THE LAST FEW WEEKS have been exhausting, to say the least. But it's been a good kind of exhausting.

After so many months of doing very little, going backwards and forwards to class, Millie's overly-detailed timetable was so much busier than any of us had anticipated.

Every day was packed with activities and every evening we got back thoroughly exhausted. From dawn until dusk, we were exploring every nook and cranny the east coast had to offer.

The first couple of weeks we spent in New York.

After a lazy day recovering from jet lag, we explored campus, all the buildings and all of its secrets. We covered that in a day before moving on to museums, Central Park, Brooklyn, Liberty Island, Empire State Building and all the other other tourist hotspots Millie could think of.

But after a couple of weeks, we took the party down the coast to Florida.

We've been here for two weeks, and we've visited every beach and every theme park three times over, and in the evening we've visited bar after bar.

We were having the time of our lives... spending the days laughing as we all got soaked with water, and screaming our heads off on rollercoasters. Laughter in the day was then followed by laughter plus drunkenness in the evenings. We ate too much, we drank too much, but we finished every evening out on the beach, looking up at the stars. It was pretty much perfect.

But despite all that, there's always something still on my mind: Tessa'a phone call.

It's been a few weeks since it happened, but it's been playing on my mind as if she called yesterday. It kept replaying it, wishing I had said something meaningful, or actually said something.

I hadn't told anyone it happened, mainly because I wasn't even sure it even had happened.

I wondered if Tessa was okay, because something must have prompted her to do it. She wouldn't have done it lightly, and it was taking all my strength to leave the phone be, and not call her back to check.

To help, I've been leaving my phone at Ollie's when we go out. It's a bit ridiculous, I know, but I felt as though these flood gates had been opened. Four years worth of water was now torrenting out, and I just wanted to talk to her and tell her everything that's happened.

Currently, my phone is upstairs. We opted for a rare night in because today's activities have been particularly exhausting, having involved a tour of Ollie's childhood, gritty details and all, most of which leaving us scarred for life. We'd been on our feet all day, so none of us fancied another night on the beach. Despite it being a good day regardless, I feel like I'll need my strength for California in a couple of days time.

"You okay?" Ollie asks, piercing my spiralling inner monologue.

I turn my head and nod as I pull myself up into a more upright position. "Knackered. Didn't know you had so many childhood haunts," I joke.

"I can't believe I got dragged round them again," Aurora says. "They were bad enough to revisit the first time round!"

Ollie feigns a hurt expression and she blows him a kiss. "You guys loved it really."

I admit he did take us to some interesting places, but there were also some stops that could be considered as overshares.

"I can't believe you're going already though. It feels like the time here has gone by in a blink."

"I know. It's hard to believe we've been here for two weeks." I pat his shoulder suddenly noticing Millie, Greg, Jared and Pete were nowhere to be seen. "Wait, where'd everyone go?"

Ollie chuckles. "Jeez, you really have been out of it. They went to bed like an hour ago before one last day of theme parks tomorrow."

I do now vaguely remember Millie saying she was heading upstairs, but I hadn't realised it was for bed. It was only nine.

"We're doing Islands and Universal right?" I ask. "One last chance to do the Jurassic Park and Kong rides again, because they were ace."

"Have at it, Arch," Ollie says. "Those bugs fucking freaked me out, man."

"And the water!" Aurora adds and I chuckle.

"Babe, that one was a four dimensional ride... it did say water." He chuckles as she frowns at him. "And you're the one who suggested that one!"

"And what a suggestion it was," I add, probably not helping Ollie at all.

"It must be the 2005 one it's based off? Those bugs aren't in the newer one..." He looks at me and I shrug. I hadn't seen it. "Oh. Well the 18 one was B-A-D."

I laugh half heartedly. "I'll take your word for it."

I didn't go to the cinema nearly as much as I used to. It still reminds me too much of Matt, who always used to tell me off for looking at my phone whenever I got bored. I still loved films, don't get me wrong, but since moving here, I feel like enjoying a film is down to the person you're watching it with and I just haven't found the right person to go with yet.

I smile as I remember our bi-weekly cinema trips, each taking turns to buy our body weight in sweets and fizzy drinks. I would always need to pee ten minutes in, and Tessa would always have to fill me in one what happened because Matt never tolerated my questions.

"We're lying in tomorrow though right?" Ollie asks as I stand.

I nod. "Definitely." I yawn and he laughs at me.

"I think we all need to go to bed." He pats Aurora's leg and she nods, yawning too. "Come on," he coaxes as she groans, rolling his eyes, so he just scoops her up into his arms. "Night Arch."

I wander up shortly after them, turning off the light downstairs, and as I pass Millie's room, I see the light's still on so I pop my head round the door.

