BY THE TIME JAMIE and I step out of the Uber, both of us too tipsy to take the train from Stratford, it's past midnight.

Tiptoeing into the house, we breathe sighs of relief as we make it up the stairs without waking Dad up.

Once we're in bed, we snuggle together, finally able to catch up about our day, just the two of us.

"So you had a good first day then?" I tip my head up to lean on his shoulder.

"Oh yeah, it was ace. I'm just glad I actually managed to get away at a decent time to meet you guys."

I want to question his idea of 'on time' when he met us at half eight. However, when I catch the size of his smile, I keep my comments to myself. The fact he had made it out at all was a bonus.

I listen as he describes his meetings, the people he met, his managers, his bullpen mates, and it's really making me miss working, even if it was to do tennis and swimming lessons at the leisure centre to keep me busy. I'd sent in dozens of applications so far and I hadn't heard anything from anybody, so maybe I would have to give in to the leisure centre's pleas for me to come back, even for the sake of my bank account. It was still early days, but it would be nice to hear something.

"Danny and Charlotte must be excited about December," he says, pulling me tighter. "It made me think we should start thinking about ours."

"I know!" I sit up and run my hands through my hair. "She was listing everything that needs doing and it made me spiral into a panic at how much there is to think about!"

He chuckles, sits up and kisses my shoulder. "It's nothing we can't handle together."

I turn around and look at him. "I'm sorry for jumping the gun, telling them without you."

"It's okay, she's your best friend. I actually figured you would," he chuckles. "I know she wouldn't tell anyone else, so no harm done."

He shrugs again before tickling me. I try to stay quiet, but by the time he starts tickling down my stomach, there's no way I can contain myself. But as the tickling turns to kisses, it isn't long before his fingers tickle at the bottoms of my t-shirt as his lips press into mine as he pinches the skin at my hips.

"I love you," I breathe, running my fingers through his hair.

He kisses me, soundly and deeply, but when his fingers slow and move away from the hem of my shorts, I know it's because it's late. Instead, he leaves my t-shirt where it is and pulls me back into his shoulder.

"I love this," he mumbles, his voice sounding like it was on the edge of sleep. He smacks his lips a couple of times, but after a few minutes, I hear the telltale sounds of a familiar snore, his strong heartbeat pumping under my ear.

I smile and roll away from him, letting him sleep. I sigh as a notification lights up my phone, and smile wider as a text from Charlotte comes through, saying they were home.

As I lock the screen, the number in Danny's phone plays in my mind, and before I know it, my fingers are dialling them into the keypad. I stop myself, locking my phone, before I accidentally do call Archie, and I put it face down on my bedside table. Only... I stare at it for hours, instead of sleeping, before I finally give in to it.

Carefully getting out of bed so I don't wake Jamie, I put on a pair of tracksuit trousers and a jumper before heading downstairs to the front porch, sticking a shoe in the door to stop it from closing on me.

The sun is just starting to think about peeking over the trees on the hill, so it must be about five, and not long before Jamie had to be up. Looking around me, I unlock my phone as I take a seat on the porch swing, hovering my thumb over the call button.

I just want to hear his voice. Just once. That won't be so bad.

I have no idea what time it is over there, so he may be asleep. The phone keeps ringing, making me even more nervous - the four longest rings in my life - and I cup my mouth in shock as I finally hear his voice for the first time in four years.

"Hello?"

He sounds so business-like, but somehow he sounds as though he's smiling. He's still got that same calming, buttery voice, one that would soothe me daily just by saying hello, just like he'd just done.

"Helloooo? Anyone there?"

My body is screaming at me to answer him, to say something, but my brain doesn't seem to be speaking to my mouth at the moment to get it to comply.

He seems to find the silence funny, as I hear him chuckle, but then I panic as Jamie's booming voice sounds from behind me, making me freeze.

"Tessa? You out here?"

I hang up as fast as I can, but from the sharp intake of breath, I know the damage has already been done; Archie had heard what Jamie said.

A tear escapes my eye just as Jamie pushes the door open but I wipe it away before he can see it. In the relative darkness still surrounding us, he won't know I've been crying.

"Hey, what are you doing down here?" He sits down next to me and puts his arm around me, kissing the side of my head before I lean into him, trying to forget that voice.

