Chapter 12

"My SMUT!" Mortem yelled as he gripped the edge of the viewing pool. "How dare that cockroach interrupt my viewing pleasure!"

"You know you really got to ease up on your smut obsession." Fate sighed. "And for the record, Tom Riddle isn't all bad in a decent number of realities. At least the realities where he gets the teaching position."

"He still interrupted my... I mean, Master's alone time!" Mortem rebutted.

Airmid tentatively raised her hand and cleared her throat. "So does this mean I can stop my smut research?"

"You're what now?!" Several sisters questioned simultaneously.

"Uhm... Brother asked me if I could research and develop some tools for... pleasure."

"But you specialize in herbs," Diana frowned. "What..."

"Well," Airmid now blushed. "There's the sex pollen I developed, the male pregnancy potion, well, the ingredients at least. Someone still needs to discover it. Then there's the body switching potion that went awry in world 222967314-Alpha. The slime dungeo-" She was interrupted by Vita whacking her brother upside the head.

"Just what have you been asking your younger sister to develop?" Vita shouted. "Is this the reason Umbridge and Harry Potter switched bodies in that reality?! Do you know how much headache that reality was?!"

"It was an alpha reality also!" Vita continued. "Do you know how much work it was to clean up that body-switching stunt in the Beta realities? Umbridge won in some of them!!"

"So... is this a bad time to mention that one of my slimes escaped my laboratory and probably ended up in one of the realities?" Airmid asked softly, nearly flinching when her older sisters turned to stare at her in horror.

"Andrasta, take Airmid and find that slime!" Fate ordered as she tried to contain her anger. But it wasn't directed at Airmid. It was directed at Mortem. "You!" She shoved her finger nearly into the skeleton's empty eye socket. "How dare you make your sweet, innocent sister research that! NO SMUT FOR YOU THIS REALITY!"

"WHAT?! You can't do that!" Mortem protested.

"OUT! Now! Do not even think of seeing the rest of his reality unless your Master calls." Fate put her foot down. "Do you know how much cleanup we'd have to do if any of what Airmid mentioned ended up in a reality? Either alone or together?!"

"I mean, it would make things very interesting," Mortem confessed.

"Out! Now!" Fate decreed, causing Mortem to slink away, sulking.

Fate turned back to the viewing pool once Mortem sulked back to his office, and Airmid and Andrasta left to retrieve the creature. The other ladies then turned back to the viewing pool as well. The events had progressed to the scene where Harry confronted this version of Riddle. Severus was standing just behind a hooded Harry as the other probably glared at the scene.

Lord Slytherin had faced many versions of Tom Riddle in the last five years. The ambitious Dark Lord. The brooding schoolboy. Even the melodramatic shade who thought hissing was a personality trait.

But this? This was new. "Which Horcrux are you now?" Lord Slytherin asked as he produced his wand from his robes. "I haven't got all the time today. So why don't I just kill you and get this over and done with?"

"Peace, man," Riddle said, flashing a lazy grin while wearing a paisley shirt that looked like it had lost a fight with a tie-dye cauldron. "I'm here to make amends. No hexes, no curses. Just vibes."

Lord Slytherin stared. "You're a Horcrux. You're supposed to be a malignant fragment of a soul, not a... failed Beatle."

Riddle shrugged, beads around his neck clinking. "Yeah, but have you tried not being malignant? It's liberating. I've been journaling. Really helps with the whole 'Horcrux' thing."

Before Slytherin could retort, Lupin, who had been seated stifly in a chair opposite this weird fellow, spoke up, "You know, I could go. Maybe reschedule?" He suggested as he felt the magical tension in the room rise.

"You're Harry's friend, right? You've got that rugged, tortured-werewolf energy. I dig it."

Lupin froze. "Excuse me?"

"Are you flirting with him?" Lord Slytherin growled. He knew Remus Lupin in both realities. While they hadn't had much of a relationship with the other Harry, this Harry could respect the werewolf for trying to better himself and not being Dumbledore's crony.

