Chapter 47

Tahimik lang kaming lahat sa loob ng sasakyan. Walang nagsasalita o baka walang gustong magsalita. Kasi ano pa ba ang pwede naming sabihin na hindi pa namin narinig mula sa pamilya ng mga namatayan?

Nang muling huminto iyong sasakyan ay lumabas kami. Muli ay sinalubong si Vito ng sampal. Wala kaming sinabi kung hindi patawad. Ni hindi ko magawang sabihin sa kanila na hindi ako titigil hanggang hindi ko sila nabibigyan ng hustisya.

I vow to give my everything to this case—I just didn't want the risk of breaking their heart because I knew that this fight will take a long time. Ayoko na ihinto nila iyong buhay nila para dito.

"Tali..." pagtawag sa akin ni Jersey. Nasa labas kami. I just needed to breathe some air. "Kumain ka, please..."

"I'm okay."

Umiling siya. "Hindi ka okay."

Mapait akong napa-ngiti. "I'll be okay. Don't worry about me... Worry about Niko," I told her. Alam ko na mabigat lahat ng dala namin, pero si Niko iyong naka-hanap kay Patricia. He's the one who promised her that everything will be fine... na kailangan niya lang sabihin lahat ng ginawa sa kanya ni Villamontes.

That the money they'll give her would allow her to create a better future for her child—little did she know na hindi na siya kasama sa hinaharap na 'yon.

"So, don't worry about me, Jersey, I'll be fine... once I'm done suing their fucking asses," I told her before I walked back papunta sa loob para muling humingi ng tawad sa pamilya ng mga nawalan.

Nang matapos kami sa lahat ng pupuntahan namin ngayong araw ay ihahatid na dapat nila ako pauwi. I told them to drop me off in front of a bar. I just needed a drink—or maybe two. Alam ko na kahit anong pagod ang meron ako ay hindi iyon sapat para maka-tulog ako.

I gave them a small nod nang huminto iyong sasakyan. Back in law school, kilala ko lang sila Vito sa pangalan. I'd see them here and there, but we were never really that close... Who would've fucking thought that a tragedy like this would trauma bond us for life?

I walked in and sat by the bar. I ordered a whole bottle of whiskey. Sa lagay ng mga pangyayari, pakiramdam ko ay lagi akong nandito. Might as well buy a fucking bottle.

Naglabas ako ng notebook at ballpen mula sa bag ko. I began listing down the things that I needed to do. A criminal and civil case has already been filed, but I needed to get more evidence tungkol sa kung sino ang may kasalanan. I couldn't just go to court and accuse that motherfucking family of orchestrating a whole massacre para lang pagtakpan lahat ng baho ng anak nila.

And I should file an administrative complaint with the Supreme Court. It physically pains me whenever I'd read Atty attached to that rapist's name. Wala akong pakielam kung patay na siya. Wala akong pakielam kung magiging landmark case 'tong petition ko na ipa-disbar siya kahit patay na siya.

That whole family would do anything para pagtakpan iyong anak nila... so, why the hell shouldn't I do the same? I'd create a landmark case myself na tipong kahit mga apo nila ay mababasa lahat ng kagaguhan ni Arthur Villamontes.

I was quietly minding my own business, trying enjoy the company of the alcohol and my miserable self, nang may maramdaman akong naupo sa tabi ko.

I drew a deep breath as I grabbed my phone.

"Hey, sorry for calling so late," sabi ko nung sagutin ni Alisha iyong tawag ko. Ni hindi ko kailangang tignan kung sino iyong nasa tabi ko. At this point, ni hindi ko na rin kailangang alamin kung paano niya nalaman na nandito ako. Sinabi ba nila Jersey? Pinapa-sundan niya ba ako?

Who fucking cares?

"Can you ask for a favor sa uncle mo? Kung pwedeng tulungan ako magfile ng restraining order," I told her. "Yes. Thank you."

Nang matapos iyong tawag ay itinago ko na ulit iyong cellphone ko. Pinatago ko iyong bote sa may bartender dahil babalik pa naman ako dito saka halos hindi ko naubos iyong laman non. I quietly got up from my seat at naglakad palabas. Naka-tayo lang ako sa isang gilid at magbbook na sana ako ng sasakyan dahil hindi ko na kayang maglakad pauwi.

"I'll drive you home."

I was about to book a ride nang biglang kunin niya sa akin iyong cellphone ko. I had no energy left to argue with him—nor the desire to. I couldn't even look at him.

Hindi ko kinuha pabalik iyong cellphone ko at naglakad na lang ako papunta sa direksyon ng condo ko. I could feel him following me. I just let him. It's not like I could stop him—and it's not like he'd listen to me.

Pagdating namin sa may condo ko ay lumapit ako sa may receptionist.

"Hi," I said. "What's the process to have someone banned from entering the building?" I asked. Agad siyang napa-tingin sa likuran ko. She probably thought that we're some couple in the middle of an argument. I had no energy to correct her. I just stared at her until she felt uncomfortable enough to actually answer my question.

"Thank you," sabi ko pagkatapos niya akong sagutin. Dumiretso ako sa elevator. Pagpasok ko roon ay naghintay ako na pumasok din siya. Tumayo lang siya sa harapan ko at hindi pumasok sa loob. I forced myself to look at him nang iabot niya iyong cellphone ko. I grabbed it back and stared at him until the door closed.

