The drive from New York to Finch had been a blur. Lucas had showered quickly after practice, tossed his bag into the back of his car and sped towards Finch. He wasn't supposed to be here, he had a game in less than forty-eight hours, but Taylor was like a magnet.

As per Taylor's instructions, he parked his car far away from the sorority house and walked over. By the time he was standing outside, it was late-afternoon and the sun was beaming down on the house. Taylor cracked open the door as Lucas walked up, her eyes lighting up ever so slightly even though she tried to play it cool.

"Hey," she said, pulling him inside before anyone could see.

She dragged him upstairs to her room, making sure he was out of sight before any of the other girls could see him. Ten minutes later, they were tangled on her bed, mouths crashing together like they hadn't seen each other in three years.

As per every meet-up they would have since that day in New York, clothes came off and they hooked-up - just like that night in Philly, only this time there was no alcohol involved.

When they were finished and Lucas was kissing Taylor, suddenly a knock came at the door.

"Taylor?" Belly's voice filtered through the door. "You in there?"

Lucas froze as he pushed himself off Taylor and pulled his pants back on. Taylor shot upright, smoothing her hair and her oversized t-shirt with frantic hands.

"Shit. Shit," she muttered, jumping off the bed and shoving Lucas back against the headboard. "Don't move."

She cracked the door open just enough for her head to poke out, blocking the view of her room.

"Hi," Belly chirped. "What's up?"

"Are you early?" Taylor asked, a little too fast. "I feel like you're early."

Belly frowned. "Mm, no. I'm on time. Do you still want to study with me and Anika, or are you...too busy?"

Taylor forced a yawn, leaning against the doorframe. "No, I just woke up from a nap. Let me get dressed and I'll meet you in the library."

"Okay," Belly said, amused. Then her eyes flicked past Taylor - straight to the jeans that had somehow landed on her chair. "You know, I'm not gonna rat you out for having your boyfriend in here, right? Tell Davis I'm glad he finally ditched the gray sweatpants. Too much information, if you know what I mean."

"Davis isn't my boyfriend and those aren't his. They're mine. Menswear is in."

"Sure," Belly teased. "See you in the library. Bye, Davis."

Taylor shut the door and exhaled hard, leaning against it. When she turned back, Lucas was giving her a look.

"What?" she snapped.

"Where is Davis, anyway?" he said casually, but the edge underneath betrayed him.

Taylor smirked, climbing back onto the bed. She leaned close enough for their noses to nearly touch. "That's none of your business. Stop pretending to be jealous."

"I'm not," Lucas scoffed.

"You're not pretending, or you're not jealous?"

"Both," he replied before pausing, brow furrowing as Taylor gave him a look. "Uh...neither? I don't...god, you are confusing me."

Taylor laughed softly. "I'm confusing you?"

"Mm-hm. You are," he replied before whispering the next part just inches away from her face. "Why? Do you want me to be jealous?"

She could feel his hot breath on her face as she kissed him. "No. I want you just like this. No drama. No strings. That's the only way this works."

Lucas tried not to let the words sting as she slipped off the bed, getting ready to go to the library. "I've gotta quickly get cleaned up and dressed, then go study. Let yourself out whenever."

He nodded and after Taylor left, the silence in her room pressed in on him. As he sat on her bed, fully dressed in his clothes again, a text popped up on his phone.

sofia rosales
Wanna come over tonight?

He stared at the message. For the past year, Sofia had been the default - a distraction and easy company. But now, after an afternoon with Taylor, he couldn't bring himself to answer the way he usually did.

lucas beck
can't. busy tn

He then switched over to his messages with Chloe, typing in a text message and seeking her advice.

lucas (client)
hey clo, hypothetic question

chloe (therapist)
Let's have it

lucas (client)
what if someone you care abt wants to keep things casual but you don't know if you can?

chloe (therapist)
So you're finally ready to admit you never moved on from Taylor?

lucas (client)
way to be blunt abt it

chloe (therapist)
That's what I do best

lucas (client)
ok yes, maybe i haven't
i want to try w her again. not casual, for real
i don't want to make the mistakes i made as a stupid kid, i know better now

chloe (therapist)
Your schedule is busy Lucas, how do you know you won't make the same mistakes?

lucas (client)
bcos i care a lot about her, i would try really hard

chloe (therapist)
You said this last time
Do you love her?

lucas (client)
what????
i mean...maybe???
love is serious though

chloe (therapist)
Stop hiding behind jokes and excuses
If you want her, tell her

lucas (client)
she'll say no, she wants it casual

chloe (therapist)
Take the risk. Otherwise you'll regret it.

