Two months ago.

"Come on mom, you always let Carson get the groceries, let me do it this time." I pleaded with my mom for the zillionth time. I'm not kidding, we've been on this since yesterday night when Mom said she'll be too busy today to do the grocery shopping. I asked yesterday night and she said no, so I decided to ask her this morning after her coffee.

My mom raised her head from her laptop and removed her glasses, "What was my reply yesterday dear?" Mom asked.
"Your reply yesterday was bordering on positive and negative. You were bordering on, No? Yes? Maybe?" I play dumb even though I vividly remember that her reply yesterday was no.

My mom shook her head and smiled a bit, "You were always the sly one and persuasive one between you and your brother right from when you were a baby. Positivity and craftiness won't help you today young lady 'cause my reply yesterday was no, and it still remains no." My mom declared.

I groaned and turned to my brother Carson who was seeing the business news. Carson was studying business management at NYU Stern School of business. Carson was already twenty, meaning he's got three years over me. Carson and I have a good relationship. I'm super greatful that he wasn't a shitty older brother, and also like Old Mr Harris, he never treats me like I'm dying. And everyone knows that people living with cancer always crave normality and not people giving them the 'sorry' look.

"Come on Cars, help me here. Convince mom that I can do the grocery shopping this time around. I'm seventeen for goodness sake, so please tell her." I told Carson like my mom wasn't few feet away from us.

"Mom, you heard the young lady. She's not a child anymore and as such doesn't want to be treated as one." Carson joked.
I groaned, "Come on Cars, be serious. This is some serious stuff, okay?"

He cleared his throat and said in a gruff voice, "Mom, I'll like to say that you let Hails get the groceries, before she causes a hail in here." You can see where Mason got his whole Hails stuff from. He got it from Carson and yes, let me let you in on the horror, they are close friends. The fact that one is my brother and the other is my close friend doesn't make me want to kill the both of them any less.

I glared at Carson, "Focus on the task at hand and quit calling me Hails. Else I'll shove my foot so far down your ass," I was saying when my mom interrupted me, "Language Hailey. If you are trying to convince me on reasons why I should let you do the grocery shopping this morning, you are sure not doing a really good job."

"Butt.. sorry mom, I totally meant to say butt. Like I was saying, I'm going to shove my foot so far down your butt," I emphasized on the word butt for my mom's sake before I continued, "That you won't be able to poop for days." I finished in a menacing voice to show Carson I wasn't kidding around.

Carson fake shuddered and turned to my mom, "Come on mom, just let go already. She has started dishing out threats and we all know how Hailey gets after dishing out threats. She finds a way to carry it out. One way or the another. So just let her go mom, so that we can both get our well deserved rest this morning."

I put on my hopeful face and asked my mom, "So what do you say mom? Just say yes and I'll be out of your hair right away."
Mom had a doubtful look on her face and she shook her head, "I'm not sure about this Hailey. Remember the doctor said to take stuffs slowly, you..." Mom was saying when I cut her off, "And that same doctor said I don't have to live my life in fear mom. Besides it's only grocery shopping not like I said I wanted to go bungee jumping. Also I've been cancer free for five years now, so what's the worst that can happen? Come on mom, just loosen up and say yes."

Mom sighed and raised her hands in defeat, "Okay, I give up. I'm tired of saying no anyways. You and your brother are quite tiring. You can go Hailey but..." I interrupted her with my shout of victory as I high fives Carson. Finally! I get to go out.
She continued after we mellowed down, "But be careful Hailey. If you feel any sort of drowsiness, park your car and call me right away. You have my number on speed dial right?" She asked, totally acting like a mom.

"Mom, relax okay. I'll be back before you know it and yes I do have your number on speed dial. It's the number one on speed dial. Like I said, I'll be back before you know it." I grabbed my coat and was already leaving when I ran back and hugged my mom.
"Thanks so much mom."
"I love you dear, please be safe. Okay?" She said with panic in her eyes. I can see the fear in my mom's eyes, which is why I promised myself to be really careful.

"I will be safe mom, I promise." After my mom released me from the hug, I proceeded to hug Carson.
"Thanks Cars. You are the best brother in the world."
"That's what she said yet she wanted to shove her foot far down my butt." He said raising his left brow.
I smiled sweetly at him and said, "That offer is still on the table if you want to take it you know."
Carson shook his head and smiled widely, "I'm perfectly fine with a functional butthole. Thanks for the offer though, it was pretty good but I'll pass." He said sarcastically.
"I thought so too." I smiled and walked out the door.

When I got to the garage, I saw the reason for my insistence on doing the grocery shopping. Well apart from the major part that I needed a break from being indoors too much, I wanted to take out my new car. Actually I have two cars, but this is the latest car. You see on my seventeenth birthday, I discovered a new thing. Old Mr Harris actually left some sum of money in my name. He told the lawyer to give some out if it on my seventeenth birthday and the rest on my eighteenth birthday. It's like Mr Harris knew I would at least live till my seventeenth birthday. He actually had the confidence in my ability to fight the disease. I don't know how much the rest of the money was but what I was given on my seventeenth birthday was a whopping sum of fifty million dollars! I know right, that's a whole lot. My eyes were as wide as saucers when the lawyer told me. I never knew Mr Harris cared that much for me, enough to leave me such huge sum of money.

