A/N: Congratulations on reaching the last chapter of this story. Nex and I are hoping that you enjoyed this story and that may it leave a mark on your heart.

Anyway, won't hold you back anymore... Enjoy this epilogue po!

EPILOGUE

LOVE... A weird and complicated concept. It can always make you feel good, but it could also make you feel a lot worse than seeing the pages of your favorite novel being torn up.

As for what I feel as of the moment, out of everything that has happened, I think falling in love — so deeply, that is — is scary.

So scary that it actually got me thinking of whether I'd like to continue my plan for tonight or just let it slide, hoping that in the near future, I would be able to be brave enough to do so.

"You look gorgeous, Haddy!" Agad akong napalingon sa likuran ko nang marinig ko ang boses ni Jackie.

I smiled at her as I scanned her look tonight. "And so do you, Jackie." She then gave me a warm hug. It actually took just a couple of days for us to be like how we used to be — but more mature this time, of course.

Like what she said, Jackie reflected on her past words and actions and noticed how toxic she was. Ilang araw pa lang din naman simula nang mag-away kami kaya hindi rin naman nakakagulat na may kaunting remarks pa rin siya na medyo hindi nakakatuwa, but she's eager to change, for me and for herself.

We waited in line as we approached the reception and asked for our table number. Jackie was just as clingy as before kaya buti na lang at pinili niya ang light pink mermaid dress instead of the ball gown type that she was eyeing before. As for my dress, I chose a simple off-shoulder white dress. Nakakatamad mag-describe in detail, basta bet ko yung dress, pwedeng-pwede tumakbo nang mabilis kapag nagka-zombie apocalypse.

"So, are you planning to tell him honestly what you feel for him?" Jackie randomly asked as we walked towards our assigned table.

I let out a half smile. "I would want to."

"Then why do you look so hesitant about it?" Her eyebrow even raised as she questioned me.

My eyes roamed around the place, trying to find the guy I had been missing for the past few days. When I failed to find him, I looked back at Jackie. "I don't know. But I really want to tell him. Para na rin naman lumuwag ang dibdib ko."

"You mean your non-existent boobs?" I glared at her, and she just laughed at me. "Kidding. May chocolate hills ka naman compared sa bulubundukin ko." I just rolled my eyes at her. "I was just kidding, Haddy. Mukha ka kasing kabadong-kabado tonight. You should learn how to relax. Paano ka magco-confess niyan if you're trembling?"

I took a deep breath and let it out. "Yeah, looks like I really am," I whispered as I stared at my shaking hands.

Inabot ni Jackie ang mga kamay ko saka iyon minasahe nang marahan. "You'll do just fine, Hadlee. Ikaw pa ba?" Napangiti na lang ako sa sinabi niya. All of a sudden, nagbago ang expression ni Jackie habang nakatingin sa may likuran ko. I was about to ask her what happened or what it was when she got ahead of me. "He's here na."

Bigla akong natigilan. Nakalimutan ko pa nga atang huminga nang dahil sa sinabi niya. Mas lalo pa ata akong nakaramdam ng kaba nang may maramdaman akong nakatayo sa gilid ko. Nakatingin lang ako diretso sa mga mata ni Jackie at ganoon din siya sa akin. Grabeng kaba naman ata 'tong nararamdaman ko.

"Hey, ladies. I apologize for being late. Kanina pa kayo rito?" tanong niya na sinundan pa ulit ng isa pang tanong. "Are you enjoying naman ba?"

Sinesenyasan naman ako ni Jackie gamit ang mga mata niya. Halatang pigil na pigil siyang ngumiti na siyang ikinaikot naman ng mga mata ko. Huminga ako nang malalim saka pasimple iyong binuga bago tiningnan ang lalake. "Paano kami mage-enjoy eh kararating lang din namin," pagmamaldita ko. Bigla namang nagtakip ng mga mata si Clint na para bang nasisilaw siya eh hindi naman ganon kaliwanag sa pwesto namin. "Ano na namang kalokohan 'yan?"

