So I ask you all, if tomorrow never came,
would you think or would you act the same?

The Color Morale - The Man Behind the Hands

James was in a sour mood, hiding it well, but still sour. He played like he was enjoying our family time in the media room, but I caught his eyes flick to the door more than once as he waited for our little one to return home.

Finally, the door cracked and she slunk in, hackles raised like an alley cat looking for a fight or a fuck. In short, she looked pissed. James quickly evened his eyes on the television, a small smile on his face. He really could be a cocky cunt sometimes. I pretended not to notice her, in case she wanted to sneak up the stairs and not feel obligated to join us, but instead she cautiously walked down the hall until she was only a few feet behind the couch James and I sat on.

I tried my best to make her feel welcome, but with Nevaeh's comments and James' cold demeanor, it was a losing battle. I was outnumbered by little bitchy bitches.

James moved further down the couch, as if the woman had the plague or something, clearly being rude. Punk ass bitch, I thought at him. He glanced to me as if he had heard, but I knew he hadn't, he just had a weird way of making others think he knew everything, but he didn't, not really. He was Human just like us...partly, at least.

Somehow he always got the rep of being some kind of higher being though, even more-so than the rest of us, but I assumed that was part of the role of being the leader. You had to seem like more than a mere Darkling. I knew of some Clans who feared James more than a true Fallen. I knew of Demons who would rather go up against an entire quad than face James alone. He had a reputation around him, even the names he was known by were often enough to scatter enemies. Like King. I didn't know much about that one, I would ask him sometime. Ace had piqued my interest by the way he'd acted.

I knew some of James' past, but I had always just accepted that he must have had a colorful run before he found me, since many of the names he was called were ones that pre-dated me and the formation of our Clan. James was a good leader, despite his secrets, and being a total asshole to the new girl. He was feared by outsiders, respected by those in his circle, and fiercely loyal to us, all the things you needed in a strong leader.

I was proud of our family, we had been close to perfect when we had Ambriel. My stomach clenched and I tried to push the thought of her from my mind, but it was always a losing battle. Her porcelain skin, her white-blonde hair, her ice blue eyes. Everything about her had been pale and perfect and beautiful. She had looked like a ghost, even before her death when she began haunting me.

I pulled myself back to the present, and tried to rid the venom of the past from my mind. James was stiffly sitting on the couch, the new girl next to me just as rigidly. It was like they were five year-olds in a fight being forced to play nice while mom watched. It was rare that I played the parent, that was usually James' role. And I was relieved I didn't have to be the responsible one often. I hated having others look to me to make decisions. I hated the feeling of knowing I could make a mistake that would affect everyone I cared about. I was glad I didn't have the responsibilities James did.

I had seen him make decisions that I knew hurt, seen flashes of the strain leading us put on him, the wear of losing a member, the guilt, having to be strong no matter what, never grieving, never doubting, never resting. I couldn't imagine it and I felt a brush of appreciation to my brother for taking that position. I silently thanked Shemael for James. He might be a cocky, stubborn dick sometimes, but he cared for us more than we would probably ever understand. I knew he would lay down his life, his mind, if it meant we would be safe.

Leaders were the most likely of any Darkling to go insane and I was grateful he had taken that weight upon himself too. I already feared losing my mind more than my life. I remembered the feeling of my mind slipping away from me. I had been close to the brink when James found me and it was terrifying.

When he first came to me, first hunted me down to kill me before changing his mind, James had offered me the lead. I was older and an Earth, which he said was commonly the head of Clans, and with my strong healing talents, he had thought I would be better suited than him. He said he shouldn't lead, though I never knew what he meant by that.

I had never liked leading others, never wanted to, so I refused and he never brought it up again, never pushed it on me. Often I forgot what a burden he carried and how close I had come to having to shoulder it. I couldn't even imagine what a terrible mess our Clan would be if I was leading it, not that I could truly picture James taking orders from anyone, even someone he had appointed. He wasn't exactly the following sort.

Jordan suddenly stood and announced she was going to clean up, but I knew she was probably just exhausted. James had trained me, and it had been hell, but I had at least had months of living on the streets to harden me, to prepare me. I had already been using many of my skills, much of my nature without even knowing it, plus James had taken it pretty easy on me, since it was just him and me back then. Nevaeh was already well-trained when she joined us, though she had become rusty during her hiatus and had a difficult time getting back on the horse, so to speak. James was just a freak of nature and somehow was close to perfectly conditioned when we first met. I assumed he had been with a previous Clan, but never asked, it seemed a topic better avoided. Most of his past seemed better left alone.

