"SO HOW ARE YOU doing with the WEH news?" Chloe asks me in the bathrooms.

No one had asked me about it. But then again, I was glad of it. It was still a lot to get my head around.

"Oh, I'm okay," I say, not wanting to get into it now. I was feeling better now that Millie had mentioned the foundation being named after Matt, but still... a little too much to get my head around in a few days. "As okay as I can be," I add.

She nods, fluffing her hair. "He seems to be doing alright for himself in New York."

I smile. It was great to hear that, but the thought still stings slightly.

"Yeah, I think so. Millie told me he's caught up, so can graduate on time."

"Why wasn't he before?"

I look at her, widening my eyes and she realises what she's just said.

"Sorry, that was really stupid. Of course. It'll be nice for him not to be behind, I suppose. And he'll be staying in New York after college it seems..."

"What makes you say that?" I try to keep my cool but I can hear an edge in my voice. Chloe knows she's hit a nerve.

"Well, with the announcement? Someone has to stay in New York? Right?"

I raise my eyebrows, not believing what I was hearing.

"I'm just saying," she continues. "It's probably for the best too, right?"

"Why would you think that?"

"Well... with him in New York, it's less pressure for you and Jamie, right?"

She keeps saying 'right' at the end of every sentence, as if she's trying to pretend she hasn't been waiting to ask me these questions the entire time.

"Chlo, Jamie and I will be fine whether Archie chooses to stay in New York or not." Ha, take that, Chloe, my subconscious says as her face sours. "It's up to him where he wants to be."

She turns towards the mirror and focusses on her lipgloss and she speaks the next sentence.

"Well, I think he should stay in New York."

I actually take a step backwards as if she's punched me.

"And he should stay away for good if he knows what's good for him."

"What?" Where was this suddenly coming from?

I feel like my jaw is on the floor. I bet you anything she'd hoped I'd agree he should stay away and then we'd bond over it... Not a chance.

"Tess, why are you even shocked?" she scoffs. "He got Matt killed!"

"No, he didn't!" I shout back. "What the fuck! Is this what you've been thinking this entire time? That it was his fault."

This is why he's staying away, because he believes everybody is thinking like this. Chloe is only one that thinks that she's wrong!

"How are you not thinking that?"

I turn away and run my hands through my hair, my hands now shaking with anger.

"Matt didn't have to take him, and yet Archie insisted, and then look what happ-"

She stops suddenly as my hand flies out in front of me. I only realise what I've done when my hand stings, and as I look up, Chloe is cupping her cheek, tears in her eyes.

"What the fuck, Tessa?"

I knew I should apologise, because I never actually meant to hit her, but then why should I? She's the one that went one step too far.

I understood what Matt meant to her, but if Dad and I understand that Archie was never to blame for what happened, she sure as hell can, too. And what right does she have to accuse him of killing Matt?

"It was his dad, Chloe!" I shout, hot, angry tears now streaming down my cheeks. "Not Archie! His dad!"

She knew it had been Richard - the news had pretty much told the world what he did  - but it seems Chloe is hellbent on blaming Archie for this.

"Chloe, it's painful enough after two years to relive any of it... and you..." I stop and shake my head, deciding it's not worth the argument. "You know what, we're done."

I wipe my eyes, trying to make myself presentable before heading back out, but Chloe is standing in front of the door making no attempt to get out of the way.

"You're damn right we're done. You've broken my nose!"

"Fuck's sake, I have not broken your nose. I wish I'd broken your nose. It's the least you deserve."

She mutters 'bitch' under her breath but I keep going.

"Dad and I are only just holding on, even after two years, Chloe. It's been a lot harder for us beca-"

"A lot harder? He was my boyfriend! I loved him!" She practically screams it in my face.

"HE WAS MY BROTHER CHLOE!" I scream it back at her, genuinely proud of myself for not giving her a hand mark to match.

Her eyes widen, realising what she'd said.

"DAD'S SON, CHLOE!" I wipe at my cheeks as I try, and fail, to keep my voice level. "Chloe, if Dad and I can find it in ourselves to forgive Archie, so he can come home, you sure as hell can."

Deciding that was the last word, I check my make-up quickly, thankful I hadn't gone heavy on the eyes today, and shove her aside as I open the door.

My hand still twinges as I walk back towards our table, but even if I hadn't slapped Chloe, my night is over.