"I couldn't sleep." I make a face. "I'm sorry, did I wake you?"

"No, you didn't," he taps my nose. "Just that you weren't there." He rubs his against the same spot where he'd just kissed me. "Something going on in that beautiful head of yours?"

I want to tell him that there's nothing wrong, but I need to tell him what's on my mind sooner rather than later. I need to tell him about Archie being Danny's best man, as he'll be beyond mad if he finds out any other way.

"Something like that." I don't need to turn to look at him to know he's frowning at me.

When I don't say anything else, he jogs me. "Tess?"

I sigh and put my head on his shoulder, the warmth of his skin spreading through me. "Charlotte and Danny told me something about their wedding today." I look up at him, searching his eyes for any kind of reaction before I continue. "Something about... Archie."

His whole body tenses and as his arm disappears from my shoulder, he grips the bench so tightly his knuckles turn white. Before I can say anything further, he gets up and walks away from me, pacing up and down the path twice before he even looks at me. I've never seen him this angry.

I swallow as the fire erupts out of him, as he spits, "What about him Tessa?" at me. He sounds so cold it makes me shiver.

"They... Danny asked him to be his best man," I say quickly, wanting to rip the band aid and tell him.

"WHAT?!" His shout echoes throughout the entire street, making me jump.

Ooh, maybe the band aid was the wrong idea.

"Jamie, please let me explain," I say quickly. "They texted him months ago, and they didn't think he would respond"

"Yeah, but he did. Why now?" His voice gets louder with every word.

I hate it when he gets like this. His temper is the only thing I really don't like about him, because you can't talk to him at all when he's this angry. He can't see any form of reason... just red.

"No one can control that, Jamie. It appears he messaged back today."

"Yeah, but why?!" He shouts, thankfully not as loud as the previous one.

"I don't know. It's nothing to do with me!" I try to keep my voice low but I know I'm shouting.

"But it is, Tessa!" He huffs and looks at me. "It is."

My jaw drops as I gasp. "What does that mean? How is it to do with me?" I stand up and bunch my hands into fists. "Charlotte asked me months ago, and I had no idea Danny was going to ask Archie. I've seen the message they sent. Why are you painting me as the bad guy here? Especially when it isn't my decision to make."

He thankfully seems to take that on board, but he doesn't look any less angry. He's pacing back and forth, not looking at me. He's red in the face, his nostrils flaring, but to be honest, I'm not scared to go toe to toe with him this time if he pushes me.

"Will you have anything to do with him?"

He must know that I would. He knows that I'm Charlotte's Maid of Honour, so the two of us would have to coordinate at some point. He's deliberately trying to trick me.

"Jamie, you know I will," I say matter of factly.

He huffs again and crouches down, running his hands roughly through his hair before exploding upwards again.

"WHY?!"

It's so loud it makes me jump, and I look instinctively upwards, knowing that shout probably woke Dad up.

"Jamie!" I whisperhiss. "Keep your voice down!"

He ignores me mostly, still shouting, but it's at least one decibel quieter. "Why is he coming back now? Why do you keep letting him back in?!"

"Me?" I ask, confused.

"Yes, you."

"Jamie, that is ridiculous. I haven't spoken to him. I haven't had anything to do with this, Charlotte and Danny have made the decision." I say before coming down the steps to meet him. "I know it sucks, but it's their decision, and I can't ask them to un-invite him!"

"Yes you can." He narrows his eyes when I hesitate. "This is what I mean! You want him there. This has been your fucking plan all along!"

My jaw drops in shock for the second time in five minutes, and then my lack of response only makes him come at me harder.

"You want him there, don't you!" He shouts, gesturing wildly with his arms.

A light flips on in the house opposite, and I'm now not only angry, I'm embarrassed. Now everyone can hear our argument.

Why couldn't I have just stayed in bed? Why did I have to give in to the temptation of hearing Archie's voice again... And why couldn't Jamie have just stayed in bed?

Seeing him shouting like this, something that Archie never did, it really makes me wish that Archie had never left. But then comparing Jamie to Archie is exactly what's got me into this mess in the first place. I may not be saying it out loud, but I do compare the two of them, and that is just categorically awful...

