FOUR YEARS AGO

"MATTY, WE NEED TO be over there."

I interrupt him as he blasts past a sign that says the exit for Heathrow is in one mile.

He zips left, making me grip the door handle on instinct.

It baffles me how he even passed his driving test, let alone first time, and I don't think I'm the only one who's terrified of his driving. In fact him swerving makes me regret not asking Tessa to come... but as I think that, a pang hits my chest.

"Matt, what's the hurry?" I ask, looking at the speedometer, trying to keep my voice from going all high and squeaky in terror as he approaches the chicane at rocket speed.

"More time for this lunch you've promised me," he winks and I shake my head. I promised him no such thing.

"Hey, it's the last supper mate. Remember me, Mils and Dad aren't coming over in December so we won't see you for like a year."

Fuck I hadn't even thought of that. I was just thinking about Tessa.

I always thought that Millie could come whenever she wanted, same as me, but I never thought of Matt. How bad of a friend am I.

"Oi, it's fine." He taps my arm and a little bit of relief floods through me. "I'll be busy with football anyway, and I know Millie will find a time to come over to avoid doing schoolwork."

I laugh. That sounded like Millie.

"I suppose. Plus, I'll come across on all my holidays, as I finish way earlier than you guys. I'll be finished for Summer at the beginning of June."

"June?" He turns his head, horrified at the fact I finish a month and a half before they do. I can't help the smug grin I have on my face, because I can tell how much it bothers him.

"Yep. Anyway dude, what's number six?" I ask, enjoying the game of him distracting me. It seems ridiculous, but it seemed to be working so far.

He thinks about it for a second, drumming his fingers on the steering wheel before smiling. "This car probably."

I nod. He's lucky because, although Tessa can drive, she doesn't mind letting other people drive. Tessa's always the person in charge of the music, and Matt's the one who drives,  and it works. Tessa's got a very eclectic musical taste, one which I've grown to love so much over the years.

"It is pretty cool to be fair." Andy asked me what he thought Matt would want, and I just said everything. "Although the more you drive it like this, the shorter it will last," I joke, looking at the speedometer again.

"I'm going at seventy," he says, taking his foot off the gas, letting it drop down to eighty.

As he moves into the fast lane, it's quiet between us, and as I keep glancing into the backseat, I'm rstarting to think I'm an idiot for having Tessa stay behind.

I pull out my phone to text her as I ask him what his next choice is, and I stop texting when he says it.

"Seeing Tessa so much happier."

I turn my head and beam. Remembering how much of a tough time he'd had at the beginning, it's great to hear him say that. I don't miss the cold shoulders and the arguments, and basically being told to choose between the two of them. Instead, we're all closer than ever.

"Even if it is with you," he adds with a laugh.

I roll my eyes and shove his shoulder, showing him my middle finger.

He laughs back but adds more, which surprises me."No, in all seriousness, she's herself with you."

I frown. "She's always been herself."

He shakes his head. "No, she wasn't."

"What do you mean?"

It's always interesting asking this from his point of view. He's one of the only people that knows her as well as I do.

He seems distracted by something in the mirror, but as an idiot blurs past us at over a hundred he shakes his head and turns his attention back to me.

"What do you mean?" I ask again.

"She's actually been hiding quite a lot the last few years. She found it easy over the summer when you were away, she could be herself." I frown as I try to understand what he's getting at. "But when you came back, she was acting weird again, and usually around you."

I frown harder, trying to work out how the hell I hadn't realised this. But then I smile. Love is complicated and confusing at the best of times, but if you have the love of a girl like Tessa, it's worth its weight in gold.

"She liked you. Well, apparently she more than liked you. Spending time around someone you like when you don't know how you feel?" He turns his and looks at me. "It's hard."

"She's told me that actually."

"Oh yeah?"