The girls are looking around for us, as we've been in the bathroom for a while, but as they spot me half in tears and fuming, with Chloe holding her cheek a few steps behind, everyone's jaws drop.

"I'm going home."

I announce it, not giving anyone a say in the matter, but as I grab my bag and head out, it seems Chloe has cried wolf one too many times as Millie and Charlotte both follow me outside, leaving Chloe with her jaw on the floor behind us.

"What did she say?" Charlotte asks once we're outside. "Please don't tell me she mentioned the accident again?"

"She's done it before?!" My heart drops.

The fact she does makes me glad we haven't hung out that much just the two of us.

"Only once, because I told her she was an idiot pretty quickly, but there's been less of it recently. Harry's probably got something to do with that."

"Char, she all but called Archie a murderer in there!" I sob.

She looks towards Chloe, who is now talking to an indifferent-looking Millie, and scowls. "Bitch."

Before she can say any more, Millie comes over.

"Okay, Chloe is on the phone to Harry telling him you just came at her out of nowhere. Tess, what the hell happened? That can't be right?"

"WHAT!" I shout it so loud most people walking past turn their heads. A red mist was veiling itself over my eyes. "I did not! She was going on about how Archie is to blame for the accident!"

I really do want to give her a matching handmark now but Millie puts a strong hand on both of my shoulders and holds me in place.

"Don't make it worse. Let Chloe moan." She looks at Charlotte. "We all know better."

Charlotte nods next to her. "She just wants to get a rise, Tess."

I scoff, "I have never been more angry." I run my hands  through my hair again. "What the fuck did Matt even see in her anyway?"

I groan again, barely able to control my anger as Charlotte stands.

"I'm going to go and check. Mils, it may be best to order two cabs."

Millie nods but doesn't order an Uber quite yet. To be honest I'm too angry to even move, let alone go home.

"Why is this all coming up now?" I sob.

Millie sighs and looks forward, not answering for a second, making me look up. She sighs again and drops her head.

"I bet it's that bloody news announcement. Dredging up all these old memories for everybody, same as us." She picks something up from the floor and lobs it into the road. "We didn't even want to run anything, but they were being really persistent."

"Journalists really are awful."

She nods in agreement.

"Do you remember that one Archie punched?"

"That guy had it coming." She shakes her head before looking at me, finally. "Tessa, I am so sorry all of this is being brought up again. Nothing can ever make up for how sorry I am."

"Mils, you have nothing to be sorry for. It's okay, and I'm okay." I smile as I scoot closer to her. "But most importantly, I am so proud of you. I'm proud of you both for stepping up and doing what's right." She looks at me as if I've grown an extra head but I keep going. "I know the decision must have been really hard for the two of you."

She puts her arms over mine, accepting the hug, and sighs again.

"If it meant we could help others, which we could, we were all for it. It's still all being drawn up, but we're looking to sell most of Dad's properties abroad to make a huge donation at the end of this year, when the Foundation is fully set up."

She says it so nonchalantly, she may as well have been talking about the weather.

"And then Pete is looking over numbers to try and be able to donate three to five percent of all company profits to charities each year."

"Mils, that sounds so amazing. And no matter what, I will always be proud of you. And I'll always be here for you. Always." I say the word again and look her in the eye, earning me a small glint of a smile.

"I know you are, and I love you for that." She smiles brightly before it disappears again. "But you know, I would be okay if you didn't want to be... after what happened."

I shake my head quickly, wanting to make sure Millie doesn't go down that road.

"We don't blame either of you, for anything, so why should this decision change anything? You and Archie are still the same people you've always been... well, you are at least,"  I correct myself, trying to make it come off as a joke. "It's what I've always loved about you guys. For want of a better word, you're normal." She laughs. "It hasn't changed you in any way, when it might change others."

"You're so strong, Tess." She puts her head on my shoulder . "After all that's happened, you can still find it in you to be happy for the people who have let you down."

I know she means Archie here, not herself. But as the months have stretched on, and I've found myself thinking about it, I'm starting to understand why he did it... and it's helped the pain of it all numb slightly. Only slightly, but it was enough to live with my life with a smile that isn't forced. It doesn't hurt as much to think about him these days, or to say his name like it used to, which has given way to me accepting that Archie may never be ready to come back... to confront what happened... But I now knew it was a choice he had to make, and from the bottom of my heart, I knew, one day, he would come back to me.

