The words confirmed the truth that I already knew. The dread that I had been pushing away for so long comes back with full force. The invisible blood on my hands makes them heavy; though I don't regret why I made the choice, but I do regret how it has affected my path and those around me.

I want to live.

Everett is quiet. He doesn't know what happened, what was said. He felt the turmoil I was feeling through the link before I managed to close it.

My instincts shudder, Lily whines, my mind is at war. We try and ignore it, Everett comes first. Our pup always comes first—he always will, and that is why I must do what I have planned.

"Everett, my inkaer." Setting him on the bed I kneel to his height. I force myself to look into his innocent green eyes. "We are going to travel to another pack, okay? I will explain all you need to know on the way."

Everett runs around the room helping me gather everything to pack.

Frayler has kindly gotten in touch with her relatives to see if they were still looking for a pup. They've agreed to do a trial run, which I am grateful for. It is lucky Frayler mentioned it, as most mated pairs don't want one that isn't of their blood. Weakness or something along those lines. She told me there are both subordinates; the male is a scout and the female, a part-time trader. The pack has no omegas which surprised me since I thought all packs—save for the major healing ones—had omegas. I am not complaining about it, for it is reassuring knowing that even though Everett will be taken by subordinates, he has no chance of being made into an omega.

Omega. One of my biggest fears concerning Everett is that he could be placed in that rank. Omegas aren't treated well. They are barely pack members, no one pays attention to them. Even if one dies, no one makes a fuss. What is one omega lost?

Don't speak to the omegas unless you need something from them.

I look at him as he plays with the wood chips—a matching game. My fondness only grows, he warms my heart with his pup-like ways. Such a pure soul, untainted by the darkness hiding in the shadows. Unaware of the harsh trials that come with living in a world such as this.

At least he is male, Lily grumbles at the thought, not caring whether he is or isn't, but she doesn't understand the ways of the skin. She doesn't understand how the skin side works, apart from me, just as I don't fully get the fur and the laws of the wild. But as much as I want females to be considered equal to males, it won't happen in my time, in Everett's time, and probably not even in his children's time. Shifters are set in their ways, and those that hold power will cling to it as long as they can. I don't doubt it will take years to develop the ideas, and generations to go by before someone decides to act upon it. This world is not kind to anyone, but being male is worth more than being a female.

I once expressed my thoughts to my mother. She only snarled saying, "Get used to it. Take what is given and want for nothing more. The males will always rule. It's how it works."

The resentment boils in my blood and I want to scream. I don't. Everett pulls on my sleeves, taking my attention away from my thoughts. Everything is packed and all we are left with is an empty room. Looking around one last time, we head down the stairs to meet with Healer Akana and Healer Gryta one last time.

Frayler cannot leave until her mentor comes back, which will be a few sunrises. After that, she has gotten permission from Healer Akana to take leave for a few sunrises.

Approaching the two healers, the three of us bow.

"We apologize for not being able to help you," Healer Akana says. "However Lua Lupa's will is greater than we are."

Healer Gryta steps forward. "Please keep up with Everett's exercises. I hear you are heading to the Canee pack, so if either of you needs any help you are welcome here."

"I understand, thank you." I try and keep the resentment from seeping into my words. "Come Everett, it is time to go."

Though the sky is bright and the sun is up, some days I just want. The pack is full of what we will need and I doubt I'll have to hunt. The smoked deer should last quite a while, though Everett might want to travel in his wolf form. I don't blame him, he would be considerably warmer with the fur coat.

I take a deep breath with each step. Biting my lip and wringing my hands together I gather the mental courage.

"My inkaer, come here my pup." Everett trots over obediently, and I lift him off the ground. Resting him on my hip as I keep moving I solidify my resolve. "Everett. We are going to a pack, you know that. There is a lovely family that we are going to stay with."

"Frayler?" he asks.

"Yes, they are Frayler's relatives and you might live with them as well." The lump in my throat seems to deepen. "Everett, listen."

"Red. Iz be okay." He pats my cheek with his hand and gives me a small kiss to it, as if trying to cover an injury.

I smile softly, pressing my forehead to his. "Everett, you know I'd never leave you without reason. I'm going to stay for a little, but the pack will be good for you."

He clings onto my neck, hiding a sniffle. "Dun't leave me."

"Shhh," I croon softly, my eyes glistening with unshed tears. Rubbing his back I murmur to him. "Do not worry now, we have sunrises and moonrises to come."

