THE SUMMER PASSED BY a lot quicker than I wanted to.

Jamie and I stayed on with Mum for a few more days before heading back to Dad's, but once Jamie started his internship, and I started back at the leisure centre two days a week, the days really did fly by.

Every day seemed to be filled with something.

The two tennis camp days I did, I spent most of my day working with kids age five to twelve, trying to remind them why tennis was so fun, how to move their feet properly, and most importantly, how to hit a great forehand. I left early to set up and got back late after packing everything away, so sometimes Jamie would beat me back. On the days he didn't, he would get back really late, so we were both too exhausted to report back. And before we knew it, the day would be starting all over again.

But the days we had off - the weekends, where we could ignore the impending busy-ness of adult life - were incredible.

We went with Charlotte and Danny to country houses, taking picnics and Pimms, we went to a couple of theme parks  and  then Charlotte and I went shopping more than once, which ended up with both of us being picked up from the station by Jamie, as we were far too drunk to walk home. But on the weekends we allowed ourselves those freedoms, which made the long days in the worth it.

However, the summer really was moving quickly. I hadn't realised how fast it was moving until Dad asked if I wanted to accompany him to see Matt when we got back from Scotland. When he mentioned it would be two years since he died in a couple of weeks the, the eighteenth of August, my stomach dropped.

I started doing the maths, and I worked out my brother hadn't been with me for the last seven-hundred and sixteen days. For seven-hundred and sixteen days I haven't been able to laugh with him, to joke with him, to see him play football. I haven't been able to hug him, to feel his warm arms around me when I'm not feeling well, or I'm crying about something. I haven't been able to feel comfort in his arms, and it hurts. It's been that numb kind of pain you can ignore for the last few months, as it's been so busy I've been able to push it away, but right now, as Jamie and I are half way up Stac Pollaidh, it all hits me.

"Two years," I whisper, my sandwich still half way between the box and my mouth.

Jamie looks up from his own lunch and his gazes focusses on me.

"Tess? What did you say?" He frowns. "Hey, are you okay?"

I wasn't okay.

I haven't been okay since I found out since I saw those blue and red flashing lights outside our door.

My lip starts quivering before I shake my head, sobbing.

It's a matter of seconds before I'm sitting in Jamie's lap, his arms are around me, and he's rocking me from side to side. He doesn't say anything, because he knows there isn't anything he can say, because I've had one of these moments before. He says something wrong and I scream at him, that's how it works, so now, all he has to do is hold me. He just needs to hold me until I've stopped crying however long that takes, because for a moment - for this moment - I can keep my eyes closed and pretend, just for a moment, that everything is okay. That any minute Matt will call me and tell me latest stupid thing he's been up to.

It will be telling me to just put one foot in front of the other and continue on with my life, as if he were right here, and will be every step of the way.

***

"HEY GUYS, HOW WAS your walk?" Sophie asks us as we come in the door.

She looks amazing. At five months pregnant she is only just starting to show, even under the massive woolly jumper she's wearing in the drafty McGregor clan castle. We, however, look like drowned rats. Just after we'd left the shelter of trees - the last stretch towards the car - the heavens had opened and rained on us all the way back.

"Oh, it was great!" I look down at myself and all I can do is laugh. My socks are soaking and squelching as I walk to the boot room, Jamie similarly squelching behind me.

"Which one did you do today?" she asks, watching us as we strip off our waterproof layers.

"Stac Pollaidh," Jamie and I answer in unison. "Thirteen out of fourteen before we head home."

"I can't believe you've stuck to it. Which other ones have you done?"

After putting my socks in the dryer, I get my phone out of my pocket to find our list, but we're all distracted by a very loud shout from Jamie's dad. Jamie and Sophie frown as Greg appears out of his study.

"Guys, you're going to want to see this."

We all look at each other before we quickly follow him into his study, where he has the news on.

"What is it?" Jamie asks.