Lucas shut his eyes, sinking back against the headboard. Risk. That was the word. Risk meant heartbreak. Risk meant he could lose Taylor all over again. He would rather have a part of her than none of her.

When Taylor returned from the library hours later, she stopped when she saw Lucas sprawled across her bed, fast asleep. For a moment, her chest ached. He looked younger like this, his jaw unclenched, seemingly untroubled, he looked like the boy she'd fallen for years ago.

Then she shook it off, nudging the mattress with her foot, waking him up. "Why are you still here?"

Lucas blinked awake, rubbing his eyes. "Yeah. I was waiting for your sisters to leave, but then more people showed up. There was a lot of shouting. Then I just... crashed."

"It was Settlers of Catan night. They're at the bar now, so you should be safe to sneak out."

"Or," Lucas said, voice low. "I could stay the night."

"We don't do sleepovers," she reminded him.

"Right. No sleepovers."

He grabbed her wrist and pulled her down beside him, lips brushing her ear. "Then we won't sleep."

When Taylor stirred the next morning, the other side of the bed was cold. Disappointment washed over her face as she assumed Lucas had just left her.

"Good morning," a voice from above said. "Coffee?"

Taylor blinked. "You went into the kitchen? Did anyone see you?"

He shook his head. "Oddly quiet down there."

She froze. "Quiet? Oh my god. Finals freakout."

She scrambled out of bed and rushed to the bathroom. "I'm late. I have to get ready."

"I'm not even going to ask what this is about," Lucas said, leaning against her desk. "You want me to come after my game tonight?"

"We're not doing this two nights in a row."

Lucas had just finish game three of their Stanley Cup finals against the Chicago Blackhawks. After a strong regular season, the Islanders had made a deep run in the play-offs and were in the finals for their first time in a while and Lucas had been an integral part of the team.

After their victory, the Islanders had closed the gap and were only 2-1 down in the series. It was late and instead of heading back to his apartment in Long Island, Lucas pointed his car toward Finch. The need to see Taylor outweighed the exhaustion in his legs.

By the time he pulled onto her street, the clock was pushing past midnight. He killed the headlights, grabbed a handful of small stones from the pavement, and lobbed the first one at her window. Tap. Then another. Tap.

The blinds were pulled apart, the window creaked open, and there she was. When Taylor saw him standing below, she couldn't help the laugh that slipped out.

"Lucas? What the hell are you doing here?"

He shoved his hands into his hoodie pocket, looking up at her with a crooked grin. The first thing he noticed was that she was wearing his old Boston hoodie she had taken from him in his freshman year. "I just...I needed to see your face. After the game, I couldn't go home without it."

She rolled her eyes but leaned on the sill. "You're insane. Don't you have, like, practice tomorrow?"

"I've got the day off."

She shook her head, fighting a smile. "So how'd it go?"

"We won," he said simply, chest tightening as he watched her smile widen.

"I know," Taylor admitted, almost shyly. "I...downloaded ESPN. Jere helped set up notifications for your games. So I'd know."

For a moment, Lucas couldn't speak, his heart felt like it might combust right there on the lawn. She looked down at him with a big smile.

"Here, you've seen my face. You happy?"

He thought about it, then deadpanned. "Eh."

She laughed and rolled her eyes playfully before she lifted up her hoodie to flash him, Lucas' jaw dropping and his eyes widening.

"Taylor Madison Jewel!"

