~*SHANE MICHAEL*~

I'm not supposed to stalk her Instagram, but all his while that's what I was doing[all these years}. But never made a chance of making mistakes as we see in movies, liking crush's 2017th pictures. I won't do that. That will make me feel 'dead and creepy' inside. Already took precautions.

At first meet itself, I don't want to make her feel itchy. But I know, my first impression wasn't remarkable.

I don't believe in the first impression is the best impression but in 'best impression lasts long'.And also not in, love at first sight but in love at soul sight'.

To fall in love, it should not be the eyes that should feel love but the soul. Eyes are external whereas the soul is internal.

My mother knows her. Cause after her Nair who is beautiful. She doesn't offend me. But given me the best advice.

"To fall in love, it is not about the lust but in how many all ways you can change the partner's cynics which she hates the most. And the same way around for you too."

I have changed, changed in a way I assumed Naira wants her guy to be. I don't want to be a guy like any other. I want to be her guy.

Her.

Mother doesn't talk much about this but doesn't offend too cause I'm her one and only child.

"Ane, dinner ready. Join us", Dad's voice is rough as always. Rough-in the sense that it will make do things which he commands.Even if it to kill someone. So does I. Follow the commandos.

"How was your day?".Its a boring question to be asked but the answer is too interesting. Mother gives a glare. I smile. She nod.

I'm not much of a father fan but my mother's fan.

She knows the answer. She knows that something happened.Something adding to 'NM' which grandly refers to 'Naira Moments'.

It will feel cliche, cause it is. I write all the microsecond moments of Naira. When in free my mother read it, i don't have any problem with her reading it. Only she.

Only 2 she.

Jennifer.

Naira.

By 10, I turn up pages of NM like I used to. This feeling makes me right. This feeling is right in all ways.

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~*Naira*~

This doesn't feel right. I should have slept more early. Ah! ugh, my head hurts. My temple pain so severe that, it feels, had a hit. I shouldn't have been that thoughtful yesternight.whats it is 6?. Why would I wake up at 6?.that too without my mamma's wakeup call?.

"Mumma, can I get a glass of coffee?, I'm sure she must be surprised hearing me at 6." Seriously, Naira do you have got to write imposition or what?. Like 100 times or 500?".I'm not in a mood to laugh now, I walk towards her stretch my arms."Just ...I..don't feel right".In 5 minutes or so, my coffee is ready I gulp as I trudge towards the balcony in my room. Air, wind, and chirping of birds.Whoa!.

I turn, Looking at my cabinets blizzards hit my head. Oh yes, it is Aug 13, the end of my social media detox. It is not that I'm a social addict, it is just for a safety cause, I just have to ensure that what if a one-day mobile phone gets damaged and I suddenly have a realization that I can't live without it.Hmm..okay!!.I lied. I lied. I lie every time. This phone was bought by my father, Eberneth, who works in the U.S as a manager of a reputed company, for, got me as a present as I got qualifies for 11th grade. Since then I'm an addict. I'm damn an addict.

But, every time, my friends ask me about its I just grumbles," Unique people just don't get addicted. They just are addicted to their dreams", which is a damn lie. I don't have a dream and I'm an addict and that proves I'm not unique. But no one knows it, except my diary whom I wanna name as my dream, but since I don't know what is my potential its just void. It was since,6th std I began scribbling diary, with whom I share everything even my hardcore. But it isn't human, that is what put me into distraught. Human.....' paper have more patience than people', I have heard that saying, which is as authentic as the sun.

To find someone is easy, but it is arduous to find one to whom you can give the hardcore of your heart. Till 9th std, I shared things with my sister, Naomi who is married to a rich chap and resided in Delhi. But, honestly never shared trustworthiness not even to my sister. but things changed now, she after wedlock is another person. Maybe that's when mature must have knocked on the door. Do I have to wait till marriage to hit that so-called maturity?. After all, that's what neighboring aunties told me. They must be right!!!

I gulp. I gulp. And suddenly its 8'oclock."Mumma, I'm late for school ?. Why didn't you warn me?. Holy crap!!!!!', I run clutching my cloth from my couch." Seriously?. I thought you are awake this early because you had to work. But you almost swallowed 8 cups of coffee and sat looking at the sky for almost 2 hours as if your brain was stolen. Oh my gosh!!. This girl is crazy my lord!!!".

This day, just mark it, bad day. As I drape my uniform which is of course monotonous. Light green colored churidar, grided with deep green.No school would ever own this dull-colored uniform. I just didn't do fixing up my books !!. I just grab all the books available in a meter of distance.

