Feather After // Chapter 51 // Little Things

Aria's POV 

"So did it hurt?" I asked him but as soon as I heard it myself, I realized how vague it sounded. I mean if someone stabs you obviously it hurts; emotionally or physically. I saw his eyes turn dark as if he was sad but he didn't say anything. He looked at me but his face was emotionless. Then I realized that no matter how close we were sitting to each other; we were yet so far away from each other.

I don't know what he thought or said about me and I knew irrespective of what I wanted to think and say, Ignatius and I were far away from each other, even if I wanted to do something I couldn't do anything at all.

"Well life wasn't easy, especially after what happened to the mother who gave birth to me," he titled his face to the other side; I guess he didn't want myself to see his face.

"I was so young, maybe three or four years old but all the memories are so alive like it happened a few hours ago," he looked at me and gave me a weak smile. I tried to smile back but I wasn't able to portray myself as a happy person.

"What do you think would have happened if you weren't taken out?" I asked me, I don't know where the question popped out from, but I wasn't sure if he was ready to tell me that or for that matter if I was ready to hear what he had to say.

I was born in a rich family, I probably had everything that anyone would ever want, irrespective of the fact that my family wasn't there till now but Nanna and Manchurian never made me feel alone. They were there to protect me and guide me, maybe that was the reason that at the age of seventeen I wasn't taking drugs or going bad things.

"Well I would probably be dead or would have been traded for sex," I opened my mouth to say Anything but nothing came out of my mouth, nothing.

"That's crazy, but-"

"Aria, No matter what problems you had, money was not one of them, I know it was not that easy but for you it was easier, when you don't have anything to lose living is a very hard job because you have nothing to protect or cherish," he looked at me and put his hands on mine, I felt my heart stop of a second, "life wasn't easy, until I was put into adoption by state social services after they saw my state," he smiled, "I'm okay," he squeezed my hand and let go.

"Can I ask you something, just one thing?" He looked at me and nodded. I looked at him, swallowed my saliva in, "what is your worst memory?"

He looked at me and tilted his head upwards, "well, that's a tricky question, but I think it was the one when my father burned me with cigarettes, the flowers I showed you earlier the center part of it the burn of cigarettes," he shrugged.

I suddenly wished that I hadn't asked him about it. He was strong irrespective of the fact that he had been a dick to me before; he had been through too much.

I know it didn't make it any better but I know I wouldn't have survived that.

"Life doesn't give you what you want, but it's our choice how we react to it and it's our responsibility to make the best of it," he smiled.

"Well I'm famous now, the whole school knows who I'm and what I'm, I thought the Meet gala was like a small thing, please know now that I'm engaged-"

"Run away with me, you don't have to go through this," his voice was firm and so persuasive, I almost wanted to do what he was asking me to but I was already a very bad person, I couldn't and I didn't want to be worse than this.

"I'm not that amazing you know? I'm as shitty as you," I wanted to change the topic. It was already worse. There was no point in digging his wounds because of what happened; happened. Me; asking about it didn't make the whole situation any better. It made it worse.

"Well I know one thing that is, when I'm around you, I want to be better. I know I'm shitty and that I'm up to no good but I feel like I can do better, I can be better and that you make this monster feel like but the prince."

I had no words, I was speechless and he had everything to do with it. He had everything to do with him making me feel better about himself. He had been through so much that even I was pure to him.

"I'm not that great a person myself, I have cheated on my fiancé, it doesn't really matter if I like him slash love him or not but I'm a cheat."

"But you don't have to be a cheat-"

"You don't get it? it's not easy for me. I- I -I don't know. I can't leave my parents because they need me but at the same time I can't leave you too."

"But, why?" He looked angry but what he wanted from me, I couldn't give him that.

"You don't understand, they don't want anything to do with you: and they are just using you for-"

"For? For what? Come on Ignatius you got it, you can do it. Say it out loud, what?"

"They don't want anything to do with you, they want to use you to get money," if I said that I wasn't hurt I would be lying.

"At least they don't send me mixed signals; I have Nanna besides I'm doing this to help them. I have told this to myself before and I'll tell you this now, I know they are not back because they want to get involved in my life, I know they are back because they want me to get married to this guy. I'm only doing this to save my parent's name and company nothing else. Plus as much as it hurts to admit it, I know it's true and there is nothing that I can do to make it any better." It was an emotional topic for me.