Greg just answers by pointing at the screen, and when the next headline shows on the screen, I feel my stomach sink as the last thing I'd expect to rear its ugly head, did exactly that.

The news reader is on screen, sharing the space with a wide shot of the WEH building in Canary Wharf, plain as day, and both Jamie and Greg are staring intently, listening to what she has to say.

"And now, in business news, after the sentencing of Wall Enterprise Holdings owner almost two years ago, the telecommunications world have been wondering when an announcement on leadership would be made. Only it isn't who any of us expected. Kelly Grammer is at their New York office now."

Oh my God. Please. Please God, no.

"Thank you Amanda. Yes, two years ago the shock announcement of the sentencing of Richard Wall meant that this company, Wall Enterprises Holdings, had a question on its hands: who will run it?"

The camera pans upwards towards the WEH logo and I actually felt sick.

"With WEH being one of the world's leading telecommunications companies, it had been left in jeopardy, with rumours of hostile takeovers. But today, a successor has been announced. Or rather, two successors."

I lift my head up and my jaw drops.

"It was announced early this morning that Richard Wall has passed the running of his company to his two children, his son and daughter, neither of whom are above twenty, and are both at university."

I breathe a small sigh of relief that she doesn't name Archie or Millie, or show a picture, because Jamie would have put the dots together and I was not ready for that argument, not yet. But as Kelly Grammer continues, my heart is quite literally in my mouth.

"There is some speculation as to the soundness of Wall's decision to hand his company to his children, but with further announcement of a new charity, founded to help disadvantaged children and families, and victims of domestic abuse, with substantial business and financial backing, it seems the apple hasn't fallen far from the proverbial tree. The BBC asked WEH to comment, but no further comments have been made at this point, so we expect an update in the next few months. This is Kelly Grammer, BBC News, New York."

As the news moves on to something else, Greg turns the volume back down on the TV and I try to listen to what they're saying, but all I can hear is my heartbeat in my ears.

The news has left me reeling, and no one seems to realise I'm completely freaking out behind the calm facade. Freaking out about the fact my best friend, and my ex-boyfriend, now owned a billion-dollar company. I wanted to call her, I needed to, but if I did that, Jamie would know.

He would know everything, and he would know I wasn't entirely honest with him.

When I told Jamie about Archie, about the accident, I couldn't bring myself to tell him Richard's name, and who he was. It wasn't just because I hated him, even the sound of his name made my hands shake with anger - okay, maybe it was - but there were just some things I could never bring myself to talk, or even think about. He was one of them.

He got what he deserved. Prison for life, for taking away one of the best human beings in the world. He deserved an eternity in hell for what he did, but jail was the second best option.

"So what exactly did this guy do?" Jamie asks.

My heart aches at the question, the way he asks it so cavalierly.

"He killed someone. I remember the trial was televised."

Dad and I had been 'invited' to go, but we didn't. Our lawyers had told us he pleaded guilty on all counts, and he was getting the maximum sentence. We were too busy dealing with Matt's death and what was going on with Archie to care about much else.

"He shot someone?" Jamie asks again, looking at me as a strange squeak comes out of me.

Greg answers for me. "No, vehicular homicide is what they ruled in the end. He ran two kids off the road, killed one of them. A boy." Greg shakes his head. "He'd be about your age now, I think. The name was never released."

I did thank our lawyers for that, and that is the one thing we can thank WEH for. We had a few reporters camped outside our house when they remembered the connection between Richard and Archie, but after a week of getting nothing, they gave up.

"Jeez. No wonder he's in prison." Jamie turns his head back to his dad. "Do you know how long he's in there for?"

My blood is now boiling by itself, so much so that I can't stop the answer coming out.

"Life."

When I realise the word had come from me, my hands start to visibly shake, and the facade I'd built starts to shatter.

I swallow as everyone's eyes turn to me, my cheeks burning with the anger singing through my veins.

"It was someone..." My hands shake more as I bunch them into tight fists, willing myself to finish the sentence. "It was someone from our school."