"I wanna go with!" Everett tucks his head into my neck, his rolling tears wetting my dress, and body shaking my arms.

"Hush, my inkaer." Holding him closer would be next to impossible, however, his grip is like death. "I am not going yet." Yet. Not yet, but it won't be long. Everett doesn't need to know what is to become of me. This is better, I try and convince myself of these thoughts.

His breathing quickens as a new bout of crying comes on. I can practically hear Crylle howling through the link, though Crylle had a minor understanding. Crylle is probably feeding off of Everett's emotions, taking them on as his own. Lily wants to jump out of the skin and reassure them. Our instincts yell at us to comfort him, but something holds us back.

"Breath my pup. Breath my inkaer." I start humming a song my mother used to sing when I was a pup. It's a melancholy tune; one of nature and sorrow, of understanding and memories.

I can feel Everett's heartbeat start to slow. And I continue the melody, calming him down further.

His voice is shaky, and small hiccups wrack his body. He speaks quietly, a vulnerability that reminds me of his age. "Please Red. Please dun't go. You take carez of me."

"How about I take out something to eat." I try and turn his attention. I'll try and tell him more another time. Lily hangs her head, her tail low, still and unmoving.

Everett nods, head still resting on my shoulder as I use one hand to pull out the meat strips. Holding them up to him, I feed them to him one by one. He eats them slowly, his eyes locked onto the path behind. What goes on in that brain of his? I'm not sure.

Our pace is not a particularly quick one, as we trudge through the deep snow. I put Everett's cloak in the bag so he can shift. Unlike the other shifts this one is smooth; it seems to happen in the blink of an eye. One moment he is in his skin standing and the next it's been traded for fur now on all fours. Taking off the pack and folding my clothing, I get the rope attached so I can carry it easier. Following suit and shift, I let Lily surge forwards. Slipping the pack on so it hangs around my neck.

Bringing my head down I touch noses with Everett. He weaves between my legs and I lift my paws as he brushes past.

It doesn't seem likely that we will reach the Canee pack by moonrise. Others may have been able to, but in this snow and between Everett and I, we aren't that quick. But now that we aren't sinking as deep, we start to move quicker. Our paws help spread out our weight, and I watch as Everett bounds around. He barks at the snow, growling playfully. Swatting a clump into the air he tries to bite the falling flakes.

Silently padding behind him I use my front paw to gently tap his hind leg. As he tries to turn around I nudge him again, causing him to fall. He scrambles to his paws and I give him a wolfish grin.

Everett—or rather Crylle—rolls on his back, coating himself in white.

'Come here my little spirit wolf.' I wave my tail, dragging over the top layer of snow.

'Catch me!' Everett dashes forwards, slipping under a bush. I walk around the foliage. Letting my paws shuffle and scrape. My pelt brushes against the powder-covered leaves, rustling them quietly.

The snow glitters as sunlight filters through the forest. The tracks of animals are everywhere in this thriving landscape. There doesn't seem to be any shifters in the area.

'Where could Ev be?' I put my snout down and stick it under the low hanging branches. 'Could he be...' I nip his tail. 'Here?' The amusement fills the mindlink, as he whirls around. Pretending to be startled I 'collapse' on my side, twitching my paws for extra effect. 'Oh, the spirit wolf has me! Will the all-powerful Ev let me go?'

'Nevah! You'z mine.' He takes a jaw full of my fur, shaking his head side to side. Lily finds this whole scenario entertaining, the gears in her mind working.

We still, unmoving and eyes closed. We take shallow breaths, monitoring his movements with our senses. I feel his grip on my pelt loosen and I hear his paw steps getting closer. I have to try hard not to swivel my ears as he moves. He nuzzles my neck, pawing gently. Opening my eyes, I take in his ashy fur. Hooking my front paw around him, I pull him closer.

'Got you, pup.'

Everett pants, taking this opportunity to climb over me. I roll over onto my other side and Everett slips into the snow in a ball of fluff.

'Red!' He barks, running around me in circles.

'Yes?' I blink as if I just noticed he was there.

'Redddd!' Everett hops up and down, spinning in circles.

***

I was told there was a time when my ancestors roamed the lands in packs. They didn't stay in one place, they wandered. From the mountains to the sea in search of a place that felt right. Females and males alike all fought to survive, and survive they did. No one seems to know how females dropped on the hierarchy or if they do they won't say. Everyone is scared of what might happen if they dare speak. If they dare tell the truth of the past.

