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"Hiding behind a fake smile will not help you mentally and emotionally, let others in and seek true happiness so that smile can finally be real,"

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          Being slammed up against the wall, Jay had his hands tightly around Amelia's neck. Losing the oxygen in her body, she began to claw and scratch at his hands trying to get him to stop but he wasn't letting up.

"J-Jay," she struggled out to say as tears started to fall from her eyes.

Letting go of her, she dropped to the floor gasping for air. Staring down at her his chest heaved up and down rapidly. Squatting down to her level, he reached his hand out and grabbed her face by her chin forcing her to look at him.

With tears still falling from her eyes and the blood trickling down from her nose, he let out a sigh. "You know this isn't me right? I don't like putting my hands on you baby girl, but the disrespect has to stop." He said in a soft tone while using his thumb to wipe away her tears.

Amelia said nothing, she just continued to cry from the pain she was feeling in her stomach area and face. "I'll get something to clean you up with baby. Don't move."

When he got up and left out, Amelia's eyes darted towards her phone under the bed. Quickly getting up despite the pain she was in, she grabbed her phone running into the closet and dialed 9-1-1.

Entering the room with a hot rag, he frowned immediately dropping the towel when he didn't see her. Rushing over to the closet he looked to see her on the phone and quickly snatched it from her and hanging up. "Who tha fuck was you talking too Mel? I hope your stupid ass wasn't trying to leave me or rat me out to the cops!" He yelled before roughly gripping her by the hair and dragging her out of the closet as she screamed from the pain.

Looking down at her phone, he looked at her recent calls and when he saw 9-1-1 his blood began to boil as the anger in him grew.

"You called the cops!?"

Waiting for her to answer, he yanked her hair. "Answer me!"

"Y-yes! I-I can't keep living like this! I want the old you back, I love you so much Jay but this isn't what I signed up for! How can you say you love me but treat me like this!?" She yelled out and watched as his eyes that were just filled with anger turned soft.

Loosening the grip on her hair, he slid his hand down her face and got on his knees so they were face to face. "I'm sorry baby, you know this isn't me. I'm not this person, its just I can't control my anger sometimes. My anger always gets the best of me and I lash out and turn into this whole new person that I depise. But I promise you I will try to work on it."

Try? ..she mentally asked herself.

The more he talked the more she realized how mental Jay was and she knew she needed to get away from him as soon as possible. She hoped and prayed at least one the jobs called her back so she could start saving money to escape this horrid place.

But then another part of her didn't want to leave. Being with Jay was all she knew since she was fourteen years old. She could barely even imagine a life without him in it since he has always been there and despite their situation now, she was heart broken at the thought.

But she was more so heart broken at the fact that their relationship had changed and that the man she once wanted to spend forever with wasn't the same person anymore.

She regretted agreeing to this move since it brought her nothing but hell and tears of pain. She prayed almost everynight for a blessing to come and help her out of this situation, but she was slowly losing faith.

Hugging her body tightly, Jay kissed her softly in different places on her face as he kept whispering, "I'm sorry," but it just sounded like a broken record at this point. She knew the love he was giving now wasn't going to last.

He was sorry today, but would be back mad tomorrow and everything he would promise her would go right out the window.

         Later that night, Amelia invited Kelsi over just to be around someone with good vibes. After she cleaned herself up from what happened earlier, she made it a mission to get a job. She didn't want to give up because the other jobs didn't call back, she knew her only way out was to get her own money and that was the goal.

Closing her laptop, she looked down at the necklace Jay brought her for their third-year anniversary. Lifting it with her fingers, she played with it as memories of them in the past flooded her mind.

Feeling herself about to cry she quickly got herself together when she felt a smack on her arm from Kelsi.

Turning her attention back to her, she saw Kelsi frowning as she held up Amelia's journal of poems. Kelsi, was stunned and amazed at how talented Amelia actually was when it came to writing. She just did not understand how Amelia could not see it herself.