Greg looks at me and then at Jamie before I leave the room, practically sprinting out the room. I didn't want to be a part of that conversatin anymore. They could talk and speculate all they wanted, but I didn't want to be there. It was painful enough to experience the first time.

My feet carry me to Jamie's room, and I shut the door, holding my palms flat against the cool wood until I hear a pair of footsteps coming up to the other side.

I close my eyes as I recognise Jamie's breathing, before turning and sliding to the floor, my head dropping into my hands.

"Tess..." His voice is barely a whisper, and I can hear his voice is at my height. "Tess, I'm so sorry."

From him saying that, he must have put two and two together. From my reaction he's worked it out for himself and no doubt thinks worse of me for not telling him.

I shuffle away from the door as he asks if he can come in, and he comes to join me on the floor, pulling me onto his lap, letting sob into his chest as he holds me.

"Why didn't you tell me?" he asks once my sobs have mostly subsided, the odd hiccup sounding softly.

I sniff and cough a small sob. "I... I didn't know how." How can you tell someone something like that?

I almost had, when I'd told him about Archie a few months ago, but I couldn't bring myself to give him those few final details.

"Two years," I whisper.

His eyebrows raise as I say the same thing I'd said on our walk earlier, and I see a light click on behind his eyes.

"Oh Tess..." He hugs me close to him again. "Come here." He starts rocking as I close my eyes, using the motion to try and get my emotions under control again.

"I'd forgotten... I forgot how long it's been."

Jamie shuffles underneath me, rearranging me so I wasn't resting quite so heavily on his legs.

"Tell me about him..." he says quietly, so quietly I nearly don't hear him. "All the good stuff, tell me about him."

I lean up and try to dry my eyes, despite new tears starting fresh as I try to summon some memories, and I sniff, a smile automatically coming to my lips as I think of the perfect ones.

I like this kind of distraction. Thinking about Matt, even if it was painful at first, is one of my favourite things.

"Well, erm... he," I sniff again and wipe my nose before smiling. "He had hair as long as mine."

"As long as yours?" He leans sideways to look at my hair, which was getting close to my bum now, as I hadn't a hair cut in ages.

"Yup!" I laugh. "It had dreads and everything, Dad absolutely hated it."

He laughs as I do, remembering how many time Dad literally pleaded with him to get it cut, even paying him at one point when things got desperate. I laugh harder as I remember him telling Dad he was getting it cut and remembering Dad's face when he came in the door with all plaited into cornrows.

"I reckon he could have given Rapunzel a run for her money about now, before he did finally cut it off."

"Oh, he cut it?"

I nod. "Yeah, Chloe finally managed to get him to do it, of all people. To be honest I don't know why everyone hated it. It made him unique. I liked it." I shake my head. "He shaved his head, and when he came in, Dad literally had to do a double take."

"Sorry, who's Chloe again?"

"Matt's girlfriend. You haven't met her... I wasn't as close with her as I am with Millie and Charlotte." I hadn't really seen her much, which was really bad, but then again she hadn't reached out either.

"But you know he went out with Millie for a while... before she met Greg. Chloe was with Matt when he..." I stop and grit my teeth, telling myself to move in a different direction of conversation. "Football was his thing."

"Ahh, I see. Football really is a big thing in the Granger household, huh?"

"Oh yeah, big time. Brighton matches most weekends, as Dad and Matt were season ticket holders, and then on the other day, Matt would be playing football himself. Football after school. He was going to be amazing." I swallow as I brace myself. "He had an offer to play for the Exeter under twenty-threes when he went to uni, and they're a League One club. A couple of years and he would have been in the Premier League. I wouldn't have been surprised if he was on someone's list."

Jamie's eyebrows shoot up and he smiles as I do. "That's incredible."

"He really was. Watching him was like watching poetry. It sounds so stupid to say but it's true." I smile. "He was this annoying big brother off the pitch who never washed  the dishes or did any of his chores, who always bugged you, but then as soon as he was playing football, you couldn't help but be mesmerised by him."