"But you don't have to help them. You can and we can just run away. You know, you and I?" He said.

"That's one thing I don't understand, Ignatius. Why do you want to help me? I'm not saying this to insult you or to make you feel any less about your self, but I really want to know. Why are you doing this to me? I know you don't love-"

"You're my friend, and I know I can help you. And I want to. That's why I'm asking you, again and again, I don't have money and I, pretty sure what's your dad earns In a day is what I earn in a week or a month but-"

"I'm sure you do have some. You did buy those expensive flowers yesterday and I really wonder where you got them from."

He raised his eyebrows at me and then ran his hand through his hair, "you're one suspicious woman."

"I, not really offended by your comment, I have been raised like that. When you have money, it's really hard to understand if people like you for who you are or for the fame, money and everything else that comes along with you."

"You're a crazy woman," he shook his head, "you're fuçking crazy!"

"Now that's offensive," I told him.

"I think you're great, it's just that you're a little unpredictable, that's it. What I find crazy in you is that you consider everything and I on the other hand, never mind."

"How will you mind, when you don't have a mind?" I giggled.

"In the company of Xavier you have started cracking lame ass jokes, you're just like him!" He exclaimed, "You're very gullible Aria, you're so fucking innocent that-"

"You speak less and curse more, who taught you to do that? Please don't

curse so much. It's crazy!"

"Now you're calling me crazy!"

The discussion was endless and did I mention, pointless? There was no way could end it. That's what happened when I was with Ignatius we started off my talking then we started fighting then ended it by calling each other crazy.

"I'm famous, now! What could be worse than that?" I asked him as I plucked grass from the ground and tossed it aside.

"That's why we entered from the back gate; we were very shocked that we got an invitation to that thing. Mum was suspended from that thing a few years, "He shrugged.

"People know I'm engaged and probably that I'll get married in a few days, that does make a lot of difference. I thighs after we get married he'll be on his way and I on my own, I guess it's going to be harder than this," this time I had plucked the leaf of the same plant.

"That's what I know. It's their job to talk and you can't do anything about it. What will you do? If you say something g to them, they'll think you're trying to clear the stuff and if you just shrug it off it won't create such a big mess," he shifted to his left, "people know about it. Your marriage to the Zachariah is like the marriage of the season."

"Really? Well, I didn't know that. I mean-"

"I know what you mean. I'm still asking you, run away with me. You won't have to deal with this anymore. You'll have me and it's going to be okay," he put his hand on my cheek and pulled me towards him. I wish what he said was real but we both knew that I wasn't possible. It wasn't possible that we could run off, I knew my father had loads of connection and that he would us without any difficulty.

I pulled back, I had already done enough damage and I knew I couldn't do it anymore. What we had no matter what I said and what I did, it wouldn't change what I wanted an who I was, no I was in the spotlight, the idea of leaving a few blocks away from the school seemed such a futile to try because everything was over now. My worst nightmare had come true.

I was in a situation where I couldn't leave my parents neither I could leave Ignatius, no matter what I thought or said or tried to explain my self, I was irrevocably and irrespectively in love with a tattooed guy whom I didn't know was even serious about me.

"I'm getting married in less than a week, I'll send you the wedding card," I said and tried to get up. My heart was pounding in my chest and when I stood up, it melted in a puddle. I wanted to hold on to him and make everything work, but there was no way we could do it. No way, we could make everything look better than it was. There was no way he could be mine, and I could be his. We were just two people who were not meant to be.

"But-"

I cut him off, the more reasons he gave me, the more and more I wanted to believe him and tell him that everything thing was okay, but I knew it wasn't. It wasn't good enough.

"I'll meet you today for detention," I told him and left, I left him, leaving my heart with him.

I walked towards the main building in the hope that he would come around and tell me to stop. Somewhere or the other I was happy that he had let me go but somewhere I was sad and unhappy with the whole situation. As soon as I entered the hallways, students turned around and looked at me, they looked at me and whispered something in each other's ears. I told myself that it was how it was supposed to be.

I went to my locker and I little did I know; it was not alright.

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