"You seriously don't think your poems are good? Baby girl, these are amazing. You gotta give yourself more credit, you have a gift boo. More people need to see this talent you have hidden too."

Taking the journal from her, she flipped through it herself. "I know my poems are good, but I don't feel like they're great!" She shrugged tossing it on the coffee table. "And I highly doubt other people would think the same."

"But they are great, your poems are deep and meaningful. You need to really think about persuing this into a career or something. Might fuck around and be the next Maya Angelou or some shit." She boosted trying to hype her up.

Amelia always had a hard time believing her work was actually good and worth reading. And that often discouraged her a lot and made her lose that passion for writing, but lately she's been writing more but mainly because she was influenced by the things she was dealing with now.

But her passion and love for writing died down once her father passed, he was her biggest fan and supported her like no other. So when he died she took a break from writing for years. She only started back writing when she saw it was a way to help her cope with his death, so a lot of her poems were deep and personal.

And another thing Amelia couldn't handle when it came to her work was criticism, her poems were all personal to her since they were based off real emotions and feelings. So she knew she would be hurt if someone ever said her poems weren't good enough. So to save herself she kept them to herself.

"Thanks Kels, it really means a lot but its a mental thing when it comes to my work. You wouldn't understand, but one day I hope to fully accept and love the talent I was blessed with and be able to embrace my work rather than bashing it and downplaying it."

"I hope so too," Squeezing her leg, she focused back on the tv.

Both laid out on the couch Amelia and her just sat and watched reruns of Insecure on tv and talked amongst each other about school and whatever else that came to mind just passing time since Amelia was going to have the house to herself for the next two days.

She wasn't sure where exactly Jay disappeared too or where he was going or even if he was really leaving and a part of her was telling her to leave at this moment, then another part of her felt he was still watching and lurking waiting for her to leave so he could punish her.

He had her so mentally scared to even make a move, and she hated that he put that fear within' her like this. She used to watch shows where a woman would be in an abusive relationship and they wouldn't leave and she never understood why they stayed but now she sees how a man can get in your head and having you just stuck on what to do next.

Feeling a shove on her arm, she winced as she looked over at Kelsi. "What?"

"Are you okay? You keep zoning out and that is not like you at all. You're barely even watching the show or even listening to me talk."

Giving her a tight lip smile, she nodded. "I'm fine Kels, what were you saying?"

"I was saying that since you have the house to yourself this weekend, we should go get some drinks and just have a girls night in. I can tell you've been stressed over something lately and with these quizzes coming up you need to unwind and relax for a bit."

"About that.." She started off trying to find the right words to say to share this news. "Um .. I actually just dropped out of school so I would be able to work fulltime."

"What? Why? I thought Jay said you didn't have to work."

Standing up, she nodded. "He did, but I don't like depending on a man like this. I don't have a car, I don't have any money of my own to spend. I always have to come to him and ask for money and when I do I have to tell him why I need it like I'm some child. I wasn't raised to be like this and I'm not going to start now and since we moved here Jay has changed and I know it has a lot to do with him being the breadwinner."

Kelsi understood her point, but she also knew how much going to school meant to Amelia and didn't want her to give up on that yet.

"I feel like its more that you aren't telling me. Just from the few months of knowing you I know how much going to school meant to you .. It's mid-April you only had one more month and you would have finished your spring semester so what is really going on Mel? And don't lie. Is Jay tripping or something?" She asked with concern laced in her voice.

Amelia wanted to shout and scream out her real reasoning behind this decision, but she didn't want to bring Kelsi into her problems especially since Kelsi already had so much going on in her own life.

"Everything is fine Kels, Jay is fine. You just wouldn't understand where I'm coming from." She simply said.

"I get what you're saying but at least think about this first Mel."

"I have and my mind is made up. I've been applying to hella jobs and I'm hoping to at least have an interview by Monday."

Getting up Kelsi followed her into the kitchen, "As your friend, I personally feel this is crazy, but also as your friend I support whatever decision you make as long as you're happy."

Amelia looked up at her and smiled as she walked over with her arms open for a hug. "And that's why I love you."

