SIX YEARS AGO

AS TESSA BUCKLES HERSELF into the front seat, the back seat laden with buckets and small wicker boxes, I start the engine and back out of the driveway.

"How much has Millie asked us to get?" I ask, stopping as I focus on the expanse of boxes I see on the seat. There must be at least ten boxes, and they're not exactly small.

"Half of these," Tessa answers dutifully, making her guilty face. When I quirk my eyebrow she sighs. "Okay, all of them. She's in a jam phase and I just love her jam okay. I really want her to win."

I shake my head as I put the car in first and but smile as we pull off down the road.

Millie is taking part in a local baking competition in a couple of weeks time, and we've all been roped into helping, Matt and Andy included. Matt has even given up football this weekend, that's how important it is. Part of the competition is making your own original jam recipe, so that's what we've been tasked with today: buying out the entire crop of strawberries and raspberries.

"What are we doing in this process again?"

"Canning, I think. Whatever that means. I don't think Millie trusts anyone else with the actual making of the prize-winning jam," she giggles.

"Prize winning, eh?"

"Yes, it will be."

I smile. Millie's jam was amazing. Amazing enough to convert Matt into a jam lover after saying he's hated it for nearly seventeen years.

But as I focus on Tessa, and the fact she's looking at me, I smile wider, feeling my cheeks redden as she examines me.

"Your bruises have all gone." Her voice is soft and proud as she leans across and strokes my cheek gently. "I mean you're handsome whatever you look like," she quips, "but they're actually gone."

It had been a few months since I'd got out of the hospital but the bruising on my jaw had been so bad that those have taken a while to fade. But now, in March, they have finally gone. I'm still off football until I've got the okay from my doctor next week because of my ribs, but the rest of me is all healed and ready to get back to some sense of normality.

When I don't say anything in return, she shuffles sideways and puts her chin gently on my shoulder as I wait at the lights, turning towards Harlow. She kisses beneath my ear, the side of my neck and then my shoulder as she tries to comfort me. What happened with Dad will always be a hard subject to bear, but with her, I can.

Her touch gives me strength and comfort, because it has always been the small things with us. When we walk, it's a finger always connected, her legs in my lap as we watch the TV, my arm cradling them close. I can never get enough of her, and I feel like I never will. I've known this beautiful girl my whole life, and I still feel like I learn something new every day.

"I love you," I tell her, kissing her nose quickly before I set off again.

She smiles, her cheeks reddening, before she sits back in her seat.

"We don't come this way enough," she says when we've been driving for a few minutes.

"Yeah I know the countryside is epic around here. Nobody realises how close this is to the city centre. Forty minutes that way and you're surrounded by skyscrapers."

"It's just green. Field after field after field. It's beautiful. And I think it's what I'd like if we get a house together. A house in the country."

"What do you mean 'if' we get a house?" I joke. "Of course we will."

Having been told by both friends and Tessa's parents that we spend too much time together - as if that could be a thing with someone as amazing as Tessa - she keeps making comments like this, and I hated it. It was as if she saw our futures as separate... and I wasn't sure where it was coming from.

I know me getting down on one knee and giving her a promise ring in front of the whole class screamed 'I know we're seventeen but I want you in my future' but I wasn't ashamed of that. After going through something like I had, where I was close to losing everything, I knew what was most important. To me, that was Tessa. No matter what happened over the next few years, university, jobs and all that crap, I knew that, for me, it all began and ended with Tessa.

Some people saw that as intense, and maybe it was, but the thing I didn't like was that I could see Tessa changing her mind in ways to make other people happy.

She'd made the comment on Valentine's Day that we needed to see more of our friends, which we do, but recently she's been changing her opinions to suit others. I wouldn't mind at all if these opinions were what she actually wanted, but it's not. A couple of times I've asked her later on if she meant what she'd said, but her answer is always the same: 'oh no, I was just saying it so they wouldn't ask any more questions.' Obviously, I am very glad she never means it, but it annoys me when people butt in, even when they say they're 'only trying to help'. It was starting to impact on what she thought she wanted, what we both thought we wanted...

