A week passes by very slowly.

I distract myself from Hudson by putting all of my work into the movie. Three days into shooting, we're shooting a scene in a mall where a shooting starts to occur so with the signal, I have to scatter with all of the "mall-goers" and it's really chaotic because it's hard to capture chaos in a movie without having real chaos on the shoot. We only shoot that part three times because I guess all of us extras do a really good job at running for cover once we hear gunshots.

It's an interesting set and a lot different than Chase the Rise that I did with Hudson and the guys. Just like I always had done before that movie, I stay away from all of the actors and actresses because even though they seem nice, I just don't want to socialize with them. Clearly, I should have stuck with that rule during the last movie too because if I did, my life would be a hell of a lot easier right now.

The extras on this movie aren't nearly as friendly as the ones on the previous movie. They aren't rude or anything but they're very professional. They want to come in, do their work, and then get out. That's kind of refreshing because that's how I used to like to work. After meeting Marina during the last movie though, maybe it would be cool to have a friend on set though. The extras are of all ages because people who go to a mall are usually of all ages.

The people that look to be around my age have a few cliques that they associate with when we have some down time but even when they're conversing in their groups, they're talking about the movie and how to improve the next scene and they're still talking about work. So I chose not to get associated with any of those groups so that I could just go off to the side and read a book or study for my classes or sometimes, I'll grab a snack.

The director gives us a long lunch break as they shoot another scene that doesn't need any people in the background so I decide to go see Kurt. I've been working long hours since the movie started shooting and this studio is pretty far away from Michael Hopkins so I haven't been able to go see him in a few days.

I've only went to visit Kurt once since I ended things with Hudson but all I got out was that we broke up because I was so hysteric about the whole thing. He comforted me, told me that I'd find somebody better. Everything that an older brother should do, which was nice. I mean, the voices in his head chimed in their opinions too but they weren't so helpful. I didn't even tell Kurt about why we broke up and he didn't really seem to mind or notice, he just went on comforting me until he could change the subject to something different to get my mind off of Hudson.

Now, I'm wearing my own clothes- jeans, sneakers, and a sweater because it's cloudy outside today- so I don't have to go change in wardrobe, I just have to grab my bag from the back and head out to my car. On my way out there, my phone starts ringing in my bag. As I'm walking through the studio to get to the parking lot, I grab my phone from my bag and see that it's an unknown number. It's my zip code though, so it might be somebody that I know.

Too curious to ignore the call, I answer it. It could be from a studio or producer offering me a job or something, which would be really cool.

"Hello?"

"Hi, is this Iris?" A chipper female voice answers.

"Yes, this is she," I try to put on my best professional voice.

"Oh, great. Okay, this is Rebecca. Hudson's sister?" She tells me and my throat goes dry. I've been spending all week trying to forget about Hudson and even though it's been pretty much impossible and painful as hell, getting a phone call from his sister surely doesn't help anything.

"Oh. Hi, Rebecca," I greet her slowly, trying not to sound displeased that she's calling me because I don't want to be rude. "What can I do for you?"

"Well, Hudson doesn't know that I'm calling but I mean, something has to be done. He's really spiraling over here and I don't know who else to call. I've been staying with him at his apartment to make sure that he's alright but he just isn't. I mean, in the past week, I've found him sleeping in the back of his car like, three times. Anyway, I know that you two broke up but I was hoping that you could talk to him?" She asks me over the phone.

I don't know what to say to that. I know that I can't talk to him again without falling apart even more than I am now but I also don't know how to tell Rebecca that. I wonder if she thinks that I broke up with him because I don't like him anymore or if she knows anything at all. Maybe she knows the truth, I don't really know exactly how close Hudson is to his sister so I don't know how much he'd tell her. "I don't think that's a good idea, I'm really sorry."

"Why not?" She wonders, sounding surprised. "I mean... if you broke up with him because you don't like him anymore, I think that's a load of bull because you two seemed so happy at dinner last week."

"It's not that," I sigh. "I do really like him but it's really kind of complicated."