Those that have power do not want to share. They fear what would happen if the current hierarchy changed—became unbalanced. They say the killing of a female with an active high ranking bloodline is to save them from a life not worth living but is it really?

My claws grip into the ground, but it seems to do almost nothing. The snow is relatively deep, and the earth is cold and hard.

'Ev, come, only a bit further. We have to find a tree hollow, the ground is too hard to dig into.' We keep moving as the sky gets darker and darker. The clouds that cast shadows forward of a potential snowfall; just anyone reason to find shelter for the night.

The stars start to appear one by one. Twinkling brightly, they look upon us as we keep searching.

The forest dips down and the trees thin. We seem to be heading down a hill of sorts. Picking Everett up by the scruff I place my paws carefully. I'm nervous that the deep, untouched snow might cause him trouble. There seem to be rocks, I can feel them beneath me, and some are poking through the snow.

'Iz getting darky, Red.' Everett waves his tail as I move through the snow. He kicks out his hind legs trying to squirm away.

'It is. Stop moving, I'll set you down once I find a suitable den. There should be some kind of crevice around here.' After some searching, I do find a small area. It's tall enough that I can stand, though my ears have to flatten, and there is enough for me to turn in a circle with Everett running at my heels.

There are some rocks and pebbles at the end of the den. Using my paws, I bat them over to the entrance. Shifting, I am using my hands to build a barrier of snow.

Without any light, I feel my way through the pack. Spreading our cloaks it serves as bedding, and the deerskin will work as an extra layer. Taking out some more of the smoked meat I set it aside. Once more I drop down onto all four, my heightened vision adjusting to the new lighting. The absence of most light--save for the small glow of the white snow--make my night vision less effective. However, my sense of smell is as good as ever. Light isn't crucial here, Lily knows what to do.

'Everett, have some of the meat. We haven't eaten much today, even if you did constantly eat snow.' I set three pieces down before him. The long salty treat is getting old, though it keeps up filled. I'm sure Crylle is just happy for food, even if Everett is tired of it.

Lily and I devour our stripes. We start to groom out pelt. Licking at our we'll work paw pads and claws. They ache, the travelling finally catching up. The snow and cold weather travelling isn't something we are used to. Though it may be ingrained into our ancestors, I wasn't brought up to travel long distances, I was barely taught to shift from one form to the other.

I curl up on the cloak and underneath part of the pelt. Everett leans up against me as he is engulfed by the blanket.

He must be tired as he falls asleep almost instantly. Our combined body heat warming the whole den up. His form stays very close like he is scared I'm going to get up and leave. I rest my tail over him as I rest my head on my paws.

I wonder what Seliek would have thought of me if he was still alive. Sometimes I wonder if my brother even knew of me and my sister's existence.

He was probably taught to ignore us, just as I never give a second glance at the omegas.

It feels ironic that a small deadly white flower killed him. Just a small amount of the position had him dying. Something so small, so inconspicuous it was perfect. But things didn't work outright. He was never to blame for what he grew up around. We were never to blame for what we were shown. But we were to blame for what we did wrong and for how we rebelled.

One by one we were taken down. My sister's dreams were smothered, my want for freedom was stolen, my brother's choices were taken and then his life. We aren't to blame for what we were born into, but we are to blame for how we surrendered and gave up our dreams.

Who will be the shifter who stands up? Who will stand alone first, and risk the wrath of an entire species?

I rest my head over Everett's neck, his breathing deep and even. Who will give the future generations a chance?

The healing packs seem to be started on this idea. But they never were like any other pack. They are unique and not to be trifled with. Lua Lupa watches over all of her children, but healers and seers have a blood oath with her. They can be hurt, they can be killed, they can be at war. But she likes to keep a close watch from what I've seen.

I don't understand one thing. Why are males supposedly worth more, when Lua Lupa outranks us all. Lua Lupa is said to be the mother of shifters—we bow to her. But when has logic ever played a role in how things are to be.

My eyes are to feel heavy and the pressure on the back of my mind pressed onward. It's an everlasting reminder of what I might see at any given moment. The past or the future, moon cycles in either direction. The past isn't pretty, however, we survived. The future is uncertain though good and bad are there. One change could throw everything, of course, move it to a different end result. That is why scrying and visions are tricky. What you might see may not always happen; never scry of try for visions for yourself. It only brings harm. The consequences are unpredictable.

I close my eyes and dream. I dream of what could have been, what was, and what is.