QUITE AMAZINGLY, I WAS able to get some sleep once I was able to quiet my mind.

I don't know how long I was out for, but when I wake again, I've been disconnected from my drip and Lara is asleep in the chair next to me. Her prosthetic is detached and she's curled up in a ball, using some of my blanket to cover herself.

She looks so peaceful I don't want to wake her, but when I shuffle up in the bed, I manage to dislodge the covers and send her prosthetic crashing to the floor. She wakes with a start, and I grimace as she glares in my direction.

"I was trying not to wake you," I say with a chuckle as I lean over carefully to pick her leg back up and hand it to her.

She takes it and puts it behind her, cheeks pinking at me seeing it. I knew she'd lost it, because I'd seen her in physical therapy sessions. But I also couldn't help but notice that she always seems a lot less pained when she didn't have it on. But for now I decide to keep that to myself.

"You were absolutely dead to the world when they came to set your arm by the way," she says, pointing to my other hand. "So I told them you wouldn't mind pink."

She grins and I quickly turn my head.

She wasn't kidding. My arm is now decorated with an elbow-high fluorescent pink cast.

"Ohhhhh my god. I officially hate you," I chuckle, swatting at her arm as I lean sideways.

"I even signed it too."

I turn my arm over and see a small signature at the bottom of a very good drawing of someone flipping me off. Underneath it says 'sucker' and I can't help but laugh.

"You are something else, you know that."

She giggles as she sits up cross legged. "I have been told that before."

I shake my head as I smile wider than I had done in a while. There's something about her that just lifts me in a way I never thought was possible. Not in the same way as before - no one would ever be able to lift me that way again - but this was a start.

"So did the doctor tell you anything else while I was sparko?" I ask.

She shakes her head. "Nope. Well, only that you'll probably be good to go tomorrow. Which is handy, because after a text exchange with your sister," she says, holding up her phone, smirking as she scrolls through a flurry of messages which includes a picture of me asleep, "she is now arriving tomorrow evening."

My mouth bobs open and closed like a dumbfounded goldfish. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. A stranger, who I'd barely spoken to before the last few weeks, has done all this for me.

"You did all this?" I ask.

She shrugs. "You would have done the same for me."

And with that smile, I know I would have. But from the pain underneath it, a pain that I recognise all too well, I know she'll never be able to have what it is she's giving me.

"Come here," I say, gesturing her up on to the bed.

She shakes her head but when I insist she gets up and slots herself into the gap, curling herself up into a ball.

"This is really weird," she says after we've been quiet for a couple of minutes.

"Yeah, I'll be honest, it worked out better in my head."

She giggles, shaking my body as she does, and soon the two of us are laughing so much we can't breathe. Laughing until tears fall from our eyes. Laughing until our bones turn to jelly and we can't talk straight.

***

"DID YOU STILL WANT to talk about..." Lara starts when the credits start to roll on the sixth episode of The Simpsons.

She groans as she clicks her back and neck, probably from having to crane around the corner to be able to see the screen.

"Only if you want to hear it," I mumble, cheeks reddening.

Despite how personal it was, and despite how I know she'll see me at the end, I'm actually finding myself wanting to tell her.

If she'd asked me that question before, I would never have talked about it. Hell, even when she asked me a couple of hours ago, I didn't feel like I actually wanted to. But now... I don't know. After laughing with her and feeling entirely at ease with her, something told me that everything would be okay. And that doing this could mean I could finally walk away from this; be able to work with myself to get past it, because I'd punished myself enough.

"Of course I do," she smiles.

I nod before taking a deep breath.

"I'll need to go right back to the beginning," I tell her.

"I've got time."

She slots herself back into my shoulder, making herself comfortable

"Well... there was this girl..." I start, smiling as a welcome image of Tessa comes into my mind.

I tell her about that first day I met her; how she smiled at me so widely that I could see her tongue poking between her two missing front teeth.

I tell her about our long conversations after nights out, her feet in my lap as she laughs at drunken stories about Matt falling asleep in odd places.

I tell her about our first kiss outside of Loughton tube station, telling her it wasn't the most romantic spot for a first kiss but that I just couldn't help myself.