Her laughter carried down to him as she basked in his expression, knowing she still had the power to undo him with something so simple.

He blew her a dramatic kiss, still grinning like an idiot. "Goodnight, Jewel."

"Go home, Beck," she teased, shaking her head before closing the window.

As Lucas drove to Boston, Steven agreeing to let him crash in his apartment, there was a smile on his face he couldn't shake. 

By sunrise, reality hit him again. He stared at Sofia's name in his phone before he pressed call.

"Lucas?"

"Yeah. Listen...we can't see each other anymore. Whatever this is."

A pause, then a sigh that sounded more amused than hurt. "I figured. You've been half here for a while now. I knew you were never really all in, I just thought that with time you'd come around."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be. I saw it coming."

As he hung up, he felt like a weight had been lifted. Almost immediately, he texted Taylor.

beck
hey taylor, you want to come to the game tonight?

jewel
i'm not sure

beck
you can bring belly and jere if you want

The three dots lingered before her reply came.

jewel
i don't know if that's a good idea

beck
please, i'd like you to be there

jewel
fine

That afternoon, Taylor drove down to New York and headed to the UBS Arena. Before the game, she lingered by the players area, looking around to see if she could see Lucas before the game. She wasn't sure if she was making a mistake by being here, but she did genuinely enjoy watching Lucas play and she had nothing on. If he offered to let her stay at his apartment afterwards, despite her no sleepover rule, she would be inclined to accept.

Lucas came up to Taylor after the warmups, all dressed in his hockey gear. "I'm glad you came."

"Yeah, well. You didn't leave me much of a choice."

He took a breath. "Taylor, I need to tell you something. I'm done with Sofia."

Her face hardened instantly. "I hope you didn't do that for me."

"What? No - I just...I thought you'd be happy that I wanted to be with you. After the other night. After...sleeping over."

"Lucas, you're wrong," she said sharply. "I've told you before. I just want this casual. That's it."

"I don't want casual. I want you. Us. For real."

"Oh my god," she said exasperatedly, turning away.

Lucas pressed, his voice cracked, raw. "Taylor, I want you and me to have a fresh start."

She shook her head. "We've tried before. We don't work. It never works."

Frustration surged in him, years of walls crumbling. "Taylor, you're the only girl I want to be with."

"Lucas-"

He remembered Chloe's advice. Take the risk. Don't hide. His chest heaved. "I think I love you."

The words hung there, heavy.

Taylor flinched as if struck. "Stop. Don't say that. I can't...I can't do this."

And then she was gone, slipping back into the crowd, leaving Lucas frozen.

He had to get ready for the biggest game of his life with his heart in pieces. Why was he so stupid? Why did he choose to have that conversation now?

He could feel the world spinning around him, like a panic attack was about to consume him but he forced himself to perform the self-soothing exercises both Chloe and the therapist he saw briefly had taught him.

He took to the ice with his jaw set, emotions boiling beneath the surface. From her seat, Taylor watched, he stomach in knots. She hadn't left, even though she planned to.

Midway through the first period, it started. A Hawks forward chirped him, shoving him after the whistle. Lucas shoved back, eyes burning. They exchanged taunts and body checks that increasingly got harder and harder. Normally Lucas was ice-cool in the rink, but he hadn't kept his emotions in check.

It was in the second period everything went wrong. Lucas charged into the corner for the puck. The Hawks player met him with a crushing body check - shoulder to chest - driving him full speed into the boards.

The sound echoed like a gunshot.

Lucas crumpled, gasping. His ribs screamed, a sharp stabbing agony as if knives were lodged in his chest. Before he could recover, another Hawks player barrelled in late, their collision snapped Lucas' head back against the glass, a white-hot burst of pain stealing everything.

The arena went silent.

Taylor's scream cut through the hush. She shoved past security, racing toward the tunnel as medics swarmed him. Lucas wasn't moving, his chest heaving shallowly, blood flecking his lips.

"Miss, we need you to get away," the paramedics told her.

Taylor was frantic, desperate.

"Let me go with him, please! I'm his girlfriend."