EVEN FROM OUTSIDE THE house, I can see Jamie pacing.

Archie agreed, so here we are, sitting outside my house, knowing there's a hungry tiger waiting inside for me.

"You sure you don't want me to come in," Archie says, his voice thick with sadness.

I turn and look at him. "Archie... If you come in there with me... I dread to think what he'd do."

He shakes his head and moves closer to me. "I'll be okay."

"You won't!" My voice breaks as tears fill my eyes.

He goes to protest again, and I know what he's worried about - his eyes keep flitting from my eyes to the cut on my cheek and back again - I just don't want him to get hurt. Again.

Neither of us says anything for a minute, both unwilling to back down, but eventually, he relents.

"Okay, but you call me or text me. Please tell me you're okay."

I pull myself closer to him and rest my forehead against his. I can't do that, he knows that, so he's going to have to just trust that I'll be okay... because I will be.

I know how to handle Jamie when he's in one of these moods.

"I'm so sorry for all of this, Tess. This was my f-"

I stop him by putting my hand over his mouth, shaking my head. He winces slightly as I tap the cut above his lip, but a tiny hint of light plays in his eyes as he looks at me. As he looks through me. Straight to my soul.

"I'll see you soon okay," I whisper.

He sighs. He doesn't want to let me go, but he has to. Finally he nods, but not before he takes my hand and pulls me into him, into his arms, holding me tightly as if I would suddenly disappear if he didn't.

It feels good to be held by him like this again, one last time, so I let him hold me. I let him, because I know it's what he needs, but as I open my eyes, I notice the curtain flickers behind him, so I quickly pull away.

I wipe my eyes, sitting back.

"Can you tell my dad I'll come back tomorrow?" I ask.

His eyes widen for a second, but then he nods. "Mm-hmm, yeah."

"Thank you," I tell him before shuffling round in the seat, opening the door and heading out into the snow.

Even though this will be the last time I see him for at least a few weeks, I don't look back... instead putting one foot in front of the other until my hand is on the front door.

Taking a deep breath, I open it. Another breath, I move into the hallway and let the door close behind me. One more breath, I see him sitting at the kitchen table, head in his hands.

"Jamie?" I ask quietly, not wanting to startle him.

I go straight over to him and kneel at his feet. He ignores me so instead, I push up off the floor and sit myself in his lap.

He doesn't move for a second, but as I wrap my arms tightly around his neck, he starts to break. His arms go around me first, then he sobs into my shoulder, running his fingers through my hair, kissing my neck. We hadn't seen each other in over a month, and despite what happened, it feels amazing to be in his arms again.

The month I've had with Archie had been nothing short of amazing, but somehow when I'm with Jamie, the room suddenly burns ten times brighter. And that is my problem... I'm flying the line between these two bright sons, and I'm Icarus, just trying not to get burned.

"I love you," I tell him, speaking into his neck as he holds me tighter. I hadn't said it to him in nearly a week, and after I nearly threw it all away in the plane on the way to Dad's, I wasn't letting it go now. "I love you and I've missed you."

I pull away, but his eyes remain down, trained on my lap. He doesn't want to look up. I know why. Even though I don't blame him for it, I know it'll be hard for him to see it.

"Jamie?" I ask again, pleading.

It takes a few more seconds but he finally does. He looks at my swollen cheek, as he gently strokes the skin with the pad of his thumb. I don't say anything as I watch the disgust in himself cross his face and he looks down again, a tear dropping onto my sleeve.

"Jamie this isn't your fault, I shouldn't have stepped between you."

He looks up at that, and I watch his eyes go from sadness to hot anger again.

"Why did you step between us?" he demands, his voice accusatory.

"Because I didn't want you to cause a scene in front of all those people over nothing, Jamie. Only I made it worse by getting myself punched..."

I try not make him see the funny side but he doesn't smile.

