers warring with navy blue, thin flames licking up his fists at his sides. When he spoke it was like cold metal sliding against naked skin, each word sharp and daring to be challenged. In that moment it was clear that Jevin was no longer the leader, clear that the scales were tipping, and whatever shackles James had previously submitted to were clattering to the marble floor.

"The world is cruel, but I won't be your weapon anymore. Goodbye, brother."

I felt fear flash in Jevin's mind before the scene quickly swam in front of me and I was in a small dark room. Jevin was standing before a mirror, looking at himself. He looked different now, and he seemed to be seeing it for the first time. He bared his teeth to his image in the mirror and rubbed his tongue over his new fangs. Then he pinched his nose and closed his mouth. He stayed like that for a full minute, just staring at his reflection as it didn't breathe, didn't move. Finally, he let go. He checked his pulse too, but dropped his hand after only a couple seconds. Then he looked at his teeth again.

The entire time he had a look of placid indifference on his face, like he wasn't really finding any of the above interesting or worrisome in the least bit. He tilted his head to get a different angle of his face, then turned it the other way, still looking calmly at himself in the small mirror. A knock came from the door and he slowly looked. It opened a moment later and the silver-haired man walked in, a small smile on his face.

"Your time starts now, and we have so much for you to do."

The room went black a moment later. It didn't fade out, simply disappeared. I searched a moment more, not wanting to be done and have to return to my own feelings, my own mind. I was sure Jevin hadn't meant to show me his emotions, his ailing mind, in the way that he had. He probably didn't know how deep my Gift ran. He probably didn't know how sick his own mind was.

Something tugged at me a moment later and I tried not to go, tried not to focus on James, but I couldn't fight it. It still felt like a pull, like gravity. I saw his eyes flash black and without meaning to my mind grabbed the memory and dove in.

I was in the woods, tall trees towered over me. It was twilight and I was watching as a man stalked back and forth in front of another. As I came closer, I saw the second man was tied to a tree, thick rope coiled around his middle, his arms pinned to his sides. The man against the tree had short cropped hair and tanned skin, when he spoke it was with a slight accent, though I couldn't place where.

"You think you're so much better than me, but I've heard of your kind, I know what you've done. You're just as bad-"

The end of the man's sentence abruptly changed to a shriek as the first man threw a small knife, just larger than a dart. It stuck in the captive's right shoulder with a satisfying sound. Upon closer inspection, I saw a total of six other knives pin-cushioning the man against the tree. The thrower turned to where I could see his face then. He wore a smirk I would recognize anywhere.

He looked different, much younger, maybe mid-teens, maybe sixteen. He still looked like an adolescent with a slim build, all arms and legs, his eyes were the same though. He walked a few feet away from the man before turning again, but just before he turned, his eyes darkened and he opened his mouth, showing his now pointed teeth.

"Yeah, yeah. I'm a monster, how do I sleep at night, blah blah. I deal."

His smirk grew as he practiced his technique a couple times, mimicking the movement of throwing a knife with one eye squinted shut. He was playing. James let another dart fly and it stuck in the man with another yelp, not as loud this time. The man ground his teeth in pain as he stared at the Darkling before him. After a moment he spoke again, though the bite in his voice was almost completely drained.

"You aren't even Human. You aren't even supposed to exist. You were damned more than I before you were even born."

The man sucked in a wheezing breath after he finished, clearly beginning to succumb to his slow-leaking wounds. James ignored him. A moment later Jevin strode out of the trees.

"Having fun, are we?

James looked to Jevin for a half-second, completely unrepentant, before moving his eyes to his captive once again.

"Just a little target practice. Have to stay sharp."

James' smirk grew at his bad joke as he made to throw his last knife, this one larger than the others. Jevin stepped in his line of view, preventing the throw and bringing a slight scowl to James' face.

"You're no fun at all. Fine, untie him then. I don't fucking care," James said as he picked at the point of his knife, sulking.

I saw his lip twitch up into a mischievous smile as Jevin turned to the man, and I knew he had something planned. His smirk grew into the arrogant look I knew so well, but this one had a razor's edge, like his plans wouldn't be pleasant.

Just as Jevin reached the prisoner and started untying the first knot, the man slumped forward. Jevin looked up at the sky in exasperation as if he already knew what had happened, but it took me a full second to realize James had thrown the last knife, barely missing Jevin and piercing the man's heart. He had thrown it so quickly I hadn't even seen the movement, as he now stood innocently toeing small pinecones around the brush at his feet - like he hadn't just skewered a man.

Jevin slowly turned to face James, his eyes now black as well, mirroring the younger boy's.

"You disobeyed me, again."

"Forgive me, father, for I have sinned."

