AS SOON AS MY eyes open on Christmas morning, I know I've made a terrible mistake.

The holidays are supposed to be filled with us all staying up until three in the morning watching cheesy Christmas films. The holidays are supposed to be pretending to be asleep as we listen to Mum and Dad sneak downstairs, trying and failing to be quiet. The holidays are about family.

Except none of my family are here.

I know that Jamie and Sophie and the rest of the McGregor clan are trying their hardest to be substitutes, and I am so grateful to them for trying, but they can't give me the one thing I really want. No one can.

Because all I want is my brother.

Christmas is the one day a year where Matt became a human before seven in the morning. He used to get us all up at six or even five in the morning to open presents and then watch cartoons and films all day, but none of us minded. He actually put effort into getting people the perfect presents and his favourite part of Christmas was watching everybody else. It was the one day a year where he reverted back to the kid he loves to be. A kid with no worries and just a love of Christmas.

But today he isn't here. Nothing about this house makes me feel close to him at all, and as a tear falls down my cheek, my heart just wants to be six-hundred and fifty-four miles away, back home with my family.

I sniff, trying to wipe my tears away but when I feel Jamie pull me closer and kiss the back of my neck, I can't keep them in anymore.

I turn around and curl myself into a ball as I tuck my head into his chest, letting the sobs take me over as I realise the gravity of my mistake.

"Aw Tess," Jamie coos, pulling me into his arms so that my head is now resting on his chest as I continue to cry.

Neither of us say anything for ages whilst I just let it all out, and only when the tears have dried up, do either of us speak.

"I am such an idiot," I tell him, screwing my eyes shut as the tears threaten to well over again.

I hear him chuckle deep in his chest before his lips touch the top of my head.

"You are not an idiot."

"Jamie, I am an idiot. My brother died, and I used my mum as an excuse not to be in that house anymore and now I feel..."

He tips my chin up before gently kissing my lips. When he's done with my lips, he gently pecks my nose before kissing my lips again.

"I would have been okay with a vegetarian Christmas."

He sighs as his blue eyes look into mine.

"Who cares if my mum can't eat turkey at the moment. It's not as if it's forever."

I know what he's doing. He's letting me get it out of my system, but I don't think it will be for a while. I think it would be better for all of his family if they just leave me up here all day to wallow in my own bad mood so everyone else can at least enjoy the day.

"You should just leave me up here."

He sighs and kisses my head before sitting me up with him, moving me in between his legs as he leans against the headboard.

"Tess, that is ridiculous, I'm not doing that."

"Why not? I'm not going to be any fun."

"What about my mum's Christmas dinner?"

Silence... But when he speaks again, I know I can't stay up here because it's rude, and that isn't me. Even if I feel crap, I still wouldn't do that to his parents.

I sigh before I lean my head back against his chest. He kisses my forehead, lingering his lips, and I close my eyes as I resign myself to just faking my happiness. I'm sure they would all understand that I'm just missing my family... Plus, maybe all the present opening would be enough to get me in the mood.

"Okay," I say, huffing one last sigh before I pull myself up out his arms and shuffling out of bed. "Fine."

I plaster a wide, enthusiastic smile on my face as he slides out and pulls on a pair of pyjama trousers. "That's my girl." He gives me a quick peck on the lips before pulling me out the door and down the stairs towards the smell of cooking bacon.

***

DESPITE THE PIT OF sadness in my stomach, once I get downstairs, I do start to feel better pretty quickly.

At breakfast, I'm sat opposite Jamie and in between Fergus and Shaun, and we're talking animatedly about our epic game of Hide and Seek planned for later. The two of them are such little characters that I know they will be heart breakers when they're Jamie's age. Fergus' cheeky grin and Shaun's bright blue eyes are a killer combination, and for eight year-olds they are incredibly smart. Way smarter than I was at eight.

After breakfast, as Jamie is laden with helping Lizzie in the kitchen, Sophie takes me out for a lovely walk with her dog, Hamish, and by the time we get back, lunch is making the entire house smell mouth-wateringly. And as we come in, the table is laden with a huge turkey - large enough to feed at least twenty people, let alone ten - and the placemats are dressed with beautiful napkin art, with mine being a swan, Jamie's a ship and others in various different forms which amaze me.