"Please keep your voice down. You'll wake the neighbours."

I go to grab his elbow to pull him back into the relative safety of the porch, but he flinches away.

"No!" He shouts it even louder, practically spitting it out at me. "You do want him there, you haven't even denied it, Tessa. You want him there because you're still in love with him."

Anger courses through me, shrouding a sea of red over my vision as his words sink in.

"You want him there because you haven't forgotten about him this entire time we've been together. It'll just give you that excuse you've always wanted to leave... to move back to where you w-"

He stops sharply as my hand flies out and makes contact with his cheek. He's looking at me, shocked, but as the silence ensues between us, he starts to understand what he's just said and how wrong he was to say it.

"How fucking dare you." My voice is quiet but laced with fury. "How fucking dare you!"

His eyes are searching mine, trying to say sorry, but it's too late.

"You think I'm happy he's coming back?" I spit, prodding him hard in the chest with my index finger. "You think I want to see him again?" I ask, even though my body is screaming 'yes' at me. My brain is now seeing reason and I'm choosing that part of me do all the talking.

"He left me, Jamie. HE. LEFT. ME!" I shove at his chest as the words reverberate around our small enclosed porch. "You think I want to see the person that tore my heart out of my chest, stamped on it, burned it and then left it there in tatters?"

"Tess, I-"

"You think I want to have to stand up there with him after everything he did?" I can hear my voice breaking, but I will all the strength I can into it. " I don't! But I'm doing it because it's what Danny and Charlotte want."

He sighs, and from dissipating redness in his cheeks, I know he's starting to calm. He's heard me, and I can tell he's truly sorry.

"I just..." he says slowly, sitting down, dropping his head into his hands.

"I know." I sit down next to him. "We're making a life for ourselves, but me standing up there for our friends for a few minutes is not going to change how I feel about you."

I give it another minute, and he looks up at me. His eyes are sparkling, and I know he's torn between being mad at me and scooping me into his lap.

I decide to help him make the right decision.

"You know that torn up, burned and crushed heart I was talking about?" He nods meekly with a shrug. "Well, you fixed it."

He looks at me and sighs. "Tessa, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean..."

I put my hand over his mouth before he can finish the sentence. He wasn't sorry. I've said each and every time that if he didn't mean them he would never have said them.

"You did mean it," I tell him. "But as much it hurts to hear them, I get it. I really get it."

He drops his head into his hands.

"I know you're worried about it," I tell him, reading his mind. "I'm worried too." He lifts his head and gives me a look. "I know that's not what you want to hear, but I don't care. Because you know what?" I smile.

"What?" He mumbles, not looking at me.

I turn his head around to face me. "Because I have faith in us."

He sighs and sits up properly as I sit down next to him, tucking myself close. "Of course I have faith in us too, Tess. I just..."

"Jamie, we're going to be fine." I take his hand and rub my finger up and down his palm. "I trusted you when you went back to see Emily last year."

I don't miss the sharp intake of breath, and the narrowing of his eyes, but he doesn't deny it. I hadn't been overly pleased when he suddenly mentioned it, but I agreed because I knew he needed to do it. At least I'd given him months of notice.

"I trusted you, and you came back to me the next day, no problem. So it's now up to you to trust me."

"I do trust you," he says quickly. "It's him I don't trust."

"Jamie, please." I kiss the side of his head, holding my lips there for a few seconds. "It's one day. It's half an hour tops, and then I'll be yours all day. I won't even let go of your hand, I promise."

He sighs again and his breath is shaky. "I hate this. I really hate it."

"Jamie..." I give him a warning look.

"But... I can't really do anything about it, so I guess I'd better start being okay with it right?" He takes my hand and tickles my knuckles with his lips, kissing each one individually. "You promise not to let my hand go?"

I smile and nod. "I promise."

"Good," he says, kissing me quickly. "Because I don't want to lose you."

I smile before leaning in to kiss him longer, holding his cheeks. "You won't lose me." I kiss him again. "You're stuck with me." I kiss him one more time. "I love you, and I am going to be around here for a very, very long time."

"Good answer," he whispers, and I gasp as he captures my lips, his tongue poking through.

