I'VE SEEN TESSA EVERY day since we parted ways at Christmas, only it's solely in my dreams.

It's been four months since I last saw her, I last spoke to her, and I truly miss her. It felt unfair to miss her, because she had finally told me she knew exactly what she wanted, and I wanted to be happy for her... but that selfish part of me really wanted to tell her she was wrong. And even though it's stupid, part of me just wants to know if she misses me too.

Millie knows more than she lets on, I know she does, but after Danny's admission a few months ago, I've stayed alert.

I keep getting mixed signals, mixed messages, and I feel like something is building. Two months ago Millie told me Tessa had moved back to Andy's, because they'd had an argument. But then a couple of weeks after that, I'd heard it was because Andy had a relapse in Pneumonia, and was back in the hospital. A week or so after that, when Andy was home again, I then heard that Jamie and Tessa had never been better.

So I ignore the signals. I ignore the messages. I just try not to think too much about it, because knowing she's happy and living her life the way she wants is all I want.

But today... something feels wrong.

I hadn't felt this way in a long time, where I feel something is off,  but I know it wasn't about me. Something was wrong with Tessa.

I felt sick, and given how the two of us seem to have this unspoken connection, it was hard not to believe something had happened to her.

As the day went on, the feeling gets worse. It's like I'm completely overcome by an intense feeling of dread, like I was about to stand up to my worst fears. I was pacing, unable to sit still, because if I sat still, I'd break and drive round there to check if everything was okay.

An hour later, I can no longer take it. I have to get out of the house.

Grabbing my car keys, I look outside at the sky. It's sunny now, but distant clouds tell me it'll storm by later. Grabbing a coat, just in case, I head out to the car, knowing that Millie had left a shopping list. I figure the mundane visit to our local store will help keep my mind off Tessa, or at least for a few hours before Millie gets home, so she can check.

The drive does help, but just as I get to the shops and park the car, the in-car phone rings, and it's Andy.

"I thought you were supposed to be resting," I answer with a smile.

He chuckles, sounding a lot more like himself compared to how he sounded last week.

"If I have any more rest, I'll turn into a bedsheet," he jokes and I laugh.

"How are you doing?"

"I'm doing much better, thanks, but I thought Tessa would be back by now?"

My chest freezes and I suddenly can't breathe. "Is she okay?"

"I think so. She left a note saying she was with Charlotte, so I don't want to disturb her if she's having a lovely time."

His voice doesn't sound quite right, but I'm too focussed on the fact she's not with Jamie. My heart almost collapses in relief knowing she's with Charlotte.

"I hate to ask, Arch, but would you mind-"

"Taking you to your appointment?" I finish his sentence. "Yeah, of course." I put my hand on my chest, trying to slow down my breathing as the relief threatens tears in my eyes.

"It's at Whipps at about three, is that okay?"

I check my watch and it's about two. "Yeah sure. I'm just in Epping, so I'll be over to yours shortly."

"Great. All good with you, Arch? I gather the house is making good progress?"

I smile. "Yeah, it's good. The upstairs still needs work, but maybe you and Tess can come over next week for dinner?" I suggest.

I wanted to see her, and maybe just seeing her for an hour will help me get over this feeling I still have in the bottom of my stomach. It will help me know she's okay.

"That sounds great, Arch. Tess will love that too. She was talking about you yesterday, how she hadn't seen you."

I smile, knowing she's been talking about me. "We'll set it up. But I'll see you shortly, Sir."

"Arch, quit with the Sir," he chuckles and I laugh a bit harder. "But I'll see you in a minute. Thank you."

"All good. See you in a minute."

He hangs up with a chuckle, so I start the engine back up again and head down the road to the Granger's house.

When I pull up, he's sitting on the porch seat outside the front door.

"You're looking well!" I shout as I get out of the car.

He flicks his hand, humouring me, but laughs. As I come up the stairs, I hold out my hand to shake his, but he pulls me into a hug instead.

"Let's hope the doctors all agree. Hopefully I'll get the all clear."

I frown, looking in the direction of Charlotte's. Tessa would never have missed an appointment where Andy was potentially getting the all clear. Maybe Andy didn't know where she was, but as I look at him, I know he's trying to hide the fact he's also worried.

He looks at me, putting a hand on my shoulder. "You've been worried about her, haven't you?" He chuckles, guiding me to the seat he'd just vacated.

I scratch the back of my neck, the way I always did when I felt uncomfortable. "Always, Andy." I take a deep breath. "Is she okay?"

He smiles, despite the worry, and it calms me slightly.

"She's okay, Arch. She's busy, but she's back here because she's worrying about me, even if she shouldn't be." He shrugs. "I kind of like that she's home though."

I nod, smiling. "It's good to be busy, right?" Keeping myself busy was the only thing that's kept me going this long.

"It is. That's why I hope I get the all clear, so I can head back to work," he chuckles. "Did you hear Tess got the interview she wanted?"