"I came back and no one was here. I called Charlotte and she said you've been staying at the hospital." He's shouting, so I move off his lap onto the seat next to him.

"Are you really blaming me for that Jamie?"

"No," he says quickly, taking my hand. "No, not that. I was just so worried. You said not to come, but I came anyway because I thought you might have needed me."

The words hit me like a ton of bricks and I realise I was wrong to ask him not to come. Even if nothing was wrong now, I did want him there.

He takes a breath and looks up at me again. "Did you ask me not to come because he was there?"

I shake my head. "No, of course not. That's not why I asked you not to come. Listen, Archie flew me back, and the whole time I had been thinking he was at death's door, thinking the worst." I take a deep breath as the image of Dad comes to my mind again. "But when we got there... When we got there he was okay." I try to emulate that relief in my voice but he doesn't hear me, his fixation still on Archie.

"So you both stayed."

"No." I shake my head. "He didn't stay. I stayed. He stayed with Charlotte and Danny and drove across if I needed anything." I don't know why I tell him that when it isn't true, but if the white lie is keeping him calm, then it was worth it. "He was coming there to take me home today, as Dad is being discharged in a couple of days. That's why I told you not to come back, because I didn't want you to leave work when what you're doing is important."

He huffs a breath out of his nose and throws his hands up. "Tessa, even if he stubbed his toe you should be asking me to come back."

"Jamie, pl-"

He cuts me off, raising his voice. "He's going to be my father in law Tess, same you're going to be my wife," he cups my chin gently. "I want to support you no matter what, but how can I do that when you don't feel like I should be there."

I sigh, tears forming in my eyes again.

"Jamie, come on. It's not like that at all. You were in Australia. I can't just ask you to fly home when nothing was wrong. I admit, I did want to call you, but I'm glad I waited. If you came back and he was fine, you'd have been annoyed."

His mouth drops open in surprise. "Oh my God, is that what you think? You thought I'd be annoyed?"

I hesitate as he stares at me. Treading carefully, I just look at him. Maybe he wouldn't have been annoyed, but given the fact he prioritises work over me - on more than one occasion I might add - I just assumed it would make him annoyed if I asked him to leave and come back here when Dad was okay. I know how hard he has to work to get one of the competitive Manager jobs at the end of the two year programmes, so I didn't want to do anything that will jeopardise that.

I close my eyes, bracing myself for the reaction and say it as softly and calmly as I can.

"I don't know anymore, Jamie."

The answer visibly shocks him, but from the look on his face, it shocks him because he knows how true it is.

"I love that you love your job," I add quickly. "And that you have amazing friends there. I love that you're doing so well, I really do." I sigh and look into his big blue eyes. "But I matter, too."

He takes my hand and squeezes it. "Tess, you matter more than anything."

"I know, and I know it seems so stupid to be saying this, but that's just it. I shouldn't be having to tell you that I matter. It has been better since I moved in... but Jamie, I'm an after thought. I'm always an after thought."

He goes to protest but I put a hand up and stop him. He closes his mouth with a snap and huffs a quick, annoyed sigh.

"You promised a week to me to look at venues before he went away, and that hasn't happened because of your time in Australia being extended."

"You went to New York," he fires back at me.

"I was just about to say that, but there have been long weekends promised where you've had to work late and they're cancelled at the last minute, or when you have to stay at work late in general and then I don't see you all week."

"I-" He starts, but then stops as he thinks about it. "Tess, why didn't you say anything?" He knows how many of those there have been.

"I did!" I say back quickly. I've said it until I was blue in the face. "You kept saying you'd be back earlier tomorrow, and then it never happened, so I kept quiet about it, hoping you'd work it out on your own."

I sound annoyed, which I was, but that wasn't what I wanted to do now. I didn't want to make him feel any worse than he already felt. My stomach drops as he gets up from the table, running his hands roughly through his hair. He looks like a caged tiger again and I hate it.