I was worried at first that the daughter might be angry that her father gave me such huge sum of money but she wasn't. Instead, she thanked me for always keeping her dad company when he was alive. She said it was because of me that he never felt lonely when she got married and moved far away from home, and for that she was truly grateful to me. And that I deserved the money and more, according to her, even money can never equate what I did for her father.
Personally, I think if anyone should be given money it should actually be Mr Harris and not me. I think his company was way more valuable than mine. He gave me a cause to fight when almost everyone gave me a cause to give up, he gave me a cause to smile when people have me a cause to frown, he held me close rather than running to the hills, and most importantly, he treated me like a normal person rather than treating me differently like everyone else. For this, I'll eternally be grateful to him because at least I had a shot of living a normal life for the past five years, and even if I die now, I will never regret those five years.

So, the lawyer said the fifty million dollars was to be used at my discretion and there were no strings attached. So I donated thirty million dollars to a cancer foundation, and then kept fifteen million dollars in the bank. I then used the remaining five million dollars to procure a car I've really been wanting 'cause one thing cancer has taught me is- Life's too short, so enjoy it while you can.
My parents already got me a for my birthday but this is truly special to me 'cause it feels like it's Old Mr Harris that got the car for me. I mean technically I bought it myself but it was his money. You get what I'm trying to say. For that reason, I really cherish this car.

I already took my driving test and I have my license already, so I pretty much know how to drive properly.
I got into my sleek car and took a deep breath. Wow! Feels good to finally get what you want. I revved the engine a bit and drove out of the garage. Now going grocery shopping wasn't where the problem started 'cause I actually had a swell time doing it.
The problem started when I started driving back home. At first it was a dull ache, then in less down two minutes, it turned into a full blown migraine.

Then the drowsiness came on, I could barely keep my eyes open for a second. I managed to park but not without crashing into something that looked like a fire hydrant. I tried to come down from the car but I can the only thing I could manage to was to crawl out of the car with my phone in my hand. I went to my dialer and pressed the number one which was my mom on speed dial.

My mom picked almost immediately, "Hello Hailey, I know why you are calling. You forgot to ask which ketchup to buy, and like my answer is always, buy both greenfarms and Heinz ketchup. I don't know how you and your brother eat greenfarms, that stuff is disgusting."
When I didn't say anything, I think my mom got the memo that something was wrong. I could already hear people shouting for sometime to call 911.
"Hailey dear, is something wrong? Talk to mama. Why is that place sounding so noisy? Where are you?" Mom asked, panic evident in her voice.
I could barely form words but the only thing I could manage to say was, "Something is wrong mom."
That was the last thing I said before I felt myself sinking into oblivion.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"Doctor how is she doing? Is she going to be fine?" I heard something that sounded like my mom's voice. In my haziness, I couldn't be really sure.

When the haziness cleared from my eyes, and I was able to see clearly. I saw my mom and my doctor that I haven't seen since my last appointment six months ago when he said I was doing well.

"I'm afraid to say that I don't know. We ran a couple of tests and her case isn't looking good." My doctor shook his head sadly. I was actually scared when I heard this 'cause Dr. Norman was the most positive doctor I knew.

He really encouraged me too when I was doing chemotherapy when I was eleven and when he declared me cancer free when I was twelve, I think he was happier than my parents and that is a great ton of happiness 'cause my parents were really excited. He gave me a badge and declared me the bravest patient ever, we had a mini celebration with cupcakes and we took a picture which he framed and tagged 'best patient ever.' I still see the frame on his desk anytime I visit his office.
When we had that celebration, I was finally happy I could finally eat something without throwing up. But that's not the whole idea of this whole narration, the point is that Dr Norman is such a positive person, he saying it's not looking good, that means it's really bad.

"What's wrong with her? I'll really love to know." My mom said.
"I'll love to know too." I chipped in, my voice sounding really croaked.
Their shocked faces showed that they were surprised that I was awake already.

Dr. Norman smiled at me, all his previous agitation gone. I swear doctors are really the best emotion controller. I can now see how they tell a family that their family member passed on, and how they tell another family in less than two minutes with a smile that their family member is ready to be discharged without showing their previous sadness about the other patient. Some time ago I thought doctors never cry, I saw them as these emotionless people. That was until I saw a tear drip from Dr Norman's face on the day he told I and my family that I had Leukemia.
Dr Norman has been our family doctor for as long as I can remember. He became our family doctor after he delivered my mom of me. My case was really complicated so they brought difficult doctors from different fields of medicine, so that's where my mom met him. He studied General Medicine, so he's vast about most fields. He didn't fret when others were fretting. My mom felt that he was a really understanding doctor, so she decided to make him our family doctor. We always go for bi-annual check up as a family. We had to go earlier than the speculated time because I kept complaining of fatigue, dizziness, and pain in my joints. Never in a million years did we ever get think that I was going to be diagnosed with cancer. That was the first time I saw a doctor shed a tear, and that touched me so much. I couldn't believe someone apart from my family loved me enough to shed at least a tear for me.

