THE NEXT MORNING, THE boys are awake first, attempting to keep things quiet, but failing miserably.

Charlotte stirs shortly after I do and she grins at me, wiping the drool off her chin.

"How you feeling this morning?" she asks, stretching, making a weird squirming noise.

I shrug and curl myself into a ball, yawning before I look at her properly. "I'm okay. I just want to put it behind me."

She nods and smiles. "Yeah, good idea. No point dwelling on it."

"Exactly," I say, just as I hear a pair of footsteps coming up the stairs. I'm hoping it's Jamie, but when the door opens, it's Danny.

"Heyyy," Charlotte grins, stretching out her arms for Danny to come over. He does so and wraps his arms around her, kissing her cheek in the cutest greeting. "How was your night?" she asks when he sits back up.

He doesn't answer immediately, and from the look on his face I can maybe tell he had a weird night, same as us.

"What happened?" I ask, sensing he's about to say that something happened.

"Nah, nothing happened. It was just a bit meh. I like Jamie, but Harry is a bit of a bore... not going to lie," he chuckles, looking at Charlotte. "Bless him."

Charlotte shrugs, seemingly agreeing. "He's a lovely guy, and will be a great doctor, but yeah he's not great on having a personality, and not easy to hold a long conversation with." She laughs too. "He's my lab partner for one of our seminars and he can list all bones in the human body but can't name any of the Bond films."

"Ooooh, ouch," I giggle. "But to be fair I think that suits Chloe perfectly, seeing as she didn't have an interest in film at all. She only went along because Matt wanted to."

"Oh my God, yes! She fell asleep through Return of the King, do you remember!"

We all laugh for a moment before I smile. "I'm glad she's happy though, and he seems to really like her?"

"Oh yeah, he does. You should have seen it. You know in a film, where the two leads lock eyes across a room and then everyone else just disappears...?"

I nod. I knew all about that. It's happened to me twice. Once with Archie, and then again with Jamie.

"Was that them?" I ask.

"Yup."

"Cute! Did Greg turn up at all?"

He shakes his head. "Nah. He did text though, saying he's around today if we wanted to do something." He looks at Charlotte with a grin, and I know he's asking if he can tell people about them being engaged. I can tell all he wants to do is shout it from the rooftops, and as she grins, nodding, he throws his arms around her again, pressing her back into the mattress giggling.

"Right, I'm going to leave you to it," I say when Danny drops a long kiss on Charlotte's lips. "But please don't have sex in my bed. Save that for your own bed pleeeeease! Thank you kindly."

I leave them to it and follow the smell of bacon, finding Jamie standing at the hob, his shirt and trousers all creased from sleeping downstairs.

"There she is," he beams when he sees me, opening up his arm as I get closer to him. He kisses the top of my head as I squeeze him and I feel like I'm floating on clouds I'm so happy. "How was your girls night?"

"Aw, it was so good." I don't want to mention my argument because I wanted to convince myself that dwelling on it was not the right thing to do. "My head's a bit sore though. I think I had four mojitos too many."

"You never could resist a mojito. What time did you guys get in?"

"About two in the end. We got back and you guys looked so cute downstairs Charlotte and I nearly joined you."

"Aw jeez, you saw that?" His cheeks redden.

I can't help but laugh as I nod, kissing him, looping my arms around his neck.

"Now, please tell me today is about us two, doing something just the two of us?"

I lean up on my toes to kiss him again.

"After we've fed them all, yep."

"Awesome."

A few minutes later, we're joined by Harry and Chloe, whose cheek is a little red, but doesn't look swollen. She smiles at me before the two of them sit down at the kitchen table.

"How'd you sleep Chlo?" I ask, knowing Millie can sometimes kick in her sleep.

"Fine. My head really hurts though."

"Same. I have cotton mouth."

"Well, there's tea in the pot ladies, and this is nearly ready, so the grease should help with those hangovers."

"Once Charlotte smells that bacon they'll be down in a flash. In fact..." I cock my head as I hear three pairs of footsteps making their way down the stairs. Danny arrives first, followed by Millie then Charlotte.

"Did someone say bacon?" Charlotte asks, winking.

"We sure did!"

Jamie turns back to the pan he was attending to as I go to sit next to Charlotte and Danny before he serves us each a bacon sandwich, three pieces in each, and hands us all a cup of tea. The perfect host.

"Plans for the rest of the day?"

Charlotte and Danny look at each other across me, and I see Charlotte surreptitiously pull her ring out of her pyjama pocket. They'd obviously decided upstairs they didn't want to wait anymore, which made me smile even more, because these guys deserve to be doted on.

"Well..." Charlotte starts and I have to hold in my squeal. "Danny and I are going to start planning a wedding."

There's a long silence, where everyone is confused as to who is getting married.

"Whose wedding?" Millie asks.