When he walks closer to me, I grab his hand and pull myself up. He stops, wraps his arms around the back of me and rests his hands on my hips. He doesn't say anything for a moment so I keep going.

"I love you, Jamie, I really do, but I can't have this for my whole life. I can't play seconds, not anymore, not when I've been reminded how quickly family can disappear in front of your eyes." I shudder as I try and squash down how helpless  I felt, not knowing what I was going to find when I got to the hospital.

"You're not seconds," he says quietly before kissing my forehead.

"Saying it and meaning it are two different things. I'm not saying any of this to be hurtful, or to be mean, but it's come to a point now where I'm questioning whether we..."

I don't want to say it, but I square my shoulders and say it. I take a deep breath before looking up at him, watching his reaction.

"Whether we are the right for each other." The words physically sting as they come out, and I have to choke back a sob. I have to look away again because he looks more hurt than I'd ever seen him. "I don't want it to be, of course I don't, but is this the universe telling us that?"

I look back up again and there are hundreds of emotions glazing over his eyes before they settle on anger, and I know exactly what he's about to say.

"Or it's Archie whispering those ideas into your ear."

I pull away from him and take a step back, now definitely annoyed.

"See this is what I mean, Jamie. Archie has nothing to do with this, it's you and me, and yet you always find a way to blame him anyway. Is this how it's always going to be?"

Maybe I am being a little hard on him, but if he's going to hit back at me like this every time we have a tiny argument or disagreement, then it's going to get extremely wearing.

It's odd though, because even though I should never have slept with Archie, doing so had cleared my mind of any insecurities insofar as marrying Jamie. It's the unorthodox, but it's worked exactly how I thought it would. My plan hadn't been to sleep with him, but I know my head is clear.

"You can't blame me for thinking like that when you've come back together from New York, and then after you tell me about your Dad, I find you having a coffee with him like nothing ever fucking happened."

I look back up at him and frown, unable to keep a hold of my temper this time.

"He came back because I thought I lost my dad!" I shout. "I couldn't move. I couldn't do anything."

I go cold as I think about how empty I felt, how I felt like I was on the brink of nothingness at the horrific thought of losing my favourite person in the world.

"He got me home, Jamie. He got me back to Dad."

He softens slightly as he thinks about what he's saying. "Okay, I'm sorry. I just... You know how I feel about him, Tessa."

"I know." I sigh, trying to calm as well. "I know, and I'm sorry I'm putting you through this time and time again, but you have got to trust me. Nothing happened."

That look in his eye makes a part of me go cold in lying to him. Something did happen, but it's a something that has sprung me forward in knowing Jamie is the person I want to be with. The one I want to spend the rest of my days with.

"Jamie, please. As quiet as I was over there, I promise you nothing happened."

He pinches the top of his nose in a very Archie-like way and I have to shake myself out of it.

"I hated it Tess. I hated being apart. Every text that went unread, I had this horrible thought go through my head that you two were just sitting there laughing at me."

"What?" I grab his hand as he stalks past me. "Jamie, I would never do that."

He yanks his hand away and turns back to me sharply. "I'm never going to be him, Tess."

"I don't want you to be him. I want you to be you. I love you, and I love you for who you are and what you want to be." I reach up to cup his cheek. "Sure, I loved him once, but that's just it. Loved." I cup his other cheek as he starts to smile. "Loved. Past tense."

The smile continues to grow, so I keep going.

"You see this little thing here?" I ask, taking off my ring and twiddling it in between my finger. His eyes panic for a second, but when I put it back on, I swear his blue eyes turn black, his pupils blow out so fast.

"This little thing?" He asks, kissing it as he pulls my left hand to his lips.

"Mm-hmm," I smile. "This is my promise, that I love you. My promise that I will support you, no matter what."

I barely finish my sentence before he kisses me. His kiss is strong but soft, and I automatically wrap my arms around his neck as his hands slip down my back, pinching at my hips in the way I love. He deepens to kiss as picks me up off my feet, encouraging me to wrap my legs around his waist, but as I do so, he pulls away, studying me.