"Did you say he was older?"

I laugh, "Yeah, twelve minutes."

"Fuck, you were twins? How did I not know that?" he chuckles.

"We weren't identical, boy and girl - or maybe we were when he had his long hair - but you could see it more when we were little." I shuffle as I get my phone out of my pocket and find my Facebook profile. Jamie isn't on Facebook so he wouldn't have seen this.

"Ohh my God, you were twins," he takes the phone from me and peers closer. "Is that one you?" he asks, pointing to me.

"Yep. I think we were about five or six maybe?" I zoom in closer to see my two front teeth were missing, so we were at least six.

I flick Facebook closed and go to my photo library, wanting to find a more recent photo of us, and I smile when I see it.

It's Matt and me at Mum's wedding, him as Mark's best man and me as Mum's maid of honour. My hair was up in a messy, braided bun, artful tendrils hanging down across my forehead. My smile is wide, beaming towards the camera. Matt's hair is up in a simlar bun, although not as styled, with bits sticking out the side. His big beefy arm is around me and his infectious grin is wider than mine as his cheeks push his eyes closed. Flicking through the series, I remember almost peeing myself with laughter as we watched Mum and Mark essentially have a food fight to see who would hit the other with cake first. The last photo is us both having to brace ourselves on our knees we were laughing so hard, with Matt basically holding me up.

"He had a great sense of humour."

"I can see that. It's making me want to laugh just looking at this photo," he chuckles.

"He was the sort of person who you could never stay mad at. You'd be pissed with him about something and then he'd have you laughing within five minutes. It was so stupid."

I start laughing as I remember how he'd managed to get Mum to forget what she was telling him off about when he broke one of her African vases. I mean, he was still grounded in the end, but it worked for a good hour.

"He sounds like a character."

I wipe my eyes as I nod. "He was." I smile. "Is," I correct myself. "God... I miss him, Jamie. I miss him so much."

"Well, of course you do, he's your brother."

I smile before kissing him for using the present tense. Even though he's not here anymore, I still feel like he is, at least I like to pretend he is sometimes.

"As much as I don't get on with George... if I lost any of my..." he stops and shakes his head, unable to even say it.

I kiss his cheek as he holds me tightly.

"That's siblings for you. You'd do anything not to have them, and yet you'd do absolutely anything for them too."

He leans down and drops a soft kiss on my lips.

"You want to stay up here tonight?" he asks.

I look up and nod sheepishly. "Is that okay?" I knew it was rude to stay up here, particularly as it would mean missing dinner, but I'm not really in the mood to do anything other than stay up here and snuggle with a movie, closing myself off from the world.

"Of course. To be honest, Dad will on that for a bit, so I think it's best we do our own thing anyway."

My heart falls as he says it, making me drop my head, but he lifts it gently and smiles at me.

"But you know, if you do ever want to talk about it, you know I'm here, right?"

I nod as before pressing my lips softly to his.

"I do know that, and I will be ready to talk about it... soon... I promise."

He smiles before kissing me again, holding my cheeks softly. As he pulls away he kisses my nose quickly and then slides me off his lap and pretends to dust himself off.

"Right m'lady, tell me what you want from the kitchen and I'll grab it," he says, picking me up off the floor and depositing me gently on his bed.

I shrug. "I'm not really hungry... Not yet anyway," I tell him, smirking as he looks at me, his blue eyes darkening.

I bite my lip as I sit up and pull my jumper over my head, depositing it on the floor as I walk past him to his bathroom. As I get to the doorway, I pull my trousers off and flick them off to the side before looking at him over my shoulder.

"I think I need a shower first..."

Taking a deep breath I pull my t-shirt off, depositing it in front of me before my bra and knickers follow it. I turn on the water, and smile as I feel Jamie's hands hold my waist, kissing the side of my neck.

"I think I need a shower too," he whispers into my skin, his words almost lost by the water before his lips find mine.