I COULDN'T SLEEP A wink knowing I would see Tessa tomorrow. Four years. Four years and it all comes down to today.

I lay awake, running through every inch of what I remembered what she looked like the last time I saw her. What I saw as she said goodbye, when she went off to university, thinking I was going to wait for her.

Her big green eyes were bright, excited about her new surroundings that awaited her in Edinburgh. Her smile was huge, despite the sorrow that had afflicted her the month before. Her hair was long, down around her shoulders and wavy after wearing it in plaits the night before. I remember the fear in her eyes. That fear when she looked back at me... praying this wasn't going to be the last time she saw me.

I shake my head. I needed to get those particular thoughts out of my head.

The last few weeks since my birthday I'd been having  more dreams, except these had been good dreams. It was my mind going through all those memories I thought I had locked away.

That first night, I dreamt about seeing the house. The next night, I dreamt about the first day I met her, with her toothless smile and her blonde hair in plaited pigtails. The night after, that I dreamt of the night she broke me out of the hospital. Every night I dreamt of something different. A good memory, a happy memory, one where Tessa was smiling, her smile was easy and there wasn't any worry behind her eyes that something bad was going to happen. She was just unburdened and free. It was a time that felt like decades ago, not four years.

For some reason, I felt free, but I knew that feeling wouldn't last long once I saw her. All those feelings would come flooding back, and I'd be back to square one.

"Arch, you better get going or you'll be late!" Millie calls from outside my door, piercing my thoughts.

She obviously doesn't realise I'm sat up in my clothes already. When it got to four AM and I knew I wasn't going to be able to sleep so I just gave up and got dressed... and I've been sat here ever since.

I am now three hours from seeing her again. Three hours. One-hundred and eighty minutes. I am one-hundred and eighty minutes away from seeing the person I've been missing more than I've ever missed anyone. I'll get a glimpse of the person who shares half of my soul, and even though I can no longer call her mine, just seeing her will be enough to heal the hole in my chest.

At least I hope it will.

"Archie!" She yells again.

I groan as I push up from bed, grabbing my phone and car keys from the table before opening my door.

"Oh you're up and dressed?"

I scoff a laugh. "Millie, I haven't bloody slept."

She laughs and looks at Greg, who chortles along with her. "Touchy."

"Arch, it's just Tessa," Greg tells me as Millie straightens the collar on my shirt.

It's okay for Millie to say that. She speaks to Tessa almost every day. Millie hasn't had to go through four years without her. Four years of torture. Tessa will also never be 'just Tessa' to me. Even if she is no longer my Tessa, to me she will always be so much more than 'just Tessa'.

"I'm going to pretend you didn't just say that." My tne is flat as I head over to the kitchen to pour myself some coffee. "You guys are getting lunch ready right?"

She rolls her eyes. "For the hundredth time, yes. You're now being annoying."

I glare at her. "Millie, stop being a dick about this!" I raise my voice slightly and her eyes go cold.

"Whoa, Arch calm down."

I do calm slightly but I lean my elbows on the side and drop my head into my hands. "I can't! I haven't seen her in fucking ages!"

She comes up to me and rubs my back. "You've been texting her though. Archie it'll be fine." She puts a hand on my shoulder. "And she rang you the other day. Please calm down."

I try to take a deep breath, but I was officially beyond freaking out.

It didn't matter whether we had been texting on and off, or that we spoke on the phone once, four years of me mulling over what the hell I was going to say to her was now becoming a sharp reality. And I still had no bloody clue what I needed to say. I didn't know what I wanted to say. I know I have so much to apologise for... but I just had no idea where to start.

To me, what mattered most was that she was happy. I had hurt her way worse than I could ever apologise for, and to be honest I was lucky that she even agreeing to speak to me, let alone anything else. For me, it would never matter how much it hurt to see her happy with someone else. As long as she was, I was prepared to live in eternal agony.

"I just want her to be happy, Mils. That's all I've ever wanted."

"She is happy, Arch. But seeing you today..."

I look up at her when she doesn't say anything, and her face says it all.

"Seeing me today... what?"

She smiles. "See you today will make her even happier."

I didn't know if Millie was just saying that to get me to calm down, but even if it wasn't, it was the only thing she knew would probably work.

"She has never said a bad thing about you. Never. She defends you to Jamie whenever he goes off on one, so I kno for a fact she's here to see you, and to make sure you're happy... same as you for her."

She had told me that Jamie hates the mention of me but to be honest I couldn't blame him. Hearing she defended me, even to him, was news to me, but it only brings me more hope that the panic in my chest is unwarranted. As far as we were concerned, we were friends looking out for each other's happiness... nothing more.

