The week that followed was one I would never forget.

I didn't bother you after what happened that night. You didn't want to see me and I was too humiliated to see you. I didn't want to bother you and yet you were all I thought about. You were all I could think about.

You were becoming a father.

You were going to father a child.

You were going to father Cheryl's child.

It made me feel angry and devastated. You told me, as you hit the door in front of my face, that Cheryl and you were back together, that you might not be a hundred percent content with the relationship but you were still happy and so you would appreciate if I stepped away and kept the fuck out of your life. Your words, not mine. And I had to take the blow of them, standing there dumbly outside your door, before you slammed it in my face.

I had tried my best to keep my composure but the second I stepped into an Uber the tears could not be held back. I felt partly sorry for the driver as he had to witness the mess that I was in but I didn't feel sorry enough to stop crying.

My heart was heavy.

And it was not because of you.

It was all because of fucking Cheryl.

It was my intense hatred, my blind love, that had driven me off the edge.

I thought I'd committed a crime against myself. I hit an all time low that night that I almost forcefully took you. I was crazed over you.

You were my drug and I wasn't getting enough of you in my system. I needed you in my system if I was going to go on. The only way to get you into my system was to get rid of the problem.

And since you were too much of a coward to get rid of Cheryl, I thought you'd be thankful that I was brave enough to do it for you.

The child was the only reason you were willing to stay in the relationship, was it not?

In the frenzy that took over my mind and claimed my soul, I refused to see all the major details that stared at me. If I did notice them I wouldn't have been standing outside of your girlfriend's house, ringing the doorbell repeatedly.

The door opened and revealed a stressful looking woman. I'd seen Cheryl once. We'd gone to a pub on a double date night, my date being rather boring, and that's where I'd met your bitch of a girlfriend. She was pretty. I'll give her that.

Okay —she was fucking gorgeous.

And you, the stupid fool that you were, fell head over heels for her only to have her break up with you. I didn't know the full story. How she broke up with you or why she broke up with you. But it didn't matter. Because the two of you were back together and I needed to remedy this problem. I needed to break you two apart.

"Kareena," she said, her tone hinting that she was surprised to see me.

We went through the formalities and I have to tell you, Bradley, it was fucking torturous. Your girlfriend had a mouth that lasted for days. She wouldn't shut up.

"I heard you and Brad were back together," I said sharply, cutting off whatever monologue she had going on. I barely listened as she droned on, sitting on the opposite couch to mine. She hadn't even mentioned you. How boring.

"Yeah," she beamed, her thick curls from her afro framing her face beautifully. I hated that she looked so goddamn beautiful. "I made a mistake breaking up with him."

"Hmm," I murmured, taking a sip of my lukewarm tea. "And why exactly did you break up with him?"

She smiled sheepishly. For someone who loved to talk she seemed at a loss for words. Finally, after thinking over what she would say, she spoke up. "I found out I was pregnant and Brad and I had talked about kids before. He didn't want to have any. And I... Well, I didn't give it much thought. If it happened, I'd proudly raise a child but if it didn't I'd be okay with that too. And then I found out I was pregnant and... Everything changed."

Yes it did. You fucked up, Cheryl. You fucked up my entire life.

"How so?" I pressed, trying to keep the bitter anger out of my voice.

Cheryl smiled bittersweetly and I hated to admit that she looked lovely even then. I could see what interested you but for me she was just one huge giant problem.

"Brad didn't want to have kids. Ever. I knew that. One night we kind of got carried away and we forgot about the protection. But I assured him everything would be okay because I was on the pills. Except I wasn't on the pills. I didn't want him to worry so I lied to him. I'd been this wreckless with another guy before. We forgot protection but I didn't end up pregnant."

You stupid, stupid woman.

"Then a month passed and Bradley had just told me he loved me. That I paid him attention unlike his past girlfriends. I didn't want to take the test because I knew. I knew when I didn't get my period that something was wrong. Ten days after my date and still, no period. I had to take the test. For my own sanity I just had to know. Positive, I was pregnant."

She absent mindedly rubbed her belly. I have to admit to you, Bradley, the sight of her did make me feel the slightest bit empathetic towards her situation but still nothing trumped over the feeling of losing to her. I would not let her have you.

If only I knew it was much more simple and much easier for her to have you rather than me.

"I spent an entire week thinking what I was going to do. I wanted this child. I realised that the more I thought about it. There was nothing that could change my mind. Nothing except Bradley. So on a Friday night, over a month ago, I told him that I couldn't see him anymore. That he was too clingy. I loved the attention he gave me but I had to break up with him. If I told him I was pregnant he'd tell me how much he didn't want the child and knowing me I'd change my mind. I love Bradley and it scares me that I would do anything for him. I just...I couldn't give up this baby."

She looked up from her belly, stopping her circular motions and smiled at me. It was a sad one and I hated that I actually felt sorry for her. I was here to convince her to back off but there I sat, with the now cold tea in my hands, as I listened to her story.