"I hate not knowing things," She mumbles irritatedly but I don't think that she's directly irritated at me, just at the situation because she doesn't know everything about what's happening between me and Hudson. "But fine. If you don't want to talk to him, I get that. I'm going to tell him that you said hi though. And if you change your mind and want to talk to him or even better than that- get back together with him- you have to do it fast. He's going to New York next week."

"I'm not going to change my mind. I really don't have a choice," I assure her as I'm getting to my car and with the hand that I'm not using to hold my phone, I unlock the driver door and get in. "I wish that I could talk to him though, I really do, but I think that it'd just make things harder for us both."

"I know that he really wants to talk to you," Rebecca tells me. "He's really breaking over here and I need your help. I don't know what else to do to get him back on his feet."

"I just-"

"What are you doing?" I hear Hudson's deep voice in the background as I'm pulling out of the parking lot. It kills me a little bit.

"Nothing, just making a quick phone call," She insists before there's a rustling sound and then Rebecca lets out a quiet yelp. A loud thump echoes through the phone and then some more rustling.

"Hello?" Hudson is now asking into the phone and I don't think that he knows that it's me.

I kind of want to just hang up but something inside of me is forcing me to speak. I shouldn't and I don't really want to because I don't know what kind of shit storm it'll bring and I know that it'll hurt even more in the long run. But it's been a week and the painful burn in my chest has been burning worse than ever lately. Maybe just one little word... just one. "Hey."

And then it's his turn to be silent because he doesn't know how to respond. Then, I hear his voice but it's far away so I think that he pulled the phone away from him to speak to somebody else. "Rebecca, are you serious? You called her?"

"I didn't know what else to do!" She insists in the background. "Talk to her."

There's a long silence and again, I wish that I had the will power to hang up but I don't, I just stay on the line and try to focus most of my attention on just saying on the road as I'm driving.

"I'm sorry," Hudson finally says into the phone. "I didn't tell her to do this."

I pause to take a breath. "It's okay."

"I hope she didn't say anything too terrible," He tells me, sounding embarrassed and apologetic but not nearly as sad as I was expecting. Then again, I guess you can't really hear sadness, especially if the person that you're listening to is an actor. I probably don't sound as sad as I feel either... although considering how sad I feel, I highly doubt that it's even possible to sound that sad.

"No, nothing too terrible," I mutter slightly breathlessly because just hearing his voice is actually kind of taking my breath away. Oh my god, I have it so bad for this kid. We've only been apart for a week but it feels like I've been drowning for years without Hudson and that sounds so crazy to think about considering we hadn't been dating for very long when I realized that I had to break things off.

"Give me my phone back," I hear Rebecca demand of her brother on the other end and then after some more rustling, it's Rebecca talking to me again. "Can't you hear how sad he is right now?"

"Rebecca!" I hear Hudson snap at his sister.

"Okay well anyway, hope to hear from you soon bye," Rebecca says in a rush and I wait to hear the line die but she doesn't hang up, which is confusing. I'm about to just hang up on my own but then I hear her talking again. "Okay, I hung up."

I don't know if she realizes that she hasn't really hung up the phone or if she wants me to hear them talking. Either way, I keep listening because any way that I can hear his voice is good for me right now. I know that it isn't healthy but I'll get over him eventually and then I'll be fine but right now, I just really want to hear his voice.

"We broke up," Hudson says. His voice is quiet over the phone so he's probably far away but I can still hear him pretty well if I keep quiet. I don't think that I'm going to make it to Kurt today though because after I end this phone call, I'll probably need to cry. So instead of continuing down the road, I pull into a shopping center and park in the back of the parking lot to turn off my car and eavesdrop on this conversation. "Stop trying to fix things."

"No. You're so sad right now, Hudson," Rebecca insists, her voice being much clearer and louder because she's obviously closer to the phone than Hudson is. "And it's obviously true love, I could tell by how you guys looked at each other when we were at dinner. And I think that it's worth a shot to fix whatever happened even though you won't tell me what it was."

