By: rosesinsummer
Dear—

Screw it. Things are so crazy right now, I can't even muster up enough brain cells to start this imaginary diary entry.

"Banana?!" I exclaim. I could hardly believe that Banana, someone who cried at videos of puppies sleeping, was capable of supporting someone so despicable.

The sound of an alarm clock beeps, ripping through the conversation.

"It's 12AM." Lester announces, clicking off his wristwatch, a smirk lying on his egg-shaped face. "The seventh day of Freak Week has begun. Which means there's less than 24 hours before Freak Week becomes Freak Forever." He laughs a cackle that sounds like he's coughing up a hairball.

A clump of honey hits Lester right in the eye interrupting his villainous laughing. He stumbles backward--then looks up, angrier than ever.

"Why'd you do that?" I ask Mr. Kevin.

"I just wanted to feel included." Mr. Kevin admits.

Rain clouds suddenly pour into the auditorium. A crackle of thunder sounds and a storm begins; Shih Tzus  from the clouds like rain.

"Again?" I shield myself from the adorably lethal falling puppies.

"Awww!" Marmie exclaims. She picks up one of them and cradles it like a baby. "I'm gonna name you salt&pepper, which coincidentally is the name of my mixtape."

"Lester, enough! The satellites were meant to stop freak week, not cause it!" Crush shouts.

Lester laughs once more, "It's too late now, Bob."

Crush turns beet red. "When will you stop calling me that? I changed my name for a reason..." He mumbles.

I turn to him. "Wait, what? Your name's Bob?"

"It WAS Bob." Crush corrects. "I changed it, because who wants to say their name is 'Billy Bob Johnson'. It's so generic--"

Before he could say anymore, the sound of a light piano tune plays as a grand piano falls from the sky and slams down behind him. Its keys scatter across the floor in an explosion of white and black.

I jump to the conclusion. "Freak week...It's repeating?"

A percussion instrument falls and a hip-hop beat starts to play. "Aw man, this is my jam." Marmie says, getting into it a little too much.

Jim shouts, "Catf--I mean, Lester! You didn't calculate correctly! If you don't stop--"

"I calculated everything perfectly. Maybe your brains just not big enough to comprehend it." Lester mocks, "Face it, Ketchupenthusiast29, you were used."

I look to my brother,  expecting him to have some smart-alecky response. But instead he just looks--sad. Anger boils inside of me. I want to go into total overprotective Lace-Bear mode, and slap the smirk right off Loudmouth's rat face. But before I get the chance to, my mouth opens up and I shoot out:

"Listen up you little punk, you mess with my brother, you're gonna get slam dunk'd!"

I freeze. I had just spoken in perfect rhyme and rhythm with the beat. What the Shihtzu?

Marmie jumps up, her eyes brimming with excitement like she's been titled ambassador of Donkey Cheese Corps. "I know what we gotta do, y'all! A rap battle!" The beat gets louder, like the universe is agreeing with her.

"Rap battle--?" Crush's face was paling.

Banana nods, "Rap is the music of channeling emotions."

"Who'll be the judge?" Jim asks.

Mr. Kevin steps forward. "I suppose I will."

Marmie raises an eyebrow, "Uhh, no offense, but--"

Mr. Kevin raises his hand. "I saw the birthing of hip-hop. I know a fair amount about the genre. I may have even won a few rap-battles myself." He tilts up his glasses proudly. The unwelcome image of Mr. Kevin in his checkered sweater and high-waisted khakis spitting out raps pops into my brain.

Crush interrupts, "Hold up, I can't --"

But it was too late. The beat picks up, and I can feel it racing through my veins. Lester takes a step forward, and the battle is on.

Lester:

My plan's already in place, there's nothing to compete

You can't slow my pace, so stop this silly beat

Crush:

L-listen up older brother,

Stop this or I'll call our mother

We don't have to fight one another

Destroy the satellite and let's be t-to-gether

Mr. Kevin remarks from beside me, "Hm. Together was a rough rhyme, but I'll let it pass." Was he seriously critiquing this?

Lester:

You think you can beat me?

Your brain is measly,  you're beneath me,

and your hair looks like a blueberry.

Crush:

My hair may be blue,

but it's got more style than you.

Marmie:

OOOHHHH

Snap, that rap was blazing.

Wait is the ground shaking?

Harry:

Oh god, here it comes. Truth-quake confession number one.

Yo, Marmie, I think you're really hot. I'd be lying if I said I didn't like you a lot.