I know I should be mad at him, but all I want is to have him hold me like this, telling me everything will be okay. However, when he pulls me into his lap, he wraps his arms around me and realises how cold I am. I'd been too angry to realise myself.

"We should get you upstairs. You'll catch a cold... and I need to be up for work in just over an hour."

I turn around to follow his gaze, noticing Mr Fibbins, our neighbour opposite, looking at us. I've always remembered him heading in early for work when I was still at school, and as he makes his way down the hill, I watch. He's still holding that same briefcase, wearing the same suits... and I'm not sure why, but it saddens me for two reasons.

First, because he most probably heard us arguing, and I didn't miss the subtle head shake as he sees us sitting here half clothed. But the second is because him walking past me gives me an insight into what mine and Jamie's future could hold. Jamie leaving the house early for work, after getting back late the night before, and then him working late at the office whilst I sit alone, just making sure dinner is ready for him when he does finally make it home... For the first time, the future we had talked about was now starting to scare me, and I didn't like it.

I shake my head and push up from his lap to head back inside, only when I go to open the front door, it doesn't open.

"Did you move the shoe?"

"What shoe?" He quirks an eyebrow.

"The shoe I left in the door," I explain, shoving the door again, showing him it's locked. I then see the shoe in question on my left and hold it up. "This shoe," I giggle.

"Crap," his face falls. "Does that mean we're locked out?"

I laugh. "Yup, unless you want to climb up there?" I point up to my window. It's open slightly and was literally our only chance of getting in without having to wake Dad up.

"I'm not climbing that, I'm too heavy," he says, gesturing to me. "Be my guest, though."

"Piece of cake." I pull him over to the trellis. "Can you give me a leg up?"

I'd climbed this trellis many times, and I wasn't about to freeze to death out here.

"Sure." He lifts me with ease, and I grab on to the bottom of the ivy trellis while he gets me lined up on his shoulders.

"You ready?" I'm essentially crouching on his shoulders and I nod as I push up to stand, keeping a firm hand on the trellis.

"Yep!" Although, when I look down and he seems to have his eyes on the inside of my shirt. "Hey! Concentrate! If I fall, I'm falling on you," I joke, knowing full well he would never let me fall.

"Sorry. This angle is quite delightful." He winks. "Particularly when you're not wearing a bra! Temptress!"

I chuckle as he pushes me up, but I get a sudden flash of Archie climbing the trellis, and I gasp, slipping on the first branch.

"You okay?" Jamie keeps a firm hand on my foot.

"Yep, sorry. Not that branch."

Trying again, I push that night out of my mind and plant my foot on a more solid branch and finally push off Jamie's shoulders. I'm a few feet from the window when he asks me to hurry up in a whispered shout.

"Shush! It's not as easy as it looks!" I look down at him and he's chuckling at me.

With one more push, I get to the window and tumble inside ungracefully, landing on the desk and then thumping onto the floor.

"Ow," I grimace. I look at my elbow, which I had landed on first, but it doesn't seem too bad.

"Tess, you okay?" Jamie whisper-calls up to me, making me remember why I did that in the first place. "Tess?"

I stick my head out the window and give him a thumbs up before dashing out the door, avoiding the creaky floorboards to let him back in the front door. He kisses me once but then heads upstairs to the bedroom. Making sure all was locked up, I grab a glass of water and join him upstairs.

I slide in next to him and he flinches. "Fuck. Tess, your feet are freezing!"

"I know!"

"Come here."

He pulls me closer to his chest, wrapping his arm around me. He's still surprisingly warm given we've been outside, but I smile as that warmth spreads through me. Within minutes, he's back to sleep, leaving me envious once again of him being able to fall asleep so quickly.

I stay awake though, my mind moving back to Archie, as it always does. I need to talk to him, and now that he's involved in the wedding, it's becoming more and more important that I talk to him sooner rather than later.

So, with resolve running through me bright and clear, I gently lean sideways and grab my phone off the side and find my message from Charlotte.

Before I change my mind, I tap out a message to her about New York.

Count me in for NYC :D I'll ring Millie tomorrow xxx

After putting the phone back, I do feel like a weight has lifted, but the terror of how the conversation was actually going to go was another ball game entirely.