Kenny left the castle during those days, taking along everything that didn't belong in the pristine area while continuously nagging his nephew about the visionary words his dead sister had said as Levi nearly died. He was pissed off and it was a miracle he hadn't gotten tetraplegia from the stupid stunt Kenny had done. And because of that;

Levi didn't budge. Kenny didn't have to know shit.

But on the Tuesday, right before he had originally planned on going, he realized, speaking to Erwin would be a fuck ton harder than he thought. How the hell was he even supposed to approach?

Was he supposed to be nicer? Bring a bouquet? Prepare a poem or speech? Hell, was he supposed to make a grand entrance at an assembly and possibly serenade him while wearing a Victorian gown and tiny umbrella?

Okay, that was it, he wasn't going anymore. Fuck everything.

But when Wednesday morning rolled in, his insides lurched, body squirmed, thoracic spine tingled and yet, he didn't move from his bed.

He'd heard of calm before the storm but now, he was definitely in the fucking storm no doubt without actually going through the calm at all.

Him, although nowhere near religious, reminded himself heavily of the ancient hypocritical pharisees. Continuously preaching of the good they would do and yet never actually did it and though he never actually told anyone of his plans, he lied to himself and added another sitch to his steadily growing heart chasm.

So when two more weeks passed and the skies cleared and the river flowed smooth, didn't that mean everything was in order?

In Levi's case, his stab- represented by the river- was in order but what about his skies? Ironic how Erwin was a perfect representation of the sky with his blond hair, blue eyes, and towering stature. Unfortunately though, those skies were yet to strike out thunder and cause chaos in Levi's recently discovered fragile heart.

He wasn't prepared for that shit.

Funny how a life could change drastically in a matter of minutes. What if back then, on that day, he had just pretended he was a pretty lady with a deep voice? Did Erwin even have a liking for women as well? Oh hell, what if he had moved on and found someone? What would he have done if he could rewind time knowing what could potentially happen? Would he tell Erwin to suffer and get going? Would he have made him sleep in the horse shed if he did help and sent him early away? Or, knowing what would happen, would he still risk everything and treat Erwin as he did the first time they met?

But that night, as he went to sleep- admittedly, he had been sleeping like a log after being stabbed so mayhaps he had to thank his Uncle for that- he experienced something he never thought he would.

A dream.

Of course, every regular person had dreams, hundreds per night apparently, but not every person had dreams of themselves realistically talking to dead people. In Levi's case, his Mother, again.

His eyes closed, mind slowed, body relaxed, breath evened, and he became fully vulnerable to anyone that would want, for some reason, to end him but luckily, he didn't have to fear such things. And then, the light that he had seen several weeks prior appeared.

"Le?"

"Mom?"

Levi was puzzled. Either he was dying again, or it was a weirdly realistic dream.

"You're alive, okay? I just figured I could tell you something that would hopefully open your mind."

"Like what?"

"Like why the ever loving fuck did you back out on your words? Are you a coward?" Kuchel asked in a mixture of stress and exasperation. "You're my son and you've never made me disappointed, never. But right now I've never felt more stressed out with you."

Levi didn't know how to respond. It was scary to see her like that and even scarier to know that the woman had gone through the struggle of contacting him through all means necessary. Who knows what strings she had to pull in the afterlife to get in contact with him.

"But-"

"NO BUTS, LEVI! YOU'RE HURTING AND YOU DON'T DO ANYTHING!" Kuchel yelled and if it were real life, Levi would be trembling like a leaf in a hurricane right about now. She was truly a frightening woman. "Come on, Le. Do you really think he'll push you away? You're a handsome and interesting young man and even if he does push you, you can live knowing you tried."

Levi stayed quiet, processing the words as well as trying to figure out if embarrassing himself was worth it.

"Tomorrow, put on a pretty dress or other nice clothes and go down to his school. Be it a break, during a class, I don't care. Just talk to him. You'll end up with tears anyway. Either out of joy or sorrow, whichever suits you best."

And that was when Levi realized that he really didn't have a choice. He wanted to go, run into the blond's arms, love him, be loved and wrapped in warmth and the smell of what he had associated with 'home.' Was that too much to ask for?