I always tell myself that I know Tessa is as excited about our future together, but it's just that she's saying it to please everyone else... and I just wish she would think of herself in this. It's her future, or rather our future, and it's nothing to do with them. I know it's a huge part of why I love her so much, but sometimes she's maybe too selfless sometimes. Or maybe I'm just sick of having to share her. Probably the latter.

"I know that," she backtracks, probably hearing the inner monologue taking place in my head. "But you know I'm just weighing my options." I turn my head and she's now smirking, knowing she's got my attention.

I go to poke her in the side but she jerks away from me. "Weighing your options, eh?" I play along. "What might those be?"

"I could meet someone... You could meet someone..."

It was hard to tell whether she was joking, so I keep my eyes on the road so they don't betray me. However when I do finally look at her, she's smiling, and knows full well her winding me up is working.

Both of us had been worrying about New York, even if we weren't admitting it to ourselves. But then, I know that I love her, and that she loves me, so I always choose to trust in that, knowing that's all that matters.

"So who is this new guy then? What's he got that makes you stray from all this?" I ask, gesturing to the pot belly I'd grown over the last few months due to lack of exercise.

"Oh, he has everything." She sits back and pretends to think. "He doesn't shower... Picks his nose, scratches his bum."

"So your dream guy is Rob? I didn't know he wanted to go to Edinburgh." I laugh to myself but when she doesn't, I turn my head to look at her. "Tess?"

She's looking out of the window, her eyes fixed on something in the distance, but I can't see what she's actually looking at because the car's moving.

"Baby, what are you looking at?"

Again, she doesn't answer me so I slow down and pull into the closest lay-by to get a better look. Whatever she's looking at must be incredible if she's ignoring me.

My eyes scan the horizon for a moment, but when I see it, I completely understand.

It's a house, a large farmhouse tucked into the rolling hill countryside surroundings of the rural outskirts of Harlow. From what I can see, even from here, it's fallen into disrepair, but I can still see that it's got dark brick walls, a porch around the outside, and that it has a whole lot of character. I think we're looking at it from the side, as I remember an entrance for a similar-looking house being a couple of miles up the road, forking left from where we are now.

"What is that place?" Her voice is full of wonder, her nose practically pressed against the glass.

"I think..." I start, pulling my phone out to look at the map. "Yeah, look. It's the old Stonemill Farm estate."

She turns her head for a second to see what I'm pointing to, but she flicks it back to the house in the distance, as if she's afraid it will disappear if she took her eyes off it.

"Isn't it that abandoned farm your mum used to talk about?"

"Not sure. Maybe?"

I zoom in on the map, working out our location, and hook it up to my car to give us directions before pulling off again.

Her head whirls around as we move. "Archie, where are you going?" She asks, sounding almost angry.

I laugh as I put a hand on her knee. "I'm going to try and get us a closer look."

Her frown is replaced by a killer smile as she bounces sideways and flings her arms around my neck, kissing my cheek. Keeping my eyes on the road, I laugh, my stomach suddenly fluttering with nerves.

***

"OH NO, IT'S ALL fenced off."

For as far as we can see, the whole site seems to be fenced off. From here, the main entrance, we have a much better viewpoint of the farmhouse, as well as the fields closest to the road. We could now see there is a similarly-derelict coach house closest to the road, with its own entrance, and the driveway up to the house is riddled with very deep-looking potholes. Further in the distance I could see a large barn, as well as some smaller outbuildings.

I turn the engine off and half step out, examining the fence in front of us for a small enough gap for at least Tessa to get through and have a sneaky look around.

My eyes scan the fence twice, but eventually I notice a gap in the fence held together by a long chain. Leaving Tessa for a moment, I walk up and test it. It's big enough for me, as well as Tessa, so I wave her over as I slip through fully.

"Arch, what are you doing?" she asks, whispering even though there is no one around.

Bless her, I can see she wants to go in, and the need to do that is battling with her not wanting to trespass.

"We're taking a look. Shut your door and get in here," I tell her.

She shuts the door but still looks uneasy when she gets back to me. "Arch, we shouldn't."

"Come on. One quick peek in a window..."

She looks from me to the house and back again, her answering smile now double the size before she slips through the chain and joins me, taking my hand as she pulls me up the driveway, towards the beautiful house.

