21 - TESSA
IT'S TIMES LIKE THESE that I love the fact I'm small and light.
Being carried and kissed at the same time is one of my all time favourite things in the world, and Jamie is just... so good at it.
Holding me tightly, he bounces his way up the stairs to his bedroom at the top of Rob's house, making me giggle all the way. His mouth is hungry on mine as I hold on to him, his kisses sloppy as he grapples for the door handle before spinning us around and using me to shut the door.
"Make sure it's locked," he breathes into my neck and I sigh as I fumble with my hand for the door handle.
Once I hear the lock click, I grin as Jamie walks us over to his bed.
Aside from yesterday's birthday present, Jamie had been a true gentleman. He had respected that I hadn't been ready, because he knew something might be holding me back, but now there was nothing stopping him.
He rests a knee on the bed as he shuffles me up to the pillows, gently placing my head in between them as I fumble with his trousers. If he'd still been wearing his jeans, the undoing would be easier, but the cord of his trousers keeps besting me.
I pull my lips from his and look down to concentrate on the cord, and while I do that, he pulls off his t-shirt and throws it to the floor. Once I've worked the cord, I roll us over and kiss down his stomach as I pull them down.
Making my way back up, I kiss in his belly button and he flinches, reminding me he's just as ticklish as I am. I kiss him up his chest, on the side of his neck and on his lips before he flips us back over, hovering so his nose is less than a centimetre from mine.
"You're so beautiful," he tells me.
I look up at him and his gorgeous blue eyes are almost black with how blown out his pupils are. I bite my lip at the attention before leaning up to kiss him again, moaning appreciatively as he purposefully rocks his crotch against mine.
I sigh as he does it again, already feeling like I could explode just from this, before he shuffles down me. I lift my hips to help him get my trousers down, whilst I awkwardly undo my own bra and after a few seconds, he's back, hovering centimetres over me.
He's looking at me again as if I were a dream, like he can't believe I'm real, so I put a soft hand on his cheek and smile up at him, telling him silently that I am here, and that I love him.
When he looks down between us, the last item of clothing we have to remove are his boxers. Instead of letting me do it, he stands and takes them off himself, moving over to his dresser quickly to grab something out of the drawer.
"Do you want to get under the covers?" he asks softly and I nod, biting my lip.
It didn't matter to me really, but I think it makes him more comfortable, so I quickly shuffle sideways under the duvet, allowing him space to get in next to me. As he does, he seems nervous somehow, so I put another soft hand on his cheek and smile across at him, telling him silently to take his time. Despite the heightened sexual tension between us, I don't want to rush it either.
It's quiet as we lie here, just the sound of the traffic outside, but it isn't awkward. I love just being with him. I don't have to fill any silences with him, and the conversations Jamie and I can have with our eyes are just as good as the ones we can have with our mouths. I'm starting to understand what he's thinking, what he likes, what he doesn't like. But what I truly love is that, despite being the one to make the first move back in that bar all those weeks ago, he really is just a sensitive ball of cuddles.
"Thank you for telling me," he says quietly, his voice barely a whisper. The only reason I hear it is because it is so quiet between us.
I nod, not knowing what else to say. I half expect him to suddenly admit something himself, but instead, he holds the condom packet between us and smiles shyly.
"Do you want to put it on? Or should I?"
I can't help but snort at his incredible attempt at being sexy. It's the sort of thing characters say in books, but he did it so well.
"Or just laugh," he says, rolling his eyes as he rolls onto his back.
"Nooo, no, no. Jamie, I'm sorry." I put my hand on his shoulder and roll him back towards me, taking the condom from his hand, kissing him as I open the packet.
Suddenly I'm breathing heavily again as he guides my hand over him. My stomach is flipping and turning in all sorts of directions, and I'm now more nervous than I've ever been.
He must sense my nerves because stops and pulls me close to him for a moment, our noses grazing as he puts his hand on my hip. His thumb strokes calmingly on my skin and I close my eyes and take a deep breath.
"Are you sure you want to do this?" he asks, again in a whisper.
