"SO HOW WAS THE zoo?" Mark asks, and I'm thankful he's choosing not to grill me. Not yet anyway.

"Really good." From his expression, I know he must have seen Ellie's new toys, so there was no point lying. "We may or may not have bought the entire gift shop."

"It's hard to say no to that face isn't it," he chuckles and I nod. "Has she been good otherwise?"

"Yeah, good as gold. She fell asleep for a bit in the car on the way home, but I have a feeling she'll be out like a light still. She didn't stop all day."

As I say it, a pair of footsteps thunder down the stairs and Ellie rockets into Mum's lap.

"Careful, Els," Mark warns her. "Mummy's had a long day."

I walk over to the sofa and sit next to Mum. Ellie climbs off Mum and into my arms, resting her head against my chest, snuggling Jane close to her. Mum asks her about our day, and she goes off, speaking at about a million miles a minute, the redness in her cheeks showing her excitement as well as the brightness in her eyes.

Mum and I listen avidly, hanging on her every word, asking her questions about all the animals we've seen, but soon, her words get more slurred before she falls asleep.

"You really did tire her out," Mum croons, stroking Ellie's fringe out of her face. "She'll be out for the afternoon."

"I feel like I could nap too. It's only five and I am so ready for bed." I laugh as I yawn widely, making Mum yawn. "Did you guys have a good day?"

"Yeah, we did." Mark comes and sits next to Mum, putting his arm around her. "We actually went and got a scan of the baby actually, ready to show Ellie tomorrow, so she can see." She leans forward gingerly, grabbing her bag off the table. "I know you've already bought a new shirt, but I was hoping you wouldn't mind wearing this one once we tell her?"

She hands me a brown paper bag, and I frown as I open it, but smile as I pull out what's inside. It says 'Soon to be big sister' on it, and I absolutely love it.

"Of course I'll wear it! And I promise to be around more now that I'm back properly. Babysitting, more weekend visits, sleepovers and dinners at ours, day trips. You name it, I'm there."

Mum makes a face. "Tess, as much as I love having you around more, I know you have your own life now. You're twenty-two, and you're about to enter the world of work. You have Jamie." She strokes my cheek. "You're an adult."

I smile at the proud look all over Mum's face and it brings tears to my eyes.

I've missed my mum so much. I feel like, even though I've been back for a while, I have barely seen her, and then when I do see her, the time I spend with her is never enough. I used to spend hours talking to Mum on the phone when she called, or sitting drinking tea or Prosecco when we came up to see her before university. Now we have such different things going on.

Me, I'm rushing around trying to plan a wedding, whilst also interviewing here, there and everywhere for teaching positions starting next year. It doesn't sound like much, but if you added what Mum's up to into the equation, it meant we didn't really have time together like this.The point was that I miss my mum. Even though she's right here, I miss her.

Mum's always working, planning shoots or gallery shows, and now that she's preparing for the new baby, something told me I would soon have even less time.

"So, tell us," Mum starts, patting my knee. "How's Jamie? And the new apartment?" She leans forward and hides her face from Mark as she adds, "How is living with a boy?"

I laugh. "You know, it's actually not that bad."

She smiles and sits back.

"He's fine though. I miss him."

I had now received a message from him that said he had now arrived in Australia, and that jet lag was hitting him hard. He sent it along with a picture of his hotel room, which had beach front views.

"Living with him is great. He actually picks up after himself, and does his own washing. Can you believe it!" I widen my eyes and Mum gasps on cue. "We see a lot more of each other, which I love."

"Well that's good."

"Yeah, I was worrying he was pulling away, but it was just that we needed that move; we needed the push."

She smiles. "You pick up on any annoying habits yet?" she jokes, giggling like a schoolgirl.

"Not that I wasn't already aware of, thank god. He cleans, but he doesn't wash up or load the dishwasher properly." I shudder jokingly. "But I can live with that because he washes up wrong anyway."

"How can he wash up wrong?" Mark asks.

"He doesn't wash the soap suds off, essentially making our next meal taste all soapy."