I smile automatically. Even I knew she was holding out for that one, a placement at our old school, and I am so happy for her.

"Yeah, a couple of weeks ago. She was preparing for week, but she should hear in the next couple of weeks, and she's so excited."

He smiles to himself, a proud smile that he always has when thinking about Tessa or Matt.

"You're proud of her."

He turns to me. "Of course I am."

"Me too," I smile.

"You always have been."

"Always will be." I smile. "I'm guessing she's got every one she interviewed for?"

He nods. "Yep. But she was holding out for this one. Whatever she gets though, she starts in September, so she gets a nice four months off."

I whistle. "What's she going to do?"

"Well, they have a wedding to plan, with her and Jamie getting married in July," he says, and I try not to flinch.

"But other than that, I think she's helping Laura with the girls, as Mark is away."

"That sounds great. Ellie and Marie will be so excited."

He smiles, but I know he saw me flinch. "Arch, Jamie's away for the next week at a conference. You are more than welcome to come round, whenever you want."

I did know that, I've always known that, but I'm trying to stay away to respect Tessa's choice and keep my distance. Maybe it would be easier once they're married, at least that's what people are telling me, but I doubted it.

"We better get going, right?" I ask, changing the subject, just as a movement catches my eye.

I look over the road and see Mrs Donovan from next door. She stops as she looks at me, waving me over.

Andy notices and smiles. "I'll lock up, check I have everything."

I nod. "Car's open," I tell him, wandering over towards Mrs Donovan, waving at her.

As I get closer, her frown changes to a wide grin. I hadn't seen her for years, and I missed how she'd taken us all in under her wing, not having grandchilden of her own.

"Archie? Is that you?" she asks, hobbling to the gate, picking up her stick along the way.

"In the flesh, Mrs Donovan. You look amazing."

She flicks her hand towards me before I wrap my arms gently around her, kissing her cheek as I lean back.

"I do not, but bless your heart for lying. We have missed you around here, young man."

My heart falls. Yet another person I'd left behind when I left. A person I'd left who had been nothing but kind.

She had looked after us on many occasions, offering tea and cakes on our way home from school, or babysitting when we were younger, when our parents were out for dinners. She threw our footballs back over the fence every day, offering only warmth and love I'd never received from my own grandparents. Her kind smile had always been enough to pull anyone out of a bad day, not to mention her shortbread biscuits.

"I know, I'm sorry I've been a bit AWOL. But I'm back now. And I'm not far away."

"Oh, you are?" Her eyebrows raise in surprise and I nod.

"Yeah. You know the Stonemill Farm estate, over near the Harlow road?" She nods and her eyes widen in surprise. "Millie and I bought the property."

"St-" She starts, but cups her mouth. "You did not!"

The shock in her voice makes it feel as though she had suddenly jumped back sixty years to her childhood, and as a smile settles over her face, I know it's true.

"Oh, I'm so glad she's gone to good owners." The look changes to one of sadness. "I did hate to see her go, but Frank and I couldn't afford the upkeep anymore."

My stomach drops as realisation hits me.

"What... Mrs Donovan... did you...?"

She looks up at me and smiles sheepishly, nodding as if she should feel guilty.

"I had no idea," I tell her. "You owned it?"

She laughs. "I had no idea it was you who bought it. That's the thing when it's lawyers talking as opposed to us. If I'd known, I wouldn't have held on so tight."

"Mrs Donovan, if I'd known it was you, I would have gone even higher." I pull her into another careful hug as a lump forms in my throat. "I've loved that house my whole life, from the first moment I saw it, and it makes me so happy it was yours."

"I'm just sorry it was in a such a sorry state."

"Oh, it's fine. We've kept the structure the same, but once it's more finished, you and Frank will have to come and see what we've done." I smile as I pull away. "You're welcome any time, and Millie will cook up a storm."

"Well, in that case," she says, looking behind me as Andy comes up towards us. "I'm looking forward to it already. Andy, you're looking much better!" She looks to my left as Andy comes up to my shoulder, clapping a hand on it.

"Getting there, Mabel. How's Frank? Still keeping you busy?" He chuckles.

"Oh, always. Anyway, you boys look like you're going off somewhere, so don't let this old girl keep you. Give my love to Tessa, won't you Andy."

"Of course." He pats my shoulder. "You ready?"

"Sure am. I'll call you about you coming round, Mrs Donovan. House should be ready for guests by December," I say. "Hopefully," I add with a joking grimace, crossing my fingers.

"I'm looking forward to it. And give Millie and Greg my best too."

"I will."

She walks away from us as we head to my car and I'm still in shock.

"Andy, did you know that Mr and Mrs Donovan owned the Stonemill estate?" I ask as I start the engine.

Before I pull away, I look at him and it looks like he had no idea either.

"She just told me. She said if she'd known it was me, she wouldn't have held on so tight."

"That is crazy. I would never have guessed that."