I tell her about that first night, about how it had been so worth getting into trouble just to spend a whole night with her in my arms.

I tell her about my dad, about how he broke my shoulder and bruised my face.

I tell her about my mum leaving. I tell her about Tessa's breakout.

I tell her about our trips to Scotland, walking amongst the hills and the clouds in the summer.

I tell her about getting into Columbia, to pursue my drawing.

I tell her about that last time I held her properly in my arms, when I knew I was going to leave her, and how I could still feel her even now.

I tell her about the letter I wrote. I tell her how I cried every second I spent writing it, and how I regret leaving it for her every single day.

I then move on to the hard bit; telling her about the stuff I still couldn't understand.

I tell her about the accident. And I tell her how I got it in my head that I couldn't face any of them.

I tell her about how Matt looked that day; still smiling at me despite losing colour by the second and the blood dribbling down his front.

I tell her about how I could barely hold anything together.

I tell her how I would scream at night, how I would relive every single second of what happened in my dreams.

Then I tell her about my dreams - the ones where Tessa visits me, tells me that she's here.

I tell her about what happened yesterday.

I tell her her how I'd made it worse for myself in deliberately seeing what this new boyfriend looked like.

I tell her about how I drank anything and everything I could, to try and drown out that image of Tessa happy with someone else.

I tell her about how I'd heard her in my head.

And finally, I tell her how I'd always heard her in my head, whenever I felt alone, not caring that it makes me sound completely crazy.

I tell her everything, and once I've got it all out, I feel both empty and relieved at the same time.

"So that's it." I sigh. "That's me."

I feel like I've been talking for days, weeks even, but Lara has done nothing but listen. She's asked the occasional question - scene setting mostly - but she just let me tell my story. She let me tell her about why I'm here today, why I am the way I am. Why I'm an empty shell, and why my dream of New York had been so overshadowed and had been the complete opposite of what I'd dreamed it would be.

"Archie, have you been bottling that up this whole time?"

I shrug in response.

"No wonder you're feeling marooned... going through all that."

I let out a long breath. I suppose I never really thought about it. But I felt like I couldn't talk to anyone about it because no one would understand. Even when I told Millie I felt like it was her forcing it out rather than me actually wanting to talk about it. Even now, because she's still so close to Tessa, I feel like I can't tell her everything I could tell this supposed stranger.

"Does it feel good to get it out?" she asks, putting her head back on my shoulder.

I push my cheek gently into her head and sigh. It did feel good, better than I'd ever expected it would.

"Yeah. Yeah, it does."

She moves her head to look up at me, giving me a dazzlingly bright smile.

"Thank you."

She sighs as she puts her head back to where it was before, and I settle mine back too.

"That's what friends are for," she says finally, her voice sounding like she was close to falling asleep.

"Friends. Yeah." I smile as her body relaxes and I tighten my grip around her. "I could do that," I smile.

Having Lara in my life was already making a difference. She almost doesn't let me feel sorry for myself, which is a good thing. I've done enough of it over the last year and it was time to start picking myself up again.

I'd told Tessa to move on, so why couldn't I?

Alright, thinking about it, it wasn't necessarily what I had wanted, but it was what Tessa deserved. And I should be happy that she has, not angry. And I knew Tessa doesn't do things lightly. If she's with him, it isn't just a temporary thing. She doesn't love by halves, which is what I always loved about her. And even though the thought of her being happy with someone will always cause a barbed piercing feeling in my stomach, I know happiness is what she truly.

"You mind if I keep watching The Simpsons?" I ask, even though she's now basically asleep under my arm.

She mumbles something, which I take as a no, so I unmute it again, and end up falling asleep again a few minutes later.

***

"BIG BRO!"

I hear a yell echo across the JFK concourse that I immediately know to be Millie's, and I look up just in time to catch her before she jumps and knocks us to the floor.

"Jesus," I laugh. "Someone's excited."

"Of course I'm excited. And what is this? An actual smile?" She exclaims, pinching my cheek. "What is this?"

"Well, you're here, so that's certainly one thing to smile about. Plus there's a tree back at home that's in drastic need of your attention."