As we walk up, I realise how far away from the road we really are. I can't hear the floods of cars driving past us at all, and by the time we reach the house, it's completely silent, with the only sound being our feet on the gravel.

The fields are expansive, surrounding the house on all four side, but from what I can see, it all seems pretty in tact.

From its frontage, the house looks Georgian, like what could have been a high-class ancestral home of an Earl or Duke maybe, with light brown sandstone reminding me of the buildings in Bath when we visited last year. Half of the front had been covered by overgrown bushes and ivy, but through the thorns and thick branches, I can see some climbing roses. The bushes are blocking the downstairs windows, but I know that with some proper TLC, the house would look incredible. All it needed was a strong pair of garden shears.

It's two storeys, maybe three, with a large south facing porch that is currently collecting huge amounts of afternoon sun. One look at the outside and I know this is the house I want to live in. There isn't a shadow of a doubt about that.

"This is house is so beautiful."

As I look up, I wholeheartedly agree.

"Oh my god, look at that!" She exclaims before running off towards the porch.

I laugh as I follow her, trying to keep up but having to slow down when my ribs protest. When I get there, she's disappeared.

"Baby?" I call. No answer. I look around, vaguely wondering if she's going to jump out of a bush, but then I hear a rustling noise coming from inside. "Tess?"

She sticks her head out of the window to my left, making me laugh. "What happened to 'we really shouldn't'?"

She smiles sweetly at me before beckoning me in. I look at the broken glass warily but then spot a larger window around the corner which has less jagged edges. Taking off my jumper, I place it over the glass to protect my hands and climb in to join her.

When I look up, I'm shocked at how different it is inside. It's modern. It doesn't match the outside at all, and it makes me sad that someone would do that. Although it's a relief it has been used more recently than the seventeenth century, it looks as though the family who owned just literally upped and left.

It would have been split into smaller, albeit still large rooms, but the entirety of the downstairs, from what I can see, seems to be open. I can see the wall between the living and dining rooms has been knocked through to create a kitchen island, which just looks entirely out of place. It looks like a seventies kitchen, with retro-looking appliances, along with very dated cupboarding which was a browning colour. It looks like it used to be mustard coloured. Vines are creeping in through the two broken kitchen windows behind a huge metal sink, growing around the taps and then moving into further into the kitchen, swirling around the floor.

"It's as if the family here just decided to up and leave," Tessa says, mirroring my own thoughts. I nod in agreement as we move further into the house.

Tessa is taking pictures - artful ones and ones for her memory bank - but I'm still trying to get over how someone had just left a house with so much potential to waste and wither away... to become eventually consumed by the foliage surrounding it.

"This place is incredible. I wonder how we had never seen it?" Tessa tucks herself into me as I ask the question. I had seen it in my periphery, but I'd never slowed down enough to take a proper look.

"I suppose we don't really come this way much?" She suggests, looking around. "If those stairs didn't look so unsafe, I would so take a look around up there."

I turn my head to where she's looking before I examine the ceiling. I could see holes in the ceiling running along the upstairs corridor, so Tessa was right for not wanting to go upstairs. I want to see too, so I walk over to the centre of the stairs and lean as far over them as I can.

"Can you see much?" she asks, appearing next to me and doing the same.

"Nah, not really. Just a long corridor of rooms. From the size of the corridor, I'd say it's at least a five bed, maybe a six."

"Six at least, I bet that corridor goes all the way round."

She was right. She has a great eye for these things, and as she turns around I can see the cogs whirring, thinking about what she could see if she could change the house.

A large, open plan kitchen, with a kitchen island for food prep, a wall of pull-out larder cupboards, as well as a proper AGA cooker... one that is on all the time, spreading heat and the smell of baking around the house, as she would constantly be making bread.

There would be two living rooms, one for entertaining and one for movie-watching downstairs. There would be large, blue velvet sofas in the entertaining living room, with space for loads of people, then downstairs in the movie basement, there will be large plushie sofas, like Andy has in his basement, with shelves and poster surrounding the walls.

I'm imagining an open hallway, with a large table always topped with beautiful flowers. You see it once you go in through an intricate wooden door, and behind that is the huge, spiral staircase, leading up to bedroom after bedroom, all decorated plainly, but with one feature wall in each, all completely different.

