The needle stabs into the cloth.

The cabin is so quiet and empty without Frayler or Everett. I have become so accustomed to Everett's lively nature and Frayler's hyper energy always bouncing around. Frayler came about a moon cycle ago because she was held up with a case at the Axinla pack. Today Frayler went to visit the healers and to get some more food from the kitchen. Whereas Everett is with Litae and Iket. Slowly he has been spending more and more time away from me. He always comes back for dinner and to sleep, but now more often than not Iket will pick him up after breakfast and Litae drops him off at night.

Nothing seems to quell the sorrow that is heavy in my heart. The itch underneath my skin is more present with each passing day. Lily has started to notice it more as well and no matter how many times I shift it never goes away.

The Moon feels like she is taunting me, laughing at what I've done to get here. Her glow shines through the kitchen window casting a pool of light on the floor. The fire crackles in the silent night, the candles illuminating the entire room in a warm incandescence.

I look down, a spot of red is seeping into the new cloak. My pricked finger is already healed as if nothing happened—but something did happen, it was healed completely.

My head bangs against the table as I fall forwards. Everything feels like it's splitting in two. I claw at my skull, but the pressure remains. Groaning, I can hear the thud as I slip off the bench. I don't feel it, only the consuming flames that rage beneath my skin and blaze through my bones.

Every thought is engulfed with the fiery agony.

Falling into an abyss of cold, the bone-rattling ache stiffens my body. Floating through consciousness is a familiar feeling, such lightness yet such hurt.

A she-wolf appears in the darkness and right in front of me, her fur melts away, smoothing over into skin. For all fours, to a crouching position, to standing, a young girl transforms. She's so pale, even against the white glow that surrounds her. Her eyes glimmer a deep green, twinkling in the shadows.

Promising something.

She starts to bleed; standing in a puddle of her own blood. Small wounds that I could have sworn weren't there before appear all over her as she screams in silence pain. The salty tears mix with the metallic blood fills my nostrils, blocking out any other scent. The staff in her hand is large compared to her and she leans on it heavily.

I want to go over, but I'm rooted to the spot. I can not interfere in visions or in the future. Meddling has costs, costs that are too high to pay. I would know.

The female collapses into her own blood, the white glow gaining a pink hue.

Everything seems to crumble. My muscles aren't locked and I reach out, but my hands are met with nothing. Holding them up they are dripping in blood, the thick substance sticking to each finger.

Jolting upright, biting back a curse as I hit my head on the underside of the table. I feel sore, like I've just spent a day in the rain, and went to sleep soaked. Standing up, my hands still feel heavy, except nothing's there. Nothing is there, nothing—well nothing visible at least.

Forever stained and forever red, never gone and never shed.

I want to scream. I want to yell. I want to unleash my anger unto the moon. My soul is heavy, Lily is sad, my dreams are never going to be found. Even my name sentences me to doom. Redaliya, a variation on raeliya. A plant with lovely purple petals and a yellow center. The dark berries that grow upon these stems, are just as deadly as every other part of the plant.

I am tired. If everything could just stop for a little while then maybe I could find some peace. But the oceans will always flow, the moon will always rise, and we will keep on living.

For now.

Picking up the cloak, I turn the cloth over in my fingertips. Tossing it into the empty basin. I'll have to wash it later. The thin needle is placed back into a jar with threads and I straighten the room up.

Going into the bedroom I lie down. Hopefully, the pounding in my head will dim by the time I awaken. Pulling the covers around me, I cocoon myself away from the world. Encasing myself in a temporary serenity.

***

"Frayler! Where are we going?" Hurriedly I grab my cloak, wrapping it around my shoulders as Frayler drags me outside. I don't bother to lock the cabin, as we head out.

"They are holding a defence session for everyone. The pack holds one every moon cycle or so and since you haven't gone to any of them, I'm taking it upon myself to get you there!" Frayler laughs as she breaks into a jog, making me sprint after her.

The light is lower in the sky, but my eyes still feel sensitive. The throbbing died down when I woke up, but now the brightness of the sun and even the white snow is harsh. I resist the urge to squint as I follow Frayler. We make our way into the heart of the pack, I check on the mindlink. The joy radiating from it has me calm, Everett is okay. He knows if there is anything he can just link me. I block the link again, the happiness almost too much to bear.

Frayler has time and time again tried to get me to these sessions. Yet it still astonishes me that females and males both go. An old wish nudges at my mind, buried beneath moon cycles of repetitive dismissal. It's not that I wanted to forget it, but the fact that I was taught to forget it.