Hindi pa rin naman niya inalis ang kamay niya sa mga mata niya saka sumagot ng, "Bakit kahit tinatarayan mo 'ko, ang ganda mo pa rin sa paningin ko?"

Hindi na napigilan ni Jackie ang tawang kanina niya pa gustong ilabas, habang ako naman, well, sorry siya, napigilan ko yung ngiti ko. Balasiyajan.

Nagsimula naman na ang program and all, puro awarding ang simula to the point na ginugusto ko na namang umuwi para magbasa na lang sana ng libro. "Hadlee, tara na. Hindi ka ba kukuha ng pagkain?" dinig kong tanong sa akin ni Jackie.

Saka ko lang na-realize na tapos na ang program at kainan na. Napatingin naman ako sa paligid para hanapin si Nexus. Nang makita ko na siya sa kabilang table ay agad akong umiling kay Jackie. "Mamaya pa ako. Sige na, mauna ka na."

Nag-aalangan siyang tumingin sa akin, pero makikita rin sa mga mata niyang gets niya ang gagawin ko kaya ako tumanggi. "Sigurado ka ba?" Tumango na lang ako saka siya nginitian. "Hmm... Fine, if you say so. Kuha muna ako, kanina pa ako hungry."

Mahina lang akong tumawa saka siya pinanood makalayo sa akin. Tumayo rin si Clint saka ako tiningnan. "I'll get you something from the sweet corner. I think I also saw them serving iced coffee." I nodded and said my thanks. Nang mawala na sina Jackie at Clint sa paningin ko ay saka lumipat ang mga mata ko sa lalakeng nakaupo sa kabilang table sa harapan ko.

It's now or never, Had. Baka naman ngayon na yung gabing makakaamin ka na rin. Whether he acknowledges my feelings or not, it's fine. Ang mahalaga ay nasabi ko na ang nararamdaman ko. Besides, I wanna let this go and, at the same time, let him know how much I appreciate his existence.

Napabuga na lamang ako ng hangin saka tumayo na agad ding nahinto nang makita ko siyang nakatingin sa akin at papatayo na rin.

Bigla akong kinabahan. Agad na bumilis ang tibok ng puso ko. This feels like Deja vu.

Tila naging robot ako at walang utak na naglalakad papalapit sa kaniya. Hindi ko pa malaman kung niloloko ako ng mga mata ko pero parang naglalakad din siya papalapit sa akin.

His eyes are still locked on mine. The rest of the people — the venue — became a blur. Nexus was the only one I could clearly see.

Nahigit ko ang paghinga ko nang finally — after what seemed to be an eternity — I was finally standing in front of Nexus Cairo. I was finally staring straight into his sparkling brown eyes. "Nexus..."

"Hadlee..."

Wala na akong iba pang marinig kundi ang mabilis at malakas na tibok ng puso ko. Parang gusto niyang kumawala mula sa katawan ko.

"I—" Sabay kaming nagsalita kaya pareho rin kaming natigilan. "Ikaw na—" pareho ulit naming sabi.

Nagsisimula na namang mabuo ang pangamba sa isip ko. Is it really the right time to say this? Bakit naman kasi parang against ang situation? Sabay pa kaming magsalita, hindi ko tuloy masabi ang gusto kong sabihin.

Huminga ako nang malalim. Kailangan ko nang sabihin para matapos na. Gusto ko nang malabas ito — like I have to. "Nexus, gusto kita." Hindi ko sigurado kung tama ba ang pagkakakita ko o pinagtrip-an lang ako ng mga mata ko pero bahagya atang nanlaki ang mga mata ni Nexus. Bigla tuloy akong nag-panic, I started to blabber. "I mean ginusto. Romantically speaking, ginusto. But platonically, gusto. I mean, gets mo ba? As a guy, I liked you. But as a person, I like you—"

Natigil naman ako sa kakadaldal nang makita ko siyang natawa. "Calm down, Hadlee."

