AS THE SOBS COME out of me hard and fast, I feel like there is no way I'll be able to stop them.

An unfillable hole seems to have inadvertently opened itself up - a different hole to the one already there - and if I don't pull myself together soon, Jamie will run for the hills... wondering what the hell he was thinking trying anything with someone like this.

But when two large, warm hands touch my shoulders, turning me around to offer me the relative comfort of crying into someone's chest, I gradually find myself calming. Jamie's hands stroke calming stripes up and down my back as he sways me from side to side before wrapping his arms tight around me, holding me.

I don't know how long we stand like this, but I know we'll soon be in danger of the bar emptying, only for my friends to see me like this. So when I feel like I have my feelings back under control, I pull my head from his chest and look up at him through blurry eyes, praying my make up hadn't run and that I didn't look like a raccoon.

I wipe under my eyes, just in case, as I sniff as rather unattractive, raggedy sob. "I am so sorry." My voice is small and wobbly, making another sob hiccup out of me.

He smiles, keeping one arm where is as he moves the other to help me wipe the tears from my cheeks. The movements are so soft and comforting that, paired with the warmth of his hands, I finally find the strength in my voice, as I go to apologise again.

"You must think I'm so weird," I say, trying to make it sound like a joke, only my throat is burning so much that it can't help but cough out another sob. Thankfully this time there is only one.

He chuckles as I push my head gently back into his chest, using the steady beat of his heart to try and get my breathing back under control.

"It's okay," he tells me each time I hiccup. He sways, holding me, kissing my head, until the sobs turn to sniffs and my tear ducts start to run dry.

When I pull away from him enough to look at him, his eyes are soft and his large hands on my shoulders are soothing as they continue to stroke up and down my arms. He isn't doing what I expected - which was running - and I'll be honest I was very confused as to why not.

"I'm surprised I haven't scared you off," I joke, wiping my fingers under my eyes, relieved when they're clean, meaning my mascara hadn't run.

He shakes his head. "Never."

I frown, but decide to try to explain myself instead of letting my head spiral over what that meant.

"I think I was just a bit overwhelmed."

I turn to look back at the bar, as if looking back would help me understand what I had actually done, but then turn back around when I come up with nothing. "I don't usually do stuff like that." I shake my head. "Correction. I never do stuff like that."

"That as in crying or that as in sing with strangers in bars?" He asks with a chuckle.

"Both" I answer and he nods.

"Good to know. But you know I've never done that either."

I frown again. "Singing with strangers in bars or asking strangers for their phone numbers?" I ask, changing the theme slightly to fit his actions.

He chuckles again and mirrors my answer. "Both."

I can't hide my surprise. For a moment I think to myself that he must be joking because he'd seemed so confident he had to have done it before. But the more I looked at him, watching the pink of his cheeks and noticing the tiny evidence of nerves, the more I could admit that maybe that was the truth.

"Have you seriously never done that before?" I ask, unable to keep the question in.

Thankfully he doesn't seem offended and just answers my question.

"Nope." He shakes his head. "And to be honest I can't believe it actually worked." His cheeks are now redder than his hair and I must admit, I kind of like this adorable side of him.

"I'm just glad it did," he adds before walking me over to one of the tables outside.

He keeps me standing as he sits on one of the tables, resting his feet on the bench so our heads at the same level as he takes my hands in his.

"I'd seen you a few times in the bar when you've been here during day shifts... but each time I wanted to come over, you looked busy or had your headphones in... and I could never seem to find the right moment."

"I go into my own world when I'm studying sometimes, I'm sorry." I laugh as I think of what Nelly would say. "Nelly always says that World War Three could be going on around me and I'd still be studying." Of course I was never, ever, going to admit that my headphones were never actually playing any music... Ever.

He chuckles again as he shuffles forward. Despite not wearing any gloves, his hands are still so warm and I can feel the heat spreading through me. He leans forward to kiss the side of my cheek, his warm lips lingering on my cold cheek, and I swear I'm having an out of body experience.

I'd forgotten what this feels like. I'd forgotten what these feelings do to you... and in that moment I realise just how much I missed it.

