I KNOW I SAID I wanted to come back with Millie, but I hadn't known what to expect.

I half expected there to be pitchforks, maybe a lynching, when I got to the airport. Or that I bump into someone from school and then it all got back to Tessa I was back.

What I hadn't expected was for it all to be really... calm.

Millie had said she was supposed to get a lift back from the airport from Tessa, but seeing as Pete had told us about the WEH fleet of cars we could rent, I decided to take the risk to drop her off myself.

Thankfully, our luggage was light, so they fit no problem into the back of the F-Type I'd chosen, but the car ride itself was so silent you probably hear a pin drop.

Neither of us had been properly able to process what had happened a week ago. I had processed most of it, the part I'd wanted to process - the part where we would be helping thousands of people - because that part was easy. It was the owning of a now-billion dollar company part I couldn't get my head around.

I'd always been resigned to the fact Dad didn't want anything to do with me, or want anything from me. I had never expected him to suddenly turn around and give us his company. His pride and joy.

It had all been a bit much at the start, but after a few days, Pete had emailed to say he didn't expect us to do anything before the end of summer, in terms of learning the ins and outs. I knew there would be a lot to get my head around, particularly as I'd be at college as well, but for some reason, I could feel something deep inside of me that wanted to do well... wanted WEH to be successful. If Pete had asked us last year, we would have opted for selling. Now though, we couldn't sell. Last year we wouldn't have cared if it had been carved up and sold to the highest bidder. Now, it was the last thing we wanted to do.

I kept telling myself, and Millie, that it had nothing to do with Dad. That it wasn't what Grandad would have wanted, as it had been him to get it off the ground... but I think a sick part of me still wanted to make Dad proud, even after everything he's done. It was something I hadn't told Millie, because I was ashamed to even thinking it, let alone admit it out loud. Of course, it hadn't stopped my brain from circling around it hundreds of times.

Now though, my mind was solely focussed on my task at hand, and as we get closer and closer to the Granger's house, my stomach starts to twist in all directions. Nerves are making it jump and flip, soon making my hands start to shake.

"Hey." Millie's hand assures me as she puts it on my shoulder. "You're just dropping me off."

"I know." I can barely recognise my own voice it's so shaky. "It's just been two years, Mils."

As I turn the corner onto their road, I find myself driving slower, trying to see how much had changed in those two years.

The bungalow at the bottom has now gone, surrounded by building fence, which means that Mr Goldman, the ancient previous owner had either changed his mind about selling it on, or had passed away. Given he was already ancient when we were teens, it was probably the latter. Some people had paved over their drives, and maybe there was a new neighbour or two, but the place hadn't changed that much.

"You sure you don't want to come in?" Millie asks as I finally come to a stop outside Tessa's house. "It doesn't look like anyone's here."

I shake my head quickly. As much as I wanted to, I knew it wouldn't be a good idea. If Tessa had been there, no doubt Jamie would be as well, that would be a confrontation or conversation neither of us were ready for. It would splinter things further, beyond any kind of repair.

"No, I can't." I'd booked into a small place in Harlow, where it was unlikely that I would run into anyone, and I was happy to just mooch around there by myself. "I'll be okay," I tell her, assuring her I'll be okay by myself. "Plus, I'm hoping you'll come visit though, right?"

"If I don't have plans already," she shrugs. I'd told her to keep her plans as they were and I'd fit in with her so I wasn't shocked by her answer.

"Well, I'll just hang out on my lonesome then," I chuckle.

"Dinner tomorrow? I can cook?" she asks. "I can come over with some stuff."

"Why not tonight?" I laugh.

"Well I haven't seen..." She trails off but I shake my head, telling her it was fine. I was all set to hang out with Greg tomorrow, after going to see Matt, and I was here for three weeks.

"Tomorrow sounds good. But let me know what you need... or we can go to the farmer's market in Harlow to get everything?"

"Ooh yeah, that sounds good actually. They've got that cheese that Andy really likes, so I'll surprise him with that."

"He still likes that Blue Murder?" She nods. "I'll get him some from the cheese shop you can bring back with you. That shop's still open right?"

"Yup! And he would love that."

She smiles at me for a moment, before she leans over the centre console and wraps her arms around my neck.

"Arch, thank you for coming back. I know it's hard, but it means the world to me... so thank you."

"Hey, it was about time I did something for you for a change. I'm just sorry it's taken so long."

She leans back and shakes her head. "It's okay. But I will see you Monday, yes?" I nod back at her and she twists in her seat to clamber out, tripping ungracefully and nearly going flying. She laughs as she grabs her bag from the back, but waves at me as she jogs up the steps.

I linger outside for a moment, remembering all the happy memories I had here, with Tessa - sitting out on the porch swing to get away from everybody - and with Matt - playing football in their back garden. So many memories that I had suppressed start flooding back, and as I see a movement at Mrs Donovan's window, I decide it's time to head over to Harlow, my home for the next three weeks.