I ended up pouting in front of him before breathing in and then heavily exhaling. "I just don't want you to misunderstand me." I then fixed myself. "But yeah," I smiled, "I really do like you. And I'm telling you this because... Well, because I wanted to thank you. You're an amazing person, Pres. And I just wanted to tell you that. Thank you for making my high school life interesting and colorful. Thank you for saving me before — yung sa birthday-motorcycle incident — for always showing me kindness and consideration. Thank you... so much... Nexus."

Nakangiti rin naman si Nexus habang nagsasalita ako kaya kahit papaano ay kumalma ako, pero banatan ba naman ako ng, "Kahit tinatarayan mo 'ko?"

Sinamaan ko siya ng tingin. "In my defense," bigla akong natigilan "Well, that was my only defense."

Napailing na lang si President saka napatingala habang nakangisi. "You are..." I somehow felt nervous about his next words. Hindi naman ganoon ang ugali ni Nex pero yung mga nasa ibang novel na kesehodang mamaliitin yung feelings mo, nasa utak ko pa rin 'yon, but his next words stunned me. "...Unbelievable!" He then looked back at me.

"Eh?" Automatic na kumunot ang noo ko hanggang sa mahawa na rin ako sa tawa at ngiti niya. "Anong pinagsasasabi mo diyan?"

He looked so astonished, and I didn't know why. "I said, Hadlee Ronelle Soriano, that you are unbelievable! You don't know how long I have kept my feelings I had for you."

Natigilan naman ako. Hindi makapaniwala sa narinig ko — sa sinabi niya. Did I... Did I hear that right? F-Feelings? He has them... for me?

I still wasn't able to take in all of that but then I heard him chuckle. "What I am trying to say, Hadlee, is..." I saw him move his hand as if he was wiping away something from his eye. "I also fell for you. I like you" This... "—no! I liked you."

I felt something hurt inside of me as if there was a needle that suddenly pricked my heart. I then felt my face heat up. Just when I thought that it would be a simple confession like the one I just said, I saw a tear fall down from Nexus' eye.

There was still a chuckle that came out of him as he spoke the next words with a light but heavy feeling. "I liked the way how you calmed the storms inside me, almost instantly. That's the very first thing that had captivated me. You knew how to handle me well in times when I, myself, couldn't handle me. And I sincerely, sincerely thank you for that—for every instance you did that to me." I was left speechless as I felt my tears begin to form. "Sana naaalala mo pa 'yong unang beses na nadatnan mo 'kong naiyak at bugbog-sarado sa isang silid." A faint memory flashed in my head. It was him? I couldn't remember it clearly, but... It was him? "Niyakap mo 'ko no'n, Had. And right then and there, I knew that, eventually, I would have fallen for you."

I shook my head a little, not used to people thanking me for something I would unconsciously do. "Pres, 'di mo naman na kailangang banggitin pa 'yang mga 'yan eh," I said as I let out a chuckle, but tears were still streaming down my cheeks which I tried to wipe away.

He then snicked and shook his head as well. "Hadlee, I liked how you put up with my otherworldly humor, my quirkiness, and my stubbornness. I liked how you giggle and laugh at the slightest thing you find funny or amusing. I liked how you tuck your hair behind your ear as you bury yourself into the books you're quite fond of reading. I liked how you were passionate about teaching the class whenever it was your turn to report. I liked how your presence instantly illuminated that one booth in Winter Café every time I would pass you by their window. I liked how your eyes speak all the truth within your being every time you would try to put on that façade of a poker face you have. I liked you, Hadlee." Mas lalong lumakas ang pag-iyak ko. I never thought someone would appreciate me — let alone that someone being the guy I liked a lot too. "I liked you and the every little thing about you that makes you... you."

I tried calming myself down as I felt my heart being crushed, and at the same time, my feelings being set free. I had to lower my head as I wiped away the overflowing tears leaving my eyes.

Ang hirap i-explain ng nararamdaman ko kasi parang ang bigat niya sa part na andaming nasayang na panahon. Na kung nasabi lang pala namin noon, baka sakaling iba ang nangyayari ngayon. Na hindi sana napuno ng mga panahong nahihirapan akong itago yung nararamdaman ko, thinking that it wasn't right to feel that way towards him, when in fact, he was actually feeling the same thing.