Honestly? Yes. It was a ton to ask for but he'd be damned if he didn't fight. He could not win if he didn't fight and not fighting meant he gave up. Levi Ackerman did not give up.

"Okay," Levi said, his voice stronger than what he anticipated he could muster. "I'll try."

"That's the spirit. I've spent too much time trying to get some sense into your head. I have to go. Love you, Le."

Just as fast as Kuchel appeared, she left all the same, leaving not a trace in her wake but only the lingering words that sank into Levi's mind as he continued sleeping.

._._.

"Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit!" Levi chanted to himself the next morning as if it were a mantra while hoisting himself onto the surprisingly fed and groomed horse. At least Kenny has been useful for something.

Never had his insides felt like lighting themselves on fire as they did now. He was so scared he didn't even know how long it took him to get to civilization or how he had managed to get on his horse. He didn't see anything, feel anything, think of anything. Hell, he wasn't even sure if he was still breathing. But when he came to a stop in front of the school, he was hit like a truck once he realized he had to 'speak' and not only that but summon balls of steel lest he run away and force his Mother to hunt him down, again. He, admittedly, would much rather be courageous instead of having her scold him. She was the best Mother and he had hardly experienced scolding words but he knew she was capable of making him feel smaller than he already was.

"Oh my god! Look at you," a voice drawled. "You get stabbed in the throat, pass away for two days, get distanced from your boyfriend for weeks, and then you show up in a distracting dress? The audacity."

"How is this dress distracting?" Levi asked in confusion, seeing nothing wrong with his outfit.

"We can see your shoulders and we all know what that means! According to teachers, skin and bones make us drool."

"Shut the hell up, Jäger. Why are you even outside?"

"It's right after lunch. Mikasa left early and I'm late. Pretty sure Mr Smith is making everyone have presentations," Eren groaned, running a hand through his hair. "He's been making us teach each other through presentations instead of doing it himself because hes fucking depressed over you! He never made us do so much work but now that's all he does! Fuck you for that!"

Levi didn't mean it. He didn't intend on it but he did.

He smiled.

Not because he was glad that Erwin was feeling depressed but rather because he was glad that the blond hadn't moved on from him yet.

Or at least he thought and he couldn't bring himself to feel selfish over that so it was okay for now.

"Weirdo. Don't smile, it makes you look crazy."

"Shut up. Do you have class with him right now?"

"No. I just feel stressed for the people that do have him now."

Levi nodded, tying his horse to a post before trudging up the school steps and inside the building.

"Oh boy this'll be fun!" Eren exclaimed, following Levi hot on his heels. "Fuck class!"

The moment the door to the class came into view, Levi's confident streak faltered, completely ruining his stride and bringing him to a stop mere inches away. His insides were definitely going to fall out now.

"Don't tell me you're freaking out!" Eren cried and Levi swore everyone heard the exasperated remark.

"No. I'm just, y'know, taking my time. You said students might be presenting so how could I interrupt that?"

"Cut the crap! It's so painful to watch and that says a lot because I kind of hate you!"

Levi rolled his eyes. He could stall out there forever if it weren't for his Mother's ringing words and Eren's continuous pestering.

At that moment he felt as if he could pretend he was a high school student ditching class yet standing right outside the door lest the principal catch him elsewhere and punish him harshly when he could be there acting as if he were about to enter the class.

With that atmosphere, he didn't even want to be a student and so his thoughts came to a halt.

"Are you gonna go or do I have to get Mr Smith out here myself? I can get him here in seconds if I scream."

"No. Shut up. I'm going," Levi replied confidently, sucking in a breath as he took the final step to the front of the door.

The moment he stepped in front of the door, he felt the air thicken and his lungs hurt. No one seemed to notice his presence which wasn't necessarily a problem but Levi wished at least Erwin would spot him.

If three more second were to go by without being seen, he would just-

"WHAT THE FUCK?!" Levi yelled, feeling his body lurch forward as Eren let out peels of laughter.

And sure enough, he now had everyone's attention.