When he pulls back, his blue eyes twinkle up at me before he starts talking and I swoon for a second before I tell myself to pay attention.

"So did you want to grab a drink? Or I can just walk you home..."

I shake my head quickly, probably a little too eagerly, but I notice the relief in his smile as he pushes up from the table and tucks me under his arm.

"Good."

***

"SO... YOU'RE CLEARLY NOT from around here," he starts as we turn the corner.

I giggle. "Whatever gave you that idea?"

He gestures to my coat and laughs. "All these layers. Us Scots can handle the cold."

"Clearly!" I look at Jamie, who is only in a fleece and a bodywarmer, and I can feel how warm his hands are still, even through my thick, apparently un-Scottish coat.

"Where are you from?" he asks.

"London."

His eyebrows raise. "London, eh? Long way to come for university?"

I shrug in response.

"What made you choose all the way up here?"

I hug myself closer to him. "I've always loved it here. My grandparents are from here and we've always had holidays here since I was little. And when I saw the university, I just fell in love with it."

That much was certainly true. Pretty much as soon as we got out of the car I knew this university was for me.

"Then you've confirmed that you're not one of those girls that only likes Scotland because they've seen a couple of episodes of Outlander." He chuckles. "You wouldn't believe the number of girls who get excited when I say my name is Jamie."

I let out a nervous laugh at his joke as I feign innocence, pretending I have no idea what he's talking about. To be honest, Jamie Fraser is as handsome as anyone, but I have to admit this Jamie is way better.

"You wouldn't believe the disappointment they have when they realise their dream highlander turns out to be an accountant."

I can't help but laugh at that, but I don't care what he is or what he does. What matters to me is that he's here and he's making me feel more special than I have in a long time.

"So accounting, huh?" I ask, tacking on to his previous comment. "I wouldn't have pegged you for an accountant."

"Oh yeah?" His eyebrows raise as he looks down at me. "And what would you have pegged me as?"

I shrug, making sure I tread carefully. "Not sure... Arts maybe. You can certainly sing."

He chuckles. "Well, it's a requirement of being Scottish," he says with a straight face. "If you can't, you're politely asked to leave."

He keeps a straight face for so long that I'm about to believe him. But when he snorts and throws back his head, a very loud laugh erupting and echoing down the empty street, I know he's joking.

"God, it is so cold," I say under my breath.

"It's certainly is. Don't worry, we're nearly there." He points up the road towards one lonely neon sign in the darkness. He also pulls me closer and rubs my arm up and down as I pull my hood up over my ears.

"What are you studying?"

My teeth are starting to chatter. "English Lit."

He chuckles. "Ah, that I think I knew. I swear you've been using enough books to build yourself a wall. Do you cart those things about everywhere?"

"Not everywhere. And not all of them. Only when I come to work where you are."

"I've been meaning to ask about that. How comes you don't work at the library? Surely it's easier?"

I could have made a comment to say that the library didn't have him, but I think I'd used up all my bravery points whilst on that stage.

"It's too loud."

He quirks an eyebrow. "Too loud?"

I nod. "And I can't work at home because we always have a very full house."

"You live with all of those guys?"

"Not all of them, only five of them, but they're all an other half, so various other halves are always around. And I am still so sorry about them, by the way."

He chuckles. "Yeah they do seem a bit intense. But the bar is cool, isn't it."

I nod enthusiastically. "Yeah it's got an American diner feel to it, with the booths and the bar. Is it new?"

"Mm-hmm," he says with a nod. "Yeah my uncle opened it just in time for the new university year to start. It was there before - still a pub - but Rob gave it a revamp, and he kept quite a lot of the previous staff on. He's always said it's not their fault the owner wanted to sell."

I nod in agreement. "Seems like you get on with them too."

He laughs, "Yeah we're kind of like a little family I suppose. And Rob is family. He said as soon as he bought it there would be an opening for me, and it's kept me out of trouble. Mostly."

He looks down at me.

"Met my fair share of interesting characters too."

I meet his gaze and smile up at him. "Girls who can't speak and force you to sing duets in front of a bar full of people?"

"Especially those."