Charlotte answers by raising her left hand and I jump as Millie squeals, practically launching herself across the table to see it before Danny starts recounting the story Charlotte had told me yesterday.

I move chairs to sit next to Jamie, who puts an arm around my shoulder as he watches me watch my best friends being fussed.

"You knew?" he asks before kissing my forehead.

"Yeah," I nod, "Char told me yesterday."

"I thought you were outside for a while."

I smile as I look at Chloe and Millie hanging on Danny's every word.

"Hey, do you think you could come with me to see Matt tomorrow?" I ask, looking up at him.

He nods. "Of course I will. Is your dad back then?"

"He'll be back in the evening, but I'll go back with him on Sunday."

I shuffle closer to Jamie before I end up on his lap at the end of the table, and we both nuzzle together as we listen to Charlotte and Danny's plans for their dreamlike wedding, laughing as they joke about their first dance.

***

AFTER EVERYBODY LEAVES, MILLIE pulls me aside as Jamie finishes the washing up.

"Hey, did you want to go out and get some flowers from Camden flower market for tomorrow?"

The flower market was just up the road, but looking outside at the rainclouds, it wasn't a bad shout to go to an indoor flower market.

"Yeah, that sounds good actually. Jamie do you want to come?" I turn and look at him.

He shakes his head. "You guys go. I've got some work bits to sort out for Monday. But text me when you're almost home and I can meet you at the pub or something?" He suggests. "Drinks on me?"

"Sounds like a plan!" Millie beams before bouncing up the stairs to her room.

"You sure you'll be okay here by yourself?" I ask, hugging Jamie from behind, kissing his back.

"I'm sure I'll be okay... just... maybe hurry back," he jokes before he turns around and kisses my nose as I smile.

"I will. I love you."

"Love you too, baby."

***

AN HOUR LATER, MILLIE and I are dressed and parking at Camden flower market, one of the most colourful places I'd ever been to.

There are roses in every single colour here, as well as peonies and pussy willows in all shapes and sizes. However, I couldn't help but laugh at the fact we were here buying flowers for the grave of a person who hated flowers more than anything.

Each time I'd been to see him, which was rarely, his plot was always covered in footballs rather than flowers. But I thought he'd appreciate the irony... plus I'm sure the plot next door would appreciate no balls rolling onto their loved ones anymore. Dad had already said someone had complained...

"Do you think your dad would like a flower centrepiece for the table?" Millie asks.

I nod. "Yeah, I think so. He hasn't got many plants in the house these days."

"Cool. Marigolds are his favourites right?"

"Nope, that's Mum. Dad like Daffodils, which doesn't help as they aren't in season. But he likes any flowers really. Colourful ones."

"An assortment it is then," she giggles.

The two of us wander off separately as we go in search of our own things, but after ten minutes I get a text to say she's found a perfect stall for a bouquet for Matt. As I hadn't found anything, she sends me her location right up the other end of the market.

When I get there, the flowers are only two colours: white and royal blue. Brighton colours, so yes, absolutely perfect. Millie really was talented at finding the most perfect things.

"Can I get a bunch please?" I ask the man behind the stall and he nods, jumping up to artfully place a bouquet together for me. Millie excuses herself as she spots something across the courtyard, and comes back a few minutes later with her own exquisite bunch of flowers. It's too big for a centrepiece, but Dad will love them all the same.

"That'll be thirty-five please," the man says as he hands me the huge bouquet.

Shocked at the price, as I was expecting it to be a lot more, I hand him forty and tell him to keep the change.

"They're beautiful, Mils," I tell her. She leans them over to me for me to smell, and I get a strong scent of lilies, making me smile. "You can't resist lilies can you."

"Nope," she giggles. "These are so cool though. I love the patchwork, and I'm sure he would appreciate the Brighton colours."

"He'll hate the flowers, but what else are you supposed to put there."

"Last time I went it was covered in footballs..."

"It's overrun... it's so bad," I grimace. "I was hoping there would be less there today. I told myself I would clear some away if there were too many.

"Come on, let's get back, otherwise both us and these flowers will wilt in this heat." It had rained this morning, but now the heat was almost unbearable. "I might change before I go," I say, looking down at the long jeans I was wearing. Today was definitely shorts weather.

Once we get back into the car, Millie jumps around as the hot leather burns her legs so I get the engine on so the aircon blasts out, cooling us down. Before I can say anything else, though, Millie suddenly turns to me and she looks as though she's close to tears.

"Mils? What's wrong?"

She wipes at her eyes. "I'm so sorry for what happened yesterday... with Chloe."

My eyebrows raise in surprise, but I pull her into a hug as she coughs out a sob.

"Hey, you have nothing to be sorry for. Mils, none of this is your fault."

Her sobs make me angry for the first time in a while, not angry at her, but angry at Archie. Throughout these last two years, especially after Archie left, she's been in the middle between us two, feeling bad for still talking to him when I was hurting as awfully as I did. I know she talks to him, and she obviously talks to me, but I never want her to feel awkward about talking about him at all. I'd told her it makes happy to know he's getting his life back on track, that he's looking after himself, but she still feels bad. And I hated that.

