**** song is Andria by La Dispute. I've become obsessed with them recently, I'm kind of in love. Hope you enjoy! Merry tidings to you, congratulations on making it through another year (almost), let's do it again shall we? Take care lovelies ****

*Ryker*

As I lay in the bed completely bared, I wonder how we ended up like this. One moment we're fighting, at each others throats, and then we're fucking. It can't be natural.

I should feel disgusted with myself, but I don't. Because any way I can feel close to Ronnie is something I'll do without a second thought.

I can't think of anything else when I'm with him, I'm just so desperate to feel something, anything with him. I want his attention on me only, his affection for me only.

I was being selfish. But it didn't matter because it's what I wanted, and I had never wanted anyone as much as I wanted him.

I rolled over quietly, and laid my eyes on the beauty beside me. Asleep on his stomach, Ronnie was breathing lightly, his hair laying in his face, his bare back peeking out from the covers. His eyelashes caught in his hair, his nose crinkling up a little in his sleep.

I had never seen anything that swelled my heart quite like seeing Ronnie in bed next to me. I felt happy, filled to the brim with contentment.

Scooting closer, I laid my arm around his back and leaned my head down to kiss his shoulder softly, causing him to stir, only slightly.

I heard the apartment door open, and then hushed voices as someone creeped closer, opening the door to the guest bedroom, and then I was staring into the surprised face of Leah, raising a finger to my lips as she nodded and closed the door quietly, but not before Ryan had peeked his head in to give me a gleeful smile.

They must've been trying to be quiet, but I could hear Leah's muffled giggles as Ryan did who-knows-what to her. I smiled and turned back to the sleeping Ronnie next to me.

Sighing, I lay back and managed to sleep, a smile still etched on my face at the warmth of Ronnie next to me.

When I next woke up, Ronnie was already up, sitting next to me, looking down with a problematic look on his face.

Smiling, I sat up quickly, leaning in to give him a kiss, but he turned his head quickly and my lips met his cheek.

Pulling back, I looked down in humiliation- did my breathe smell? Was there something in my teeth? Was there drool on my chin? What was wrong?

What wasn't wrong?

Taking a shaky breath, I looked at Ronnie once more, as he was scrambling around the room searching for his clothes.

Pulling on my bra and underwear, I slipped into shorts before walking in front of him, barring him from leaving.

"Ronnie? What happened?" I asked him, laying a hand on his chest and staring up to his face perplexed.

"What happened, this, this happened," he said, motioning wildly towards the messy bed before turning back to me, "you happened."

"Hey, you kissed me, remember?" I said, crossing my arms across my chest and furrowing my eyebrows.

"Yeah, well, you made it heated pretty quickly" he argued, crossing his own arms.

I'm sure he could get past me if he really tried, but he seemed to be humouring me.

"Yeah, because I wanted this," I admitted, moving my hand between the two of us, "what, did you not want this?"

"This? What even is this? Arguing and sex, is that all we can do with each other, it's not normal!" He said, and I had to force myself from stepping back at the hurt that came with his words.

"Every c- everyone fights, it is normal" I said, cursing myself for nearly calling us a couple- we weren't even close to together.

So what are we then? Fuck buddies? Am I nothing more than a booty call? A sex less-than-friend?

Nows not the time for doubts....

"No, no, no," Ronnie said, shaking his head furiously as if his hair was full of bees, "this is not normal. Not everyone fights, not like us, not like this. One moment I swear you could kill me, and then you're riding me, it's not normal, it's not okay."

This time I did take a step back, holding my arms around myself to keep from falling or shaking. My hands trembled.

He brushed past me and walked into the hallway, where I was quick to follow, grabbing his arm and trying not to notice Leah and Ryan in the kitchen staring.

I considered doing what he had done yesterday, spinning him around and kissing him, but I knew it wouldn't go well. He could sway me like that, but I was less than capable of getting away with that.

Instead, I just tugged his arm to turn him and kept my tight grip so he couldn't run away.

"Well I don't know what to tell you, it's not just my fault, you're acting like this is all one-sided!" I said strained, trying not to yell.

He jerked his arm out of my grasp and shrugged.

"Who says? It's not healthy, whatever this is, it's not okay, it's bad. It's bad for us, bad for me!" He said, turning his back on me.

"Don't you turn your back on me, I'm not done! You don't get to do this to me, not after all that's happened. I deserve an explanation! I deserve to be treated like a person!" I said, following him to the front door.

"There's nothing to explain" he said, and I smacked him on the back with my fists and lay my head in between his shoulder blades, breathing him in because I don't know the next time I'll be able to be this close to him.

He didn't say a word, instead opening the door and walking away, barely sending me one last look, ordering me not to follow, before disappearing as the door closed stiffly, slamming shut, leaving me with nothing to lean on but the door.

I lay my forehead on the hard wood, letting a few stray tears fall and I clenched my hands into fists.

"They're fighting again. Why is it they're always fighting?" A voice whispered behind me.

I didn't awknowledge anyone, instead walking stiffly to the guest bedroom and closing the door behind me.

Crawling into the bed, I hid under the covers and let more tears fall as I breathed in the scent of Ronnie, still feeling the warmth from where he had laid.

'Bad for me.'