I shake my head shocked. "I'll tell Millie when I get back. You're welcome round any time too by the way, once it looks a bit more respectable."

"It's quite a massive project you've got yourself into there, Arch," he says. "It's incredible you've done it all at such a young age."

I hated it when people said that. I didn't want people to be proud of me, because I was doing it to give back. I wanted to help those people who had gone through something like me, help people who felt trapped in a home with abusive parents. I wanted to make sure no one made the mistake I did, leaving it too late.

"Just trying to do my bit for the community," I mumble as I turn onto the main road. "It's nothing really."

I see him look at me, but he must see my discomfort, because he changes the subject to something more neutral.

***

"I'LL WAIT FOR YOU," I tell Andy as I walk with him to the door.

"You don't have to, I can get the bus back."

I chuckle. "Andy, I'm not making you get the bus. Besides, I've paid for two hours parking, so I may as well," I laugh.

He rolls his eyes. "Well, I suppose if you don't mind, that could be helpful." He nods. "Shall I text when I'm done?"

"Yeah sounds good. I'll just grab my phone and I'll be in the cafeteria."

"Sounds good. I'll see you soon."

As he heads inside, I make a dash for it out into the rain, choosing instead to stay in the car rather than braving the rain again. I've got hundreds of emails and messages from various people on my phone, so I make my way through them as I wait for Andy's message, listening to the drumming of the rain on my car roof.

Time flies as I ping across emails about the Foundation to Henry and Pete, as well as texts from Jared and Ollie, who are coming over to visit in a couple of months time. Millie has been emailing backward and forward with Danny to equip the new kitchen, as well as working with website builders to create the bespoke website for the school. Before I know it, Andy's texting me saying he's finished, but just has to wait for his prescription.

I pull up to the front just as he comes out, and he dashes out into the rain, which had now turned into that storm I'd seen on the horizon earlier.

"Gosh, that came out of nowhere."

I laugh as I pull round the turning circle. "I have a horrible feeling I left a window open somewhere," I joke.

"You always do when it storms like this." He smiles, but I can see he looks worried about something.

"Have you heard from Tessa yet?" I ask, knowing that was probably what is on his mind. He's checked his phone at least five times in two minutes, and I can tell he's worried.

"No," he says shortly. "But I expect she's now with Jamie. He's headed off to Berlin for a week tomorrow." He gives me an apologetic look as he locks his phone and puts it back in his pocket.

"Ah okay. Yeah probably." I try not to think about it.

"But if she is out, it means we have a spare space for dinner. Did you want to stay? Mel's cooking."

I smile. "You know what? That sounds great."

***

AS THE STORM IS going from bad to worse, I don't stay much longer after dessert. It's already ten by that time, and I have a thirty minute drive ahead of me, knowing it will probably take longer with any flooding.

"Come back soon, Arch, okay? We don't see enough of you," Andy tells me as he hugs me again.

"I will, I promise. And I'll bring Millie next time too. She needs a break."

I turn to hug Mel, who I am grateful for. Andy seems really happy, and she brings out his funny and playful side.

I watched them as they made dinner, mucking around like school-children the way Tessa and I used to. Poking each other with the wooden spoons, taste testing and pretending to hit each other with tea towels; it makes me miss being in a house with people. It makes me wonder why I've bought such a large one when it will only ever be me in it.

"Glad your cheek's healed too," Mel adds, and I instinctively stroke it.

"I think Tessa's cheek was worse." I say it with humour but it's still not funny. I wanted to kill Jamie for hurting her that day, even if it wasn't on purpose. "Besides I'm used to being punched by now."

"Oi, don't say that. No one should be used to being punched," she says, wagging her finger at me like my mum used to. I smile though, liking the fact she feels more like my mum than Mum ever did. She hugs me again, before  they both walk me to the door.

"See you guys soon. And text me when Tessa gets back, so I know she's okay."

Andy nods. "I will. I'm sure she'll be back tomorrow."

He's still worried. Even I knew that she would have texted him by now, but he hasn't heard anything all afternoon. I was tempted to go round to Jamie's to check for him, but I think that would just do more harm than good.

"Thank you guys again for an amazing dinner!" I shout as a rumble of thunder booms over the house, and I dash out to the car.

Even with the short distance to my car from the house, I'm soaked. Running my fingers through my hair, I start the car and put the heated seats on, trying to dry my wet clothes. Thankfully there's no traffic, so within forty minutes, I'm on the home stretch.

My phone rings when I'm sat at a light, so I answer on bluetooth.

"Hey, I'm al-"

"How far away are you?" She cuts me off and she sounds worried.

I frown. "I'm about five minutes away. Why? What's wrong?" She doesn't say anything for a few seconds and I don't like the silence. "Mils, are you okay?"

"I'm fine, Arch. But..." she trails off and I can hear her walking, her shoes hitting against the kitchen floor. "It's Tessa."

Tessa?

I hang up and step on the accelarator, racing down the last few roads to home.