Ash

Fiona pulls lightly on the sleeve of my shirt.

"Yeah?" I say and turn towards her.

"Tell me about your parents,"

I'm a little shocked when she says this. We have been sitting in silence enjoying the night sky and kissing eachother occasionally.

"You don't have to," She says quietly. "I'm just curious. I guess."

"I don't know if there's much to say. My mom is an alcoholic and my dad was lucky enough to escape her. I, on the other hand, was not. Well until now."

" How's relationship with your dad?"

"I don't know... awkward I guess." I pause. "I've spent so many year hating him for leaving me and now I don't know whether to be happy he came back or mad for leaving in the first place."

"Is he sorry for leaving?"

"He hasn't said it out loud but I think so. When I saw him again, I could read the guilt on his face or maybe it was pity."

"Have you seen your mom since the day you went to your father's?"

"No... after the night my, um, grandmother," I pause again. Speaking is a little hard this time. "died, I went home to get my stuff and I headed to my dad's home with him. The cops asked if I want to say goodbye to her. I said no."

"Do you regret it?"

"No. She's the reason my grandmother is dead. I couldn't look her in the eye and if I did, I don't what I might have done to her." We don't talk for a little while longer and then I say, "Fiona, tell me about your parents."

"Well, I already told you the basics. They don't pay attention and they don't care. When my father lost his job, I think my mom started to regret ever getting married or having kids. Like there was someone or something out there that could have changed her life but she missed the opportunity. I guess she gave up on us and she takes the fact that this is her life out on us. My dad got another job but he's not the same. I'm not sure what happened to him but we used to be best friends. We listened to music together, watched movies and played games outside. He drinks to much. The whole thing with my parents effected Cally the most. I guess my family's motto is 'when in doubt drink it out.'" She sighs and forces a sad smile on her lips. "Why are parents to fucked up? Aren't they supposed to be the role models?"

"Sometimes I wonder if I was the one who made my family so fucked up." I turn away from her desperate to hide the tears in my eyes.

Fiona speaks again but this time it's softer and sadder. "Honestly, I don't hate them. I hate that they gave up on me, life and themselves. I hate that they pretend that everything is alright buts it's not." She's louder, angrier, this time. "It's not okay. Nothing about this is okay." She pauses. "And I hate them for hating me" she says this so quietly and I feel the hurt in her voice so clearly that my heart actually breaks.

I turn back to her. Tears out in the open and exposed. She looks down. Tears dripping from her chin. I rest my forehead against hers.

"Why are we so fucked up?" I force myself to laugh but it comes out sadder than expected.

"We are not fucked up. Maybe a little cracked and chipped but not fucked up. Our hearts are still in tacked. Do you know why?" She looks up wipes the tears from her face.

"I have no idea."

"Because, we have each other."