She loops her arm through mine and holds herself close to me. "I'm so glad you still wanted me to come after yesterday," she says, her smile disappearing for a second as tears build in her eyes.

"No," I shake my head. "That's exactly why I needed you to come. I'm officially done with marooning myself, with keeping everyone at arm's length."

"Mm-hmm." Her eyebrows raise. "Does that have anything to do with a text conversation I had with your friend?"

"With Lara?" I shrug, playing it cool. "Maybe." I admit with a smile.

"What's with that look?"

I shrug again but roll my eyes as I give in to her questioning. "I told her about Tessa, about Matt, about that day... I just told her everything and she just listened... and I don't know. I just feel... freer somehow?"

I don't know whether free was the right word, maybe accepting was the better way to describe it. I was accepting that I had to move past my grief. It didn't mean I had to forget about Matt, or even forget Tessa, but it did mean I could finally move on... and maybe even be happy.

"Well..." She hugs me closer as she tucks her ear close to my chest and squeezes me tightly. "If she can get you to snap out of it, and manages to get a bright pink cast on you," she giggles as I roll my eyes, "then I love her already."

***

I NEVER THOUGHT I would say this a few weeks ago, but today has been amazing.

It's Christmas, it's four in the afternoon, we are still in pyjamas and we are stuffed beyond belief with every Christmas-themed food you could think of.

Millie has single-handedly pulled off a Turkey, with all the trimmings, as well as buying a chocolate fountain, so the two of us have polished off billions of calories by the time we finally decided to give our stomachs a rest. After an hour of board games, the two of us are now settled on the sofa, three films into our Christmas film marathon.

"Are there any more pigs in blankets?" I ask, feeling peckish.

Millie laughs as she tries to sit up, only her food baby is preventing her. After a few tries she gives up and just lies back down.

"If you can be bothered to move, they're over there," she says, waving her hand towards the table.

I think about it for a minute, but then decide I can't be bothered. With my lack of exercise, nor motivation to do any, I was starting to get a little rotund. Previously, motivation came from Tessa. Now, I had myself and my own motivation, and it was lacking, especially around Christmas.

"What's Lara doing today?" Millie asks, rolling onto her back and looking at me upside down.

She'd been making hints towards Lara a lot over the last few days. Each time I just waved her off because there is nothing going on, but this time I answer.

"I'm not sure actually. I didn't ask."

It's true. I did never ask. She said she'd convinced Millie to come a few days early and then I never asked her what her plans were.

"Maybe you should call her and invite her round?" She suggests, waving my phone around in the air where I see I have received a couple of texts. She's probably seen it was Lara, which prompted her to ask the question.

I lean over and grab my phone from her, and my heart drops when I open them, seeing Lara is spending Christmas in the hospital.

"Mils, grab you shoes. We're going to get her."

She giggles as she pushes herself up with no problem, bouncing towards the doorway.

***

"ARCHIE? WHAT ARE YOU doing here?" Lara asks after Millie and I both do a tuck and roll into her doorway, Mission Impossible style. Millie manages to do it properly, but I end up just rolling over like a log, making Millie laugh so much her legs almost buckle.

"You mean aside from falling on my face?"

Lara giggles and looks at Millie.

"We're breaking you out," she explains.

Lara frowns. "And taking me where?"

"Back to his," she gestures to me with her thumb.

"We have just made more than enough food to feed the five-thousand, so please help us finish it?" I beg, pouting.

She looks between us for a second but when she rolls her eyes and smiles, I know she's game.

"Why didn't you tell me you'd be here for Christmas?" I ask, standing closer to the bed as Millie packs some of her stuff.

She shrugs and her cheeks redden. She looks embarrassed but when I widen my eyes softly for an answer, she sighs in resignation.

"I didn't want you to feel sorry for me." Her smile has faded and her eyes are sad.

"You mean after everything I've told you," I say with a smile. "You can tell me," I say quietly, keeping my voice low.

She smiles and looks towards Millie before looking at me. She then nods, agreeing, so I sit down at the side of her bed and do what she did for me. I listen.

"I don't have any family to spend Christmas with. Well, I do, technically. I just don't want to see them."