"Now, you really will be late if you don't leave," Greg laughs.

"Probably." I roll my eyes.

Millie pulls me into a tight hug before letting me go and shoving towards the door. "Go and finish this once and for all."

I step back and kiss her cheek before holding her tightly in my arms. "What would I do without you, Mils?"

"I have no idea," she laughs. "Now go, otherwise you'll have Charlotte to answer to and-"

"No one wants that," I finish with a chuckle. "Right. How do I look?" I spin and look down at myself.

"Just go! You look great."

I laugh and pick up my keys again from the kitchen counter.

"Wish me luck." I say sheepishly. 

"You don't need it!" they chime together, chuckling as I finally close the door behind me.

***

Landed!

AS I PULL INTO JFK's short stay car park, a text comes through from Charlotte, a sense of excitement now filling my belly. Weirdly, the nerves have all gone. I didn't know if it was the fact Tessa was officially, knowingly, on the same continent  as me, or whether my nerves had just naturally passed, but I was going to embrace it.

I smile at my phone screen as I tap a reply, heading inside and straight towards a source of caffeine.

I'm parked and headed into arrivals. Any coffee orders?

"What can I get you?" the barista asks, and I find myself ordering everybody's usuals back home.

"Can I get a Flat White, an Espresso, oat milk chai latte and a hot chocolate please."

"Sure thing."

"Oh, sorry, can the oat milk chai have an extra shot please?"

"No worries." He puts all of the orders in. "Twenty bucks even, dude," he tells me.

I hand him the fifty from my wallet and smile. "Keep the change."

He looks at the note in his hand and smiles gratefully at me. "Hey thanks man. Coffee'll be right out."

A few minutes later, the barista pops up again with a drinks holder as well as a paper bag for me to take with it.

"Oh, I didn't order that."

"I know, it's on the house. It's not every day a customer gives you a thirty dollar top," he chuckles, insisting I take the bag as well.

I smile as I accept it, smiling wider as I see one of the croissants he'd obviously seen me eyeing up. "Thanks man."

I decide to stay and wait for confirmation they're coming through, and about ten minutes, he comes up to me.

"Are you waiting on people?"

"Yeah, three friends from home."

"Where are they flying from?"

"Home. England."

"Aw man, I thought you were Australian. I'm not very good with the accents anymore. They all just blur together."

I laugh. "No, I'm originally from London."

"I've never been, but my girlfriend wants to go. Is it nice?"

"London? Yeah, I suppose. It's huge. Although I suppose you would class it as tiny if you're a local?"

He nods. "Queens."

"No doubt you would, but what I love is that there is something for everybody. City life with all the bars, parks for walking dogs, sights to see. Lots of culture."

"I hear you have great coffee," he laughs. "Ant, what's that place you were talking about the other day?" he asks another barista as he comes past.

"Where?"

"In London."

"Oh, Shoreditch."

I laugh as I hear it. Both boys had sleeve tattoos and artfully shaved hair cuts, so would no doubt fit right in. "I'm sure you would. It is cool there actually. Lots of coffee places all claiming to be the best in London. But if you like beer, that's also a great place to go. Camden, which isn't far from there, has great bars."

I'm about to ask him more questions but my phone buzzes with an update from Charlotte.

Through security, just waiting for bags now xxx

"That's my cue. Thank you for this," I say, gesturing to the bag in my hand. "And maybe I'll see you in Shoreditch?" I joke, patting him on the shoulder as I walk past, heading towards arrivals.

On my way through, I see a flower stall, so I pick up a single long-stemmed Daisy and bring it over to the counter, know they're Tessa's favourites. I pay too much for it again, same as the coffee, but I'm in too good of a mood to care.

Coming out now! See you soon! xxx

I lift my head up just as a flow of people starts filtering out of the double doors from baggage reclaim. My stomach keeps flipping and turning as I say each person isn't them, feeling like I'm seeing hundreds of people. But when I finally see her...

Nothing could have ever prepared me for this moment.

It's as if the world was in black and white before now, and it's all suddenly gone into glorious technicolour, with Tessa stood central to all of it. She's walking in slow motion, the whole world slowing as I just look at her.

She's wearing a pair of light jeans, which are cut off at the ankle, with a stylish in the knee, her hair down around her shoulders, a pair of Ray Bans on her head, and she looks amazing. Her effortless style has clearly continued as she has a oversized hoodie hanging from her shoulders, and I find myself smiling as I recognise it as Matt's old one. She's got a pair of Vans on, red and blue, with the red matching the t-shirt Mickey Mouse t-shirt she's wearing. Her head is on a swivel, looking for something, but I don't want to believe she's looking for me.