I nod. "When I kissed her by the station, the look on her face when she thought I was rebounding..." I shake my head with a smile. "That told me everything I needed to know. That's when I told her everything; I told her about my back, about Dad... and then later she said she'd only kept her distance because she didn't know what else to do." I laugh, telling him I thought she'd hated me.

"Tessa could never hate you." He pats my shoulder as he smiles. "And, okay, maybe she hasn't changed that much, because she's still the same kind and caring individual she's always been. But I've always found she gives too much of herself to everybody else: me, Mum, Dad, Charlotte... Millie. Chloe..." I give him a look and he rolls his eyes. She's a touchy subject at the moment. "Over the last year it's been amazing to see someone taking care of her as well, the way she deserves. She has someone to protect her, and I can't thank you enough for that, man."

I'd never heard him talk that way about me before. Although he's been okay with us for a while now, no way in a million years would he have said that a year ago.

"Matt," I put a hand on his shoulder and sigh. "You know I'm always going to protect her, whether she thinks she needs it or not. And even though I'm in New York, you should know that if there's ever a problem, I'm on the first flight back." I squeeze his shoulder as he glances at me "I'm with you to the end of the line, pal."

He rolls his eyes but doesn't say anything to my cheesy line.

"But you should know that she protects me too," I add. "Your sister's incredible."

He grins in response.

"She's been fighting my corner every day," I continue, "and I don't know what I'd do, or who I'd be without her."

He turns his head to look at me quickly, and I see his gaze settle on the scar underneath my eye.

"Archie, you're stronger than you think. But..." he takes a pause, probably to emphasise what he's about to say. "You do realise that if you hurt her in any way, I'll have to thump you."

I smile. "That won't happen Matt, don't worry."

"I'll fly all the way to New York to do it," he threatens.

I start to laugh but the laughter stops in my throat as the white car that thundered past us a few minutes ago suddenly cuts back in front of Matt and slams on its brakes.

"MATT, WATCH OUT!" I brace myself against the dashboard, as I shout.

The whole world moves into slow motion as Matt only just manages to avoid a collision. He slams on his own brakes but as he turns, he clips the side of his bumper, making us lurch sideways.

Jesus Christ. It's lucky it's not busy on the motorway today. We would have been toast.

He's still grappling to get the car back in a straight line, but after a few seconds he's got control again. I'm about to ask what the hell just happened when we're shunted sideways. Matt is forced to swerve over a lane, narrowly avoiding the back of a lorry.

"What the fuck is this guy doing?" I shout, rubbing my head after I hit it against the door.

Despite the blacked out windows, I realise I recognise the car, and as my eyes lock with the driver's, my whole body goes cold.

Those green eyes. Those horrible, cold, angry green eyes.

Dad.

Matt finally pulls on to the hard shoulder, with all traffic slowing around us, and both of our heads are on a swivel, looking for where Dad is. I look at Matt, and I'm relieved that he looks okay, if not a bit alarmed. His hands are shaking as he sticks his head out the window to survey the damage, muttering something about his bumper coming off.

"What the fuck was that?" Matt asks finally, and he starts checking mirrors again before starting the car again.

My vote would have been to stay here, but I can't seem to find my voice.

"Arch, are you okay?"

I shake my head. I can barely breathe.

Dad had that same look in his eye as he had when he was standing over me, kicking me harder and harder.

I start swivelling in my seat, my head and neck throbbing from whacking it on against the side of the door.

"Arch?" Matt asks as he speeds up.

I realise the car is making a strange noise, and I still have no idea why we're not just staying where we were. If we stayed put, we'd be safe... and I needed to keep him safe.

I needed to tell him the truth.

"I think..." I start, my head still looking around me for that white car.

He can't be far away. He isn't done, and a small part of me knows that he won't be done until I'm dead.

I swallow and realise my entire body is shaking. I haven't felt this terrified in a long time. I can feel my brain rushing through all my options of what I can do, what I need to do, to get us both out of this unscathed.

"Matt, I think that was my dad," I finish finally, the shaking now spreading to my hands.

