Pinanonood ni Zed ang mga kasama niya sa Draft Combine at may kaba sa dibdib niya. Alam niyang magaling din naman siya, nagtapos siya sa UAAP nang maayos ang statistics, pero magagaling din ang mga kasama niya. May takot na baka hindi siya mapili.

Bumaba ang tingin niya sa sahig. Amoy niya ang rubber, dinig niya ang tunog ng sapatos mula sa mga kasama niyang sumusubok sa professional league, at malalakas na sigaw ng mga coaches na pinanonood sila.

Sa ilang araw, na-realize niya ang malaking difference ng UAAP sa professional league. Kung noon, puwede siyang maglaro dahil gusto lang niya. He could shoot with confidence, sometimes shooting with freedom. Alam din niya na palagi siyang paglalaruin, alam niyang nag-e-enjoy lang siya.

Pero iba sa pagkakataong ito. Alam niyang walang special treatment kahit na star player siya noon. Walang extension sa grades, walang puwedeng pakiusapan. He would be replaceable if he didn't perfom well. Missed shots are liability. In UAAP, missed shots were forgiven... just a bad play. Ibang iba, kaya mas kailangan niyang ayusin kung gugustuhin niyang makapasok.

College league taught him how to shine, but the combine taught him how to survive. Cheers were gone, Adi's face was nowhere to be found, and he was forced to work and play regardless of whether he was out of breath.

Habang naglalaro, naramdaman niya ang kawalan ng chemistry sa teammates na naka-assign sa kaniya. Pare-pareho nilang gustong makapasok, hindi lang basta manalo. It was so hard for Zed to play without his team for years, but he had to move forward.

Zed dropped three points after three points, but the coach said he was also a good help and a good assist. Despite not being in the mood to play with people he barely knew, he still played well.

"Good help," a coach said, praising him. "Mas okay 'yang magaling din sa assist. Better than just dropping points."

Pinagpahinga na rin muna sila kaya nakakuha siya nang pagkakataon para i-check ang phone. Nasa school si Adi, sigurado siya. Tatawagan sana niya ito nang mabasa ang sunod-sunod na messages.

My Audrey: Kumain ka na?

My Audrey: I miss youuuu.

My Audrey: Proud of you. Always.

My Audrey: I love you. See youuu later!

Zed exhaled, and shoulders loosened for the first time all day. The combine didn't feel like a dream. It was exhausting and emotionally tiring.

—

Coach Zobel stared at Zared Almazan, squinting. He observed. Kilala na niya ito dahil maingay ang pangalan sa UAAP and with double triple, this guy surely had an ego.

But one thing was for sure. Wing player, very versatile. Good size, decently built.

Pinanood niyang maglaro si Zed. Hindi nito pinipilit makuha ang bola para makapuntos. Hindi nito pinatatagal ang bola sa kamay at ipapasa kung mayroong bakante o naghahanap kaagad nang puwedeng mapasahan. Kahit na alam niyang makaka-shoot si Zed, mas inuuna nitong hanapin ang ibang kasamang mas may tiyansang maipasok ang bola.

Sa nakita, mayroon siyang sinulat sa papel na hawak.

When Zed looked for another player to make the extra pass, Coach Zobel frowned and nodded. Another note.

Nang matapos ang laro, isa-isa niyang nilapitan ang mga manlalaro at huling pinuntahan si Zed na umiinom ng tubig sa pinakadulo ng bench. Matagal niya itong tinitigan. He wanted to test him.

"You're not the best player here," aniya habang nakatitig kay Zed na tumingin sa kaniya. "This isn't UAAP, hindi na ikaw ang MVP o mythical five."

"I know," Zed gave Zobel a subtle nod.

Meanwhile, Zed didn't know what the coach meant... pero hindi naman talaga iyon ang tingin niya sa sarili niya. Hindi niya alam kung iyon ba ang naipapakita niya sa paglalaro niya. He was playing normally, like how it should be.

Hindi pa tapos ang araw, ginawa niya ang dapat gawin. Maraming nanonood, na para bang may mga scoreboard sa isip para sa performance nila. Gusto na lang niyang umuwi. Gusto na niyang matapos ang araw, gusto na niyang makita si Adi.

The entire day, Zed did his best until it was time to go home. Alam niyang nasa labas si Adi para sunduin siya kaya dumeretso siya sa parking lot. Huminto siya sa paglakad nang makita itong nakasandal sa trunk, kumakain ng Dairy Queen, at nakatingin sa papalubog na araw.

The sunset illuminated his wife's side profile. Tipid siyang ngumiti. All the body pain, pressure, and emotional distress were worth it. Pangarap niya ito noong bata pa siya, hanggang ngayon pa rin naman... kasama nga lang si Adi.

"Hi." Lumapit siya kay Adi at pareho silang nakasandal sa trunk.

Nilingon siya ni Adi. "Hello."

Inalok ni Adi si Zed ng ice cream na kaagad namang kinuha. Pareho silang tahimik, nakatingin sa papalubog na araw. Amoy niya ang body wash ni Zed ngunit ramdam niya ang pagod. Sa bawat malalim na paghinga at kung paano nito basta binitiwan ang gym bag sa sahig, alam niya.