Walking into the room, it is surprisingly well lit. The whole building is a giant circle and lanterns line the wall, a few hanging from the ceiling by long strands of rope.

Our footsteps cause people to turn, looking up. A growl ripples through me at the sudden attention. Forcing it down, I scowl, my previous melancholy state turning to annoyance.

"It's rude to state," I state quietly, knowing very well they can all hear. They all look down, suddenly very aware of the lovely floor and the specks of interesting dirt.

"Red." Frayler pulls me over to the edge of the group near the wall. "Play nice!"

"What do you think I'm doing?" I shift from foot to foot suppressing the urge to flash my teeth. Unease descended upon me, but I can't seem to place it. Wringing my hands together I try and figure it out. The pack members seem to be calm and the building looks stable. Everett is happy and Lily feels okay, but I can't shake the feeling.

"Come! It's sparring today. They do a sparring session every three moon cycles after there have been a few lessons." Frayler chirps happily, skipping along to a marked area. The circle is etched into the wood. "Shifters are required to stay in the circle, but it's a rough outline." This must not be her first time doing this. She probably did these kinds of things in the Axinla pack, it makes sense for they are a large pack to be untrained would be detrimental. "Do you want to have a match?"

"No. I'll watch." My fighting experience is limited and besides that, I had to say no. Rubbing my forearm I watch as Frayler partners up with another shifter. The male looks to be a bit younger than her but his overconfidence was sky-high. If I didn't know any better I'd think he was a bird, looking down on everyone. A bird that's going to get eaten by another sooner or later.

"Luna Redaliya will intermediary for our match. How do you challenge me?" Frayler looks in my direction, her eyes shining with excitement.

"I will?" She nods encouragingly and explains what I have to do. Simply tell them to start and call the end.

"Challenge two." The male steps inside the circle along with Frayler. They both nod a sign of respect, and wait for me to start the match. The challenge is to first blood, meaning the first shifter to draw blood is the winner. The moment the scent hits the air both challengers will freeze, or they should freeze. Some shifters play dirty, but those that cheat in a challenge two match and continue to fight aren't ones you want to be around. A challenge to the death or a challenge to submission are the others.

There really is no point in me being here. It's easy enough to find out who drew the winning hit. Clapping my hands together, I cut through the noise of other matches playing out. "Begin."

Frayler steps to the side as the male rushes in. He tries to kick her side as she passes but she is already dancing behind him. In one swift movement, Frayer goes to punch his shoulder. "Don't underestimate me, I may be female, but I've been trained by my pack."

The words ring.

"Don't underestimate me! Please let me join!" I had pleaded to join Seliek when father was teaching him to fight. "I know I'm female and it's not customary but—"

"Know your place then," he snarled, pointing to the house. Nya'dein and mother had gone to the trade for some more herbs and fabrics. Whimpering I looked to Seliek in hopes of an ally. I had my wolf, and Seliek was still a shiftless! It's not fair. I wanted to stomp my foot, but instead, I threw my head back with a determined look.

"But—"

"Come here." His voice was cold. Void of emotions and his eyes showed just how he locked his wolf away. His gaze was demanding, and so I went despite my own wolf's protests. All I wanted to do was shrink away, sliding back into the shadows, but it was too late.

"Y-yes." I scurried to stand in front of him as Seliek watched with side-eyes. My eyes cast down, he took hold of my wrist, and squeezed. Flinching, my heart raced wishing it wasn't what I thought it was.

I know what's going to happen. I know what's coming, but the memory won't stop.

He turned my arm over to expose the delicate flesh. I tried to pull my hand away and his grip only tightened. He didn't hesitate in bringing his claws down. Not giving me enough time to register the pain he did the same thing to my other forearm.

I cradled my arms closer, tears streaming down my face. My eyes meet my brother's for a split second before he looks away. I could feel Lily healing us, but it didn't hurt any less.

"Go! And do not think of approaching us again with your foolish ideas."

A shiver runs through me as I force my mind back into the present. Forcing my mind to watch Frayler, pushing the thoughts away. Frayler grips onto the male's arm, using the other hand to prick him. The metallic scent floats into the air as a drop of blood falls from the wound.

Wiping my head around, I struggle to keep my composure. Frayler and the male exchange words, but I pay little mind to them. Heading straight to the door, I walk past many of the ongoing challenges.

Once outside I take a deep breath. It's not right. Females and males are both training... together nonetheless. I don't understand it. I know it should be okay, but it's not. My mind swims as I try and grasp the concept. Theoretically, I know she-wolves have ever right to be able to defend themselves, they should learn these tactics. Yet, everything that's been ingrained within me screams it's not right.