"How're you doing Miss Hailey? If you ask me, you actually look way better than a person who just survived an accident. You actually look like a queen, are you sure we're supposed to be standing in the presence of such great dignity?" Dr. Norman said, obviously trying to make a joke.

I played along, "One, I'm supposed to look this good after all I'm a queen," With this, Dr. Norman did a small courtesy and for the first time since I woke up, I laughed. Although it sounded more like a wheeze, but we'll take it.
Then I continued, "Two, you may stand before me subject. I'm not a tyrannical queen."

When I finished saying this, Dr Norman started laughing. Mom joined him, but you could tell hers was forced because she was still tensed about what Dr Norman was about to say, before I talked thereby letting them know I was awake.

"Still my favorite person ever. No one is ever taking your spot." Dr Norman said, after he stopped laughing.
"I live to please. I would have given you a courtesy but as you can see, I'm really busy on royal business." I said, joking about the plugs I was connected to.

I wasn't really fretting about the plugs 'cause I have had an experience like this before when I was diagnosed of leukemia. I only fretted then 'cause it was something new but not anymore.

"Your daughter is really funny. Come let's continue our discussion in my office." He gestured at my mom, thinking I didn't already hear what he was about to say before I spoke up thereby letting them know I was awake.
"You can say it here you know. I was already awake when you started." I tell them, making them stop walking out.

Dr Norman was in doubt about whether to tell me and I could see it on his face.
"How old was I when I was diagnosed with leukemia?" I asked.
"Eleven years, Why?" He asked looking confused. I'm pretty sure that he was wondering why I asked.
"I'm seventeen now doc. I'm pretty sure that I can take whatever you tell me now as I was able to take it then. If you ask me, I think I can even take it better than I did when I was eleven." I said, trying my best to convince him.
Dr Norman looked at my mom, she was shaking her head signifying that he should not tell me, but he ignored her and came back inside.

"The queen is always right. I suggest you sit down Mrs Harper." He told my mom. After her mini deliberation, she closed the door and came to sit down.
"So what will you like to know dear?" He asked using a really soothing voice.

"Everything, but first I'll like to know what's wrong with me first."
He cleared his throat and started with the news that'll change the rest of my life forever.
"From the scans we carried out on you, we discovered that you have Glioblastoma Multiforme. It's just a fancy name for a very aggressive brain cancer. I suspect what caused this was the radiation therapy we used on you when you had leukemia. The only way around this cancer is performing a surgery, also known as craniotomies. Honestly, the chances of survival is 1% and 99% failure, but can always try because you'll still die without the surgery."

"What happens if the surgery flops?"
"You either become become brain dead or you die." Dr Norman said. I know he was doing his job. A doctor has to be honest with his patient.
"Brain dead, as in, like a vegetable?" I asked to be sure.
He nodded his head in affirmative, "Yes, like a vegetable."
"Then I won't have the surgery. There's no need giving anyone false hope. Besides, what have I got to lose anyway." I shrugged nonchalantly. I was hurt when I got the news, but I just had act like I didn't care.

"But..." Dr Norman wanted to say something but I interrupted him.
"My decision is final doctor." I said, declaring the conversation over.
Dr Norman sighed, "I respect your decision. If you eventually change your mind..." He was saying but I cut him short again. I know it's rude, but I don't want us to keep dwelling on it. It only just hurts more.
"I don't think I'll be changing my mind anytime soon doc. So don't wait on me." I declared.

Dr Norman nodded his head in understanding and stepped out without saying a word. I think he knew I was speaking out of hurt.
Then only what my mom could talk about while I was admitted till when I discharged, and even after I was discharged was my surgery. She kept convincing me to do the surgery but my mind was already made up so I didn't budge.

My mom said the reason why I didn't cry when I was told I had brain cancer is 'cause I was simply tired of life and I didn't want to live anymore so I just saw this brain tumor as an outlet to get my wish. She said I was a pretty selfish person for deciding not to the surgery and I didn't care how my loved ones felt.

The thing is that there's so much a person can take. The reason my mom gave wasn't the main reason why I didn't cry. Granted there was a time I was tired of life but not anymore. I have slowly started living my life and accepting that I deserve to live before I was dealt with this cold blow by life.

The actual reason I didn't cry wasn't because I wasn't sad when I was told I had brain cancer. I didn't cry 'cause when you have stared death in the face the first time, the second time doesn't seem so scary anymore.

A/N- Hailey's going through so much and it's really hard.😓

Has anyone gone through life challenges and thought it'll be impossible to go on?
How did you deal with it?

Till the next update on Wednesday, remember to Stay_Safe.
Bye🚶