He looks at me as if I've gone crazy, but who else would ram into us like that. Twice. "Wh-what do you mean?" He shakes his head, not believing me. "It can't be."

"Matt, that was Dad. It was him. Matt, we need to get off the road. Now."

I don't recognise my own voice. It's the broken voice I had before, when I had no faith in myself, when my dad could squash me underneath his boot, kick me while I was down.

"Bud, we're nearly there," he tells me, trying to keep me calm even though I can tell he isn't calm either.

"Matt-"

The car suddenly lurches sideways, snapping both of our heads to the right. I see stars for a second as my head ricochets back against the door, and I notice the impact had blown out Matt's window. But I don't look at that anymore. I see in his eyes that Matt knows now. He knows as well as I do that we may not be able to survive this.

***

"MATT!" I shout as I shake myself awake.

I'm worried he's hurt, especially seeing the spatters of blood on his face and shirt, but when I shout a fourth time, he finally hears me.

As he turns, I see a piece of glass stuck out of his arm. "Arch, are you okay?"

I nod, not able to do much else.

"Okay. Let's get out of here."

Amazingly, the car is still working, albeit making a horrible noise as the bumper scrapes against the road. It bounces a couple of times, but I can see the determination on Matt's face as he drives faster and faster, aiming for the next exit.

"Arch, try to ring someone!" he shouts over the road.

I pull my phone out of my pocket, but I drop it twice before I realise there isn't any signal. This isn't happening.

I try Tessa, even though this would worry her. I try Millie, Andy, Greg. Nothing is connecting. I can't get through.

"Nothing's working!" I shout, feeling the rising panic in my chest, making it hard for me to swallow. "No signal."

"It's okay." He points up to the gantry. "That's our exit. Half a mile. We can make it."

But in the next moment, all I could feel was pain.

An indescribable sound comes out of me as Dad smashes us into the crash barrier. I hear the noise before I feel it, and I scream again as the pain washes over my entire body. I look down as a fresh surge shoots up my whole body, and I scream again as see what's happened.

I see bone before I see anything else, realising the pain I was feeling was my shin bone sticking out of a place it shouldn't.

I cold feeling sweeps over me as my hands come away with blood, and I'm in so much pain, I can barely see.

"Archie?!" he yells.

I screw my eyes shut and grit my teeth so hard my whole body shakes. Black is starting to creep into my vision, but I'm determined to stay here, to stay alive. To keep my best friend alive, if it was the last thing I did.

I take a breath, trying to channel my pain into something else, but just as I feel like I've mastered it, the world goes dark as we're hit again.

I lose consciousness for a few seconds as my head smacks into the door frame. My window smashes into a million pieces, showering me with glass, making me involuntarily put pressure on my leg, causing me to scream even more.

"I'm so sorry." I repeat it over and over. I scream it, shout it as hard as anyone can hear me.

"Arch, don't." Despite trying to control the car, he takes my hand and squeezes it. "He's fucking nuts!"

Both of us hit our heads on the dashboard as we're rammed from behind, and I hear the distant tumble of the bumper falling off. But then... a sound that is music to my ears.

"You hear that?" I say feebly.

A distant wail of sirens.

From the smile on his face, I know Matt hears it too, and as we pull left into the exit lane, I feel a sense of relief at knowing we may actually make it.

Matt points to it. "I told you we'd make it!" He shouts.

I smile feebly, feeling myself disappearing as the edge of my vision is consumed by black.

"No! Archie, stay awake buddy. Come on, we're nearly there."

He shakes my shoulder and the darkness disappears for a second.

"We're nearly there, Arch," he says, determined. "Nearly there!"

But then, as we're crashed into one last time, I feel weightless as my vision goes black, the darkness taking me once again.

***

"ARCHIE!"

The words pierce my consciousness as pain radiates from everywhere inch of my body. I feel sick, my head hurts, I can't feel either of my legs and the car smells like burnt metal. And as I come to, coughing and spluttering, I realise we're upside down.