"Tess, that's a little bit ridiculous," he laughs and I shrug.

"It also helps pass some of the time when he isn't there, that is when I'm not planning Charlotte's hen!" I decide on a change of subject before they start questioning why I said that in particular.

"Oh wow, have you booked it?"

"Yup! It's coming around soon too."

"It's not too wild, is it?"

"Nope, she explicitly said she didn't want a wild one. It's afternoon tea at the Ritz, cocktail making afterwards, with dinner out somewhere. The next day we're at the spa at Elvenden. You know you're invited right?"

"Oh, am I?"

"Yeah, of course you are. Char insisted. It's Char, me, her two other bridesmaids, you and Cassie, so its just a small gathering." I smile. "I've looked at some pregnancy-safe treatments, but you can take a look as well."

"Sounds good, although I'll probably just be better off with my book and a water bed."

I smile. "That's what I was planning to do."

"Sounds amazing, Tess. She will love it. It will be good to see Cassie again, as I haven't seen her since Ellie was super small."

It makes me sad to hear she hasn't seen Cassie in a while, as the two of them had grown a lot closer. They lost touch for a while, not helped by my parents' divorce as well as Mum travelling, but when she settled down with Mark, they became close again. I'm glad that Charlotte and I haven't lost touch. I don't know what I would do without her.

"And how's Danny? How's that new project he's working on?"

"Oh my god, he is so busy. Apparently Char barely sees him, especially when she's on nights as well. I haven't seen him in a few weeks, but I have no idea how the project's going to be honest, it's all very cloak and dagger."

"Which one is it again?"

"The one on the main Harlow road. I tried to see in a few weeks ago, when Char told me about it, but the wooden gate around it is so high you can't see through."

She frowns. "The old farmhouse next to the fruit picking farm you guys used to go to?"

I nod. "Yeah, that's the one. With the big coach house attached."

"Bit odd that it's so secretive. I bet you could just turn up if you wanted to. Why don't we try and go down there tomorrow? Just you and me."

"Yeah, I can look after Ellie," Mark adds.

I shrug. "I don't know."

"Oh come on, Bruce will love it down there, and if we can't get in, then we can just go over to the strawberry fields anyway."

I smile, loving that she's trying. "We can try. But I do want to text Danny. I don't want to get him in trouble."

She rolls her eyes and says, "Spoil sport," but doesn't protest. "I suppose we don't want that, do we."

"Nope. You know the owner asked for him explicitly, like by name?"

"No!" she gasps. "Wow, that's amazing. No wonder you want to check. That's so amazing for him."

"Yeah! Char says he's on site most days because of that. I reckon he does know who it is..."

I think for a few minutes before getting out my phone to text him. I figure it's worth at least one more try.

Hey dude. I am trying one more time :p I know it will probably be a no, but I don't suppose we can come and see the house tomorrow? xxx

Mum's now talking about the petting zoo that apparently used to be there, talking about how you brush and ride the horses if you wanted. It was strange to think that you used to be able to do all that, as the house had been abandoned by the time we had been born. From the sounds of it, it must have been shut down when Mum was a girl.

My phone buzzes. "Danny's come back," I tell Mum.

Is it just you? Or you and Laura?

I frown, trying to figure out why it mattered. I'm also trying to remember who was with us last time. It was just over two weeks ago, just after the cake tasting.

Just me and mum :)

The dots dance for a few seconds.

"What are you looking at so intently?" Mum asks, leaning sideways to try and see my phone.

"Danny. His text is really weird."

"Weird how?"

"Well... he asked whether it was just me, so I mentioned I was with you. I'm wondering why it matters who I'm... with."

I trail off as I remember I was with Jamie last time.

"Oh my god," I whisper, cupping my mouth, and I know that Mum and Mark are both staring at me.

"What is it?"

The house belongs to Archie. It has to be.

"This... This is going to sound really crazy, but I think..." I shake my head as I look at Danny's message again. "I think the farm belongs to Archie."

"Ar- Tessa that's ridiculous. What would he need it for when he's in New York." She looks at Mark and he shrugs. "Why would he have bought it if he's staying in New York?"