"It's not something that's fixable, alright?" He snaps at her. "It's not that she's mad at me or that I'm mad at her. Neither one of us messed up or anything, it's something completely out of our hands. That's why it sucks so much, because I can't do anything to win her back. I can't buy her flowers or give her diamonds or whatever to get her to come back because it's not her decision. It's nobody's decision, we just couldn't happen. So give it up."

"I refuse to believe that," She insists. "Because you two are meant to be together and-"

"It's not as easy as that," Hudson groans. "Becca, you're so stupid sometimes."

"Well, you're so stupid sometimes too," She fights back and now, it sounds like it's just turning into a sibling argument that I don't want to listen to but before I go to hang up the phone, I hear a rustling on the other side again.

"Wait... is your phone still on a call?" Hudson realizes. "Rebecca, I'm going to kill you!"

"No, it's for your own good," Rebecca says loudly before there's what sounds like a fight breaking out on the other end.

"I'm sorry that she bothered you, Iris," Hudson tells me into the phone and I absolutely melt when he says my name. It feels really good but also absolutely terrible. Bitter-sweet, if you will. And I lose it. I start crying immediately, in my car in the back of a random parking lot about five miles away from the studio.

"Yeah," I say quickly and then before he can hear me crying, I finally make the right decision and hang up the phone. It's too late though, because I'm already crying and I've found out in the past week that when I start crying about Hudson, it's very difficult for me to stop.

Leaning my forehead on the top of my steering wheel, I just let it all out. I wish that there was some way that we could get together again but after putting him through hell this week, I highly doubt that anything would ever be the same even if we could find some solution to the whole publicity debacle we're facing. I mean, he said that eventually, he'll find a solution and then we'll get back together but from what Rebecca said, he's really hurting. Sleeping in his car and everything. I just don't know if he'll really forgive me.

And anyway, the only solution to the problem would be to tell Kurt that I used to be a stripper because of how expensive his medical care is. That, or just let the media tell him for me which is a thousand times worse. He is in the inpatient now, which kind of nulls the flow of media garbage but they still have TVs and even a few computers that are always monitored but he can easily find out anything that the celebrity news sites put out there.

I still can't get myself to do that to Kurt though, especially now that he's found the right medicine for him and he might be coming home soon. Although it's getting harder and harder for me to not consider this possibility. Maybe I could tell my mom about the stripping and then she'd be able to tell me if she thinks that it's safe to tell Kurt or not.

She did say that she'll love me no matter what.

Curious as to how terrible Hudson is taking this break up, I pull up an internet browser on my phone so that I can see if there's any current news on Hudson. If he missed any scheduled things such as meet and greets or appointments with other people in the industry. I doubt that any of that would be on the news but maybe something will be posted that could give me some sort of indication on how he's doing.

There's a few articles about how he's being seriously considered for a new movie, the one that he's flying out to New York to meet with people about. There's also some articles about the video that is now viral about his confrontation with Aspen. Luckily, there's no update on the Aspen fiasco which means that he hasn't decided to go self-destructive and to go date Aspen. That's good because part of me thought that he'd do that just to spite me for being unwilling to spill my past to the media.

When I can't find any really recent information, I give up and lock my phone screen again. I guess it is kind of unfair to Hudson that if I want to see how he's doing, I can just Google him and if I miss him too much, I can just look up hundreds of pictures of him, some even shirtless. But that is only a one-way street because he cannot just Google my name and have hundreds of pictures of me show up. If I Google my own name, my Facebook and Twitter profile pictures show up and then there's a few old people, some flowers, and a lot of pictures of the Goo Goo Dolls.

By now, most of the tears have dried so I wipe the rest of the stickiness from my cheeks but I don't turn my car on to leave the parking lot. Where would I go anyway? It's too late to make it to Kurt and back in time and my stomach is too upset to eat anything. I'll just sit here for a little while longer in hopes of my face returning back to normal before I have to return to the studio so that nobody can tell that I'd been crying.

I'm sure that I'll get over Hudson but holy fuck, it's going to be a long and very painful road that I am definitely not looking forward to at all.