"Peace, man," Riddle said, raising two fingers in a lazy V-sign. "I'm not here to fight. I've been trying just... not being evil? It's groovy. I've been meditating. Really helps with the whole 'fragmented soul' thing."

He then turned to Lupin, "I mean, you're giving me serious 'moonlit poetry readings' vibes. Have you ever thought about starting a commune? I could help. I've got a cauldron, some incense, and a vision for a better tomorrow."

Lord Slytherin pinched the bridge of his nose. "This is absurd. You're supposed to be a Horcrux. You're supposed to corrupt, destroy, and..."

"Yeah, yeah," Riddle interrupted, waving a hand dismissively. "But honestly? That's exhausting. I'm trying this new thing where I spread love instead of fear. Also, I'm hitting on your friend here. Don't ruin the moment."

Lupin, deadpan: "You're hitting on me?"

Riddle leaned against the wall, attempting what he clearly thought was a sultry pose. "I'm just saying... You and me, full moon, some herbal tea, maybe a little sitar music. Think about it."

Lord Slytherin muttered, "Merlin save me from hippie Horcruxes."

His eyes narrowed then. "You still haven't answered my question. Which Horcrux are you? I already destroyed the diary, the locket, and Nagini in the last five years."

"Oh, I'm the cup. You know, Helga Hufflepuff's cup." This Tom Riddle stated. "You know, you really get this perspective on life when you respawn in a Gringotts vault and have to fight your way out through a dragon."

"Is that why the bank was closed for a week a few months ago?" Lupin blinked as he frowned. "They never close."

"Probably. I did a number on the Goblin guards while trying to escape." Riddle stated lazily. "They were a bit irate when I had to drain one of their own's life force to manifest fully. The escape really gave me a new lease on life."

"You sent spies to my court," Lord Slytherin stated.

"Should I have sent Furbies? Look, I was trying to gauge the political climate. You didn't have to kill them. Peace and Love, man."

"You don't even believe in love." Harry shot back.

"Look, this me is trying." Riddle stated. "I mean, I got your friend's phone number a few minutes ago." Lord Slytherin glared at the werewolf.

"HE.. He was charismatic!" Lupin uttered in his defence. Severus, in turn, said nothing still but did raise his brow at the werewolf's slight blush.

"What I am saying is, I am not here to fight, man. Frankly, you are doing me a favour." Riddle stated. "You're actually accomplishing more than I set out to do."

"How do I know this isn't a trap?"

"You don't, but let's face it. I'm from the 1960s. You probably had to deal with my teenage angsty ass, or well... as I don't know what my future Horcruxes looked like, so I can't actually say. But it had to be bad if you still want to hex me. Look, I was created by the me that started questioning his own doctrine before the pull of Dark magic took over, I guess."

Riddle adjusted his beads. "Look, man, I don't want to conquer the world anymore. I've been thinking... maybe I'll just live a quiet life. Grow herbs, write bad poetry, maybe start a band. You know, something wholesome."

Lord Slytherin blinked. "Wholesome? You drained a goblin of his life."

"Yeah, but that was survival. This is lifestyle," Riddle said, as if that explained everything.

He turned back to Lupin, eyes twinkling. "So, dinner? Just you, me, maybe some lentil stew. I promise not to monologue about immortality. Unless you're into that."

Lupin rubbed his temples. "You've asked me to dinner twice now."

"Persistence is key," Riddle said.

The former Dark Lord then gave a peace sign before heading out. "Catch ya'll later."

Lord Slytherin finally turned to Lupin once Riddle was gone and the doors had closed with a resounding thud. "What in Salazar's name just happened?"

Lupin shrugged, because what else could he do. "I am only here because the Headmaster, James, and Sirius showed up at the werewolf camp."

Lord Slytherin raised a brow, his voice dripping with disdain. "You gave him your number."

Lupin flushed. "He was... charismatic."

"He's a soul fragment with beads!"

"Still more polite than James," Lupin muttered.

Lord Slytherin pinched the bridge of his nose again. "I need a vacation."