At dinner, which is a turkey stuffed with haggis stuffing - which is delicious - there is nothing but laughter. Fergus' impressions of his dad on a call had me nearly falling off my chair, and as we did a round robin of our favourite Christmas memories, which brings us all nicely into the gift-giving.

But as I sit in Jamie's arms, watching the kiddies playing with their new gifts, the only noise as pure happiness, the sadness I feel about missing my family starts to disappear.

"You feeling any better yet?" Jamie whispers into my ear.

I turn my head I nod with a smile.

"Good. Because I have a feeling it's about to get a bit better," he tells me, nodding to Fergus who is now coming towards me holding a tiny, beautifully-wrapped box.

I gasp as I sit up, tears coming to my eyes at the gesture.

"We all got you this," he says, putting it in my hands.

I put my hand on my chest as he beams up at me, so I lean forward and kiss his cheek. They redden immediately as he runs to his mum and hides his face in her chest, embarrassed. After a minute he recovers and sits back on the floor with Shaun, who is making rocket noises as he plays with the Superman lego set I got them.

"You didn't have to get me anything," I say to the room, and Greg swats the air as Jamie kisses the side of my head, telling me just to open it. This gift has made me glad I went out and got them something, even if it was just a candle... at least it was something.

I sit up properly as I undo the packaging, and I gasp again as I open the tiny package. Inside is a turquoise box, wrapped in a white ribbon. It's Tiffany & Co. and I look at Lizzie with a grateful smile before getting up off the sofa to hug them both, squeezing them tight.

Lizzie kisses my cheek before cupping them, her eyes dazzling as the light reflects on tears in her eyes, and Greg just smiles lazily at me, his cheeks flushed.

I open it next to them and I have to wipe my eyes as I see what's inside.

Inside is a charm bracelet, already decorated with several charms, all in a row. An M and a T, joined together, a cup of coffee, two microphones and then a J and a T, again joined together. The M gets me, as that is obviously for Matt, but then all the other memories are clearly of Jamie and me, which means it wasn't just Jamie's parents that got me this. It was him.

I smile at Lizzie and Greg before pushing back up to walk back over to Jamie. I smile as I hold out the bracelet, asking silently if he could put it on.

His eyes are bright as he does so, and I can't help but lean forward and kiss him soundly after it's on. This is the sweetest gesture anyone has ever done for me, and it is the most beautiful bracelet I have ever seen.

"Are there any more presents to open?" Shaun asks hopefully.

I smile as the adults all around the room sigh with relief at the fact there aren't any more. Oh to be a kid again, and have endless energy.

"Who fancies a movie?" Tim asks.

I shrug a yes, same as Jamie, and Lizzie and Greg nod too. "Nothing too complicated please."

"Agreed," Sophie says just as Jamie's phone buzzes in his pocket underneath me.

He wriggles, trying to get it, and as he fishes it out he quickly hides the screen away from me. He kisses my forehead before he picks it up and leaves the room, leaving me very confused.

I appear to be frowning for a while because Sophie comes over to me and smoothes the frown away with a light laugh. "He'll be back in a minute. It's probably Gran."

I suppose it was a logical explanation, but before I can think about it, he's back in the room, apologising.

"Jamie, seeing as you're standing, can you go and make some popcorn?" Greg asks.

"How does anybody need more food?" he laughs.

"I could use some popcorn," I interject as I stand. "I'll make it."

It's Jamie's turn to frown as I walk past him and down the corridor into the kitchen, probably wondering what I'm doing. And I'm wondering the same thing because as soon as I get in here, I realise I have no idea where they keep the microwave popcorn. I'm searching through all the cupboards when I hear the door open behind me.

"What you looking for?"

It's Jamie. He followed me.

"Popcorn," I answer matter-of-factly.

I turn around briefly and he's wearing an adorable expression; one that is very hard to be mad at.

"Above the microwave. We keep it out of reach of the kiddies."

I roll my eyes at myself as that seems to be the only cupboard I hadn't tried. I grab it down and but manage to knock something over as I do so, and the whole cupboard seems to tumble down around me, bringing all my emotions to light.

"Hey, come here," he says, pulling me into his lap, leaving the packets and holding me in his arms on the kitchen floor.

I put my arms around his neck as I bury my face in his shirt, my shoulders shaking as sobs come wracking through me.

We're quiet for a long time, Jamie just rocking me backwards and forwards slowly as we wait patiently for my sobs to slow to a stop.