"You're different," he tells me, stroking my fringe back behind my ear.

I frown. "No I'm not." I smile, knowing I felt different.

"Yeah, you are." He smiles my favourite lopsided smile that makes me go weak at the knees.

"I'm not that different. Sunburned maybe."

He shakes his head. "You seem... lighter."

"Well," I start and pretend to think about it. Given he's still holding me, I go with a joke. "I did try to ration to portion sizes in New York."

"You're ridiculous." He rolls his eyes. "No. You're lighter. Your shoulders, your mood. Your eyes."

"My eyes?" I laugh, surprised. "Pretty sure they've always been the same shade of green, babe."

He chuckles. "Tess, I'm being serious." He puts me down but leaves his hands on my hips. "I never believed what you said before, when you said you had to talk to him to work stuff out. But... looking at you now?" He smiles as he tucks my fringe behind my ear. again "You were right."

I didn't think I looked or felt any different, but maybe I'm not the right person to ask. Jamie hasn't seen me properly since he left, hasn't held me in his arms like this for a long time, and after all this time apart, he can still see the small things.

"You were right, Tess." He rests his forehead against mine. "You are right."

I lift my arms and scratch my fingers into the bottom of his hair, noticing a speck of blood by his ear. There isn't a scratch there when I wipe it off, so it must be Archie's.

"I'm sorry I act this way," he says finally. "And... I'm sorry I'm so selfish with our time."

I don't react or say it's okay, I just continue to stroke my fingers into his hair. He tightens his arms around me as he pulls me closer, and I sigh as he starts to spin again, slowly, dancing us across the room.

"Your dad must hate me," he says after nearly half an hour of neither of us speaking. "I'm glad we have our own place... otherwise he'd probably kick me out right?"

He wants to sound like he's joking, but I know seeing me like this is hurting him just as much as it hurts me. Even if he hasn't done this to me on purpose, it was him, and it makes me nervous about what he might do at Charlotte's wedding, especially once he has a few drinks in him.

"Tess, I'm so sorry." He gingerly strokes my cheek, his fingers barely touching the swelling. "Is it... Does it hurt?"

I shake my head softly, even though every movement is painful, especially now that the painkillers were wearing off. "It doesn't hurt," I tell him.

I watch his eyes as they twinge with pain. He doesn't believe me, but then what was I supposed to say? Was I supposed to make him feel worse by saying it felt like someone had given me a Glasgow Smile with a dirty knife and no anaesthetic? Was I supposed to tell him that it hurts to even blink, and that, despite me knowing he never meant to hurt me, I'm terrified of him.

I didn't want to admit that to anyone, let alone myself or him, but it was the truth.

"It'll heal," I tell him, clearing my throat so it doesn't sound as shaky as it was a minute ago. "We still have time before Char's wedding for the worst of it to heal."

His eyes harden at the mention, before he gently puts me down.

"He's still going then, is he?" His jaw tenses.

I grit my teeth but then immediately regret it when pain lances up my jaw. Holding my cheek for a moment, I try to compose myself before answering.

"He's going. That part isn't up to me," I add, and I point at him. "And if you say one more word about how this was his plan all along, I swear to God I will walk out that door."

I really did mean it, and he knew it. There's a kind of terror in his eyes, a fear, and my heart warms as I realise it's the fear of losing me.

"Don't leave me," he tells me, his voice as soft as a whisper as he drops to his knees. "Please don't leave me."

He repeats it again and again, but I don't say anything. I know I won't leave, I can't leave him. I can't leave the beautiful boy currently begging on his knees, one that's clinging to me as if his life depends on it.

"Please."

He hugs himself close to me, his arms wrapping tighter, and I smile, finally telling him I won't leave.

I tell him that I'll never leave.