I groan and try to move, but my legs are both pinned by something heavy, squeezing them, causing the black edges of my vision to close in.

"Thank fuck," Matt's voice sounds relieved as he sees me move, and I feel relief flood through me too, knowing we've both got through this. Battered and broken, but we've got through.

"Arch, are you okay?"

I open my eyes properly, but as the situation sinks in, I start thrashing, hitting at the sides of the car and the ceiling to try and break free, or at least tell people we're trapped in here and that we need help.

"Arch," he shouts, grimacing and wincing as he holds his stomach. "Getting wound up won't help." He winces as I hit the door. "We just need to wait."

In the darkness he doesn't look too badly hurt, but as he moves his hand away from his stomach to brace himself, I see his palm is glistening with blood as he holds his stomach. My eyes move an inch higher, and I see it. A large piece of shrapnel protruding from his stomach.

"Matt, I'm so sorry," I sob. "It's all my fault. He was coming after me. And now you... and now..." I don't finish my sentence as I punch my fist as hard as I can into the side of the door just as a head appears at Matt's window.

"Hello?"

Her voice makes me jump, but knowing someone has found us gives me a small bit of hope that we can both get out of this.

Her light shines on me, but as it shines on Matt, I see the full extent of his injury.

He looks completely grey, and even though he's wearing a red shirt, I can see a large dark patch where the blood has soaked through. There is also a steady flow dripping down his neck, pooling on the ceiling. Matt's hurt, and he's hurt badly.

"Are you guys okay?" She asks shining the light back on me.

I don't answer but as her voice starts to sound more distant, I realise she's on the phone.

"Hi, yes," she says, her voice now nearer me, allowing me to hear what she's saying "Ambulance please."

There's a pause as she's connected, but her voice reappears as her head appears at my window, looking in.

"I've just witnessed a car accident and I'm standing next to an overturned vehicle on the M25." She pauses as the operator asks her another question. "Two. One looks in pretty bad shape."

I don't really hear what she says next, but I feel Matt's hand take mine a few seconds later, squeezing it tightly.

"Archie, stay awake. Come on, stay with me."

My eyes flutter open, wanting to do as he says. I nod as he smiles. "That's it. Stay with me bud, okay."

The lady sounds very concerned on the phone, and it sounds as though she witnessed the entire thing.

"A white car, yeah. It was definitely deliberate." I hear the responder ask her what kind of car it was, wanting to get a few more details, and she falters, so I call out to help, knowing she must be on with the police now.

"A GLA."

"Hang on, one of the boys just said something." She appears at my door and puts the phone to my ear.

I cough. "A GLA. It was a GLA. Number plate is RM19 RHW. Driver, Richard Wall."

"Are you absolutely sure?" he asks me.

"Yes. One hundred percent. It's my dad, and he's tried to do this before."

The woman looks horrified as she continues to hold the phone to my ear, giving as many details as I could. I give them his address, his phone number so they could track him, as well as anything else I could remember.

When she pulls the phone away from my ear, I can see she has tears in her eyes. There's quiet Matt and me as she stands back up and walks to the other side of the car.

"Please, yes, please get here as quick as you can."

She hangs up, and she lies down carefully on her stomach. "So what are your names?"

Matt coughs before answering, wincing as his coughing pulls at his stomach. "Matt."

"Hi Matt," she smiles. "I'm Alison. What's your buddy's name?"

"Archie. My best friend."

She smiles. "Well, I would have hoped to meet you under better circumstances, but here we are. Where were you guys off to?"

I know what she's trying to do. The ambulance has probably told her to keep the two of us talking, keep us awake, and I truly admire her for doing that. I can hear a lot of people driving past us, probably looking at our overturned car with disgust as we have delayed their journeys.

"Airport." Matt coughs, spluttering more blood, not able to catch it this time. She doesn't flinch, but instead she takes his hand.