Now that I'm with Jamie, the pain of hearing his name has eased, but no matter how much it hurts, I don't want Millie to feel like she can never talk about him. He's her brother, and a huge part of her life, and it would be unfair for her not to.

What he did was painful, really painful, but now that I'm better - with Jamie's help - I do genuinely want to hear how he's doing. And I know it seems unfair to Jamie, but I feel like he understands because he's been through the same thing. That kind of love stays with you forever, and after Archie had showed me the kind of person I could be, there was no way I was even attempting to forget about him, no matter how much it hurt. And I didn't want Millie forgetting either.

"Millie, listen to me." I turn my body and put my hands on her shoulders. "You never have to apologise for talking about him. I don't want you to feel like you can't. We don't want you to feel like you can't," I correct myself, knowing Dad would feel exactly the same.

"Tess, you're just saying that..." I shake my head in response, but she keeps going. "I saw your face the other day. And Jamie's." She's talking about when Jamie had found a picture of me, Matt and Archie on the fridge, one that Dad must have rescued after I went on a rampage. When Dad told Jamie who the third person was, he suddenly went very quiet, and I didn't know what to say. "I know you're acting this way to protect him, like what you said to Chloe, but I know it still hurts you to talk about it."

"I'm a big girl, Millie. And if we stopped talking about Archie, we'd stop talking about Matt. The two kind of came as a package deal remember?" I laugh.

"Oh, I remember." She laughs as well, but the laughter doesn't sound quite right. "Tess, seeing you so happy, and then seeing you seize up like that... It's exactly why I try not to talk about him."

I frown.

"I'm doing it for you because you need to move on, and you are doing that, but me mentioning him all the time, what he's up to... it won't help you. And it definitely won't help Jamie either."

I widen my eyes and nod. Jamie is tolerant yes, but to a point. But as a flash of disappointment rushes through me, and Millie's eyes soften, I know there isn't any point in hiding how I truly feel around her. She's the only person I could be my proper self around, and talk freely about absolutely anything.

"You still love him... don't you?"

I sigh and I'm quiet for a moment whilst I try to figure out what to say.

"I can't..." I sigh again as I pick at the steering wheel. "I can't help it." She smiles but lets me continue. Somehow even saying it, admitting it in this safe space, helps me feel better, but it's still not how I should be feeling. "But I don't think I'll be able to begin sorting my feelings out properly until I can talk to him Millie. He can't stay away forever."

She rolls her eyes.

"God, I have so many questions and thoughts bouncing around in my head, and it's only him that can answer them."

I can tell she's warring with herself as to whether or not to tell me anything she knows. If I'm being honest, I'm not sure I want to know. It's quiet as my apparent revelation settles between us, but soon Millie sighs and looks across at me.

"He'll get there. Eventually. But I'm sure I don't have to tell you that your explanation may not come for a while yet..." She looks at me, her eyes full of sadness both for her brother and for me. "Or ever."

I knew it wouldn't take forever, and that she may have been exaggerating slightly, because in the centre of my heart I knew Archie was waiting for this as well... he just had more to process and work through, no doubt after what he saw that day. Having your best friend die is hard... but seeing it happen right in front of you is enough to change you in ways no one could ever understand. I just want him to know that I want to understand... I don't want him to shut me out any more. I want to help.

"He's got so much going on in his head - what with the accident, and now WEH - that he doesn't need any more complications. And, as much as I love you... you are a complication, Tess."

I knew I was a complication, so I didn't say anything. I knew exactly what she meant, and with WEH now in the mix as well, I can't imagine how he feels. Millie is confused enough, and if she can't get her head around it, then Archie won't. Not for a long time.

But somehow, I feel like Archie and I are approaching a crossroads, but that each of us had a minefield to cross before we could get to it. I've managed to find a way partly across, with Jamie's help, but in order to fully cross, I needed Archie's help, and he had to be willing to go those extra steps.

Archie had told me to find someone else when he was hurting, when we were both hurting. But the thing is, after being angry to start with, really angry, listening to him has brought me to Jamie, so I feel like I'm no longer holding on to any of that anger I had before. All I needed now was closure, and for that closure to work, I needed to speak to him. And I would wait as long as it took for him to be ready... so we could both have it.

"I can wait," I say quietly, but full of conviction. "Even if he tells me on my death bed."

She giggles, "If he takes that long, I will kill him." She sighs. "But I don't know about you, but I am in dire need of a cup of tea."

"A cup of tea?" I bark out a laugh. "It's like forty degrees!"

She shakes her head. "Nooooooooothing more refreshing than a cup of tea."

I tip my head. I had to say, I did genuinely agree with her there, and would be joining her in the venture when we get home.