"You guys okay?" I ask, but I smile as Millie is sitting up, Greg's head in her lap. He's fast asleep.

She smiles back. "He was out like a light. You off too?"

I nod. "Yeah, I am beat."

She frowns just as a pair of green eyes hover in front of me, making me shiver.

"Arch?" I look up at her, realising she's not just staring at me, but through me. "Something's bothering you."

I find it amazing how perceptive she is, but when you had a father like ours, you learn to pick up on moods very quickly. But right now I could tell she was worried, but I just wanted her to stop worrying about me.

"It's nothing," I say, waving a hand into the air, as if flitting away my thoughts.

She quirks an eyebrow at me. "Arch, you always forget that you're a terrible liar."

I chuckle. "Okay... maybe something is bothering me, but I'll tell you tomorrow. When my brain isn't so jumbled."

She hesitates for a second, but then nods, letting it go for now. "What is the plan for tomorrow then?"

"Lie in, followed by pancakes, and then Islands and Universal. Sound good?" I ask, a wide smile appearing on her face.

"I'm going to spend all day on the Minion ride."

"Ha! I'll be on Jurassic Park!" I laugh. "Although the Minion ride was surprisingly fun." I stand, still chuckling and I wave as I get to the door. "Night Mils. See you tomorrow."

She smiles at me. "Love you bro. And everything will be okay. Whatever it is that's bothering you, we'll get through it together."

I smile back at her as I nod, but I can't say anything. I didn't know what it was that we had to get through yet... but I knew she'd be with me no matter what.

My room is stifling when I get in there, so I go over to the door and open it, gasping as the last rays of sunset give me a show. I don't want to miss it, so I grab my phone from the table and focus in on the colours as I record the rays as they disappear over the horizon, taking screenshots as I go. My fingers are itching to draw it - a feeling I'm grateful for after years of artist's block - but for now I'll have to settle for a photo.

As the last of the light disappears, I push off the railing, and as I close the door and curtains my phone buzzes in my pocket. Brushing teeth first, I get into my pyjama shorts before finally turning my attention to the day's messages.

I had a few tagged photo notifications from Facebook but knowing it's Millie, I keep scrolling. I've got a couple of messages from Pete, telling me to call him when I get a chance, but my eyes automatically zoom in on a message closest to the top.

A message from an unknown number.

The same unknown number that called me the other night.

Tessa.

***

IS THIS ACTUALLY HAPPENING? I ask myself. Is this actually real?

I had been wishing for weeks, but now that the message was in front of me, I had no idea what to do.

Just open it, a voice in my head tells me, a voice that sounds like Matt. What harm could it do?

Taking a deep breath, I sit up and swipe my finger over the message, and my heart falls as I see it's contents.

Archie... I miss you

I frown, wondering what had prompted her to tell me that after all these years. Subtly though, I can feel those four words healing more of the gaping wound in my chest than any of the space I'd imposed between us ever had.

Answer her, Matt chants in my head.

I shush him as I read the message again and again, trying to figure out a reason as to why I was waiting to answer her.

What are you waiting for? He asks and I shrug.

I had no idea... I had no idea what I was waiting for. Another sign maybe? Another message? But that was it... what was I waiting for? Here she is, telling me plain as day that she misses me, but I just had to think of the right thing to say back reaching out, and there's no way I'm letting her slip through my fingers for a second time.

"Okay," I say to myself. "Here goes nothing."

My fingers hover over the keyboard for a while, typing a reply and then deleting it. I need to say the right thing, and trying to say the right thing whilst telling her the truth was like walking on an incredibly thin tight rope. One slip, and I fall, with no one there to catch me.

After what feels like hours of deliberation over what I would say, I just type what I feel and hit send, not even thinking about it.

I miss you too

It was plain, but it was the truth. But there was more of the truth that I could tell.That I should tell. I type again, this time not thinking before I hit send.

I'm sorry Tessa. I'm so sorry.

It isn't anywhere near enough, but I'm hoping it would be enough for now. However my heart deflates as her reply comes through, cutting me straight to my core.

Where did you go? Why did you leave?

I knew she would ask those questions eventually, but the answer had to come face to face, not over a message. Face to face she could see me, and she could read me. Over a message it's just impersonal and unfeeling. I wonder for a moment if I should ring her to explain, but then again, maybe that would be too much for both of us.

Could you start with a more complicated question?

As I type it, a nervous chuckle bubbles up inside me. I send another message though, knowing the explanation wouldn't be anywhere near enough until I could say the words in person.

I had to. I'm sorry I was such a coward, leaving the way I did... I just didn't know how to do it any other way.

The dots dance up and down for nearly ten minutes, and it's pain and torture as my stomach twists and turns, trying to work out what she would say in response.

I didn't like that you never said goodbye...

