Log Date 1571: He.. he's gone. I saw him. He's gone.

[Fan's POV]
It was nighttime. At least.. I could assume it's nighttime. I strained my eye to look up at the ceiling, still seeing nothing but the grey padding above me. Lightbulb had given up and went to sleep. She seemed more satisfied lately. She was sleeping. I.. couldn't. I just wasn't tired anymore. And as amazing as she is.. I don't know who she is anymore. She's there, and then she's not, and then she's like this, and then this completely other thing that isn't anything like her and then

Paintbrush dies.
She was getting better, and then Paintbrush died.
I don't know what would've been worse. No ones like themselves anymore, nothing is the way it's supposed to be, even for here. I got used to it and then it just wasn't that way anymore. Anytime something is normal, someone dies. That's the one shred of coincidence I can cling to and I don't want it. I'm not normal anymore. I think I know me, and then I hear things. I think I'm over it, and then I'm not. It doesn't make any sense. It needs to make sense.

That somewhat familiar feeling of dread and nausea fills me, and I push myself off my back. I need to stop thinking and can't. I don't know how they live like this. I don't know how she lives like this. I need to know and I can't. I pick up my phone and desperately click it's power button. Still nothing. I got impatient and recharged it too early, and fried it. I needed that. It had the way out of here. It had what I had learned. But now I can't have that either. We don't deserve this. I mean, maybe they don't and I do? Do I? They probably know me better than me. She has a reason for this. I did something. Surely I did. Surely I-

Door. The door. And the soft smell of smoke.

I hesitantly creeped off my knees and onto my feet, shakily tiptoeing towards the door of the entrance. The soft squelching of my feet against the floor and my breathing sounded as loud as a jet engine. I sucked in my breath and held it as I rose my hand to the knob, looking back at Lightbulb. Her expression was empty. Almost like she didn't dream. But I know she does. She has to. You need to dream to be creative. And she's so creative. So proud of herself. She deserves to be. I know out of everything, she will always have her pride. That I can rely on, even though I don't think I will ever need to.

The cold metal of the door handle felt bone chilling. That feeling of dread creeping across my arms rose to my sides as I began to shake. It's not going to work. It's not going to work. We're going to burn alive and we're all going to die. Secluded and alone. We'll all suffocate. The pressure only made the feeling of suffocation worse. And then it turned.

The knob turned.

My breath left my body as I felt that handle turn. I felt tears burn at my eye, and cause the other socket to ache with the sewn emptiness. The feeling of soul crushing dread felt so.. so heavy. But that little bit of adrenaline was addictive. She wouldn't just leave the door unlocked. It's a trap. She's watching us right now anyways.

That thought felt like a slap to the face. I almost threw up as I turned around to look at the viewing window, feeling everything about to give out from under me as I saw a glint. But the window was empty. The table was empty. Even when I tilted myself to look at other angles, I didn't see her. She.. wasn't there. She wasn't there. My gaze then violently flicked over to the door. She could be outside it right now. Waiting. Expecting. If I open this door, she'll be there. She'll punish me. I don't want that. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't.

Gripping on the door handle made my fingers burn. Doubling over and squeezing my eyes shut was even worse. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't lose. The pent up feeling of needing to scream felt like it was clawing at my throat. Unbearable. But all that shaking and gripping turned that handle. And whether I was trying to or not.. it opened. I froze, not daring to move as the door clicked open. Dead silence. I carefully leaned into the crack of the door. Dead silence. I set one foot out. Dead silence. I winced, carefully opening my eye.

There was so much to look at. The wall was painful to look at. The lights. The smells. The textures of everything. The feeling of something that wasn't ventilated. It forced me to my knees as I choked and cried. Too much to look at. Too much to feel. But I laughed. Putting my hands over my mouth, I laughed. I cried. I can't. I can't take it. I know here but I can't take it. Trying to silence myself was hard but.. if I get caught she'll kill me. I know she will. She killed everyone else. I'm not any different to her than the others are.. aren't I..? I forced my eye open and looked over my shoulder. She was still asleep. Good. I'm not.. I'm not leaving without her. She'll come back for me. I'm not leaving for long after all..