I tell him that there was no way I was leaving him, not when he's been the one to put me back together again for all this time.

Remembering my words to Archie, waiting for the plane, the ones where I told him I would forget about Jamie, I realise now why he told me not to make any kind of rash decision then and there. He told me I had made a life for myself, and he's right. He told me he couldn't ask me to push it all away for him, despite my words being the ones he had wanted to hear for a long time. He knew that I would never mean it as long as this beautiful boy was here... saving me, day after day, just like he always has been.

"Take me to bed," I whisper to him after I've pulled him up off the floor.

His head moves, so that his eyes pierce directly into mine. That same fire I'd seen in his eyes the first day I met him shines brightly now, and I so longed for that time to come back. Things were simpler, it was just us... no Archie, no drama. No fathers in hospitals or over-extended work trips to Australia.

"Tess, I-"

I cut him off by pushing my lips gently to his.

He doesn't react for a moment, but soon his lips start to move, his fingers tightening around my hip before he finally pulls me up and into his arms again, spinning me once.

"Take me to bed," I tell him again. "Let me show you."

I kiss him once more before I look up into his bottomless blue eyes, waiting for my answer.

"Show me what?" He asks, running the softest of fingers over the sensitive skin on my cheek.

I lean up on my tiptoes as he leans down, placing his forehead against mine.

"Let me show you I'm yours."

His eyes meet mine for only a second before his lips clamp on mine, almost hungrily. I gasp as his tongue pushes through to meet mine. The pain in my cheek melts away as he kisses me, really kisses me, as he pulls me up into his arms, encouraging me to circle my legs around his waist once more as he turns to head upstairs.

When we're in my room, he puts me down gently and slips my coat off my shoulders. We each then remove an item of each other's until we're both standing opposite each other, naked. Both breathing heavily, Jamie takes a step towards me and cups my cheek gently as he kisses me again, using his free hand to pull my hair out of its tie to fall around my shoulders. Twisting his fingers softly into it, he picks me up again, placing me on the bed, my head between the pillows.

"I love you," I whisper up to him, stroking a thumb over his cheek as he settles over me. "I love you so much."

He kisses my nose softly before he smiles, which widens as I turn us over, so I'm straddling his stomach. His fingers pinch my hips as he hardens beneath me and he sits up so we're nose to nose, wrapping his arms around my back. He moves his hips purposefully, grinning as I react the way he wants me to.

"I don't know what I've done to deserve someone as amazing as you are," he whispers to me, kissing the side of my neck.

"You put me back together again," I tell him. "You saved me." I duck my head to the side and kiss him, my heartbeat racing as he shuffles beneath me, lifting me up slightly with one arm, before placing me back down on him, making us both sigh with relief.

I love him so much it scares me, and as he holds me, as he moves, I just look at him, holding his gaze. Our movements are as one, moving together. I hadn't slept with him for nearly two months, and yet it felt like the most natural thing in the world.

As he holds me closer, I start to feel that delicious pressure build at the base of my spine, that ball of euphoria. He turns us over, starts to move faster, hitting that spot so deliciously, he pushes me over that edge immediately. I cry out his name as I do so, and as he sucks at my favourite spot on my neck, he follows me over it, groaning in my ear as he jerks forward.

He sighs once before he slowly rolls off me, a grin the size of Texas on his face.

"You're back with me," he whispers, looking over at me.

I turn my head and smile. The bedside lamp is reflecting in his eyes, giving them a warm glow, my love for him growing as he starts to fall asleep.

"Sleep baby," I tell him, leaning over to stroke his eyelids gently as closes them, a soft snore following soon after.

Leaning up on my elbow, I just watch him. His was probably horrifically jet-lagged, so as I tuck myself into his arm, putting my head of his chest, I do so carefully, not wanting to wake him up.

This is where I want to be.

No more thinking, no more decisions to make. This is it.

I love Jamie, and I'm marrying him, and nothing on this earth would stop me.