After an eternity, her brilliant green eyes lock in mine, and I smile as she stops and cups her mouth. Her eyes are glistening with tears, but they're not sad or angry tears, and as she breaks into a run towards me, I know she's just as happy to see me as I am to see her.

She runs straight into my open arms and I pick her up effortlessly as she squeezes her arms around my neck. She tucks her face into the crook as I do the same. Her hair smells of watermelons, just as I remember, and her skin is soft, and for just a moment, I'm that seven year old again.

I know people are looking at us, Charlotte and Danny included, but I don't want to move. I want to hold her like this for as long as possible, because I don't know when I'll be able to again.

Unfortunately, after a throat clearing from Danny, her face pulls away from my neck and she tips back before I put her back down. She strokes my cheek once, smiling, remembering, but then steps back away from me, wiping a solitary tear as it escapes.

Turning my attention to my other guests, I kiss Charlotte's cheek next, hugging her with one arm.

"Arch, you're looking great!" She notes, pinching the muscles on my arm jokingly as she laughs.

"You've caught me on a good day," I joke before giving Danny a one-armed bear hug, careful of the coffees in my other hand.

When I pull away, I hand Tessa her daisy with a smile before turning to Danny. "Danny, you look great mate!"

He has slimmed down a lot since the last time I saw him over Zoom, and he's now sporting a slightly less dishevelled beard than he did a few days ago. His eyes are bright, and he has a whopping great smile on his face too. I'll be honest, all the smiles are making me feel a bit overwhelmed.

"And Charlotte. You look beautiful," I tell her, drawing my attention back to her.

She's dressed similarly to tessa, except with maroon chinos instead of light jeans.

"A blushing bride, in time for December," I tell her, and she visibly blushes in response.

Next I turn to Tessa.

"And me?" she asks, a coy smile on her lips.

I go to say something, but I can't say what I want to say, but I do my best anyway.

"Tess, there are no words. You look amazing... and it's so good to see you." I smile at her before flicking my head between Danny and Charlotte too before moving my eyes back to her. "I like what you've done with your hair," I say, touching the bottom of it.

She smiles and looks down at it, cheeks reddening. "It needs a cut really." She never has been able to take a compliment.

I chuckle as I remember the coffees. "Flat white for Danny, hot chocolate for Char, espresso for me, and then an oat milk chai for Tess. Extra shot."

"You remembered?" She smiles as she takes it from me.

I shrug as an answer before directing my attention to everyone. "Right. We ready to go?"

"Definitely!" Danny says, leading the way in the direction I'm pointing. Tessa follows on behind, slurping her coffee, but Charlotte pulls me back.

"You okay?" I ask her and she sighs as she looks towards Tessa, who is frowning at the fact we aren't following.

"Yeah, I'm fine." Her eyes are glistening as she smiles wider. "Don't take this the wrong way," she starts, now looking back at me. I swallow, prepared for being told off. "Arch, this is the happiest I've seen her in ages."

I look back at her as she says it, watching Tessa as she walks away under Danny's arm before I turn back to Charlotte. She's now pointing her finger at me, which I can't help but laugh at.

"So don't fuck this up, Arch."

There it was. She was always looking out for Tessa, keeping me on my toes. "I don't plan to do anything of the sort, Char." I smile as we start walking towards the door. "I know how lucky I am to have this second chance, so I'm not doing anything to jeopardise that."

"Good." She smiles as she loops her arm through mine. "And you look good too, Arch. You're looking like you're looking after yourself, which is good."

I chuckle, "Yeah I'm okay. Still getting there, but definitely better."

"And one of the richest people in the country," she adds, not that you'd know it from looking at you," she laughs, gesturing to my very worn, old boat shoes and my trusty checked shirt.

"Thanks. I think," I laugh. "If you're lucky, you'll get the royal treatment while you're here," I add as we reach Danny and Tessa again. "Nothing but the best when it comes to the friends of Walls. Millie is so excited to see you guys."

Tessa smiles at that. "Oh, I'm glad she's here. I thought they'd still be travelling?"

"That was the plan, I think, but they've delayed the last bit. They'll be here for the whole time you are, then they'll head back to Cali. Millie is actually doing breakfast, so we should get a move on," I say nervously, leading the three of them to the car.

When we get there, I open up the boot and help the girls get their cases in before heading back to sort the parking ticket. After a five minute wait in line, I get back in the car, jump in the driver's side, pulling onto the freeway as I try to keep myself calm... with Tessa sitting a foot away.