But at the same time, ang gaan. Parang biglang gumaan yung pakiramdam ko dahil after all this time, nasabi na rin namin ang mga itinatago namin. Gumaan yung dibdib ko, na para bang nawala na yung ilang taon na nakabara sa lalamunan ko. And this ending didn't feel so bad as I thought it would be before.

Aisht! This feeling is wondrous yet frustrating.

"Ang daya-daya mo naman Nexus eh!" I looked at him and couldn't help but exclaim as my sobbing still did not stop no matter how hard I tried.

Narinig ko naman siyang bahagyang natawa. "I guess..." He raised his head, somehow meeting my gaze. "...It's kind of too late now, isn't it?"

"Napaka — Argh!" Bahagya pa akong napasabunot sa buhok ko buti na lang at naalala kong sayang yung pagkakaayos kaya natawa na lamang ako. Even this situation is really funny. "Alam mo, Nex? Napakadaya mo! Ang daya-daya mo talaga!" pagrereklamo ko pa lalo. My childish side showing up.

"Ikaw kasi eh!" paninisi niya sa akin na sinundan pa ng, "'Di ka umamin kaagad."

Agad napaangat ang kilay ko. "Excuse me?" Napahawak pa ako sa dibdib ko na para bang na-offend ako sa sinabi niya, pero natawa na lang din ako saka tuluyang tinuyo ang mga luha ko. "Bakit kasi ako 'yong dapat na umamin? Sino ba 'yong naunang na-fall ha?"

He then shrugged. "Nagma-matter pa ba 'yon?"

I paced back and forth and couldn't believe that this was happening. Akalain mo 'yon? All this time, naghihintayan lang pala kami. All we had to do was face each other and talk. Confess. Clear everything out. But if we did that, then we wouldn't have met the people who make us feel complete. I let out a sigh and a smile.

We ended up staring into each other's eyes, matching each other's smiles. It was as if we helped each other remove that blockage, that one thing that puts us in misery, and now, we're being set free. Slowly, the background song came to an end, and both of us let out a sigh. "I am glad, Hadlee." My eyebrows automatically raised, waiting for him to say more. "I am glad na, kahit papaano, nailabas natin 'tong sobrang nakakalitong pakiramdam na mayro'n tayo."

"Yeah..." Nailabas na... It should be better now... It's for the better... "Parang medyo gumaan nga."

I heard him snicker. "We really are like a makahiya, after all," I looked at him, remembering our first and last project together. "Sana lang pala... nabantayan din muna natin ang isa't isang makapag-open up." Pareho kaming natawa sa sinabi niya. He then shrugged. "Who knows what could've been, right?"

I took a deep breath in, fixing myself. "Yeah. Who knows?"

Once again, silence took over us, but we were still trapped in each other's gazes as if we wanted to say something more but no longer could.

I then saw Nexus spread his arms, as if he was asking for a hug, and my mind somehow malfunctioned. "Ano? Tatarayan mo ulit ako?" natatawa niyang tanong nang hindi ako gumalaw sa pwesto ko.

Inirapan ko naman siya. "Oo talaga!" But a smile was already planning to form on my lips.

"Tsk. 'Lika na nga rito." Siya na mismo ang lumapit at binalot ako sa yakap.

This moment felt amazing. Warm and cozy. Like the wonderful feeling of being wrapped in my comforter on a rainy day partnered with a good novel and coffee.

I closed my eyes as I savored this moment, wrapping my arms around him as well. I couldn't help but let out a sigh of relief.

This is the closure we both needed, I guess — the one I needed in order to fully close this chapter of my story.

"Thank you, Had. For everything. For letting me perceive feelings I couldn't draw from anyone else."

"Thank you, Nex. Salamat kasi napadama mo rin sa 'kin kung pa'no rin ba mapahalagahan."

"Mami-miss kita," halos sabay naming sabi kaya pareho kaming napabitaw sa pagkakayakap.

Parehas na naman kaming napatitig sa isa't isa, but this time, it wasn't the uncomfortable kind of stare — but the one in which we no longer have to say anything through words instead, our eyes can relay the final words that we wanted to share.