Playfully rolling her eyes, she pushed her away. "Blah blah, get off me and let's go get some drinks or something and have like a girls night like I suggested earlier before you dropped that heartbreaking bomb on me."

Pulling away, Amelia smirked. "Check the fridge, Jay and I always keep drinks in the house and we have netflix and hulu so we can watch whatever you want and we got snacks."

"What all you guys got? I don't need no brown liquor that shit always fucks me up." She admitted shamefully.

"Brown liquor is for Jay, he drinks that nasty shit like Hennessy, Crown, Paul Masson. I can't get into those because they're nasty, but I got some Seagrams, this peach Ciroc, and the margaritas party box."

"Pass me any flavor seagram please, I save the hard liquor for when I wanna get fucked up and have amazing drunk sex with Quincy." She laughed while sticking out her tongue.

Amelia, shook her head laughing while she handed her a Bahama Mama. Kelsi opened the bottle with ease and began throwing it back.

Closing the fridge after she grabbes her a drink, she walked over to get them some snacks. "Speaking of Quincy, what's up with that  situation?"

Rollings her eyes, she sat her drink. "I don't even know ..but um real quick .. I have a question and I'm not sure if you're good with relationship advice or anything but I need some at this moment."

Leaning against the counter, Amelia took a sip of her drink before motioning for her to speak. "Alright, so you know Quincy and I have been messing around with each other for a little while.. maybe a year and a half now and like I feel like I love him, but he hasn't said it first and I don't want him to feel as if I'm rushing him if I jump out and be like hey, I love you and I want to be with you .."

Amelia nodded, "Well first let me ask this .. did you guys agree to just have like a sex relationship or what?"

Taking a sip of her drink, she shook her head no. "No, he approached me out at Walmart and we conversed for a bit and then he asked for my number and what started off as texting and flirting led to us going on dates, to us going over to each other houses, to us fucking but he has yet to ask me to be his girl."

"Well its sorta clear that he must have some type of feelings for you, maybe he's the type of guy who isn't straight forward with their emotions. I feel you should talk to him, because you'll never get the answer you want and need unless you ask him. Plus you said its been about a year, I think its safe to say you love him sis."

She sighed, "I know but that's easier said than done though. What if, he just sees me as a friend that he only fucks from time to time and takes out whenever he's bored and has nothing else to do? What if I just don't mean anything to him and I've been sitting here wasting my time?"

Kelsi was wild and crazy, and half the time you couldn't take her serious but like most women she craved love and attention. She believed in love and happy endings with the love of your life.

She never questioned anything before but with this whole situation just had her so confused. He acted like he wanted to be with her, he treated her like he loved her but never once has said it and she wasn't sure if it was intentional or not.

"Like I said, you'll never know unless you ask."

"Today is his last day at this job he has before he starts some internship or something and I guess I'll stop by there after I leave here and express my feelings and see where his head is at."

"Good, and until then just chill and try not to think too much about it." Amelia told her while handing her another drink before making her way back to the living room to finish watching their movie.

After an hour or so passed of talking and laughing at the movie, a knock at the door caught both Amelia and Kelsi off guard since Amelia wasn't expecting anybody to be coming over.

Right now her only friend here in California was Kelsi so whoever this was behind the door had to be somebody for Jay.

Getting up she adjusted her shorts while making her way to the door. Looking through the peep hole, she grew excited causing a wide smile to spread across her face.

"Who is it?" Kelsi asked growing confused at her actions.

Opening the door, Amelia was bum rushed into a hug. "Surprise girl!" Hailey yelled as they jumped and hugged each other tightly.

"What are you doing here!? I thought the wedding was in two weeks?"

"It is, but I decided to come down early and hang with you and plus the boo wanted us to come down here sooner.. he claims he wanted to spend some alone time with me." She blushed as they both pulled away from the hug.

"I'm meeting him at the wedding right?"

She shrugged, "Yes'mam, he told me he wouldn't miss it for the world especially since he knows how much it means to me for him to be there."