He laughs nervously as we walk on, but after a few minutes I think he wants to get whatever it is off his chest because he pulls me a stop and stands in front of me, thankfully blocking most of the wind from me.

"Listen, I just need to say something. And..." he scratches his head and stands up a bit straighter. "Well, it may seem like I'm coming on a little strong."

Most people would have been a bit worried at this, but I knew, with every part of me, exactly what he's going to say, because I felt exactly the same way.

"I've been wanting to ask you out for ages!" he says it all in a blur, and it's almost lost in the wind as it pours out of his mouth.

I told you I knew what he was going to say... because the first time I saw him on shift, there was just something about him that made me want to get to know him on a different level, only I never plucked up the courage.

"Really?" I say, trying to keep my cool whilst wanting to run around in circles, screaming in delight.

He nods. "Yeah. I don't know what it was, but just the way you had your hair up in a bun, and seemed to be lost in your own world... I seem to remember you having two highlighters in your mouth at one point."

I slap my head to my forehead.

"Oh God," I groan. "That was our Austen paper. None of my housemates do Humanities, other than Greg, so they were annoying me that day. Library was out with that flood as well... I am so sorry."

He chuckles. "Why are you saying sorry?"

I make a face. "I think I snapped at one of your friends when he came over."

He throws his head back. "Josh might have mentioned it," he laughs.

"Oh God," I groan. "I get really stressed about essays. As we don't have exams this time around our essays mean everything. I'm so sorry."

"Hey, you don't have to apologise."

I feel like I did, but deciding not a make a big deal out of it, I nod with a smile, when I suddenly realise I do have something to apologise for.

"I'm sorry if I ignored you," I tell him.

He shakes his head and cups my cheek gently with his hand. "You didn't ignore me. I never worked up the courage to over and talk to you until now." He chuckles as he shakes his head again. "As luck would have it, I was only covering today but when I saw you come through that door... Christ."

He whistles, making me laugh.

"I thought if I didn't talk to you today, I'd blown it."

My belly does a somersault. Hearing him say that has made my legs go all funny. And I like that we're drawn to each other. It's how the best rom-coms start... so why can't it happen in real life? Some people might say it's too fast, but after what's happened to me... there's no such thing. And anyway, it's not as if he's declaring his undying love for me - that would be a bit fast. It's a night out... and there's definitely no harm in seeing where this night takes us.

He laughs. "I still can't believe it worked!"

"Oh, it definitely worked," I assure him. "You had me thinking you'd done it hundreds of times."

His eyebrows raise and his cheeks pink but I keep going to save any embarrassment.

"But there's something sexy about confidence." I try to own what I just said, thinking it was probably a stupid thing to say, but from the fact I could see Jamie's pupils dilate, I'd say he didn't mind being called sexy one bit.

"I did think, the way your friend had his arm around you," he starts. "I thought you were taken."

"Who?" I frown.

"That guy I saved from an expensive round..."

"Ohhhh Glen. Noooo, no, no, he's dating my friend Ryan."

He rolls his eyes. "How was I supposed to know that?"

I shrug in response and he chuckles. "So... English Lit and you're from London. Anything else I should know?"

I think about it for a second before smiling. "Top three things?"

He nods. "Sure. I'm sure I'll find the rest out later," he grins.

"One. I'm a huge Marvel fan." His eyes light up at that. "Two. I'm one of those people who are annoyingly on time or inconveniently early for everything. And number three... I'm extremely ticklish." His eyebrows raise again so I continue. "If you go anywhere near to tickling my feet, I will break your nose."

He widens his eyes. "Sounds as though you're speaking from experience?"

I nod with a laugh.

"Wow, whose nose did you break?"

It takes me a minute to calm down but I eventually get it out. "I don't think I quite broke it, but it was my best friend's boyfriend."

"Why was he tickling your feet?" he asks, frowning.

I realise it now sounds very strange. "Him and my brother were double teaming me. Matt pinned my arms whilst Danny went for my legs and unfortunately my knee shot upwards and got him straight in the nose."

He laughs involuntarily.

"Like I said, probably not broken but he had a black eye. But to be fair, I was aiming for Matt."

He laughs. "To be fair we do that to my sister. But noted for you... anywhere else causing knee-jerk reactions?"