I watch her as she wanders around the downstairs and smile. "I can see you in here, you know." I pull her into me, her back resting against my front. "What's that saying..."

She giggles and leans back into me before turning around in my arms. She rests her hands on my chest as she stares up at me, her emerald eyes staring into my soul.

"Barefoot and pregnant?" she answers with a smile, making me giddy. The prospect of a family with the girl I'm holding in my arms is enough to make anyone giddy.

She kisses me, humming contentedly. "Yeah, that one," I mumble through our kiss.

"Maybe a few more years, Arch."

She kisses me again, this time on my jaw before wandering down the hall. She disappears around the corner, and a few minutes later I hear the tinkling of a piano.

"No way."

I follow the sound until I reach her, continuing to play the tune I've never heard before. It's beautiful, and I'm absolutely flabberghasted by the fact I never knew she played. I'd never heard her play before... and I'm finding it hard to believe she's kept it from me all this time.

But when the piano keeps playing as she raises her hands, I almost fall over I'm laughing so much.

"Gotcha!" She howls with laughter, barely able to hold herself up. "You should have seen your face."

I walk around behind her and start tickling her as she laughs, making her squirm. She flinches in my arms and pushes me backwards, sending us both flying. I keep tickling, happy tears pooling in my eyes until she's straddling me, pinning my arms above me, looking down at me.

Her hair has come out of its bun, and it's now hanging down around us as she leans down, planting a sound kiss on my lips. She lets my hands go and I stroke my hands down her back, holding her as if she were my lifeline as she kisses me harder, longer.

I sit up, our bodies flush against each other, both of us breathing heavily as we break the kiss.

She pushes her hair out of her face and pulls it back into a bun before settling her arms on my shoulders. We just look at each other for a moment, before I push my forehead gently onto hers. We're silent for a moment, both just sitting in this quiet moment.

"I'll buy this house one day," I promise her.

She opens her eyes, biting her lip as she struggles to hold back a smile.

"Don't promise me, Arch." Her voice is barely audible over the sound of my own heartbeat in my ears.

"I am promising," I say. "I will. One way or another. This house will be ours." I put a soft hand on her cheek, placing my forehead back against hers as I sigh deeply. "I promise."

She kisses my nose before kissing my lips and then stands, leaving me on the floor, looking up at her as she stands over me.

"What are you doing?" She asks when I don't move, laughing.

"What?"

"Arch, Millie is literally going to kill us if we don't come back with a million strawberries."

I roll my eyes as she offers me her hand to help me get up. I take it and helps pull me up. I stand flush to her as I do so, leaning down to kiss her lips quickly before pulling her back towards the kitchen.

As we climb out and walk back towards the gate, I stop her.

"Here, hang on. Come here." I pull her under my shoulder as I pull out my phone, holding it up in front of us to get a selfie of us with the house.

Waiting until the sun hit the house perfectly, Tessa and I have wide smiles and bright eyes as I hit the button, taking three, feeling like the house is smiling with us. Tessa takes my phone from me as we walk back to the car, taking a closer look.

"I think I'm going to hold you to that promise, Arch," she tells me as we get to the gate. She kisses me quickly as I hold the gate apart for her before climbing through myself.

As she gets in, I look back one more time at it, the sun now shining down on it, making the sandstone look even more stunning than it already did, the sun shining through the upstairs windows, throwing coloured reflections from the stained glass.

One day, I say to myself before getting back in the car, both of us with wide smiles. I start the engine, and with one more wistful look, I back out of the turning and drive away.

***

"WHAT ARE YOU GUYS smiling so much about?" Matt asks, taking one of the baskets of strawberries from me as we come in the door.

I shake my head innocently as I shrug, looking at Tessa, who is wearing the same bright smile as me.

"Is this it?" Millie asks, hands on hips. I could see she was about to get angry.

"No," I placate her. "There's like eight more boxes in the car." Her face instantly relaxes.

"Thank god." She pushes past us to get to the car and comes back holding three boxes of strawberries, one of raspberries.

Tessa and I look at each other before I kiss her forehead and untuck her from under my arm.

"Right Mils, where do you want us?"