Amelia smiled, admiring this glow she had. "You seem so happy, I like this glow I'm seeing on you."

"Gotta give the thanks and love towards him, he makes me really happy."

"That's good, but hey I want you to meet someone." Grabbing her hand, she led her towards the living room where Kelsi sat facing towards the tv.

"Kelsi, I want you to meet one of my best friends .. Hailey this is the craziest girl you'd ever meet, her name is Kelsi, Kelsi this Hailey."

Looking back, Kelsi gave her a dry wave and a dry greeting before turning away. Kelsi didn't know much about Hailey but the energy she brought around as soon as she stepped into the apartment rubbed Kelsi the wrong way immediately. Kelsi was all about vibes and the vibe Hailey was sending was everything but welcoming.

Hailey simply waved back before focusing back on Amelia. "Well, I just stopped by to see you and to let you know I was in town but I have a date tonight .. are you busy Monday or anytime next week before the wedding?"

"I'm not exactly sure, but I will most deflee let you know."

"Okay boo, well I'm gone. See you whenever."

Giving her a hug, she walked her out the door before closing it and headed back to the living room to check on Kelsi since her being dry and quiet like that wasn't like her at all.

Sitting next to her, Amelia paused the tv. "Hey, you good?"

Looking over at her, Kelsi simply nodded. "Yeah, I'm gucci. Why?"

"How you acted towards Hailey ... That isn't like you at all. You treat strangers as if you known them forever so what was different this time?"

Kelsi sighed, "I got a weird vibe from her, she doesn't seem trustworthy."

"Hailey and I have been good friends for a while now, she's really good people Kelsi. You should try and get to know her and then you'd see."

"Yeah maybe so, but I think you need to watch her ass but hey that's just me. She's your friend at the end of the day."

-

"Behind every success story is a struggle of downfalls, but also within' the story is how they never gave up,"

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         Driving home images and flashbacks of him and Miranda having sex clouded his mind, making him feel worst than he did before. He couldn't believe that what just happened actually happened, he never looked at Miranda in that way and he still doesn't.

She was a beautiful and sweet woman, but at the end of the day she was his assistant and that's all he sees her as. But, he knew this was going to cause an issue, he knew mixing business and pleasure together was never a good idea and as soon as he had a moment of weakness it happened.

Hitting his hand on the stirring wheel, he cursed out loud. "How could you be so stupid man?" He asked himself.

Pulling up to his house, he parked inside garage where the rest of his lavish and foreign cars sat perfectly parked. Locking his door, he entered his home through the garage door and instantly the scent of Chasity filled his nostrils.

Usually the smell of her or even just the thought made him happy but now it only reminded him of how she broke his heart. This is what he was avoiding, he knew the moment he would come home that it would bring unwanted memories.

Walking into his kitchen, he searched high and low for his secret stash of liquor. He knew he was suppose to have thrown it all out, but in this moment he was glad that he didn't. He need a drink, a strong one so he wouldn't have to think about what was going on around him.

He wanted to feel nothing at the moment, a drink always did the trick. "One drink is all I need and I'll be fine." He told himself.

Finally finding it, he reached in there grabbing the full bottle of Patron and poured himself a glass and immediately took it to the head.

One glass lead to two then three and four until the whole bottle was completly empty and he was drunk off his ass and a complete mess as he sat on the kitchen floor in tears. "All I ever did was love you Chas!" He yelled out as if she was there. "That's all I ever did."

Struggling to get up, he used the cabinet for help and stumbled his way towards the stairs, but when he spotted a picture of them together on one of the lamp stands, he grabbed it and tossed it against the wall causing it to break and the anger in him grew.

Stumbling over towards the hall closet, he grabbed a bat and stared down at it long and hard before he turned around and starting breaking everything in sight.

He broke pictures, vases, windows, anything that could have been broken by a bat he hit it.

Running up the stairs, he went inside their room and images of her and being with another man in their bed clouded his mind and only made him more pissed off than before.