I frown. "Mum, he's coming home. He's coming back." I note there's a vein of excitement in my voice and I try to squash it before Mum notices.

"Coming back?" I nod. "For what?"

I shrug. "How would I know?"

"Tess, you don't think he's coming back to stir up trouble, do you?"

"What?" I fire back, my voice coming out much louder than I'd wanted it to.

However, my mind starts to work. Oh my god, what if he is?

"No." I say it with more surety. "He wouldn't do that. He wouldn't."

I don't sound convincing enough, and I know Mum and Mark aren't convinced either. Shit.

"To be honest, I didn't know you were back in proper contact with him until today..."

I can sense rising anger in her voice, and I now feel so stupid. She can see straight through me, I know she can, so I had to be careful with what I say.

"I thought you were still talking through Millie?"

This is why I need to see Mum more. In the four months I had been back, Archie and I had been texting quite a lot. It was nothing more than a 'how was your day' conversation most days, but I'm now starting to think me continuing to message him was a really stupid idea. I shake my head. Texting him probably gave him hope that maybe I could change my mind... That I would just go back to him.

"Mum, what have I done?" I sob, dropping my head into my hands.

She goes to move and comfort me, putting an arm around my shoulders, but remembers she has Ellie on her lap. She gently transfers her to Mark before hugging me tightly.

"Mum, I am such an idiot."

She shakes her head. "You're not an idiot. It may not even be him."

I give her a look. "Mum, it is him. Every time we drove past it to go anywhere he used to tell me he would buy it one day." I take a deep breath as all the memories start flooding back to me.

"Honey, that doesn't mean he's done it now. Look, we don't have to go tomorrow, okay. We can take Bruce somewhere else."

I shake my head. It isn't about tomorrow anymore. It's about the future, and whether Archie thought me coming to New York next week was his chance... his second chance.

"I shouldn't go to New York."

"No." She says it quickly, so I know she's being sincere. "You need to go there, to talk to him. But if you're worried, you just need to tell him straight that you're not there for a second chance. You need to make sure he knows that you're happy with Jamie and that nothing more can happen between the two of you."

I frown before pulling away from her, out of her embrace. "That sounds an awful lot like you don't actually trust that's what I'm going there to say." The way she said it, it sounds as though she thinks I'll be the problem, not Archie. "I'm going for answers, because if I knew I could move on without them, I wouldn't be going."

Shit. That was the wrong thing to say, as I had essentially now just shot myself in the foot.

I notice Mark take Ellie out of the room, now that both mine and Mum's voices are raised. There is a fire in my belly now, and it's making me want to shout louder than ever.

"What do you mean 'if you knew you could move on without them'?" she asks, her voice sounding very accusatory. "Are you having second thoughts?"

"No!" I say quickly. "I need an-"

"You need a what? An explanation?"

"Yes!"

She scoffs. "What other explanation do you need Tessa? He left you. He left you when things got complicated, because of the distance that was about to be forced between the two of you."

I look at her, praying that she doesn't say what I think she's going to say next.

"He's been using Matt's death as an excuse all along, covering up the fact he was leaving anyway."

My mouth drops in shock. She said it. She actually said it.

I feel like I had whiplash, after she turned around so suddenly on Archie. These feelings can't have just arose either. She's been thinking about this and has felt like this for a while.

As she takes in my expression, her face falls. She shuffles forward to try and put a hand on my arm, to comfort me, but I pull away and push off the sofa, away from her. It was too late. I had heard what she said... loud and clear.

"Tessa, I'm sorry," she says as I shake my head. "I didn't mean that."

I hear it, but I'm already upstairs, packing my stuff, throwing it all in haphazardly before I fly down the stairs, out to my car, and out the door.

***

MY EYES ARE BLURRY, and I know I probably shouldn't be driving, but I don't want to be where Mum is right now.

I can't believe she said that. I can't believe she thinks that's why Archie left. I can't believe she thinks that little of him.

I let out a sob and wipe my nose as I get a honk from an oncoming pair of headlights. I gasp as I suddenly swerve, realising I'd drifted onto the wrong side of the road.