I sigh as I type out my reply, saying it out loud as I type it.

I would never have been able to leave... and I had to. I didn't want to say it, but I had to, for both our sakes

If she had been standing in front of me, I would never have been able to say goodbye, and I wouldn't have been able to live with myself if I had stayed. It's the same thing I said to her when telling her about Matt taking me to the airport in the first place... how I would have never been able to get on the plane to go to New York.

I didn't want to say goodbye either.

I can hear her voice in my head. I can hear the way it always sounded when she was upset about something, speaking with a trembling lip, her nose and eyes turning red as she tried to suppress the tears.

But I didn't know what to say to that... and I think she must know that too, because she asks me an easier question a few minutes later. One that isn't about us.

How's the road trip going?

I smile, sighing with relief as I slide down lower into bed, my fingers tapping a response. This answer is easy, as she's asking about the trip, not what the last four years have been like without her. That answer would be saved for when I see her in person, and a little part of me is proud for thinking 'when' not 'if'.

Oh you know Millie, she's got everything planned to the last second so it's all go go go... but it's great.

We're in Florida at the mo, but it's our last day before Cali tomorrow, so it'll be sad to leave all the fun!

She sends back a smiley face, before asking how the parks were, and the two of us settle into an easy text conversation, both trying to say nothing and everything at the same time. I feel like I'm eighteen again, when I was at my happiest, and my smile pulls wider and wider with each new message I receive.

When it's quiet between us for another ten minutes, I'm starting to think she may have fallen asleep. But when a message comes through, I know it's because she's been agonising over whether or not to send it.

Thank you for coming back

I can't help but read between the lines, because I know her, or at least I thought I did. I don't know if she knows I'm back for good, but she certainly does know I'm back for Charlotte and Danny's wedding.

I've been gone long enough... it's about time I came home, and it was an honour I couldn't refuse

I smile. I couldn't turn it down. Even if Tessa wasn't part of the equation, it gives me a chance to stand up with my friends and apologise for the things I've put them through.

You should have seen the size of the smiles on their faces when you said yes. It made their day!

I wanted to ask if it made hers, but that would be weird.

I'd better get some sleep...

The message comes after five minutes of silence between us. I didn't know what else to say, so I nod as well as responding saying I should do something similar.

I really do miss you Archie... every day. Thank you for coming home x

That kiss. I wanted to scream and jump up and down on the bed, but I knew it wasn't anything I should be getting excited for. She gives kisses to anyone, and I tell myself that the kiss won't mean anything to her.

But I can't seem to resist returning that kiss.

Sleep well x

I can't sleep at all after that. I feel like a huge weight has lifted off my shoulders with that one text exchange. I was now able to breathe free and easy for the first time in years, and I couldn't quite believe it happened the way it did... with one simple message.

I smile up at the ceiling as the darkness starts to take me, with those brilliant green eyes staring back at me. Except this time they're no longer haunting me. They're helping me. They're helping me remember who I want to be.

***

WHEN MILLIE COMES DOWNSTAIRS the next morning, I've already been up for three hours. I've been for a run as the sun rose, I've had a shower and I've been to the corner shop to make a start on a full English breakfast, including pancakes.

"Jesus Christ," she says. "How long have you been up for?"

I laugh as I turn the bacon over. "I haven't slept a wink."

She frowns, but as I hand her my phone, showing her the messages between Tessa and me last night, her expression softens until she beams up at me. I swear I haven't seen her smile like that in years.

"You do realise that you still have to actually talk to her as well, right?" She asks me, still smiling. "This is you off the hook."

I nod, taking my phone back. "I know, but at least the ice is broken now. Kind of."

"In a way... but this still makes me so happy." She hugs me tightly before letting me go. "So, so happy!"

"What makes you really happy?" Greg asks, walking in as he rubs his eyes, yawning. "Jeez, it smells amazing in here."

I chuckle as Millie jumps into his arms. "That you're finally awake." She kisses him softly and he hums contentedly, starting to move in a circle. "Morning," she croons.

I can't look at them anymore as a memory flashes in front of me, of when I came in the door of Tessa's house. I had surprised her after a weekend away and she jumped into my arms, hugging me tight, wrapping herself around me. Instead, I focus on the bacon and the pancakes, and on Ollie and Aurora who have come down the stairs, both dressed in 'I'm with stupid' t-shirts. Ollie has three more in his hands so I'm guessing we'll all have to wear one.

He hands them to us, and they all laugh as I hold my shirt up in front of me. My arrow is pointing up to me. I roll my eyes and shove Ollie as he laughs.

"Last day with us and this is what you do to me?"

He shrugs as his answer, but I didn't care one bit. For the first time in forever, I'm riding high, and nothing anyone could do or say would ever make me come down from it. Ever.