Chapter 46

"I didn't do anything!"

Hindi ako maka-hinga.

Pasikip nang pasikip iyong dibdib ko.

My hands were trembling as I began to unbuckle the seatbelt. I needed to leave. I couldn't breathe. Nanlalamig iyong buong pagkatao ko habang patuloy kong naririnig iyong balita tungkol sa nangyaring pananambang. Ni hindi nila kailangang bigyan ng pangalan para malaman ko kung kaninong sasakyan iyong tinutukoy nila.

I knew this would happen.

Dahil kung kaya nilang bilhin iyong mga judge at prosecutor noon, sino ba ang nagsasabi na hindi nila kayang pumatay ng witness? But I thought wrong. Masyado akong umasa na dahil nandyan sila Vito—

I flinched as Lui tried to hold me to calm me down.

"My god, Lui! Kaibigan mo sila Vito!" I shouted as realization dawned on me na kasama sa sasakyan na 'yon sila Niko at Vito. Mas nanlaki ang mga mata ko nang mapagtanto ko iyong dahilan kung bakit pinuntahan niya ako sa unit... kung bakit may kakaiba akong pakiramdam kanina... na para bang pinipigilan niya ako na pumunta doon.

Para akong binuhusan ng malamig na tubig.

"You knew... that this... would happen."

Agad siyang umiling. "I didn't—"

"Don't touch me!" I said as he tried to reach me once again. Nanginginig ang kamay na muli kong sinubukang tawagan sila Niko. Pasikip nang pasikip ang dibdib ko sa bawat segundo na hindi nila sinasagot iyong tawag ko.

Oh, god.

Why did this keep on happening?!

Dahil lang sa isang tao?!

Gagawin nilang lahat 'to para lang pagtakpan lahat ng kababuyan ni Villamontes?!

I got out of the car. Wala akong pakielam kung magmukha akong tanga o baliw dahil bigla akong lumabas sa sasakyan habang nasa gitna kami ng kalsada. A traffic enforcement tried to reprimand me. I showed him my IBP ID. I hated people who use their privilege to get away with things, but I didn't need anyone getting in my way now.

Agad akong pumara ng sasakyan.

"San po tayo, Ma'am?"

Hindi ako maka-sagot.

Saan ako pupunta?

Sa korte?

Kina Assia?

Kay Jersey?

Sa morgue—

Muli akong huminga nang malalim. I needed to get it together. I didn't have the luxury of breaking down.

I told the driver to bring me to the court. Habang nasa sasakyan ako ay panay ang pagtawag ko sa numero nila Vito. They're not dead until I see their lifeless bodies with my own eyes. Until then, walang patay. I refuse to even entertain the possibility dahil hindi ko alam kung paano ako aahon kapag nalaman ko na lahat sila ay wala na.

Agad na nanlaki ang mga mata ko nang sagutin ni Niko iyong tawag ko.

"Niko?" I said. I needed to hear his voice. I needed him to confirm to me that he's alive.

"Y-yeah. I'm s-sorry. I saw your calls—"

"Nasan ka? Nasan kayo? Kasama mo ba sila Vito?"

Sinabi sa akin ni Niko iyong nangyari. Na dapat ay sasabay siya sa sasakyan kasama sina Patricia, pero tinawagan siya ng nanay niya at natagalan sila sa pag-uusap kaya hindi sila naka-sakay doon.

I wanted to tell him about Lui—kung paanong pinigilan niya rin ako na maka-punta roon, but I decided against it. I needed to focus on the things I could control because I couldn't fall apart—not right now.

Halos sabay kaming nakarating nila Vito roon. Gusto kong takbuhin iyong daan papunta sa kanila, pero agad akong natigilan nang makita ko iyong itsura nila. They didn't even need words to describe the horrors that just transpired. I hated that they looked guilty kahit hindi naman sila ang may kasalanan sa mga nangyari.

I hated that we all had to carry the burden of the things that those fuckers did.

Nakaka-pagod.

"I think they're dead," sabi ni Vito. His eyes were blank. It was like he was still in denial. "They're dead... right?" tanong niya habang naka-tingin kay Niko na hindi nagsasalita.

I drew another deep breath.

We can't all fall apart.

"Listen," I said as I grabbed him by his arms. "We'll get them for this, I promise you," I continued. "But Assia's still inside. We have to go inside. There's still a case—"

"We have no witness—"

"I have the judicial affidavit. I also got a video copy of Patricia's—" agad na parang may bara sa lalamunan ko nang banggitin ko iyong pangalan niya. Huminga ako nang malalim. I couldn't cry. I needed to be strong. They're not winning. "There's still a case, Vito. I will go inside and ask to re-schedule. It'll be fine," I lied because how can everything be fine?

How?

Hindi ko alam kung ilang malalim na paghinga ang nagawa ko. All I knew was while inside, while I was talking to Assia and the judge, I had to pretend that everything's fine... that everything's still under control... kasi kung hindi, paano?

Ganon na lang 'yon?

Pinatay nila iyong witness?

Tapos na?

No.

Fucking hell.

"Tali."

Sabay kaming napa-tingin nila Vito kay Lui. He didn't even look relieved nor surprised to see his friends alive! He's been in this all along and I couldn't even begin to think kung ano ang sinasabi niya sa sarili niya para maisip niya na okay lang lahat ng ginagawa niya—o iyong hindi niya ginawa!

"I don't have time for this," I told him as I walked inside the court. Wala akong panahon para pakinggan iyong paliwanag niya o kung anumang kasinungalingan ang lalabas sa bibig niya.