"Oh my..." I grip the wheel tight, driving for a few seconds before finding a refuge area. I come to a stop and cut the engine, breathing heavily, trying to get it back under control before I have a panic attack.

Taking one more breath, steadying myself, I decide that I need answers now. I don't want to wait.

I take my phone out and dial Danny's number, pressing it to my ear as it rings and rings.

"Danny Fitzpatrick," he answers after twelve painfully long rings.

Despite my apparent calmness I'd tried to pretend I had a semblance of, my words come out as a long, uncontrollable sob.

"Tess?" He sounds worried. "Tessa, what's happened?" I hear him call for Charlotte but I sniff and wipe my nose on my sleeve, knowing it's him I want to speak to. "Tess, are you-"

"Danny." I cut him off. "Danny, tell me the truth."

He's quiet for a few seconds before he answers. "Truth about what?" He sounds confused, but I know he knows the answer I'm looking for. "Tess, are you okay? Where are you?"  he asks, no doubt trying to change the subject.

"You know, Danny. The house." I huff a loud breath, steadying myself. "Is it Archie? Tell me the truth."

Silence engulfs the line and a hole erupts in my stomach, a stone dropping to the bottom of it. Danny didn't need to say anything more. I have my answer.

"Why?" I ask, my voice small. "Why doesn't he want anyone to know it's him?"

He sighs, obviously feeling torn between protecting Archie's secret and giving me a straight answer.

"He didn't want to avoid people thinking he was back... for-"

"Back for me?"

"Yeah." He sighs again. "He's back, yeah, but he's back for Millie, and he's back for himself. He didn't want anyone to know because he doesn't want to cause any trouble. He's caused enough of that already."

I pinch the bridge of my nose. I can hear him saying all those things, and I feel so foolish in thinking he would be coming for any other reason. I feel stupid... realising my worries weren't true at all.

Disappointment pools through me, and I'm glad Danny can't see my face.

"But why that house, Danny. Why that one?"

He gives me a small chuckle. "See, now, that I don't know."

He could have picked literally any other house. He has a lot of money, so can buy whatever house he wanted, and he buys that one. Why the one that we both loved so much, and held so many incredible, powerful memories for us.

"Tess, you'll have to ask him that yourself."

"I can't ask him that!" I say quickly.

"Danny, why does he always make things so complicated?"

It's a rhetorical question. It's true of me as well. Why couldn't I have just left it. Why couldn't I have just never called him. Why couldn't I have just moved on properly and believed in myself when I said to everyone else that I was fine. Why couldn't I just be happy with Jamie, who has given me more than I could have ever dreamed of, and just forget about Archie?

"You... You still love him, don't you?"

It seems Danny gets to the answer before I do.

I want to scream. I want to pull my hair out and I want to scratch at my eyes I was so angry. I'm angry at myself for feeling this way, and angry at Archie for leaving in the first place. I never wanted to be that person, the person who couldn't forget the boy that broke my heart into a million pieces. I never wanted to be that cliched broken-hearted girl who forever-loved her high school sweetheart. I wanted to be so much more than that.

"Tess, it's okay." Danny's voice is soft but clear, cutting through the blurring red vision. "Tess, come to ours, talk it through. Char's here."

I shake my head. "No. No, meet me at the house. I want to see it." We had made so many plans for that house, and I needed to see what he was doing with it. I need to see what he's doing with our dream.

He sighs but eventually agrees. "Okay, I'll be there in twenty minutes. I'm bringing Char, so you guys can talk."

I smile. "Danny, I'm so sorry to get you in trouble, but I need to know. I need to know he isn't back for me."

"Don't be sorry, Tess. The team are all gone, and something tells me that Archie won't mind if it's you."

I didn't deserve friends like these. I didn't deserve anyone, the way I was thinking.

"Head to the house and we'll see you soon."

A hole opens up further in my chest as I put the phone down. Hearing the truth from someone else makes me realise I'm a terrible person. An awful person.

The truth really is out all round. I just hope I can control what comes next...