* * *

I barely noticed the days rolled in sa dami ng ginagawa ko. I had to render a leave of absence sa trabaho ko talaga. Natapos na kami nila Vito na puntahan lahat nung pamilya. I told him about the civil case, but we both knew that it would take years and even then, whatever amount the Court would grant would never be enough. He told me that he'd get the money from his trust fund. I offered to help. I also felt responsible—na kung talagang nilaban ko lang iyong kaso dati ay hindi na kami aabot sa ganito...

Vito told me to just focus on the criminal case and that's exactly what I'll do kahit na sinasabihan ako ng pamilya ko at lahat ata ng tao sa paligid ko na magdahan-dahan dahil kung kaya nilang gawin iyon sa ganong karaming tao na sabay-sabay, ano ang pumipigil sa kanila na patahimikin ako?

"Hey..."

Alisha looked at me with a worried look on her face. I just smiled at her. Maybe she'd point out the fact na pumayat ako. It wasn't even surprising given the fact that I barely eat. Wala lang talaga akong gana.

"Tali, babe, I'm worried about you."

"I'm fine—"

"No, you're not," sabi niya sa 'kin. Naupo siya sa lamesa sa harapan ko. She was adamant na magkita kami ngayon. "Look, I get where you're coming from. You're guilty sa mga nangyari. I understand... but it's not your fault. Why do you beat up yourself so much about things you have no control over?"

Hindi ako nagsalita. Hindi naman 'to 'yung unang beses na narinig ko 'yung sinasabi niya. Litanya na ata 'yan ng pamilya ko.

"I think what happened to Assia and to the other girls are horrible... but it's not your fight—"

"Please stop," I told her bago pa kung ano ang masabi niya.

She looked at me, reached for my hands, and held them. "My uncle told me that you've been snooping around... He told me that those people will not hesitate to silence you—"

Agad na napa-kunot ang noo ko. "What?"

"Please, Tali, stop na, okay? Assia's already out... Vito already took care of the family nung mga namatayan... You can stop and rest now. Tama na. Nag-aalala na talaga ako."

Ni hindi ko narinig iyong sinabi ni Alisha dahil napako iyong isip ko sinabi niya. I've been snooping around? About what, exactly? And where? I was still deciding kung paano ang gagawin ko. I knew that I had to be smart about this dahil kapag nagfile ako ngayon at hindi ko naayos, magkakaroon ng double jeopardy. Ayokong magpadalos-dalos, so I decided na kahit gusto ko na agad ng hustisya, I had to be smart about this.

Para lang matapos na iyong usapan, sinabi ko kay Alisha kung ano ang gusto niyang marinig. Bago ako umuwi ay dumaan ako sa therapist ko. I needed a new prescription for my medicine. Hindi ako makaka-tulog kapag wala 'yon. Alcohol's not cutting it for me anymore.

Dumiretso na ako pauwi. Malayo pa lang ay may nakita na naman akong pamilyar na mukha. Agad akong huminto sa paglalakad. He really just couldn't leave me alone, could he?

"You're violating the restraining order," sabi ko habang naglalakad siya palapit sa akin.

"I know," sabi niya habang palapit pa rin nang palapit. We're in broad daylight. There were CCTVs everywhere. I would report him sa ginawa niyang 'to.

"Please stop—"

"I have to give this personally," sabi niya at saka may inabot sa aking flash drive. Tumingin ako roon bago ko binalik ang tingin ko sa kanya.

He still looked like Lui... but somehow, different... very different.

"What's that?"

"What you need," he said. Bahagyang napa-kunot ang noo ko, pero inabot ko iyon. Pero hindi niya agad binitawan. "Is this really what you want?" he asked.

"What I want doesn't matter—"

"Forgive me, but I really don't give a shit about what other people want. I'm asking you if this is what you want."

I stared at him.

"Yes."

Hinigpitan ko iyong pagkaka-hawak ko roon.

"This is what I want," I told him. "I want this bad enough that I feel as though I'll die kapag hindi ko nakuha iyong gusto ko," I continued as I felt my chest tightening once again as I remembered how some people could just get away with everything unscathed.

It angers me.

It makes me burn.

"Okay," he said as he loosened his hold and I finally got the flash drive.

Pina-nood ko habang naglalakad siya paalis. Umakyat ako sa condo ko. Agad kong tinignan kung ano iyong laman nung binigay niya sa akin. Agad na nanlaki iyong mga mata ko nang makita ko lahat ng folder na nandon—maraming pamilyar na pangalan—pangalan ng mga sikat na politiko pati pangalan ng mga kakilala namin.

My heart began to race.

And then I remembered what Alisha told me—about someone asking around.

Si Lui ba 'yon?

Was he the one who did this?

I had a lot of questions swarming in my brain until I saw a folder named Valladares.

Hindi ko alam kung gaano ako katagal na naka-tingin doon dahil hindi ko magawang tignan kung ano ang laman non.

Instead, I grabbed my phone and dialed his number. Kahit ata ilang beses kong burahin iyon ay kabisado ng utak ko ang bawat numero.

"Are you sure about this?" I asked nang sagutin niya iyong tawag na para bang alam niya na tatawagan ko siya. "This is your family."

"Yes," he replied. "It's not like I can cover them up when they're right in the middle of it all," dugtong niya.

Then there was silence between us.

"Tali," he called. Hindi ako nagsalita. "Do me a favor. Please don't get yourself killed."

**

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