Two Weeks Later

I board the plane to Los Angeles alone.

Hudson has to say in New York for at least one more week but I've been getting anxious lately to get home. Kurt's been home for a week now and I just really want to see him, and I want to be there for him during his transition into real life again.

It sucks that I have to be apart from Hudson for another week or even more than that but even though I'm afraid of choosing my brother over Hudson now because of what happened with my desperate need for secrecy, doesn't mean that I can abandon my brother altogether. I'm going to have to find a way to balance my family and my friends and my boyfriend.

During this last week in New York, Hudson will be doing a lot of script reading and things like that which take up a lot of time so he'll be working more than he had been in the past few weeks anyway. I miss my family, especially Kurt, and I'm just ready to go home.

According to my mom, he's been adjusting pretty well to life at home, which is good, and he's regularly taking his medication which is even better. I think that me being away for his first week at home was very refreshing to me. It was a wakeup call to me, telling me that no, Kurt is not a child and yes, he can function without me around. I love him to death but after all that he's done for me, I think that I try too hard to protect him and maybe even to baby him. I tell myself that he needs me like I need him but it's just not true.

That might not sound like a good thing but to me, it is. I think that it's good that he doesn't need me as much as I used to think that he does. I mean, he does need me just like I need him. We're family, we'll always need each other. But if I want to spend a few weeks in New York or maybe travel to London with Hudson when he's filming a movie or something, I can do that and Kurt will be alright.

If I want to go to the east coast to study medicine instead of going to Stanford, that'd be okay too because Kurt isn't helpless and he can survive without me. Granted, I have no idea where I want to go to med school but I still have a few years to figure that out. But it's very liberating to realize that I don't need to choose my college based on its proximity to home because my family will be okay without me here 100% of the time.

Being in New York, I've missed Marina too but we've kept in touch. She's been very busy with her boyfriend, Jeffery, because they're still in the puppy love phase of their relationship as am I with Hudson, so they're spending every waking moment together outside of work. They even study and do their coursework together, which is adorable.

She's auditioning for a speaking role in a movie next week. It's not a big role but it's still speaking, which pays a lot better than just being an extra. That's really cool for her even though she doesn't really want to be an actress, but the extra money sure does help with her law school fund.

I'm going the opposite direction when it comes to working in Hollywood. I've actually been thinking about quitting altogether. I don't really have the time of my life working on movies and now that I don't have to worry about Kurt's bills, I can afford to just get a normal part time job like a waitress or something like that. Maybe even take a few months off and not work at all. I decided this after my mom told me that my dad has finally decided that he will become an editor because he loves literature and writing but he's obviously not the greatest at creating a story. So people will send him their manuscripts and then he will edit for other people.

Maybe he'll try to continue his story on the side but at least with this new route, he'll be making money. He's even considering applying for a job in the English department at UCLA, which is a huge deal. He hasn't told me directly though, I'm getting all of this news from my mother.

After telling my parents that I had been a stripper when they thought I was a graveyard shift waitress and then disappearing to New York, my dad hasn't really wanted to talk to me very much. I know that he'll get over everything after we talk it out but I do miss talking to him. My mom thinks that some of the reason why he won't talk to me is because he feels ashamed that his lack of career ambition had pushed me to work at the White Rose and I want to reassure him to tell him that it's not true but in all honesty, it kind of is.

I don't really mind though because although it wasn't ideal for me to dance on stage in my underwear, it wasn't terrible. It made me into the person that I am today. Strong, independent, and confident. I wouldn't change that for the world.

And to really think about it, I wouldn't have met Hudson if I didn't start stripping. I was discovered by an agent while I was working at the club, which got me into working as an extra and I got the job on Chase the Rise because of my background in dancing. Maybe it was fate. I'm not sure if I really believe in that kind of stuff but if it's real, then this was definitely fate.

As my almost-five hour flight begins, I already start to miss Hudson and I've only been away from him for a few hours. These next few weeks without him are going to suck but we've been through worse. At least during these weeks apart, we'll still be talking on the phone every day. We'd gone through a few week break before but that one was when we broke up and we hadn't talked at all, which was much more painful.

We'll get through this and then whenever he has to travel for work, we'll get through it then too. I'll be going to a real university next semester instead of only doing online classes so it'll be hard for me to travel with him very much but I'm confident that we'll make it work. Even in our short relationship, we've been through some tough crap so just some long distance won't be the death of us.

It will take a long time for me to get used to the cameras, because after the news dropped about Hudson having a girlfriend at the benefit, the paparazzi have been on us like white on rice. I even went shopping to buy nicer clothes not to impress Hudson but to impress the paparazzi. I mean, I don't care that much about what they think of me but I feel like if I look like a slob in the pictures that they take, it'll look bad on Hudson. I'm not really Iris Morton when I'm being talked about in the paparazzi, I'm more just Hudson's Girlfriend and that's an image that I care about.

I know that there's a lot of uncertainty in my life right now but I think there are more things that I'm certain about than not. I know that no matter what I choose—where to go to school or where I spend my free time whether it be with my family or with Hudson—I will always have the support of both parties. I will always have Kurt and my parents and I will always have Hudson. I just need to figure out how to balance these two things and once I find that perfect balance of being there for my brother while also spending as much time as possible with Hudson, it's smooth sailing from there.

Now, all I have to do is get a doctorate, become a psychiatrist, and then cure schizophrenia... I've got this.

THE END