8th ♀

"What kind of joke is that?" I laughed, nervously. I couldn't hide my anxiousness. This wasn't how I expected things to be. Actually, this was the contrary of it. I was kind of leaning towards the belief that no one would find out my identity until I'd uncover Finn's. But of course, that wasn't happening at this point in time.

Turning back, deep in my mind and soul, I was convinced that it was KN who I would see—probably with a knife—although that sounded absurd. But really, things between KN and I were already at that level, so anything was possible now.

Nothing would be unusual anymore.

Rather, who I found standing behind me was no other than Grayson Phillips, famously known as the only pronounced senior nerd and currently my number one Finn suspect.

"Yours?" Grayson asked, looking at my humming phone, with all due suspicion.

"No?" Someone had clearly gotten me head on. My mind was muddled—repeating the name Fiona over and over again. I should have kept my phone in silent mode. And why didn't I remember changing my favorite ringtone?

Beep. Bop. Beep. Someone's calling you, Fiona.

My personalized, and now troublesome, ringing tone went on and on.

Busted.

"My cousin's?" I tried making up an excuse, but the shuddering in my voice was so evident that it didn't do me any good.

"Cousin's?"

"Yes, you see, I have a cousin. Her name is Fiona. She's wonderful and..." I stammered, sharing the untrue story of my life with Grayson Phillips.

"Fiona?" Grayson was not amused... at all. "Your cousin's name is in your ringtone?"

"It could happen." I stared at the floor, embarrassed. From my personal experience of being a boy, which was only a little more than three weeks now—wait, yeah, it was taking me this long, unfortunately—I had already made an undeniable long list of slip-ups, making me one scientific calculator that by now had already reached its syntax error state.

"You expect me to believe that?" Grayson continued, breaking his one word habit.

"Ha... ha... you're not thinking that I'm—"

"Are you a girl?" Grayson cut me off. "You look like one, you act like one, and sometimes, you sound like one."

"Dude, you shouldn't say that. You don't know what line you are crossing right now," I heard myself say. Oh, yes. Grayson had already crossed the line. He was now one of the enlightened! He knew a secret that could endanger the lives (and my dad's job) of many people. It was more than one, so it was plenty.

"What line?" Grayson raised both of his eyebrows in response, his mouth slightly opened in astonishment. The light behind him, the one flickering, continued its toll. I hated glinting lights, and being in this situation.

"What? You think I'm a girl?" I huffed, starting to act like I was getting angry about all this. Logically speaking, it should really make me raged if I was actually a boy. I always saw that in shows, movies, or in normal life setting. And most of the time, it led to one unpleasant encounter of a fist and a face.

But instead of being swayed, and probably feeling the slightest tinge of fear with my words, I found him crossing his arms over his chest, studying me instead. Surely, Grayson was far from being intimidated. Rather, he looked inquisitive and interested on what I would do next.

Now, I knew I should have had learned how to punch. Because the next thing that some macho guy would do, it was to feel vexed that this man in front of him believed that he was supposedly a girl. That should sound offensive, right?

But not being a guy myself, I hadn't felt that thing. In fact, all I could think about was that Grayson knew!

He freaking knew everything.

Well, maybe not really everything. But definitely, it was the greater part of that said everything. Knowing that I was a girl would lead him to ask for the remaining quarter portion of the pie chart of my ultimate reason—the one that would explain why I was in this school in the first place.

Grayson's stares were rigid, like he was sure of the said accusation but couldn't point out the reason why. Trust me, no one ever could, unless that person would hear it from me.

And I shouldn't let him know... ever.

Now, I really had to punch him, or else I would also fail for not even trying. And thus, with all the necessary hesitation, I started the matter by clenching my fist. Yes, I clenched it. This was for real. I was going to smack his face.

But the thing was, no one had ever taught me how to punch. This wasn't what Paige and I was fond of talking about before, either. I think we had a lesson about this in physical education during sophomore, but how long ago was that? And during that time, I must probably be asleep myself. Exertion of physical force, unless necessary, wasn't really my thing.