He starts to gasp, clearly in a lot of pain, and as the guilt starts to consume me, I try to keep a level voice as I continue Matt's answer, squeezing his other hand that is still holding mine.

"I was heading to America for college," I say, now very doubtful I'd be making it for first semester, let alone first year.

Matt's hand drops out of mine as his eyes close, and I lean as far as I can to reach him. I can just about grab his fingers, and as I grip harder, his eyes flicker open.

"Bud, hold on," I plead. "Please stay with me, Matty."

He coughs and shakes his head. "Arch, I don't feel so good."

His eyes lose focus for a second, and I panic as his head droops.

"Matt, hold on. Please!?" I shout it loudly. "Hang on. Please! I need you." It's coming out as sobs, and I know he'll tell me I'm pathetic for crying when we get out of this.

His head drops again, and I instinctively reach out to slap his cheek hard, making him wake up with a start, instantly wincing as the wound in his stomach pulls.

"You are NOT leaving me!" I shout. "You can make it Matt, just hang on. People are coming to help."

He doesn't respond more than the moving of his head, so I summon all the strength I can, yelling as I wrench my legs free from underneath the dashboard. I drop hard onto the ceiling, feeling glass go into my shoulder, but I push myself sideways, towards my best friend.

His eyes are closed but he's awake. He lightly squeezes my hand when I take it, but I can feel a lump in my throat as my eyes find the piece of shrapnel in his stomach.

Wedged from the back of the seat, I wrack my brain for what I can do to get him out of there. I'm looking and looking, but I stop when a soft hand goes over the one looking for a way to release him somehow.

I look up, noticing he's watching me.

He swallows, licking his lips, so I lean close to him so he doesn't have to exhaust too much effort.

"Arch, it's okay. I'm okay. I'll be fine." He's whispering, but I know he knows that he may not make it. He's paler than a sheet, and his shirt is now drenched in both a cold sweat and blood. He looks nothing like himself, and I'm finding it difficut to keep it together knowing that he may not make it.

"I'm okay, Arch. It's okay." His voice is so faint over the whirring now ringing around us. His eyes lock with mine, screwing shut as the car starts to move, I notice a tear escaping, rolling down his cheek and landing on our hands.

I pull myself up, dragging my leg, but pushing myself up enough to put my forehead against his as he mumbles softly.

"Arch, listen to me."

No. No, he can't talk like this now. "Matt, you can't talk like this. You're going to be fine." I'm half begging, half shouting.

My subconscious is shouting at me, telling me that Matt is going to make it. He has to make it. We both do.

Tears are streaming down his cheeks now as he looks at me. I don't want to hear what comes next. He's looking at me like he's saying goodbye, but this isn't the end. It can't end like this. I don't want it to. He has so much more he has left to do.

It was all supposed to end with us being ninety-seven years old, me, Tess and Matt, all in the same nursing home, old and senile. It's not supposed to end here. It's not supposed to end in a mangled car, both of us broken beyond recognition.

"I need you... to look after everybody... okay."

I shake my head. "No," I sob. "No, Matt, don't say that. Please." I wipe my nose on my arm. "You're going to make it through. You can look after everybody yourself!" I shout.

He grips my hand, but his grip falters after a few seconds, so I squeeze it for him.

"I'm not going to make it."

"You will. Matt, you'll be fine. I'm here," I promise him, and I repeat it again and again as machines whirring sound all around us. "I'm not going anywhere."

I push my forehead to his as he winces again. There are several people working outside, working to get us out.

"Arch, I'm scared."

He's screwed his eyes shut, and he grips my hand as hard as he can. Tears are filling both his eyes and mine, and I can tell he's in an extraordinary amount of pain.

But before I could tell him that I was here, that I'd always be here, the car is pulled apart, his half tipping one way gently whilst mine crashes the other. With a huge crash, my hand is ripped from his before I can tell him to hold on, to just hold on for everything he has to live for, but as I shout for him, the darkness finally takes me.