He went into complete rage trying to break and ruin everything that made him think of her. "After all I've fucking done this is what she does to me!?" Swinging the bat into the tv, he watched it fall and continued to destroy everything letting out all the hurt and pain he felt at the moment.

Grabbing his phone out his pocket, he dialed her number and listened to it ring and when her voice came through the speaker all that he wanted to say to her the day he found out she was cheating spilled out. "I fucking hate you! I gave you fucking everything I had to offer and just like the ungrateful bitch that you are, you took it all for granted and cheated on me with some bum ass nigga! I fucking loved you Chas, and you broke me. How could you do this to me!?"

Chasity sat on the other end of the phone, sitting in her bathroom crying her eyes out. She regretted hurting Lamar, but she didn't think he would do all of this. What he was saying really hurt her feelings, "Lamar, please stop. I'm so sorry baby." She sniffled.

When the words, "I'm sorry," left her lips, he laughed as if she just told the joke of the year.

"Sorry!? Yeah, I'm sorry too for falling for your hoe ass and wasting my time and money on you! I fucking made you bitch, everything you are today is because of me and always remember that! You ain't nothing but gold digging ass bitch! And I hope this new nigga plays your stupid ass."

Not being able to deal with the insults, she hung up.

Dropping to his knees, he tossed his phone breaking it and he cried out loudly as he released the bat from his hand.

Feeling a rush in his stomach, he leaned over spilling out everything he had previously ate and drank before passing out in the middle of his bedroom floor.

The next morning, James wasted no time driving over to Lamar's house when he woke up to a million calls and text messages from Chasity telling him what was going on.

Using his emergency key, he stepped inside his home and when he saw how damaged the house was he knew then that he had relasped.

Running up the stairs, he entered the bedroom to see Lamar laid out in the center of his destroyed room in his vomit. Reaching down he checked for a pulse and sighed in relief when he felt one.

Lifting his heavy body up the best he could, he walked him into the bathroom and sat him in his shower before turning on the water and slapping him a few times to wake him up.

Lamar groaned and began coughing like crazy when he woke up, "What tha fuck man!?" He yelled.

Turning the water off, James shook his head. "Yeah, seriously .. what tha fuck man? What tha fuck happened?"

Lamar went to speak but ended up throwing up all over himself again, causing James to sigh and bend down to help him out of his clothes.

Now completely naked in the shower, Lamar sat slouched over against the shower wall.. feeling completely helpless. "You were doing so good man, what tha hell happened for you to relaspe like this?"

He shrugged, "Chasity has been cheating on me, and I was trying to be strong about the situation. It wasn't suppose to go this far, I just needed one drink and once the liquor touched my tongue .. I wanted more and I couldn't stop until it was all gone. And then I just got so fucking mad and couldn't control myself."

James rubbed his hand over his waves, and sighed. "You really gotta get yourself together man. You're better than this shit and you and I both know that! You're my best fucking friend and seeing you like this hurts me, it hurt me the first time this happened and it hurts me now because I know this is not you."

"I know man, its not gon' happen again. I just had a weak moment .. I'm good trust me."

"I walked in your bedroom to see you passed out in your own fucking vomit, you aren't good. If you can easily relaspe like you just did .. its gonna happen again. You need to get help man."

Lamar closed his eyes, "I promise you, this ain't gon' happen again. This is my first time slipping up in a while and you treating me as if this is something I do regularly. Give me a break man, I'm human." He sniffled.

Calming down, he sighed. "Look, I'm sorry, I just don't want to see anything happen to you man. But alright, I'll chill this time but if it happens again then you already know what I'ma do." He stated simply.

Lamar didn't argue back, he simply agreed. Looking down at himself, he knew he needed to get himself together and he knew first thing tomorrow he was shooting over to his therapist to discuss what happened.

He hadn't had a moment like that since he first found out his father died and that alone scared him, because he wasn't trying to go back to that guy.

He knew he was better than this, but he had such a hard time actually believing it.

-

Thanks for the love & support!
- Denise 💋