What Chloe had said though... about him staying in New York. If he did decide to stay, I would be happy for him, just as if he decided to come back. But that decision was his, not mine, and I had to accept whatever he chose.

No one apart from us two will understand the connection, that first love, soulmate connection, unless they've experienced it  themselves. That you'll be happy for the other person no matter what because you want to see them happy. That's what I want. Him to be happy. That's all I've ever wanted, just as that's what he wants for me.

"Is he okay?" I ask, my voice quiet.

She nods against my shoulder, squeezing my arm.

"He's okay. He's good."

I smile, happy that he is. "Good."

We sit for a little while longer before Charlotte and Chloe finally join us again. Surprisingly, Chloe seems to be looking like she wants to apologise, so I decide to be the bigger person.

"Tess, I'm so sorry."

My hardened expression wavers at the genuine apology, and I can't help but soften.

"I'm so sorry. I really did deserve this." She points to her cheek. "I didn't mean any of that... I was just... so angry. I know it was so wrong to say. I just..." she pauses whilst a soft hiccuped sob comes out of her. "I don't know how  to work through it like you have."

I stand up, brushing myself off, before walking a few steps away from the others, putting my arm around Chloe as we sit back down.

"This should be me consoling you, not the other way around."

I half smile, but decide I need to give it to her straight.

"Chlo, what you said isn't okay."

She shakes her head in agreement.

"Archie didn't kill him. It isn't Archie's fault. He believes it is, and it isn't. None of it is."

My voice is unrecognisably harsh, but it needs to be said. What she said wasn't okay. The more people who are saying it, the more Archie will believe it's true, and he needs to stop thinking that so he can forgive himself and start living his life as we all want him to.

"I know it isn't. I know it's not, trust me. I just... I'm not strong about it like you are." She wipes her eyes. "I'm not strong like you."

That's the second person to tell me that in so many minutes.

"It does take practice, a lot of it. Believe me, I was just as angry as you are a year ago. I hated the world and everyone who disagreed with me." I may be slightly over-exaggerating, but as she nods, I seem to getting my point across.

"But do you feel like the person you're mad at most... is yourself?" She asks, and the question hits me right in the heart.

I nod slowly, before nodding harder and faster.

"It's me." She wipes her eyes. "It's me I'm mad at, not anyone else, and I feel like I'm forgetting him when I shouldn't be."

I squeeze her shoulders again. "Chlo, you're allowed to move on. It doesn't mean you remember or love him any less. He wouldn't want you to be unhappy for the rest of your life. He'd want you to move on."

She gives me a small smile.

"Did you really call Harry and tell him I hit you?" I ask, half joking, half serious.

"No." She shakes her head. "As soon as your palm connected, I knew I was wrong. I was just too shocked to see it. Charlotte told me I was being an idiot, and it didn't take me long to realise I really was."

"You're not an idiot. At least, not all the time," I joke. "But Chlo?" She looks at me. "Please don't say that again... what you said to me. Please don't say it to anyone."

She shakes her head again. "I promise. I'm so sorry, I don't even know where that came from."

"I know where it came from. Like I said, I've been there. But it will get better, I promise." I smile. "Harry will help with that. Jamie did for me."

She rolls her eyes as I wink.

"And we're not done," I add, nudging her with my shoulder.

"Good," she smiles, leaning her head on my shoulder. "And while we're on apologies, I'm sorry I've been a shitty friend these last two years. It's awful how bad a friend I've been."

"Don't even worry about that. I've been in my own world too... It's a two-way street," I smile. "I'm just glad we're okay now."

"We are." She lifts her head from my shoulder. "Please accept that I am genuinely an idiot who can't control her own mouth and brain at the same time."

"And I can't control my hands apparently. I am really sorry about that. And for saying you deserved a broken nose." I laugh as I gingerly touch the hand mark on her face. "Jeez, I really got you good."

"It's okay. I can make the story seem cool by saying there was a cat fight at the bar or something, cover both our butts. Plus, Harry can make it better. Perks of dating a soon-to-be doctor, I suppose," she winks.

I laugh harder at that, but from the wide, beaming grin she's now wearing, I can tell she really does like him. It's the smile she always wore with Matt. A relaxed, bright smile that lit up her entire face.

"I love that you're happy, Chlo. I'm just sorry I haven't made more of an effort to meet Harry."