Of course, along the line of clenching my fist, unsteadily, I also acted provoked. I needed to act like a man! And thus, doing so, I garnered a swing, followed by a haul, and then the absolute landing of my fist on his face.

It landed all right.

But instead of him, it was I who yelped, "Ouch!"

"Everything all right there?" a voice echoed across the empty room. The librarian must also be thinking that I had been attacked in this dimly lit room full of harmless books.

"Lower your voice," Grayson hissed at me, rubbing his face. "Didn't anyone tell you that you should punch with your first two knuckles and not your fist straight?"

The pain was radiating everywhere. No one ever told me that punching involved knuckles. How would I know that? I should have listened to my instinct. Blowing his face was definitely a bad idea. He only hardened his jaw, and I only ended up tickling his left cheek.

"Did something happen?" The librarian asked again on the top of her voice, sounding a bit worried.

Grayson continued shaking his head in disbelief, a smile treading his lips as he shouted back, "No, Mrs. Shards. Everything's fine. He just stumbled on something."

"No, it's not," I mumbled with a low voice, complaining about what I assumed to be my now broken hand.

"I don't think it's damaged. The punch was not that hard anyway," Grayson said back to me, dragging me to the corner. That sounded a lot like an insult. "And can you stop complaining? You don't want the librarian to hear that voice and come over here to find out everything else."

"Like you wouldn't say a thing," I replied with sarcasm, feeling a bit insulted that my first punch in my entire life was useless.

"Why are you dressed up like that? And the hair. It doesn't seem to be fake," Grayson observed, his eyes tracing my figure.

"Because it's not," I said with remorse.

"Really? But why? You don't seem to be enjoying it," he said, curiosity eminent in his voice.

"Please don't tell. I'm begging you," I pleaded instead of answering his questions.

"I don't know." He shook his head in response, looking confused. I saw it in his eyes that he wanted to hand me over to the authorities. After all, it was the right thing to do. Entering this school was clearly against the rules.

"Please."

"You have to at least explain to me why." It was obvious that he wanted to know, but explaining it was the tricky part. I just didn't know how much I should say, that was, if I should say anything at all.

Would he let me off the hook if I wouldn't tell him a thing?

But before I could even answer the question in my head, I heard the exit door of the library open. Footfalls echoed along after it closed. I composed myself, utterly setting aside my throbbing hand. Two people finding out that I was a girl would surely lead to one heck of a disaster. Or need I remind myself that I was already in one?

"Hey, you! The assistant director is looking for you." Here arrived at the scene was the person I assumed I'd see in the first place. In casual clothes, he looked somewhat gorgeous. I wasn't aware that he was capable of looking this comely, you know? But his rough voice contradicted the said compliment.

Disappointed with his sudden arrival, I muttered, "KN."

Grayson slumped down and picked up the hard-covered book that I was holding a moment ago, as well as my now silenced phone. He handed me back my phone and placed the book on the shelf. His face now contained his usual distant expression, lips forming a thin line instead of an inquisitive one. Not even a trace of the smile that was there a moment ago. I tried asking him in my mind if he would tell anyone about my secret, but none from his expression answered my contemplations.

"Mind if I take him for a while? Willow's pestering me," KN said to Grayson.

Willow was the assistant director of the dormitory. I wondered what she wanted from me. All the looks of being annoyed were painted on KN's face, like always. Although now, it seemed like it was already near the limits. KN appeared like he was doing this extra mile of fetching me, when evidently, it wasn't that hard to tell that it was the last thing he wanted to do.

But it wasn't just him. Being fetched was the last thing in my mind right now. I wanted to stay here and make Grayson swear to secrecy. Of course, I needed to be near Grayson in order to do so.

"Sure," Grayson told him passively.