"Brad told me that he made a mistake. That he, um, slept with you." Suddenly her eyes couldn't meet mine and this time there was no way I could bite back my smirk. "He said he loved me. That he made a mistake sleeping with you and that he wanted me to stop bullshitting him. He wanted the real reason and so I told him. I could tell that he didn't want this kid. I know he doesn't. But he doesn't say it. He admits to being scared of being a crappy father, though I think he'll do all right."

At this point I was keeping my lips pressed together in frustration, anger building up within me. She saw it in my face, the anger and the resentment. Her face grew guarded as she draped a lazy arm around herself, a subtle action as if that alone could protect her baby from the angry glares that radiated off of me.

"He might not want this as much as I do but he's here for me and he's here for our baby."

"Oh Cheryl."

The laugh that escaped my lips was nothing short of insane. It didn't even sound human. It didn't sound like me at all. But I was gone over the line. I was so far gone over the line that the line was merely a dot from this distance in my eyes.

"You had to get pregnant, didn't you?" I laughed, setting my tea cup with it's saucer down on the coffee table on top of the coaster. I leant back against the couch, crossing my legs, before I smiled at her. I'd never seen your girlfriend scared. It was quite a sight. It was what gave me my confidence, what drove me further.

"You're a dumb bitch for forgetting protection. And you're a dumber bitch for not being on birth control," I said, smiling all the while.

"Um." Your girlfriend was perplexed at my choice of words.

"What?" I laughed, tilting my head. "Didn't Bradley dearest warn you about me."

She stood up then, her eyes livid but I saw the fear that crippled her. "He did but I thought he was being dramatic. You two did sleep together. It ought to be awkward between you two."

I shot to my feet, hot blood pumping within my system. "If you hadn't broken up with him, he and I wouldn't have slept together."

The words were finally out in the open. They had been eating up at me the entire time and to admit them felt like it was both a relief and burden. The words hung in the air, weighting down on my shoulders more so than Cheryl's. She could see the desperation, the utter heartbreak that was written across my face. She knew the truth.

"You loved him," she whispered, taking a tentative step forward. "You loved him before he made a mistake. You loved all this time and I... Oh."

"It hurt," I admitted truthfully, my tone bitter. I didn't know where the words were coming from. They came tumbling out of my mouth. I'd kept my emotions locked in and the instant I breathed a word about how I felt all those times I saw you with another woman, a woman who'd never ever be me, I wanted to take all those locked up feelings and heave it out somewhere.

"It hurt so fucking much. And then he and I... I had a great time that night..." Except when you called me by your girlfriend's name. "I loved him for a very long time. I still do. And when it happened I had no control. He was drunk. I should have known. But I didn't care." I took a step forward, my hoarse voice raw. I felt so much in that moment. So much sadness, so much anger.

And for the first time I realised, standing there just inches away from Cheryl, that it wasn't her fault. It was yours. And greatly mine.

"You could have just let him be, Cheryl. I would have fixed the mess you left behind," I told her because in truth, I would have. I would have even given my life for you, Bradley, and while that was messed up and yes, rather depressively sad, it was the truth. A sad reality which I wished would fade away but kept annoying me with its persistence.

"But you didn't. You had to feel his pain. You had to crave his love. He would be so much better without you," I said, not even realising how low and threatening my voice sounded in the moment. "He would be so much better without this baby."

I had reached out, my hand grabbing onto your belly before I could even second guess my actions. Rage brimmed within me. Sadness wrecked havoc inside of my body. I felt like I was drowning. I was grasping at straws, trying desperately to achieve the outcome that I've come to so desperately need, and not want anymore.

I didn't want you anymore, Bradley.

I needed you.

The fear that etched onto your girlfriend's features made her look ugly. For once I could say that she looked ugly. This made me more determined. I couldn't think in the heat of the moment. I just wanted the baby gone. I just wanted her gone.

I wanted every fucking thing gone until it was just you and I, alone and together.

"Please," she rasped out, her voice holding a desperation I hadn't ever heard before. "Don't hurt my baby... please."

There were tears in her eyes. And then before I knew it, a tear had leaked out of the corner when she blinked. She looked like she was almost about to choke on a silent sob.

What the fuck is wrong with me?

I removed my hand in horror, stumbling backwards as the reality of my actions sunk in, seeping through the thick skull and entering my brain. My knees bumped against the coffee table. My emotions—the horror of my actions mixed with the salty anger and sadness which still thrived in my system—put me off and I was not able to set my footing quickly. All reflexes were lost to me as I stumbled onto the soft zebra coloured carpet, my hip hitting the ground with a full force that left me stunned.

But the physical pain of the fall did not matter as I stared up at your girlfriend, utter horror and disbelief running a race within me at what I had just done. The physical pain did not compare to the emotional turmoil that twisted my gut.

And then, I began to cry. 

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a/n: this chapter was hard to get out but i finally wrote it. it's pretty long compared to the other chapters. do tell me what you think! i'd love to see your reactions so drop your thoughts in the comment section. 

q: how do you think she's going to move on from this point? 

till next time, xo.