I could only imagine what it was like for Jordan now though, with no training and no clue of her body's potential until she was already in the third decade of her life. Nevaeh had told us that she'd started some informal kinds of training as soon as she could walk. She had grown up in a world of weapons and attack steps, counters and magic. I felt a little bad for the new girl, she had a long road ahead of her, or a very short one if she didn't learn fast enough. Kill or be killed, that was our life.

I hoped she was a fast learner.

I'd hate to lose her, but some part of me was kind of expecting her to not last long. Maybe a few battles if she was lucky, but in the back of my mind I had already accepted that we would probably be burning her and laying her ashes to rest within the year. Maybe I was just pessimistic because of our last member. I thought of Ambriel's gleaming white stone out in our burial ground and felt a tug on my heart, I pushed it aside and tried to focus on the TV.

I probably would forever assume that any new member would end up dead, since Ambriel had been so good, such a natural warrior, but that still hadn't been enough. Maybe we were just meant to be a Clan of three. Maybe Heaven thought we would be too strong as four. I would miss Jordan though. She was kind, in a guarded, suspicion-of-the-world, walls-always-up, don't-get-too-close-to-me-or-I'll-stab-you kind of way. I liked her.

Nevaeh gave a long, overtly-sexual sigh as soon as the program ended. She had her eyes on James, smoldering in the way they always did when she looked at something she wanted. James did his best to ignore her, flicking little pieces of invisible lint off his jeans, but she began clicking her long polished nails on the buffed wooden arm of the chair she sat in. Finally, James rolled his head in her direction, laying it on his shoulder, eyebrows raised in question.

"Yees?" He said in a tired voice.

"I'm bored. I want to train." She pouted. "Kael can make dinner while we play downstairs." She finished in a definitive voice, as if merely saying it made it the plan for the evening.

"Nev, I don't want to train. I'm t..."

James stopped short and I knew he was too proud to admit he was worn out and just wanted to relax, but I could see it in the slight slump of his shoulders. I silently scolded Nevaeh for not noticing it. She only ever saw what she wanted. James had been out all night, I'd heard him leave, and he hadn't gotten back until early, probably searching for whoever was murdering and dismembering Darkling girls, but Nev just looked at him through her lashes in a disgustingly come-hither way.

James restarted his sentence.

"Yeah fine, but Kael will join. You two versus me, might as well make this a fair fight." He spoke with a cocky drawl, his usual attitude back in his tone and on his face.

Just once I wished he would admit to being mortal and say he was spent, to admit that even he had limits. I was about to speak up when I heard him almost inaudibly whisper Rampel, Sandalphon, and Nathaniel's names. At least he wasn't so bullheaded as to try and practice without a little help from above. I shrugged at him before getting to my feet.

Nevaeh stuck her lips out, but didn't argue James' stipulation and also rose, leading the way to the basement, swinging her hips seductively. I rolled my eyes but no one noticed. James was still on the couch with his head laid back, his eyes closed. He looked oddly peaceful and I wished Nev would just let him alone. He deserved some much needed rest, but she didn't care about anything but getting what she wanted, and he was at the top of that long list.

I lightly hit James' shoulder with the back of my hand to get his attention, he opened one eye at me before sighing and grabbing my offered hand to help him up.

"Three names just for a bit of training? You sure you're up for this?" I asked quietly, so Nev wouldn't hear as she disappeared into the stairwell. "Go rest." I added.

"Just worry about keeping up, KC." He replied, using the nickname he had originally called me when I joined him in a show of teasing familiarity. I cracked a smile for his sake before shrugging again and brushing past him to head downstairs after my partner.

A couple hours, and more than a few broken bones, heals, and Angel names later, I was spent and only half-assing it, but Nevaeh and James were still going balls to the wall. James was clearly winning, but he did look tired, even with the Angels' aid. His reactions weren't as quick as usual, and even some of his strikes seemed unsure. His smooth style was disrupted but that just made him that much more difficult to predict.

James stiffed and cocked his head slightly without letting his eyes drift from Nev, but I knew his body language too well. I glanced down from where we fought high above the gym floor to where the distraction was that had caused James' gesture. And there stood Jordan, looking unbelievably confused, and a little sleepy. I took the opportunity to attack James, hoping he would be too busy with Nev and the realization of our new spectator to notice.

He wasn't.