Covering my face with my hands, tears drip down. The chilly wind calms my aching head, but it does nothing for the burning conflict. How can I forget everything I've been taught? How can I just let everything go, when it seems like it's all I have left?

I don't know how to deal with it.

"Are you okay?" I feel something coming my way and flinch. Recognizing the scent I wipe the tears and turn to Frayler. "What's wrong?"

"I'm... I am just rethinking some things." Taking in my old beliefs again is hard. They were torn out of me and new values instilled. The tear was glued together with what they wanted me to learn and now those old values wanted back in, but they no longer fit the crevice. It was rebuilt in a different way, it was rebuilt through someone else; with their plans and not mine. But when did I have a choice?

"It's good to talk about your struggles, so you don't have to face them alone." Her words strike something within me, a realization that hits the chord of sadness. Frayler has seen almost as many moonrises as I have and we have both grown up so quickly. Rubbing my hands together, my breath looks misty in the air.

This world is harsh, and in order to survive, we did what we had to. We both grew up in the higher rankings, we traded the power for freedom. Frayler was probably whisked off to train the moment she shifted and her rank was revealed. As for me, I was born into a Beta family where even if I didn't have the active bloodline I was held to the same standards. Head up high because the lower rankings don't deserve your gaze, but always submit to an order. Never show emotions, and don't fight. Always follow the rules.

That dreadful book of bound parchment was imprinted into my brain. Etiquette keeps you safe. We follow the rules so we can fight with hidden meanings and not with claws or fur. I doubt that is all etiquette is meant for, but no one dares to voice that thought.

"You know. I was taught that females didn't have the right to learn to fight. We didn't even get lessons on hunting or shifting. No one saw it as important." My eyes pierce into her as she thinks over what I said. We can hear the lesson going on inside as we sit on the steps, letting the noise fade into the background. "I'm guessing you were born into this pack or brought here at a very young age."

Frayler is a treasured member of the pack, I'm guessing she rarely—if ever—left the pack grounds. "You've grown up in this environment, where a Healer is a Healer, regardless of gender. You don't follow the same hierarchy as most packs, you are mostly ignorant to how the social rankings work."

"I don't completely understand, Red." Frayler can't understand it, for she has never lived it. Her troubles are no less, but they are different. The major and minor healing packs seem to shelter their pack members, as they are so self-sufficient and in secluded areas. They have their own hierarchy and seem to never go looking for trouble.

My head has stopped swimming so badly, but the dull ache persists on. Lily reaches out, feeling my uncertainty and distress. I can feel her mild puzzlement through our bond. She understands my feelings and she wants to console me. But the etiquette of the skin side is beyond her. She doesn't understand it, but seems to humour me, and go alone.

Turning to Frayler I summon my thoughts in order to form a coherent explanation. "My morals and my values are clashing. I was taught that females aren't supposed to do much, we aren't worth much. Those are the morals my family instilled in me."

"Tha—" I hold up a hand, and she quiets down. It is hard enough to formula a sentence without being interrupted.

My stomach twists as I remember the lessons. At first I fought against the rules, but eventually, they were forced down as I was made to memorize them. It was either learn the rules and survive or die. Insubordination and disobedience were not tolerated. "When I was younger I used to try and join my brother in his training. I had values and I wanted to be equal." Bitterness coats my words as I feel heated resentment rise. "But they changed them. I had to throw away my values. I wasn't allowed to be different."

"I've heard of these kinds of things, but I've never seen it. Healer Lou wouldn't stand for it. Why doesn't anyone do anything?" Frayler's eyebrows knit together in thought, her hands drumming on the stairs.

The trees look like silhouettes as the sun sets behind them. The mountain range in the distance glowing with the light. The snow seems to reflect the tinted purple if the sky. All the pack members and guests seem to either be in the training session, on patrol, or in their house eating. As soon as the sun is down we'd have to rely on candles and night vision.

"Males have power, they don't want to give that up. They like the power they have and are probably scared of losing it, even if they claim we are just females. Shifters are scared to speak up, everyone just..." Rubbing my hands together, I struggle to get the right words out. "Deals with it. They accept it as their life."

Frayler seems lost for words. I hate to be the one to tell her of what goes on beyond her snowy, healing pack. I watch as a look of understanding, then sorrow, followed by anger flickers on her face. The emotions are only there for a split second before she stands up, a low growl being emitted.

"One day, Frayler. One day the odds will even out and this will stop." The conviction in my voice surprised even me. "Word will spread. Slowly but surely those who have been made miserable will rise and those who have made others miserable will fall."