The curve painted on James' face was more subtle now but still just as cocky, his voice teasing. James's smile widened when Jevin took a step toward him, showing off his pointed teeth again. Seeing his teeth, especially Shifted, seemed strange, he paid such careful attention at hiding them usually. Or at least he had as an adult, but it was clear in his younger years James had been very different.

"I'm not going to keep you if you don't obey me. You can go back to the Hell I found you in if you prefer. I can leave you to rot alone in your own mind if that's what you want. You might be powerful, but you're mine. I'm the leader. Remember that. If you have a Clan one day, you can lead them however you like, but there are consequences for disobedience in my family."

James' smile faded slightly and he looked put out that Jevin was being so serious. The mischievous spark in his eyes left and he stood back on his heels, dropping his arms to his sides.

"Fine. Sorry. I'm going for a walk, I'll pay my debt later," he replied insincerely, sounding very much like the teenager he was.

James turned and began walking off. Jevin called after him.

"Bury your Shift at least, the more you learn to conceal it the better your control will get! And Heaven knows you need the damn practice."

Jevin muttered the last part, but James just kept walking, each of his long strides taking him further into the shadowed woods.

I forcibly pulled my mind from Jevin's to find him sitting across from me watching with eerie stillness. It annoyed me that my first thought was of James. Then I realized I had never fallen so deeply into someone's mind before, it was like I had left the dim room we were sitting in and instead been in the woods, or the hotel. It made a shiver run up my spine.

"My mind feels different, doesn't it? You'll get used to it, I promise."

Jevin's smile had something devious at its edges, but I didn't care enough to ponder its meaning.

"What do you want in return? You gave them three years, I don't have that long. If you won't give me what I need I'll find someone else who will."

I could hear my own voice. I knew it sounded flat, listless. Jevin heard it too and his smile dulled. I could tell he was upset I wasn't playing with him more, but I could barely keep my mind on task. The realization that I was bartering with someone who had lost his mind hardly seemed important now. I had already made my decision. I needed what he had.

"One."

"I don't have a year."

"Do you plan on dying?"

His voice sounded mocking, annoyance etched on his perfectly angled face.

"Something like that."

I could see the anger beginning to solidify in Jevin's eyes, but I also knew he wanted me. He had been willing to Turn me earlier without any payment, he just wanted to see what he could get from me now. There was a long pause as Jevin watched me, I barely saw him, I was watching the fire instead. It seemed the most alive thing in the room.

"Fine. Three months."

He finally broke the silence, still watching me, gauging my reaction.

"But I won't give you what you want until the end. Think of it as you working off your payments until you can afford the luxury you ask for."

"I need it now!"

My sudden outburst caused Jevin to sit back in his chair, a startled look on his face.

"I can't feel this for three months, I need it gone now," I said the words slowly, forcing each one out. I was desperate for the pain to go away, the emotions, the betrayal. I couldn't go months like this, I wouldn't survive.

Jevin seemed to be thinking something over, but I kept my Gift in my own mind, afraid of getting sucked into another memory of James. Finally, he looked to have come to a conclusion.

"I can make it go away, temporarily, but you'll need to keep coming back to me. What I can give you isn't permanent, but it will work for you while you pay off your debt to me. I can make you feel nothing, if that's what you want."

His voice sounded smooth again, calm and inviting. All I wanted was to feel nothing, even if he didn't give me the power immediately, at least I'd have pardon from my mind, from the crushing emotions I felt, from the rage boiling in me, the hate mixed with loss, the despair, the disgust I felt for my pair, for myself.

Jevin must have seen the desire on my face, because his broke into a smile, his teeth already lengthening. For a moment I thought he was going to do it then, bite me and I felt a flicker of fear sweep through my mind. But a moment later he raised his own wrist to his lips and bit down, his eyes locked on mine. When he pulled his hand away his lips were scarlet and blood ran down his forearm in thin, twin trickles.

"Don't be shy, little Batnae, this is everything you want."

I sunk from the chair, my knees hitting the floor, the hollow noise echoed in my head. I leaned forward, my mouth an inch from his outstretched wrist. He had a hungry look in his eyes as he stared down at me, a sick glee which gave me pause, but I needed the numbness, I knew I wouldn't survive without it. My lips met his skin and immediately I felt the slickness of blood. I had forgotten how cold he was, even his blood was cold, like licking thick, melting snow from stone. I felt my heart stutter a second before the world spun, then I felt Jevin's hand grab the back of my head, his fingers knotting in my hair, crushing his wrist against my open lips. My vision blurred a moment later.

Just before the thick blanket of unconsciousness covered me, I felt him let go, my head slumping to his lap. He petted my hair, brushing it back from my face, his hands like the early winter wind outside, and then a voice just as cold spoke, quietly, just barely above a whisper.

"You're mine now."

Yes, because that's not ominous at all...but here's a new perspective - Jevin's!

A little sick or a little sane? Let's find out...

T