Willowpaw was curled up in the apprentice den, eyes closed firmly. Nobody else was there. Far off, she could hear the chattering of cats in the camp. Brownclaw had let Willowpaw sleep in as he wanted to train that night. Willowpaw had never known they could train at night but Brownclaw had assured her that it would prepare her for any scenario. Willowpaw had thought a nice day off would be great but now she was more lonely than ever. Mintspot was in camp but she was always chatting with another cat and Willowpaw did not want to anger or disrupt her. Willowpaw shifted in her nest and let out a small sigh. 
             "How was the Gathering?" a familiar voice asked. Willowpaw didn't look up. For a moment, she thought it was her imagination. Finally, she lifted her head up and saw Beetlejaw standing at the den entrance. 
             "B-Beetlejaw?" she said, almost in bewilderment. Beetlejaw smiled sadly. He padded into the den and sat down awkwardly in front of Willowpaw's nest. Willowpaw quickly sat up. Her father had come to see her. She didn't show it but her whole body was buzzing with excitement. Fireworks sparked in her head. Whatever she did, she could not make Beetlejaw mad at her. She could not ruin this moment. 
              "It was your first Gathering last night," Beetlejaw said, he chose his words carefully but the way he looked at Willowpaw.., with love and longing said more than words. He might not be able to form the words "i love you" and he did not, for some reason, show Willowpaw the love she deserved but at least he tried. Willowpaw had thought that her parents hadn't even known she had left camp. When she had gotten back, she had been bursting to tell them all about it but she found that they were nowhere to be seen. She had assumed they hadn't even noticed she had left in the first place.
            "It- it was amazing," Willowpaw said, trying to form her sentences. It was as if she were unable to speak properly, bursting with excitement and nervousness. 
             "Did you see all the Clan leaders? Did you meet other apprentices?" Beetelejaw seemed just as eager to learn about the Gathering as Willowpaw was to talk to him. 
             "Yeah! I saw Blazestar. And Wildstar. She seems quite nice and kind. Oh and Batstar, she has really dark eyes," Willowpaw said then looked up to see Beetlejaw's reaction, if he thought she was speaking too much or too little or if she was saying the right things. Beetlejaw smiled in reply which urged Willowpaw on. 
              "And I got to talk... meet some RiverClan apprentices. Their names were Brackenpaw and Smokepaw," continued Willowpaw. 
             "That's nice," nodded Beetlejaw. "It's good to make friends but remember, don't get too close." Willowpaw nodded eagerly. She'd do anything for him to be able to talk her like this again. For him to spend time with her. To pay attention to her. 
              "Beetlejaw," came a voice. Mintspot. Willowpaw tilted her head. In a blink, Beetlejaw's face turned serious once more, he got up and gave Willowpaw a nod. 
              "Good talking to you. Learn well and listen to your mentor," Beetlejaw said, trotting out of the den. Willowpaw frowned, wondering what she had done wrong. She padded after him and peered out of the den. Mintspot was there and Beetlejaw joined her. Mintspot had the far off, sad look in her eyes as always. Beetlejaw licked her gently and lovingly on the nose and whispered something in her ear. She gave him a brief nod and limped off. Willowpaw could not help but stare at her leg. It was long, ugly and deformed. It dragged lamely behind her, weighing her down. Willowpaw wondered, for the thousandth time, how exactly Mintspot had become like that. She wondered if Mintspot had been so distressed and sad before. She wondered if Mintspot used to laugh, joke, play. She imagined, for the millionth time what their family would be like, if she and her brother had been born safely in the nursery. She imagined a beautiful, twin brother. His eyes bright with life, his tail twitching happily. She imagined herself hurling into him and them rolling around in the dust, laughing hysterically. She imagined Stormkit, Acornkit and her, racing across the camp, stumbling over each other. Mintspot would watch them, a bright and happy glint in her eyes. 
             "Be careful!" she would yell. "Stormkit, be good to your sister!" And then when they would return to the nursery, Mintspot would settle down, let Willowkit and her brother snuggle up against her and she would lick her warmly, whispering in her ear that everything would be alright. Then after a long day of warrior work, Beetlejaw would burst into the nursery and Willowkit and Stormkit would hurl themselves at him and bite his tail and his eyes would glow with love and pride. He would then walk up to Mintspot and lick her on the head and tell her he missed her and the kits. 
             "How was your day?" he would ask.
             "Great. Willowkit managed to win a wrestling match against Acornkit and won all the races," Mintspot would report with a broad smile. 
             "I'm so proud of you," Beetlejaw would tell Willowkit. They would be one whole, perfect family. 

              "Willowpaw!" a voice snapped Willowpaw back to the present. She blinked and her eyes focused on Beetlejaw's face. Her mouth formed a small smile. Maybe he was back. 
               "Stop it," Beetlejaw snapped, his eyes flaring with anger and annoyance. Willowpaw's smile and hope was gone, destroyed in a split second. Her eyes welled up with tears and she hung her head. 
              "Why are you staring at Mintspot like that?" Beetlejaw muttered under his breath. "You know she doesn't like it. Now she's going to be in a mood for the whole day. Don't even bother talking to her. Or me." With that, Beetlejaw swivelled around and trotted back to Mintspot's side. Mintspot didn't even glance at Willowpaw. She leaned on Beetlejaw and he led her away. Willowpaw bit her tongue and padded back, tail down into the apprentice den. She hadn't realised that she had been staring at Mintspot. Her mind had been somewhere else completely. Somewhere happy. Somewhere safe. Somewhere which was not, and never would be reality.