My eyebrows raise involuntarily and she shakes her head, not wanting to tell me any more. I'm thinking maybe it could be Millie being here, which was understandable, but when I'm about to ask Millie if she could give us some privacy, Lara sighs and pulls back the cover, showing us what's left of her leg.

"I lost this because of Dad. He made the decision to just cut it off, even though there was a way to save it by having surgeries."

Hearing that makes me go cold. I can't believe her dad would do that when there were possibilities. And to not even wait until Lara was conscious to ask her... It's no wonder she doesn't want to speak to him.

"The surgeries to save it were more risky, a larger chance that they'd lose me and the leg, but that chance was slim."

She looks down at it and shakes her head.

"I didn't want this," she says, smoothing her hand over the red patches and the bruises half way up her thigh. It looks so painful, it's making me wince. "I never wanted this."

I take her hand and give it a reassuring squeeze as she wipes a tear away from her cheek, taking a deep breath, composing herself.

"I've been here for months, and no change." She pulls the covers back over her legs and wipes her eyes. "And then now the doctors are all saying the pain is mental, and that if I just accept this is my lot, then it'll get easier and I can leave."

"They actually said that?" Millie asks before I can.

"Well..." She rolls her eyes and shakes her head before she laughs, brushing it off. "They don't actually say that, But they may as well. They pity me."

I get what she means, and that word hits home like a hammer. They do their best to hide it but you can still see it every time they look at you.

"When I came in here to start with, I got that. I'd basically all but given up."

"Bro, I saw you then. And I agree with them. You needed to pull yourself together."

I look over at her sharply and narrow my eyes. She was right, but she didn't need to say it out loud. I could handle it because I'm used to it. Lara is still learning.

"Sorry," she apologises. "That was rude."

"He did need to pull himself together," she quips, poking my side.

"Oh, cheers ladies."

They both laugh and the desired effect of getting that smile back on Lara's face seems to be working, even if it is at my own expense.

Lara looks at me, and I get the feeling there is more she wants to tell me, but maybe she doesn't feel comfortable mentioning it here. I give her a slight nod and I watch as her shoulders drop in relief.

Millie seems to get it too, because within a couple of seconds, she announces, "In any case, please join us."

Lara laughs as Millie pouts, clasping her hands together as if she's begging.

"Archie's place is way more fun than here, and we still have all the Home Alone movies to watch."

Lara's eyebrows raise as she looks at me. "I thought you hated Home Alone?"

"Archie loves Home Alone," Millie contradicts with a huge smile.

"Well, believe it or not, your brother jumped down my throat the other day because I was about to watch Home Alone."

Both of the girls look at me but before my cheeks get too red, I pick Lara up off the bed and gesture for Millie to grab her bag. She's laughing, telling me to put her down, but when she knows I won't, she only stops me to grab her coat off the back of the door. I quickly do so, holding her close to it so she grab it without me putting her down before carrying her down to the reception, Millie in tow with all the bags.

After securing an okay from her doctors for a few days out at mine, I deposit Lara in the front passenger seat, after which Millie hands her the prosthetic, and as she buckles herself in she takes my hand and smiles.

"Thank you for this, Archie," she beams before leaning sideways to kiss my cheek.

My eyes briefly lock with Millie's, who is looking like she wants to squeal, but thankfully she keeps it to herself. "That's what friends are for," I grin back at her, giving her a wink,

She smiles wider before offering me a small shake of my head.

"Right, we all ready for Home Alone then?" I ask, putting the car into drive.

"Hell yes, I'm ready! Forward ho!" Lara shouts.

I can't help but laugh as I move forward and head back home.

***

I NEVER WOULD HAVE imagined having a smile on my face on Christmas Day.

After being such a different one to last year, I didn't really know what to expect. But when we get home, and once we're all snuggled down under blankets, all sporting various bowls of crisps, pig in blankets and chocolate we could eat, I realise why I'm smiling.

I have a friend, a proper friend, one I know I can depend on. I have my sister who only wants the best for me. But most of all, have something to look forward to... something to fight for.

And I'll be damned if I let the best days of my life go past me in a blur again... I'd done enough of that already.