"I'm sorry I'm so emotional today," I tell him, mumbling it into his shoulder, my voice barely intelligible.

He chuckles. "Hey, you're entitled to be okay. I can't imagine how tough it is for you today, without your family."

He wipes a stray tear away from my cheek before kissing my nose. "And that's why I've got you one more thing... something that will hopefully bring that smile back on that beautiful face of yours."

I sigh as I look down at my new bracelet, one that I will never take off as long as I live.

"Jamie, you've already got me way too much. I don't n-"

I stop as my eyes widen.

"Oh my God! I didn't even get you anything!" I smack my hand to my forehead. "I've been so busy getting stuff for your family that I completely forgot about y-"

He shakes his head as he silences me with his lips, holding me still as his kiss intensifies. If I hadn't been seated already, he would have made me swoon. My legs are like jelly when he pulls away, and his eyes are burning and bright, the blue in them now a beautiful dark cerulean blue compared it's usual crystal.

"I have you, and I love you, and that is more than any present anyone can buy."

He smiles as another tear - a happy tear - slips down my cheek.

"What?" he asks after I've been quiet for nearly a minute, not knowing what I had done to deserve someone this amazing.

"Nothing." I shake my head. "I just love you, that's all."

His eyebrows raise as he beams wider, his eyes twinkling. "Oh, is that it?"

I shrug and nod at the same time. "Think so." I'm about to kiss him again when a shout comes from the next room.

"Oi, where's that popcorn?"

Jamie groans as he puts his forehead on my shoulder, making me giggle. "We'd better get that popcorn. Dad gets cranky without it."

"Right."

We both stand, and I sort out the popcorn whilst he picks up the various packets I'd just dropped on the floor.

"Best do a couple of packets right?" I ask.

"Yeah, and we have a couple more people now. Couple of guests have arrived."

I frown as he beams widely. "Jamie... I know that look. What are you doing?"

"I'm not doing anything. He always has people over on Boxing Day. That's who rang me."

I cross my arms, not believing him. He was up to something, but I decide to let it go, focussing on the task at hand and not making any more mess.

"So what is this gift you got me then?"

"You'll have to wait and see," he smiles.

I pretend to think about it. "Is it a book?" I ask as the microwave pings.

He shakes his head. "It's an experience. Kind of. Like a live exhibit."

"A live exhibit?" I question, frowning again. I was struggling to imagine what he means by a live exhibit. I'm about to ask him another question when he cuts me off.

"Stop asking questions and just sort the popcorn," he chuckles. He takes the bag that was ready and pours into a huge bowl, taking a few pieces to nibble on.

After another five or so minutes, we're armed with three bowls of popcorn and start heading back to the living room. I spot a couple of suitcases in the hallway, so Jamie must have been right about his dad having guests over.

"Here," Jamie stops me. "Pass me those, you get the door." He gestures for me to hand me the two bowls of popcorn I'm holding, even though he's holding two as well.

I frown again but he seems insistent, so I rest them carefully on top of his other bowls before opening the door. And as I take sight of the three people now sitting on the sofa, I know exactly why he wanted to take the bowls.

I would have dropped them.

As it is, I'm frozen as I take in the sight of my parents and Mark sitting on the sofa. Tears start streaming down my face as I drop my head into my hands, completely overwhelmed.

"I thought they'd make you smile, not cry," Jamie jokes, kissing my head before putting the popcorn down and pushing my frozen feet towards my mum, who has her arms outstretched, her round bump sticking out in front of her.

"Christmas wasn't the same without you, Sweetie," she coos as I finally reach her, pushing my face into her shoulder as a hiccuped sob comes from someone. I think it might be me, but when I open my eyes, it appears to have come from Dad.

He makes his way towards us and kisses the top of my head before putting his arms around both of us. Soon Mark joins and the four of us are all just sobbing in the corner.

"I am so sorry," I tell them, mumbling as I pull away, wiping my eyes.

I shake my head as I take a step back, taking in the sight of the fact my parents and Mark were actually here. And more to the fact Jamie had done something to get them here somehow.

I turn my head to take him in, tears in his own eyes, and I literally could never have loved a man more than I love him right now.

"It just wasn't the same at home without you," Dad starts. "And then we got a call from this young man, asking if we wanted to surprise you, so we got the next flight up."

Jamie's cheeks have reddened again from my dad's attention, but at this point I don't care what anyone says or does in response to what I'm about to do.

