[ 27 / 06 / 19 ]

Right now, my writing is not my own. I'm no longer in control of what I write and when I write it. I'm not talking about my stories, I'm talking about my personal poetry and other things I haven't shared. I mentioned to one person than I enjoyed poetry and all of a sudden it's opened up a whole bunch of fucking doors for people.

All of a sudden they've taken it to be my only way of communicating with people and they're forcing me to write things. I don't want to fucking write things like this. It's personal and I don't want them to know about it. I don't trust them and I want them to leave me alone and go away. I can't even write anything anymore because I'm scared it'll be handed over and used against me. I didn't want to be involved in this shit my family is involved in but I was forced to by teachers.

I hate how they've all decided for me that I have to write about all my feelings and share it with them. I don't have a choice. I don't want to write about all of this. I don't want to have all of my writing to be analysed to see if I need to see a doctor or some fucking bullshit. I don't want my personal deepest darkest thoughts to be put on display in a meeting room full of adults I barely know and my parents who I don't trust.

I didn't want to be in this situation. I don't even want to write anymore. It's not my own anymore. It's not my choice. I don't want to talk about things with them. I don't want them to fucking talk to me. I don't want any of it. I want to be left alone.

I was forced into this and I can't do anything about it. I want to do something about it