I'm sorry I act like a jerk, I just don't understand how feelings  work

I gotta come clean, I like to dance and sing,

And I can't stop thinking about you and me

Also, I punch nerds, cause I'm insecure

Word.

Marmie:

Woah, dude.

Harry:

Sorry, was that rude?

Marmie:

Those raps were sicker than my aunt after a few holiday liquors.

The ground shakes some more.

Mr. Kevin:

Confession number two, I don't hate my wife

I still love her, she's the light of my life

She's like an angel from heaven--

Banana:

I'm sorry about that Mr. Kevin.

Maybe you should talk it out?

Mr. Kevin:

It wouldn't do any good, she just likes to shout.

But I gotta admit, this beat is pretty sick.

Lester:

Ugh, that's it!

Can we please cut this...crap?

Our feet float off the ground, and we soar. No gravity. I bang my head into the auditorium balcony. Lester's rap changes.

Lester:

I'm the older brother and you always took my spotlight,

This evil plan was to save me from the forgotten brother trite

But of course you won't surrender.

You can't stand having another attention contender

Crush:

Is that how you think? Are you really that daft?

Go back to the shrink. It's never been like that.

I picked up science so I could be more like you,

I wanted to make you proud, and do what you do

Cause I thought and still think you're pretty cool...woo?

Lester:

Oh...

Banana:

Yes! This is all I wanted, don't you see?

Unity!

Lace, Marmie, I'm sorry

Will you forgive me?

Lace:

Banana, your plan was really lame,

This was life or death, not some game

I'm upset, this could have been the end

But I'll forgive you, because I love you and you're my best friend.

Marmie:

I forgive you too, my home dog and slice of bread.

Can we leave now? All this science is messing with my head.

Banana:

Word.

We all tumble to the ground, which has conveniently turned into pillows of marshmallow. There's a moment of silence. And then--the floor cracks open. Waves of items pour out of the cracks like geysers. Instruments, candy---was that...a unicorn?  All were coming out of from the pits of Earth like it was projectile vomiting after eating an all-you-can-eat buffet at an oddity shop.

The beat continues.

Lester:

I can't believe we still have to keep rapping,

But what's all this that's happening?

Jim:

I told you your calculations were wrong,

The earth can't handle all this, it's not that strong

The spontaneity is too much you see,

The satellites will overheat

Earths molecules will break down,

So that it can return to normality

Our own will be rearranged

Or deleted or completely changed

Perhaps this is not what you wished?

Maybe it's your brain that's the small one, Catfish.

Crush:

The WORLDS gonna end?

Marmie:

Dang, I gotta lotta sins to repent.

Can we delay the time?

Lace:

This is so not fine!

Jim:

The only way to stop the world from being gone

Is to self-destruct the satellites through the backlog, if I'm not wrong

Except that'd take the person with it--

Crush:

We're running out of time. I'll do it.

Everyone:

What?

Lace:

You're nuts!

You can't go,

You'll explode.

Crush:

I'll be fine.

...I lied, I'll die.

But I made the [awkwardly] satel-ligh-tes

Mr. Kevin:

You really cannot rap.

Crush:

I know.

Lester:

Hold, I'll go.

Everyone:

Woah.

Lester:

It's my fault the world is going this way

I got what I wanted, so I'll go, and you stay.

Just remember me as your brother

Not as the mad scientist Lester, or catfishlover

Two more geysers spring up.

Lester:

I guess I gotta go.

See you, lil bro.

Crush:

No!

But he had already rushed offstage. A geyser emits a stream of ukuleles behind him, blocking any attempts to follow him.

Wow. Things had gotten REAL real fast. Strangely, I feel a desire to hug my brother, but given the situation, I hold back.

Jim says, "He might be okay. I mean, if my calculations are right, there's a .09% chance he could survive."

"Thanks." Crush says flatly. "That makes me feel better."

"Talk about dramatic." Harry mumbles from beside me.

Jim looks at his wristwatch. "He has less than a minute, I presume, before..."

I feel it. My molecules begin to shift. The room is turning blurry and my limbs can't move. It feels like I'm liquefying.

Death by spontaneous combustion. Huh. Not exactly how I wanted to go, but at least it sounds cool.

The sound of an explosion suddenly bursts through the room and pops my ears. My body feels back to normal, and the geysers have stopped, taking the items with them.

A calm lull rests over the auditorium.

Freak week is over.