I walk over to him and clamp my arms around his neck and lock my lips firmly with his. I'm smiling, he's smiling, and as he picks me up and holds me close, he spins us in a circle.

We almost forget anyone else is here for a moment, me just lost in how amazing he really is, knowing what I want most, despite me saying I adamantly didn't want it. Jamie is happy to hold me, still spinning.

When I pull away, I rest my forearms on his shoulders, fiddling with the newly shaved hair at the back of his head. He kisses me once more before he puts me down on the floor and looks down at me.

"What did I do to deserve someone as amazing as you?" I ask him, looking down at our now-entwined hands.

He smiles shyly before he leans down and whispers in my ear, "I'm only amazing as the person you've made me."

I feel my insides do a backflip at the same time my mum coos, and I know my cheeks are now scarlet red.

***

"SO... GOOD CHRISTMAS OVERALL?" Jamie asks me.

Sweat is dripping off his forehead and he's breathing heavily, the two of us still connected.

I wipe the moisture from his face as I stroke his cheek. He kisses my palm before rolling off me, making me wince slightly.

I know my answer. It's been an amazing Christmas. Despite the way in which it started, I am happier than I'd ever been. My parents are down the hall. My parents are here, not six-hundred miles away, and the boy lying lext to me is the sole reason for that. But when I open my eyes, he's looking at me worriedly, as if my not answering has made him question himself.

"Jamie?"

He nods at me, stroking a piece of my fringe back behind my ear. I take his hand, keeping it on my cheek, loving how warm it is.

"Best. Christmas. Ever." I kiss him in between each word and his smile when I look at him properly again is something that's making my stomach flip all over again.

He rolls over and sighs, pulling me closer into him, encouraging me to put my cheek on his chest. But he sighs.

"You know what would have made it even better?" he asks.

I look up at him questioningly, raising my eyebrows.

"If my girlfriend remembered to buy me a present..." he says, laughing as he rolls his eyes.

"Shut up!" I giggle. "You know what? Soph and I are going shopping tomorrow, so I will get you something amazing, you'll see."

Nothing would ever be able to top the gift he got me today, the gift of my family, but I would try my hardest to get him something I know he'll truly appreciate.

He kisses my forehead. "Tess, seeing you with your family today, seeing that smile on your face when you saw them... That's enough for me. I don't need anything else. Just give me your smile..." He kisses me again. "Just give me your smile forever."

Forever? I look up at him again and shake my head.

"Where have you been?" I ask, my voice incredulously.

It wasn't a question I necessarily needed him to answer, but he answers me all the same, and his answer makes me weak at the knees and turn to mush at the same time.

"Waiting..." he whispers, kissing me softly. "For you."

I didn't deserve him. I knew I didn't. He was being so supportive, and thoughtful, and I wasn't doing anything in return... but yet he wasn't asking me too. He's not one of those guys that demands something in return for everything... and I feel extremely lucky to have found someone like him.

To have found someone like that twice.

I want to smack those thoughts away. After the day I've had, after what Jamie has done for me, he didn't deserve for this unwelcome thought to pop into my head. But it does.

And I know why.

Jamie had said he was okay with what Katie had done - he'd put the fact she'd run off with Gareth behind him and had moved on with his life - but I'm still not. Until Archie comes back - until I can confront him - I was well and truly stuck.

But I also knew that loving Jamie is the right decision. I could feel it all over my body in the way his dancing, wandering fingers give me goosebumps every time he touches me, and how his beautifully, bright smile lights up any room he's in. I could see it in the way he cares for his family, even though pretends not to, and I can see it in the way he hates disappointing them.

I know I'd said Archie was the one before, but now I knew that I'd been wrong. Completely wrong.

Jamie is the right decision, I knew it.

So as I push those caramel eyes away, I pull myself close to the warmth beside me, entwining our fingers over Jamie's steady heartbeat.

This is where I belong now, my mind shouts into the darkness, hoping he could hear me.

For a moment I think I feel something. So I say something I know he'll hear.

You told me to choose, my mind mutters as I stroke my thumb over the soft skin on Jamie's stomach.

"I choose him." I whisper it out loud, shouting it across the stars.

A few seconds later, that feeling, the sensation I'd felt growing in the back of my mind, disappears. And for the first time in a long time I actually feel like myself.

I feel free.