"Kumain ka ba kanina?" tanong niya.

Tumango si Zed. "Oo. May lunch naman sa loob. Ikaw? How's your day?"

Adi talked about what she did with the kids, how they played, and how she helped with making sure the kids were eating well. Sinabi rin niya ang tungkol sa lessons na napag-aralan niya sa maghapon at na-miss niyang maupo bilang estudyante para sa isang klase.

"You?" Adi gazed at Zed.

Zed bitterly laughed. "Takot ako, By. I didn't feel like myself out there," he said finally.

"That's not a bad thing," Adi smiled warmly at him. "You weren't trying to be impressive. I know you. You were always trying to be useful. Para saan pang palagi kang best assist?"

And Zed knew those words landed somewhere deep.

He exhaled, shoulders dropping as he stared at their favorite Dairy Queen flavor. "Sa UAAP kasi, alam ko kung ano at saan ako. The past three days... I played, but kept wondering if I was even enough for pro league," he chuckled. "Hindi ko alam, By. Parang ano... kaya ko ba?"

Walang naging sagot si Adi na nanatiling nakatitig kay Zed. Gusto niyang sabihing kaya ni Zed, pero ayaw niyang pangunahan kung ano ang nararamdaman nito. Normal na matakot, kabahan, o kwestyunin ang posibleng kahihinatnan, pero gusto niyang hayaan si Zed na magdesisyon para sa sarili.

"What if I don't get picked where I'm supposed to? Alam kong kaya ko, pero—"

"Then you'll get picked where you're needed," Adi assured and held Zed's cold hand. "Kung saan ka mas kailangan, doon ka. Just know that I'll support you regardless."

Silence.

"Kung ayaw mo na 'tong ituloy, okay lang din naman sa 'kin. We can do something better than this, or maybe like the plan B," Adi faced Zed, smiling widely. "Maybe work and live abroad, overseas Filipino worker, or maybe..."

Zed knew what Adi was talking about. He kissed his wife's forehead, encircled his arm around Adi's shoulder, and both faced the sunset.

"Dream house muna natin, okay lang? Kapag nakuha ako, ipagawa na kaagad natin. Simple lang naman gusto natin, eh," pagpapatuloy ni Zed. "Gusto ko kaagad na may garden para takbuhan ng anak natin. Pero kung gusto mo na, game na rin ako mamaya."

Umirap si Adi habang natatawa at umiling. "Our dreams and goals first. We still have time for a baby. Remember, our first plan was 29 years old."

"Less than five years is perfect." Tumango si Zed. "At least, kapag dumating na siya, puwede na kahit saang hospital, may nursery na kaagad, at ready na ang buong bahay para sa kaniya. Na kahit pang-college na, secured na."

Mahinang natawa si Adi at ibinalik ang tingin sa kawalan. Sa anim na taon, walang nagbago sa plano ni Zed. Walang naiba, walang inalis, at maraming idinagdag. Both wanted to be stable and able before kids. Gusto nila pareho na walang what ifs, walang pagsisisihan pagdating sa career, at sapat ang material na bagay bago dumating ang magiging anak nila.

Inaya na ni Adi si Zed sa sasakyan. Siya ang magmamaneho at gusto niya iyon. Ngunit bago siya tuluyang mag-drive, bigla siyang hinila ni Zed para yakapin. Mahigpit na mahigpit at nakasubsob ang mukha nito sa balikat niya.

Adi closed her eyes, listening to every breath. She felt the heaviness and the pressure and all she could do was brush Zed's hair using her fingertips.

"You did well," she whispered. "Alam kong pressured ka, pero alam ko rin namang kaya mo 'yan. Ilang taon mo nang ginagawa. They all know how you play and regardless of the result, marami tayong plan b, c, d, e, up to z."

"I didn't do anything big today," Zed looked up, exhaled, and held Adi's hand. "Parang nakulangan ako."

His wife smiled and caressed his cheek. "You tried, you played, and you stayed. That's big enough. Kung ano man ang maging resulta, kung hindi man makuha, puwede namang i-try sa susunod, 'di ba?"

Tumango si Zed na hindi inaalis ang tingin sa kaniya. "Gusto mong kumain ng sushi or xiao long bao or steak?"

"Ano bang gusto mo?" Zed put three kisses on Adi's lips. "Kahit ano, okay lang sa 'kin."

Adi shook her head. "Ikaw mamili this time."

"Steak, sushi, and xiao long bao. You mentioned those three, alam kong gusto mo 'yan," he smiled and pulled away from Adi. "Pero puwede bang takeouts na lang or delivery? I wanna take a bath for real."

"Okay." Adi pulled out her phone and started looking for all the food they wanted to eat. "Ako na ang bahala."

Meanwhile, Zed gazed at the gym as they drove away from it. Inside, he wasn't himself... more like a person struggling to survive. Parang sobrang bilis, parang hindi puwedeng magkamali.

He looked back once. Not for validation. Just recognition of where he'd been.

Then he turned away and watched Adi swerve the steering wheel swiftly.

Inside the gym, he was in chaos.

Now, he was somewhere quieter, and fulfillment didn't rush him anymore.

Fullfillment was always beside him.

Always.

—
T H E X W H Y S
www.thexwhys.com