I shrug. "Explore at your own peril I'd say."

He smiles and looks up, and it seems we've reached our destination as he stops. I follow his gaze to see a flashing neon sign for a twenty-four hour cafe. I had no idea there were such things, but I gladly accept the warmth as Jamie opens the door and ushers me inside.

As soon as we step over the threshold it is instantly warmer and I sigh in relief as I pull my hood down, the feeling rushing back to cheeks and ears as well as my hands.

At the noise from the bell, a girl turns to look at us and waves. "Oh hey Jamie," she says kindly, and he smiles with a wave. "You're off early?" She has a thick Glaswegian accent, like Nelly's.

The two of them must know each other as he smiles as he tightens an arm around me. "Rob allowed me an early departure," he explains, gesturing with his head to me as I look up at him. "This is Tessa."

I wave sheepishly at her and she waves back. "Hey. I'm Luna." She nods. "You guys want food?"

Jamie nods. "Definitely."

"Toasties?" she asks. She leans around the counter, showing me despite her long plait on one side of her head, the entire other side is shaved. "I think there's Tuna Melt or Ham and Cheese. Oh no, wait. There's a chicken, bacon and cheese one left too."

Jamie gestures to me to go first. "Erm... a hot chocolate please, and can I get the chicken, bacon and cheese one?"

She nods. "Sure can. And you?" she asks Jamie.

"Latte please, and I'll go with Tuna," he answers, taking out his credit card.

"Hey, hey," I say, struggling to get to my card through all my layers whilst his arm was still around me. "This one's on me remember," I remind him.

He runs his hand through his hair, thinking about it, before he finally nods so I drop the vicegrip now on his arm. Of course as soon as I do that, he taps his card on the machine and chuckles.

"Jamie!" I shriek and he laughs harder.

"What? You were too slow!" he chuckles and I look at Luna for help.

"Don't look at me," she says, laughing. "He's always been a menace. Good luck is all I can say."

I widen my eyes but she winks.

"I'll bring your stuff over to you guys. Take a seat, it won't be too long."

Jamie nods and thank you and pulls me over to the sofa in the corner. There are three sofas in our section and I sit on the largest one, which has delightfully plushy cushions and once I sit down, I sink in. By the time Jamie sits, he's expelled his layers and is sitting here in just his t-shirt. As he puts his arm behind me, I catch sight of his tattoos and peer closer.

"Is there a story behind these?" I ask, tracing the patterns of his sleeve tattoo.

"Not really. I just saw this in the book when I was choosing and thought it was fucking cool."

He twists his arm so I can see it better, and it really is exactly that. And it looked so lifelike as well, as if he really did have a vibranium arm under there. The skin on top was made to look like it was tearing away and I swear, if you looked close enough, you could see the intricate swirls, which appeared to be text.

"What are the words?"

He looks where I'm looking. "Oh it's some of the quotes from the movies. Like the main ones."

I look up at him in awe.

"Yeah I'm like a huge fan of them. So when you said you liked Marvel, that's a huge plus," he chuckles.

"I do. That's kind of why I said it."

He frowns so I roll my eyes and admit I was checking him out earlier. His returning smile is as smug as anything, but I can't resist leaning up into him and kissing him firmly on the mouth.

"The Guardians tape is cool too."

"Yeah that was my first one. The Guardians are probably my favourites... after the Captain America ones, obviously."

I nod. "Oh I love them too. Chris Pratt is a genius."

Just as I go back to looking for other quotes on Jamie's arm, I notice Luna step around the tables holding our drinks.

"Here you go guys. One hot chocolate with cream and marshmallows," she winks again when I clap my hands together in excitement. "And then the latte. Paninis are coming in just a sec."

"Thanks Lu."

Knowing I could come back to the tattoos, I look between Luna and Jamie. "Where do you guys know each other from?" I ask, swiping my finger into the whipped cream of my hot chocolate.

He chuckles. "She's on my course."

I can't help but be surprised, given her shaven head and tattoed arms, but seeing Jamie's I can't really say anything. "She's an accountant?"