The van is kinda empty, I enquire, the junior is on an excursion, kinda study trips, who cares?. Since I'm free, I take my phone, as usual, I type the anecdote for today as always. It just feels write when I write meant type every single thing happened to me.

I type everything, I mean every single thing, even about what was the time when I finally stood up and said correct answers to lectures. Even about, the wrong time I pee during school hours. Often, I stay more time in the school restroom just to type what happened till then. Even about, how many pages are left in my biology notebook. About my hair-fall, acne and blemishes may be. Do you think that's absurd ?. That's more important than failing to make a grenade. May be about how many boys were looking at me for 00005.0 seconds. I often type during class and lie,'I'm copying notes' and my friends be like,'Naira is gonna score'.Sometimes its also about, how many liters of water I drank today. And about every single lies, I told. Every single.

Seldom I feel like, what if I get into the acute stage of depression and commit suicide?. Ahem, no, that's what I meant. What if I just die and no one knows its a murder, natural death, or suicide?. Just to make my after death crystal clear. Maybe my Mamma can go through it and at last, she can know my thoughts, the world can know what I exactly felt, and to let my friends know that I was fake all these days, note the point, only for after death days.

Apart from it, I just feel right that there is still someone to hear me. Or when I just get more aged I can log in to the 'diary' app account read my diary and be like,' oh this what I did on 11th std on August 19, 2020, during class. That was fun'.So I type.

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Jessica and Tessy are glimpsing through the windowpane as if they are foreseeing something to happen." are you guys hiding or what?"."Shhh..wait.Just watch", Jessica susurrate."Wait for what?", before she could reply, four boys, as if they came freshly from a gym enters. Grabs Fin, Richard, and 2 other male classmates shoulder and slaps them on their faces.My jaw drops. I'm about to scream. I feel as if my heads aren't alright. I'm not still alright after the day breaks aftereffects." Who are they? why are they beating 'em?".

"Don't ask too many questions, Naira. They are seniors", But why are they—".Stacy joins me and asks the same question."Fin and Richard were caught having drugs. Police may come anytime."

"Oh, Naira, seriously!!!. I just can't believe this!! I never expected this, at least from Fin and Richard. We were like a family. weren't we?", I see her frown face. Oh gosh, why would someone believe just everything? Stacy is like this. Say that you are a terrorist, she would believe. She believes everything we say, it is not because she is dumb, that's how much she trusts us. Unlike me, she trusts every people. Just don't judge about that feature, she is intelligent and updated. When we look at the sky and say," its gonna thundershower and schools will shut off".But, She will be like," Do you know why the sky looks blue?. Its because the atmospheric..blah..blah...blahhh..bla".

"When you believe everything I say It makes me say more lies, Stacy. Grow up, tube light".Cause there are some lights which don't glow in times of need." Naira..you ....!!.At least don't make fun at times like this".

Peeping through the window, the seniors are still beating. I want to help but don't how to. As I peep again, a hand is dragging those seniors out. Surely, it isn't one of them. But I haven't seen anybody crossing by. They are having a conversation, amidst, the other one is trying to hit Fin's shoulder, but that hand is restricting them. I try to catch the face.

"The problem is solved. Just let them go. I will help you guys dressing the scars".Its Shane. It's Shane Michael."You are beautiful", crosses my mind. I try to make eye contact with him but he is occupied negotiating. I want to know whether he still remembers me.No, I don't want to.

I wait for them to exit the classes, as there is only one way to exit our class is to pass the window I'm standing by. I wait."Let's go", he grabs Fin's hand as he steps out. I turn. I make my eyes strongly, I meant the gaze. I shut the window so loudly, brush my foot loudly. But nothing is grabbing his attention. Like a clown I stand, he passes me by and the strong gaze is still there. Dammitt!!!.He dint ever cared to turn around. Nincompoop I'm!!!!!!

Stacy, Jessica, and Tessy penetrate the class as soon as they left. I stand there, again I shut the window so hardly. He turns around and whispers," Hey" by waving his hand. I can see a blow and recognition in his eyes. Though he is far away to gather those words, the lip movements convey the message. Shutting window this time did work...oh ..yes..he hasn't forgotten me. I'm still there. But why?. Why would I care?. He proceeds his walking and I proceed towards the class.

While Jessica and Tessy are giggling hard holding their tummies, Stacy is looking at them bewildered. I take my phone and hide it through my uniform," I will be back in a minute. Gotta pee".I reach. I type. Just like always, this makes me relieved.