A FEW HOURS LATER, I'm woken by the sound of the front door slamming.

Checking the clock on the wall, I see it's nearly one in the morning, and seeing as I hear the fridge door opening and closing, Jamie must finally be home.

He's home, and he's drunk.

Dad mumbles a few words but doesn't wake up as I unwrap myself from the blanket, so I leave him down here. If I stay, Jamie will come and find me, and I don't want to wake him up. I pick up another blanket from the box on my way out, wrapping it around my shoulders as I climb the stairs back up to the front room, preparing myself for drunk Jamie.

He stops in his tracks as I get to the top of the stairs, clearly having seen me. I'm most definitely seeing him. I can see how red his eyes are, and as I get closer, I can smell the stale beer on his breath. He's eating the leftovers, not even bothering to heat it up, and he's eating unattractively with his fingers, dropping taco all over the floor. It's the drunkest I had ever seen him.

"How come you're down here?" He asks, talking slowly to both munch on taco and make himself sound less drunk than he is.

The question sounds vaguely accusatory but I ignore that because it'll be because he's drunk.

"We fell asleep watching Suits, and please keep your voice down. Dad's asleep downstairs." I try not to sound condescending, but he picks up on it and scoffs.

"The door's closed," he snorts. "We're fine." He turns back to the fridge and grabs the milk bottle.

"Jamie!" I scold him. He turns into an uncontrollable four year old when he's drunk. I've worked out the only way to deal with him is to treat him like one if I want him to do anything helpful.

He turns and gives me apologetic eyes so I let it go, picking my battles. He sits down at the table with his tacos so I join him.

"You have a good night?" I ask, stroking back his fringe. "One drink?" I add with a smile.

He laughs. "Yeah. One plus ten more like."

I groan for his liver. "You want some water? Or some coffee?"

"Water please. Thank you."

I smile before standing, kissing his head before grabbing him a glass of water. He doesn't look like he's going to be sick but I grab him two anyway, just in case.

He gulps down half of the first one and then looks at me. "You're so beautiful."

I look up at him and smile. "What? Both of me?" I joke, giggling

I pull my chair closer to him and rest my head on his upper arm. He's really warm, and as I close my eyes, relieved he's home, his lips touch the top of my head.

"Have you had a good day?" He asks softly, now putting his arm around me before deciding to pull me into his lap.

I nod, "Yeah. A very productive day. Got two applications done, so I now have about twenty in across London." That wasn't even a joke.

"Twenty? Wow. Are they local ones?"

It always amazes me how coherent he is when he's been drinking. I suppose it's growing up with a whiskey empire, but I'm taking advantage of any spare moments I have with him.

"Yep. I've sent them in to a couple of schools up the road, and around this area. But I've found a couple that look good in Cambridge too, not far from Mum."

"That's amazing, Tess. Bet you're excited to finally get stuck in."

"Definitely." I still had my PGCE year to go next September, but I was hoping that whatever school took me would like me enough to keep me on permanently afterwards. "Less pottering around after drunken fiancés," I joke, looking up at him.

His eyes soften. "I'm sorry."

I shake my head before he can say any more. "It's okay. I just miss you when you're gone, that's all."

"Well, in that spirit, I think I can offer a sweetener. We've completed our month end stuff now, and the boss has said I've earned a couple of days in lieu... especially after all my work with cases on top."

"Only a couple of days?" I ask snarkily, knowing he's worked way longer hours than that these last few weeks.

He rolls his eyes but I get a nod in agreement. "How about I book off a Friday and a Monday soon, and then we head up to see your mum or something?"

My eyes light immediately as I lean up to kiss him, ignoring the taste of stale beer on his tongue. When I pull away, I beam up at him as he smiles down, tired eyes glowing in the darkness. "That sounds amazing, Jamie. Thank you."

"Done. Remind me on Monday and I'll get it sorted." He kisses my nose.

I nod. "I've been meaning to see Mum for ages but she's always busy. I bet Ellie is a teenager now."

"Probably." He laughs but then his face suddenly falls. "God, my head is starting to thump." He groans and drops his head into his hands. "I'm not sure how many more of these weekday drinking sessions my liver can take before it breaks."

I laugh as he sits back up, closing his eyes as he sighs.

"You know you don't have to say yes," I tell him and nods again with an apologetic expression.