"Para tayong mga tanga," aniya na nagpatawa sa 'kin.

"Sinabi mo pa."

"So..." Ngumisi siya ng pang-asar at ihahanda ko na sana ang pagtingin ko ng masama nang ituloy niya ang sasabihin niya. "You and Clint huh?"

I felt my face suddenly heating up. "Hoy! H-Hindi pa..." "Pa," Hadlee? Pa talaga? "I mean... Ano—"

Bigla naman siyang tumawa na nagpatigil sa paghe-haywire na naman ng utak ko. "Relax ka lang, Had. 'Yan ka na naman eh. Basta follow wherever your heart might lead you, Had. Kahit ano pa mang magandang bagay ang dumating para sa 'yo, I'll be happy for you."

Napangiti naman ako. Imagining Clint was enough to make me smile in an instant, and I know that's the same effect that Franne has on Nexus. "Gano'n din ako, Nex. Gano'n din ako."

I noticed him taking a breath in. "So... I guess that's it. You enjoy this year-end prom, Hadlee! Have a good one," he said, flashing his adorable bright smile.

Napansin kong nagmamadali siyang umalis kaya naman hindi ko na siya pinigilan at hinayaang iwan ako sa kinatatayuan ko para pumunta sa kung anong nasa likuran ko. "You too, Nexus," I mumbled, staring at the floor with a smile on my face, "May you enjoy this prom... with her." I raised my head and my eyes automatically fell on Clint who was standing meters away from me, staring at me, with a pretty smile on his face. "And I'll enjoy mine with him."

Naglakad naman si Clint papalapit sa akin saka inabot ang hawak-hawak niyang iced coffee. Seryoso ngang meron nun sa buffet, astig. "Had a good talk?" he asked casually.

I nodded and put my arm around his. "Let's go back to our table?" I took a sip of the coffee and smiled at the bittersweetness of it. "Sarap ah."

Nagningning naman ang mga mata niya saka inalalayan ako pabalik sa table namin. Agad na bumungad sa amin ang Jackie na may mapang-asar na ngiti. Clint pulled my chair for me before he settled down.

Love can be comforting yet painful.

It can be both euphoric and depressing.

It always depends on how you handle it and with whom you want to handle it.

On my part, I really thought it would be with Nexus.

But I was scared.

I was more focused on how my relationship with Jackie would end up rather than facing everything else and risking it for him.

So, then I realized, maybe it wasn't worth risking for.

Maybe... we really weren't meant to be...

Maybe... he was my first love but did not have to be my last.

That maybe... he was really just supposed to be a small part of my growth as a person, as a lady.

He was part of my story, but he wasn't my leading man.

So, Nexus, if you could only read my mind, I just wanna say thank you.

Thank you for being part of my life. Thank you for bringing joy and excitement to my used-to-be boring world. I would not regret falling for you, but that story ends there. Knowing that you've already found your happiness makes me feel delighted.

I hope you'll stay amazing. May your breath-taking smiles and laughs be forever genuine with your person. May your glow remain until the end of time.

"So... Clint... Hindi ba may itatanong ka kay Hadlee tonight?" aniya, her eyes sparkling, and I knew where she was going. Fine... I'll let this one slide since I needed a little push for this.

Napansin ko naman ang pamumula ni Clint saka ang pag-aayos niya ng suot niyang dark green bow tie bago humarap sa akin. "Hadlee Ronelle Soriano..."

"Hmm? May sasabihin ka, Clint Bonifacio?" pang-aasar ko pero ang totoo ay kinakabahan na rin ako.

"Uhm... M-May I... officially... court you?"

Oh, Nex, for me to fall for you... It was such an unforgettable experience, but alas, I had to set it aside in order to open another book, filled with chapters about loving myself, and... maybe... With a smile on my face, I said, "Yes, you may." ...him as well.

H | Z

A/N: Thank you for reading this story po! Hopefully, you'll support the book as well. Thank you po ulit! Keep safe and love lots.