As for Grayson, he was back to his single words again. From past observations, it was his habitual way on making people refrain from talking to him any further. Aside from Micah, Mr. Normal, he never talked that much to anyone.

See? Someone was doing her observations well.

"Okay," KN uttered, dragging me by the arm without another word. Talk about asking someone first before hauling him out.

"Wait," I protested, shaking his hand off me. Keeping my eyes on Grayson, who picked up another book that fell down and placed it back from where it came from before heading to the front desk, I tried to get away from KN's strong grip. He dragged me towards the exit door, as luck would have it. I first thought that I'd be using the exit door as an escape, in case I would be attacked.

It was kind of ironic.

"Don't sweat. I won't let you off until we arrive at Willow's office. She continuously pestered my phone, looking for you. It's not funny anymore," KN said with an irritated tone.

"What does she want from me?" I asked him, half-willingly following him around.

"No idea. But one thing I know," he said, stopping for a moment as he eyed me intently, "I don't want to receive her calls. I'm really getting annoyed with her calls."

And with those words, I couldn't help but blurt out, "She likes you?"

KN was surprised with my clever deduction. Being prying for the last few days, I got a bit attentive to other people's reactions and words. But ending his stride of getting caught off guard with Jules Kensey's, aka annoying roommate, sudden spark of intelligence, KN composed his face and said, "Why would she like me?"

"Well, I don't know. But hearing you say that, it sounds like it. Maybe she does," I told him. "And can you loosen up your hand. I'm coming, all right?"

KN let go of me, and pushed something to my chest. "Here's that book. Mrs. Shards handed it to me. Why are people bugging my life just because we share the same room?"

"I don't know," I said again. "But seriously, can't you be the tiniest bit kind enough about it? I mean, it's not like they're asking you to turn over the whole building to find me."

"I did," KN displeasingly responded, before he started walking again. "How the heck would I find you, anyway? And you kept on disappearing from the places I expected you to be."

Oh.

Well, I did have a set of feet, after all. I was in the liberty to make use of them any time I wanted. But I just followed silently behind him, not voicing out what was on my mind. He did look a lot angry. And then, he suddenly turned back, grabbing my phone without warning.

"What are you doing?" I exclaimed, getting it back from him. Why was this phone getting in my way so much?

Pressing a number, I heard his phone ring. "Easier to find you when I know the number to call."

"You don't have to," I argued, grasping it forcibly from him. Securing the phone in my hand, I put it on silent mode, just in case it would ring again.

"Trust me, ever since you'd moved into my room, people found a reason to bother my once peaceful life," KN argued back. The look on his face was fatal. He was all the way discontented with me choosing him over Daniel. But KN had to be the one, or else Daniel would know, too. He was one loud guy who sleepwalked, so I couldn't even imagine giving him any chance to know that I was a girl.

Babe.

It became a silent walk once more. KN was annoyed. No one wanted to speak, either.

When we arrived at Willow's office, KN opened the door and pushed me in. I stumbled my way inside, looking back angrily at him for shoving me carelessly. I could have fallen down on my face with all that forceful pushing.

"Here he is. Please don't call me whenever you want to look for him," KN immediately said, before closing the door behind me, loudly.

Another moment, he was gone. I scanned the office, not finding anyone around. I was about to leave, thinking that he was playing tricks on me again, when I heard a chair move.

"There you are!" Willow emerged from under the table, placing back a pen on her desk. I moved two steps back in surprise, catching my breath. Then I saw her pick something from her files. Walking towards me, she winked and said, "Sorry for calling you here just to hand over this."

Examining the paper closely, I couldn't believe that she had bothered us for this. So my assumptions were correct. "Do you happen to like KN?"

"Is it that obvious? But to answer your question, yes. I do like him," Willow replied.

"Are you sure? I mean... he's a... he's like... he's..." Um, he wasn't friendliest person around. Plus, the rumor that he was a serial killer was way convincing. He was also said to be gay, much lessening the chances of him noticing any part of her.