When I get to the cabins, the lady gives me my key with a kind smile, telling me my cabin is on the end. I thank her and drive along to it, knowing there is parking to the side. It's a new set of four holiday cabins that have popped up next to the strawberry picking fields, and are surprisingly well-equipped, despite their size. But before I start exploring, I unpack my stuff, jump in the shower and decide to go for a drive to help clear my head.

Later on, I'm dozing on the sofa when I get a text from Millie.

Hey, so we've decided to go out tonight, so maybe not dinner? But Greg's up for something if you want?

Jet lag was starting to creep over me, so part of me wanted to stay in by myself because it meant an early night. But I wasn't about to turn down some company, as the loneliness over here seemed to be worse than it was in New York... probably because there are so many memories to dwell on here.

Yeah, send him over. I got steaks earlier, so I can fire up the grill!

She sends back a thumbs up emoji, and shortly I get a text from Greg asking where I am, so I send the address over.

A few hours later, jet lag hits me hard, and the two of us fall asleep in front of a film.

***

THE WEATHER TODAY IS ridiculously hot. It has been the last four days, after nearly a week of solid rain, but today, the heat is absolutely insane. It's too hot to do anything other than complain about how hot it is. Currently lying in just my boxers, blinds down to stop the sun from boiling me alive, I want nothing more than for someone to throw a bucket of ice over me.

I don't want to move, I just want to lie here, but I know I'll have to soon as today is the day I am finally going to see Matt. Being here, I had to. I had meant to go last week, but after a combination of Tessa and Andrew going, plus me not being ready, I've delayed my trip.

The last few months I'd started to realise it was wrong to push every memory of Matt away. Talking to Ollie and Tab about him had helped lift this massive weight off my shoulders, finally allowing me some semblance of peace. Realising that had made me happier in myself, and after six months, I'm noticing the stark differences between now and this time last year. The main one being that I was finally drawing for myself again.

Despite majoring in Art and Art History, I hadn't yet been able to pick up a pencil and draw something for me... and when I've been doing assignments, feeling like my insides are screaming, the quality of them is terrible. I've been lucky that some classes don't involve art - or at least haven't yet - but after the Dean said I was one to look out for, my professors had so far been less than impressed with me.

In my first semester, I'd had to turn in life drawings of fruit for our contemporary art class a year ago, and I had been a bit taken aback by feedback from Krzyzinski saying it looked like it was rotting... But when I got it back, I knew I'd been lucky he'd even given me a passing grade. It really did look awful, and when I think back, it was as if it was reflecting my own soul.

But after these last few months, it's been different.

It's been easier to hold a pencil, and that unsettling feeling doesn't come over me very often. And here, in the last two weeks, it's like I've been a man possessed, as I'm drawing everything.

I've drawn the strawberry fields outside the back of the cabin. I've drawn Millie and Greg as they bickered over what film we were watching when they came over a few days ago. I've drawn the horses that lived next door to the Epping house that the girls always fed apples to. But the last couple of days I'd been working on one for Matt, and after dozens of failed attempts - visible from the scattered sheets on the floor - I'm finally almost there.

It's him jumping through the air, practically flying, as he moves to save a high-placed free kick. I remember it as if it was yesterday, because it felt like time went into slow motion as I watched. I felt priveleged to have seen it, so I figured I would share it with everybody else.

I'd drawn it a couple of days ago and had laminated it to protect it from the elements, and I still can't get over how lifelike it is. You could almost see the tendrils of Matt's hair moving as they come out of his big dreadlocked bun, and the clots of mud that have come out of his boots as he flies. I sigh as I put it back with the flowers I'd had made especially - as they're actually tiny Brighton shirts rolled up into flowers - and as a pang of sadness spreads over me, I welcome the noise of my phone pinging across the room.

Hey, are you still planning to visit Matt later? x

I lean across the sofa just as another message comes in.

Tess and Jamie are going over there later. They're out at the mo, but will no doubt visit on their way back x

I knew they were going today, Millie had told me when I had Greg and her round for dinner yesterday, and she told me because she's been prodding me to go every day since I've got here. It's what I'm here for, other than to spend time with her, and it's what I've been building up to this whole time.

I'm heading out the door now. Did you want to do dinner later? x

I'm cooking again! But Greg is free and says he's up for a pizza! xxx

Bless him. Greg had twisted his ankle pretty badly two weeks ago in training, and was supposed to be resting it. So far he'd been doing everything but resting, and it was driving Millie crazy.

Greg and I haven't exactly been the best of friends, but I think he tolerates me for Millie's sake. I think he's coming around on me though, as we stayed up talking about cars for hours last week, long after Millie had gone to bed. He isn't a bad guy at all, he just didn't like the way I suddenly just up and left her... and he hadn't been afraid to tell me that to my face. More than once. But he is great for Millie. The two of them compliment each other, and being with him has made her the happiest I've ever seen her, which counts for everything.

Pizza sounds great! I'll text him when I'm on my way back and I can pick him up? x

Yes please! Good luck today. Say hi to Matt for me xxx

It's odd when people say that, but I knew I would say hi anyway. After a few minutes where I grab everything I need - shoes, keys, phone, flowers and picture - I head out the door and into the boiling sunshine.