"It's the hair, isn't it?" he asks and I giggle with a nod. "Believe it or not, she's a genius. We're only in second year and she's already got a big manager job waiting for her at Deloitte's office in London for when she finishes."

"Woooow! That's amazing. Deloitte are big too. That'll teach me to judge. It seems everybody in Edinburgh is an accountant?" I laugh.

He shrugs. "There are a fair few of us."

It's quiet between us as Luna puts our paninis down in front of us and leaves us to it.

"So you said your uncle lives here." He nods before tapping his panini to check how hot it was. "Are you local then, too?"

"Kind of. I'm from Scotland - which makes me a local - but it's only my uncle who lives in Edinburgh with my Aunt Cassie. Cass is actually from South Africa but she came here to study, met Rob and then hasn't left." He smiles. "My parents and the rest of my family live up in the Highlands, a couple of hours north of Inverness. Quite near the coast."

My eyes light up as I almost knock over my hot chocolate. "Oh my gosh, I love it up there!" I squeal excitedly. "I must have gone up there every year for a holiday since..."

I trail off as the memory of mine and Archie's final holiday floods into my mind, causing my smile to fade.

When I notice he's looking at me, I finish my sentence. "Since I was little."

"Really? What part? I'll probably know it."

"Poolewe and Gairloch. My mum's husband Mark has a house up on the coast so we try to go up there as much as we can."

"Oh yeah I know there really well. We used to swim out from Mellon Udrigle beach."

"Oh my god, his house is on that beach!"

I'm bubbling with excitement and the small world connection.

He chuckles. "We're not far up the road. Twenty miles or so. Our house is on the other headland, back towards Ullapool. It's a fantastic spot, isn't it?"

I nod emphatically, wholeheartedly agreeing. "Definitely. I love that it's just so quiet. I don't think we saw a soul up there all week when I went this summer."

He nods. "Yeah if you go on the right week, you miss all the tourists. And it's certainly remote up there. But I suppose that's why you go, right? To escape the big city."

"Definitely. We always went directly after exams finished. We left phones at home, took our cameras, read maps and did nothing but walk, laugh and recharge." Even though the memories might be painful, thinking about all those beautiful walks and holidays with Archie, I wouldn't change them for the world. Besides, the thought of sharing this with Jamie makes it better.

I take a testing bite of my panini and groan in satisfaction as I swallow it whole. "Was it different for you? Doing the opposite?"

He shrugs. "I suppose, yeah." He takes a bite before answering more, but he suddenly lurches forward as the entire contents of his panini almost spills onto his jeans.

I laugh, cupping my mouth to avoid spitting my food at him as I lean back into the sofa, watching him struggling to chew and laugh at the same time.

When he finishes his mouthful his cheeks are bright red. "I'm sorry," he chuckles, holding his stomach as he continues to laugh as much as I am. "I swear she probably did that on purpose."

I look back at Luna behind the counter and she's seen, and is laughing, so I can imagine she probably did.

"Sorry, what was your question?"

I'm about to answer when he remembers.

"Whether it was different where I was. It was different... but when it's all you know, it doesn't feel different." He takes another testing bite and this time nothing spills out. "I mean, I know now that I want to work in a big city... not in the country. But I did enjoy my childhood because there were just so many places to go when you didn't want to be at home."

I nod. "I can imagine. All we did on the weekends was go to the same guy's parties. It gets boring after a while."

He smiles and nods in agreement as he finishes his mouthful.

He doesn't say much more about that though, which I'm glad of. I don't want to get into it either to be honest, because of Archie, and I'm starting to hate just how much of my life he was involved in. I'm conflicted even though I'm doing exactly what Archie had told me to do. Move on.

At that point Luna comes back over.

"Can I get you guys anything else?" she asks.

Jamie looks at me. "Another?"

I nod enthusiastically.

"A hot chocolate and a latte?"

"Two hot chocolates," Jamie corrects her. "I got jealous of all your marshmallows," he jokes to me as Luna walks away.

A few minutes later, Luna comes back with our drinks and I snuggle closer to Jamie before leaning forward to pick mine up.

"Cheers," I say, offering my cup for him to chink.

He smiles, leaning forward to kiss my lips before he knocks my mug with his. "Cheers."