I open my eyes and look at him. I know he will stop if I say to, but there is no way I'm stopping this now that we've come so far. As a silent answer to his question, I nod, leaning up to close the gap between us, kissing him as he moves on top of me, balancing his weight above me on his elbows.
I want this. I've never wanted anything more than this.
"I love you."
The words between us are music to my ears and the smile on my face is the largest one I've felt in years.
His cheeks are red and his smile is shy. "I wanted to be the one to say it first," he tells me, trying to shrug but not really succeeding because of the way he's positioned.
As I kiss him, he moves his hand down between us, guiding himself as he presses into me, making us both sigh. He rolls his hips as he moves his hand back up to mine, lacing them together as he once more.
"You okay?" he asks, kissing my forehead softly.
I nod up at him biting my lip as he starts to move.
My whole body is shivering at the anticipation of what's coming. As he moves, holding me, kissing my neck tenderly, loving me, I feel almost drowsy... but in the most incredible way. I feel drunk, but drunk off Jamie, and the way his body seems to be moulded perfectly to mine, and it's making me feel alive.
His kisses become sloppier and his movements become faster as the sensations begin to heighten between us both. I feel my belly start to warm as something builds inside of me, and I can't help but sigh as Jamie reaches his release, his back suddenly tensing as he bites his lip.
He kisses my neck as he jerks one more time, kissing my neck as he tells me to let go.
As we come down from our high, both of us not moving, almost asleep, I kiss his shoulder. It's slightly cold, but soft, and as I do so, he turns his head and moves off me, lying facing me, but still holding me.
My eyes close as the quietness takes me, and with a soft kiss on my forehead and another on my nose, I hear his voice in the darkness encouraging me to sleep.
***
NEITHER OF US WANT to move.
The sky is dark outside as we cuddle together, listening to the wind rattling around the house. I smile as Jamie's fingers stroke up and down my spine as mine tickle around his chest, both content just to hold each other. Soon, his fingers stop and his breathing slows, so I think he may have fallen asleep when he sighs.
"You're incredible."
His voice rings loudly around the silence in the room, so much so that it sounds like he's shouting.
I move my head up on his chest, looking up at him, making him look at me down his nose, giving the most adorable double chin.
"Where did that come from?" I ask, laughing slightly.
I lean up on my elbow over him and stroke his fringe away from his eyes, smiling down at him.
He shrugs before he chuckles and rolls on top of me, beaming as he holds his weight on his elbows again.
"You are, Tess. It's true. And not just in bed..." he winks before kissing my lips quickly. "You're just... incredible."
I'm about to protest, telling him I'm nothing of the sort, but he obviously sees it coming, because he gently covers my mouth before I can get a word out.
"It's true, Tess," he says again. "You've suffered so much over the last few years, what with your brother... and Archie," he swallows as my eyes soften. "Yet every day you're smiling."
He kisses the space in between my eyebrows and I close my eyes as I sigh contentedly.
"I never realised how bad it was..."
"The last few months have been easier," I interject and I watch as his cheeks redden.
"Even so..." He shakes his head and kisses me softly. "I meant what I said before."
My eyes fill with tears as his cheeks redden more.
"I love you." He kisses me once as I smile. "And I know it's fast, as we've not even been together for two months, but it's what they always say in those books you read."
I raise my eyebrows as he smiles wider. I know what he means.
"When you know, you know, right?" I ask, and he nods.
"Yeah, exactly." He taps my nose before continuing. "And you don't have to say it back. You don't," he says, forgetting that it was me who started this whole conversation off in the first place.
"After what you said earlier about... Well I don't want you to feel like you have to say it when you're not ready."
He's rambling now so I bring my hands up to hold his lips shut, just like Hugh Grant does to Sandra Bullock in Two Weeks Notice. He's still trying to talk, despite me trying to stop him, and it only makes me laugh more.
"Jamie," I chide him gently, wiping the tears from my eyes.
He stops and looks at me, his eyes bright and beautiful. "Yeah?"
"I love you."
I smile as I realise just how huge of a gesture those three words truly are. But as I let the words settle between us, I smile, knowing things will only get better from here.
"You do?" he asks, leaning down so his lips are almost on mine.
I nod. "Yeah. I do," I whisper as I lean up and close the gap between us.
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