"I know. Are you mad at me?" He asks, pouting.

I don't answer, but I pinch my fingers together, widening the gap between them.

"A little bit?" He says, but then I move my fingers further apart. "A lot?" His eyes widen on cue and I smile. Even drunk he can make me laugh. "Oof."

"Oof indeed." I giggle as he groans again, holding his stomach. "Come on, handsome. Let's get you upstairs for bed. You've got to be up in five hours."

"Oh no, I'm definitely working from home tomorrow. But yes. Bed. Yes please." He's almost begging, but as he winks at me I think he may have other ideas about what I mean by bed. However, in his state, it is highly likely he will be asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow.

He stands, and as he wobbles, he gratefully accepts my offer of him leaning on me. I grab his second glass of water before struggling up the stairs, and I'm so surprised we don't wake Dad up with all the noise. Being nearly a foot and a half taller, and being solid muscle, it's always a struggle. At least with me, all he has to do is pick me up.

When we finally get to my room, I deposit him on the bed. He sits on the edge of it, swaying as I take off his shoes, trousers, tie and shirt, and he just watches me.

"You're so beautiful," he tells me again, and I smile up at him just as his eyes roll back into his head and he flops gently backwards onto the bed.

Snores erupt immediately, and they're not his usual soft snores. They're huge and heavy snores, which means he wasn't waking up for anything now.

His legs are still half hanging over the bed, so I heave his body by grabbing his arms to pull him up the bed. I place a pillow beneath his head, which helps curtail the snores partially, and then grab my pillow to sleep the same way he is.

I watch him breathing for a few minutes, as he always looks so peaceful, but when the tiredness hits me, I quickly change and slot back in next to him. After a few minutes, I hear him say something. Not having heard him do that before, I carefully turn back over to watch him, trying to work out what he's saying.

He talks gibberish mostly, but there are a few intelligible sentences in there.

"You..." he starts, mumbling the rest.

I smile, thinking he might be saying that I was beautiful again. It somehow sounds even more adorable when he's sleep-talking it.

"Jamie?" I whisper, stroking his cheek. "What did you s-"

"You... have... her," he mutters semi-coherently.

I don't know what he's trying to say, so I roll over again and close my eyes, leaving Jamie to his own conversation. However his next sentence is something I absolutely do understand.

"Tessa... all yours." He snores in between and smacks his lips. "Yours... you can have... her."

I turn over to look at him, horrified. I don't know what he's dreaming about, but if he's saying someone can 'have me' then I don't want to hear any more. I know he's dreaming, but those are words that no one should ever have to hear.

He starts to mumble again, and as tears fill my eyes, I get up from bed. Grabbing my phone off my desk, I pull my dressing gown from the door and head down the corridor to Matt's room, locking the door.

I slide into bed and my mind starts spiralling over what Jamie had just said, the darkness threatening to creep in once again.

"You can have her?" I whisper to myself, staring up at the ceiling as I try to stop the black chasm from pulling me under the dark water.

"All yours?" I sniffle, pushing my head into the pillow as I hug my dressing gown closer to me.

I close my eyes and try to find something, anything, that will keep the darkness at bay. But after nearly an hour of lying awake, the only thing I can find comfort from is that pair of comforting caramel-coloured eyes that could pull me off the brink of anything. I summon them in front of me, and try to let them flood me with warmth as I sob into my pillow.

"Archie?"

It's silent for a few minutes, but as I close my eyes, I finally hear his voice in my head, where it's always been.

"Tessa? Tessa, I'm here."

My eyes fly open as it sounds as though he's lying right next to me, and their gaze settles on my phone on the bedside table.

It had been weeks since I had made that mistake in ringing him, but maybe it wasn't a mistake after all. Right now, my mind had never been more clear.

Wiping my eyes, I fluff up the pillows and sit up. I find the number I had called, hitting the text icon.

My thumbs hover over the keys as I think about what I want to say, but I smile as I just tell him the truth.

Archie... I miss you

I click send and I watch the screen for what feels like hours, not receiving a reply.

An hour or so later, I push the thought from my mind, putting my phone back on the bedside table, turning over and trying to forget this second stupid mistake I've made.

But in the darkness, a noise rekindles that smothered flame of hope in my stomach: a small, seemingly innocent buzz of an incoming text message.