He spun around to me at the last moment and landed a blow to my chest that knocked the wind from me and sent me tumbling back. Nevaeh pounced on the opportunity and landed a high kick hard enough to throw James off the beam we were working on. He grabbed the edge as he fell, dangling above the gym floor.

Nev pulled her bow from her back and strung it deftly, aiming it dramatically for James' chest as he hung by his fingertips. James merely gave her a smirk and taunted her, pretending to beg for mercy with fake fear trembling in his voice. She let the arrow fly but I knew it wouldn't make it to him. And sure enough, the arrow went up in flames and a pathetic puff of smoke. I smiled in spite of myself. James always did have style.

Nevvie looked livid. We had never quite set the parameters for if Signs were to be used in this particular training session since James had tripped her almost as soon as he made it to the landing, starting the fight off prematurely and putting an end to her flirtations. But in the previous hundred and some odd minutes, none of us had used any of our Gifts, just a good, old-fashion brawl, so I could almost understand her annoyance. But then again, we hadn't banned any Gifts either. She should have seen it coming. We never beat James, not truly. No one did.

Before Nev had the chance to pout or scream or do something else characteristic of herself, a tan blob hit her in the face. A sandbag fell to the ground far below with a satisfying thud and I almost laughed out loud. Clearly the new girl had an arm on her. Nev didn't seem to see the humor of the situation quite like I did and the party quickly moved to the ground as James played mediator between the two women. I stayed contently perched above the action, hoping for a cat fight. Unfortunately, no cigar. And by the time I jumped down to join it looked as if I'd have to settle for a showing of if the new girl could scrap, still intriguing, but not nearly as juicy as seeing her and Nev go at it one-on-one.

Nev snapped at me to get a weapon as I approached, probably embarrassed that she had been nailed in the face by a piece of training equipment thrown by a baby Darkling who didn't know the first thing about combat. I grabbed my discarded staff from our earlier training and returned to her side. She was glaring at the new girl and James as they spoke in hushed tones to each other.

James' demeanor had completely changed, he had his arrogant stance again, any sign of exhaustion wiped from his body. Nev noticed this too and her look took on a dangerous edge. I nudged her to get her attention and gave her a poignant look to convey that I would be the one going after Jordan. I didn't want to risk Nev playing too rough and killing the poor thing. I did understand Nev's confusion though, just a couple of hours earlier James had acted like Jordan was an undesirable, and now he was being...pleasant.

James, being pleasant. That was just madness. Maybe he was trying to piss Nevvie off, that sounded like something he would do, but yanking the new girl around just to get to Nev was a trash move. I would talk with him. It wasn't like him to use someone like that.

Three minutes later James and Jordan were still talking and I could tell it was steaming Nevvie more by the second. If there was one thing I knew about my partner, more than anything else, from all the hardships we had been through, the years we had been together and grown so close through, all the experiences, heartaches and joys, highs and lows...it was that she was a complete and total cunt.

I loved my pair more than life itself. I would throw myself between her and any enemy. I would gladly take her place in Hell if it ever came down to it, but that didn't mean I was delusional and thought she was a sweet person. She was a bitter, spoiled, self-centered brat who used and abused others for the sheer enjoyment of it, and because she knew she could. She was a beauty, but with a serious personality disorder and the intelligence to use her arsenal in the most damaging ways, but I couldn't really blame her. She had been raised with every privilege, from vast knowledge to true acceptance, and a family that loved her deeply - then had it all ripped away, twice, and now she enjoyed giving out as much pain as she had endured in her short life.

As if to give verbal proof to my thoughts, she yelled over at James in an impatient voice. They were standing closer now, heads together as they spoke and I could only imagine how Nevvie must feel to see her current desire giving so much attention to another woman, especially a woman whose beauty rivaled her own. James was such an ass. I almost started laughing, but stifled it in my throat.

Finally, the love-birds turned towards us and seemed to be prepared to begin. I caught a glimpse of Jordan's face, she looked about as confused by James' change in mood as I was. I glanced back to Nev to reiterate the point that I would be going for Jordan, not her. She seemed to not mind, which I assumed was because she wanted to knock James' pretty little head off his shoulders, but I wasn't worried. I'm sure he was used to dealing with angry, spited women.

Kael's side, oh how I do love him. He's the humor to Nev's...uh...lack of humor. He's the kindness to James'...well...lack of kindness. And he's a friend to Jordan, something she has been sorely lacking for a very, very long time.