"Hey, we have time. I think he'll be around for a while."

I squeeze her to me for a second but look up when I see both Charlotte and Millie waving at us, pointing at a cab that was now waiting at the kerb.

"Home?" I ask, standing before helping her up.

She leans down to pull off her heels, sighing in relief as her bare feet walk on the ground.

"Christ, it feels good to get them off. And yes please. I think exhaustion is a factor here too."

I smile as I support her to the taxi. We did only need one in the end, with Millie knowing we'd work it out in the end.

***

WHEN WE GET BACK, the boys are nowhere to be found.

"They must have gone out too?" I say to Charlotte, before we hear some stifled laughing coming from downstairs.

Millie's head then appears at the top of the stairs to the basement. "They're all sparko down in the basement!"

I go down to have a look, and all of them are exactly that. Sparko, and each stretched out on an individual sofa or beanbag. Charlotte laughs as she sees Danny on the tiny beanbag, his head resting backwards on the floor.

"How much do you want to just join them?" she asks, practically combusting as Danny smacks his lips and turns over.

Looking at Jamie, lying on his back, his strong neck pulling in his sleep, I really do.

"I would join but my other half isn't here, so that would be weird," Millie giggles quietly.

"Why don't we just have a sleepover upstairs?" I suggest. "My room's more than big enough for the blow up mattress?"

"Yeaaaah, let's do that!" Millie exclaims. "Chlo, I've got PJs you can borrow." Like Millie, Chloe is nearly a foot shorter than me, so all my pyjama trousers would be too long or too big for her.

As the two of them disappear into Millie's room, Charlotte pulls me into my room and freely rifles through my drawer for a pair for herself. Charlotte and me are similar sizes, so have shared clothes our whole lives, just like sisters would.

"Are you okay? After what happened with Chloe?"

I sigh but give her a nod. "Yeah, I'm fine. She's on thin ice, and she knows it, but she did seem genuinely sorry. And I get her reasons... even if they came out harshly."

"What reasons? What did she say?"

"That we're moving on... forgetting him."

"Tess, you don't do that. I know you and I can see you think about him every day, as is to be expected."

"I haven't as much recently though."

"Yeah... but is that necessarily a bad thing?"

I shrug. I'd told Chloe that Matt would be happy she was moving on, and I know he'll be happy I have too, but I just want him to know that, no matter how much time has passed, he'll always be my big brother.

"I miss him, Char."

She puts an arm around me as she joins me on the bed.

"We all do."

It's quiet for a few minutes as we think about it.

"You know it'll be two weeks next week when he died."

Her eyebrows raise and I nod.

Time really had flown, particularly as I'd spent the first twelve months in a depressive stupor, not letting anyone in because it all hurt too much. Then, after I met Jamie, time seemed to fly even faster as I got to know him, finding myself not realising that August had come along so quickly.

"We should do something," Charlotte says quietly.

"Like what?" I frown.

"I don't know. How about a football match? I'm sure the boys from school and his Essex team will be up for it? They play the football, we drink the champagne."

"You know what," I smile. "That sounds like a great idea, and I know Matt would love that too." I huge her, squeezing her tightly.

"Let's talk about it with the boys tomorrow. I'll be honest, the exhaustion of having my first night out in four months is so real," she laughs as Millie and Chloe come back in wearing matching pyjamas.

Now that she's washed her make-up off, Chloe's face looks better than it did outside the bar. You can still see a handmark, but I think I'm seeing it because I know it's there.

"I am shattered," she says, yawning, making both Charlotte and me yawn as well.

"Oh shit, the air bed!" I suddenly remember it's downstairs in the basement, but Millie stops me.

"Don't worry, we'll just sleep in my room. I can't be arsed to deal with the blow up bed now anyway," she laughs, making her way to the door.

"Fair enough," I laugh. "Chlo, is that okay?"

She nods. "Yeah, absolutely, fine with me. Happy to sleep anywhere to be honest." She looks behind her so I follow her gaze, laughing as Charlotte is settling herself, not even needing an invitation.

"Night," Chloe whispers as she pulls the door to behind her. I wave before she closes it and turn off the main light after switching on my lamp. Once I've put my hair up in a bun, I slot into bed and turn towards Charlotte, wanting to talk more about this football game.

But she's sparko too, snuffling just like she always used to. So, following her lead, I close my eyes and embrace slumber as it washes over me.