Sabay kaming naglakad ni Vito. Halos takbuhin niya si Assia nang makita niya 'to. I saw relief flood her face nang makita niya kami. She kept on asking about what happened. Pareho kaming walang masagot dahil kahit kami ay hindi pa rin alam kung ano ang nangyari.

"Tali—"

Mabilis akong umiling. I knew what she wanted to tell me, but I didn't want to hear it. Not right now. I just wanted to relish the anger that I was feeling. I needed this fire to keep on burning. "I'm so—" Muli akong natigilan. Pilit akong huminga nang malalim. My lips were quivering as I struggled to breathe. "I'll talk t-to the j-judge for re-sched... I won't let them get away with this. Fuck. Tangina. Fucking devils."

Assia looked at me like she just wanted everything to end.

I wanted that, too.

Pero alam ko na kung titigil kami ngayon, mangyayari lang 'to nang paulit-ulit. Gaya nung dati. Kaya hindi na ako papayag. Hindi ako titigil hanggang hindi sila tumitigil.

"I'll get you out of here, you hear me? I'll get you out of here, Assia. I fucking mean it," I promised her.

Agad ko silang iniwang dalawa. I went to the Judge's chamber. Akala ko ay kailangan ko pang magpaliwanag, pero masyadong malaking balita iyong nangyari kaya mabilis na napagbigyan iyong motion ko.

"Thank you, Judge," sabi ko dahil kailangan ko ng kahit isang panalo ngayong araw. I just needed at least one thing to go right today.

"Are you okay, Atty. Hernaez?" tanong niya sa akin kaya nabigla ako. I must've looked like hell para tanungin niya ako ng ganon.

"No," I honestly replied. "But I will be back with more cases."

Nang lumabas ako ay agad kong nakita si Lui na naghihintay sa akin. I quickly saw the cut on the side of his lips. Did Niko do that to him? Did he finally come clean sa lahat ng ginawa niya?

"Don't fucking even," I told him when he began to approach me.

He did a lot of things.

I justified a lot of those things.

This was the fucking line.

"I didn't do anything!" sabi niya habang patuloy siyang sinusundan ako. I kept on looking everywhere for a sign of a fucking taxi or honestly anything that could get me far away from him.

"I didn't know that they'll do that, Tali!"

I refused to listen to his words when I felt him grabbing me by my shoulder.

"Don't fucking touch me!"

Humigpit lang ang paghawak niya sa balikat ko. He was looking at me like he wouldn't let me go unless I listen to him. "I didn't know that they'll do that," pag-uulit niya. "You have to believe me—"

"Why would I believe you?!"

"Because I'm not a fucking devil, Tali! Did you honestly think that I'd agree to a plan to kill dozens of people para lang pagtakpan ang isang tao?"

"You tell me!"

Agad siyang napa-tingin sa gilid ko. A group of reporters were approaching. Mabilis na hinawakan ni Lui iyong kamay ko at hinatak ako papunta sa sasakyan niya. I wanted to make a scene just to get away from him, but a part of my mind was telling me to maintain my composure. I couldn't lose it in front of the press. I would look like a fucking lunatic and I couldn't have that now—not when I was already planning all the fucking cases that I'll be filing against that devil of a family.

I bit my tongue hanggang sa maramdaman ko iyong pagdudugo niyon. Lui pulled over in front of a vacant lot. Agad akong lumabas. I was so angry that tears just kept on falling from my eyes.

"Tali—"

"God, please stop calling my name!" sigaw ko sa kanya. "This time, I mean it, leave me alone!"

Mabilis akong naglakad palayo pero kung gaano kabilis ang hakbang ko ay ganoon din niya ako kabilis na nahabol. He held my wrist and refused to let me go kahit anong pagpupumiglas ang gawin ko.

"I didn't know!" paulit-ulit na sabi niya. "Do you honestly think they'd tell me anything?! They know that Vito's my friend and you're—" He paused. I saw tears pooling in his eyes. I refused to believe anything he does or say.

He's a fucking liar.

He's a manipulative asshole.

He's beyond saving.

"Tali... please..." he said, his voice breaking. "Hindi ko alam..."

Hindi ako nagsalita.

"Hindi ako pumunta kanina dahil alam ko na mangyayari 'yon. Something just felt... wrong."

Tears began to fall.

Pati pala demonyo ay kayang umiyak.

"I just felt it in my gut. That's why I went that morning. That's why I offered to drive you. Dahil kung may mangyayari, gusto ko na kasama mo ko—"

I looked at him and looked at his hand that was holding me hostage.

"Bitaw."

Mabilis siyang umiling. "No."

Sinubukan kong bawiin iyong kamay ko, pero mas lalo lang humigpit iyong hawak niya sa akin. "Why won't you leave me alone?!"

"Tali, these people—"

"Are fucking devils! And you protecting them makes you one, too!"

Kitang-kita ko iyong lalim ng paghinga niya. "I'm not protecting them—"

"You're doing nothing and that's the same!"

"What do you expect me to do?!"

"Oh, my god, Lui!" sigaw ko dahil hindi ako makapaniwala na sa lahat ng tao ay sa kanya pa ako nagka-gusto. I literally just saw Vito who was willing to throw everything for Assia and even Niko at Sancho who'd do the same for her kahit kaibigan lang nila si Assia.

And then there's Lui.

Who would let everyone burn just so he can have the world.

"At this point? Nothing but leave me the fuck alone!"

**

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