And why should she be crushing on someone who was way younger than her? Five years, no less than that. Couldn't she just find someone of her own age bracket? Someone who actually liked girls and wasn't going to kill anyone out of nowhere.

Just saying.

"You don't know anything," Willow dismissively told me. She made me feel like KN was a guy anyone should fall for. Who was she kidding? Didn't she know that he wasn't interested in girls? Including her, of course.

Wait, I had to correct that thought.

KN wasn't interested in boys, either. Unless you were his long lost other self, his doppelganger maybe, he wouldn't pay any attention to you. He just wanted all his engrossment to be solely directed to him only. Someone should really explain to me how one person could be this conceited.

"What?" I was astonished.

She shook her head, adjusting her glasses and looking at me as if I was someone who had no idea that the sky was blue. "You don't know a thing. It's not like I could say anything, either. But of course, you don't care about such things anyway. If you're a girl, maybe you will understand the effect he has on us."

What? I was a girl and I didn't feel anything for that guy. My mind and body agreed with that.

Clutching the piece of paper in my hand, I'd finally called it a day, or night. What Willow handed me was actually the research paper that I'd lost a few days ago, which was already recorded, so I didn't bother finding it anymore. She could have thrown it away and it wouldn't matter. Somehow, I could understand KN's anxiousness.

But instead of feeling sorry towards KN, I found myself getting a bit of self-satisfaction. I was finally able to get back at KN for all the crazy things he had done to me. No, I wasn't imagining this or making it up.

To name a few, here's a list:

1. KN completely ruined my alarm clock by throwing it to the wall when I woke up early last Friday. I was in the bathroom when it rang, so yes, it had ended up in shreds.

2. He got my meal the other day from his aunt. He played the concerned roommate card, and yes, he stole it. And the excuse he gave me was that he was extra hungry that morning. How about me? Didn't he know that I was hungry most of the time?

3. And with what had happened to my alarm clock and nobody around kind enough to wake me up, I ended up late for class the following Monday. KN was the reason why I got a broken alarm in the first place. He should be responsible for it. But no, he wasn't in the least bothered.

I definitely felt contentment crawling in my mind. Mwuahahaha!

My phone vibrated. But instead of another call, I got a message from Jayden. He said that the boys had called it a night and that we should just do some last minute finalizing tomorrow instead.

I trod the hall back to the senior floor with a grudge. I got held back because of KN and Willow's ill-fated crush on him. The elevator door opened, and I saw that the dining hall was already being cleaned. Only a few were lingering around, mostly doing something else other than eating. Dinner was over, and I had missed it. My stomach gnarled in agreement.

Heading towards my room, I noticed that the light was on, which meant that KN was already inside. I locked the door when I got in. I placed the sheet of paper and the book on my desk, before climbing up and colliding towards my bed.

Splat.

I hurriedly got up, turning over the covers and seeing a plate of cold noodles in red sauce pressed into my bed. One vein snapped at what my eyes laid on. I heard someone turn off the faucet, and my eyes instantly darted in the direction of the bathroom with utmost displeasure. Not even for a bit would I ever like this guy.

In a moment, KN appeared, a towel draping over his shoulders. He had a white shirt on, as well as his pink floral boxers. Luckily, he had no tendency of coming out of the shower naked, and had sets of underwear that were so gay that I would never even have the slightest feeling of being shaken by his freshly showered gorgeous presence.

A grin traced his face. "Thought you'd be hungry."

I didn't need to fake a wrath. I was all the way furious with what he had done. Clenching my hand into a fist with a handful of spaghetti, I lifted my arm. It was so quick that he didn't even register in his brilliant mind what I was going to do. Making one good throw, a fistful of spaghetti flew in the air, with red sauce dripping down on the wooden floor. And in another second, it landed squarely on his face, the rest of it staining his white shirt.

FINDING FINN JOURNAL NO. 8

Can someone please tell me that it's okay to lose my cool right now? 🍝