I hesitantly took another step through the door, into the hall. I leaned against the wall to try to hold myself. I know where I am. I'm safe. I'm happy. I'm grounded. I'm.. I'm scared. I ran my hands over the walls and almost let out a cry of relief as I felt something that wasn't polyurethane padding. It was dry. Smooth. Blue. So blue. A dusty, Greyish blue. A medical blue. But it was blue. A very light, almost white blue. But it's blue. It's blue. It's blue. It's paint. It's blue. The floor is polished. The lights above are yellowed. It hurts.. so much. So much to look at. But.. it's there. I'm out.

When I turned to walk down the hall, something red caught the corner of my eye. I felt paralyzed. Keep moving. Don't look. You don't need to know. But that curiosity couldn't be helped.

The second I looked, it dropped me to my knees.

Cracking. Spreaded. Blood. The drips had dried. The blood was rotting into the wood. Panic attack. Hah.. that's funny... right..? Certainly.. accurate... who's.. who's blood.. is this..?
It felt almost like a stab to the chest when the realization hit me. I almost couldn't get back up. The screaming ran through my head. Her gaze as she tore me into pieces. The squeaking. The shattering. The sound of plastic hitting the floor. All of it happened all at once. Overwhelming. Hurting. Broken.

And then all I heard was an oscillating fan. The soft hum of the lights grounded me. The sounds weren't familiar. The sounds that were so.. so over stimulating. The sounds that were painful.. helped me. I gripped at the floor as I shakily stood up. I only had so much time to wander before she realized I had left after all. Would she.. would she even care if I left..? She looked so tired.. and sick.. but she had already given so much to this. Disgusting.

I kept one hand running against the wall as I walked past the door. I.. I have to come back. I have to come get her. I have to. She doesn't deserve to be left in there alone. I'll come back. Holding one hand out in front of me to try and make things more balanced. Everything far away liked so blurry now.. the headache had already started to make me want to bash my head against the wall. But it.. wasn't as loud anymore. As I blinked and walked, it slowly became easier to realize where I was. I know these hallways. They're just like the ones upstairs but.. longer.

So many doors. I walked past so many doors, with glinting plates. Numbers on them. Not in order. I didn't want to find out. I don't think I can take anymore of that.. honestly I don't know how far I've gone from the door at this point. Then I smelt it again. The whiff of smoke. The smell of burning that only got stronger as I followed it. I continued to follow it. As I turned the corner I-

We locked gazes. She saw me. She saw me. She saw me. She saw me. But.. she didn't move. She looked at me. She looked at me and didn't say anything. That.. pain. In her eyes. Almost like she still felt. Like she knew me. Like she wanted to know me. She squinted. I stared emptily back. I'm sure the rest of my body gave away how terrified I was but.. I had to keep my eyes empty. We both see things.. I know that.. shes complained about it before. It's not fair for me to exploit that but.. I want to live. I have to live. She could rip me into bits and no one would know.

And then she kept walking. She saw me. Turned around. Kept walking. Silent. She didn't say anything but she saw me. And then I was back on the floor. Even before I felt my body give out again, I was on the floor. A violently riveting mess. I can't stop it. It all tore through my head again, the voices screaming even louder as I just wanted to give up. But.. she wanted that. I'm sure she did. That's why she didn't make me go back. She'd just let me kill myself. One hand. Grip my fingers. One hand. Up. Get up. Get up. Get up.

One arm. One hand. One arm. Two hands. Two arms. Shaking. So much shaking. So.. so much shaking. Get up. Get up. One body. Up. One foot. Straining. Two feet. Touch the wall. Keep walking. ...we've got it.

I dragged myself down the hall to follow the smell of smoke. Down the hall. Down farther. So many doors. So much suffering. So much echoed screaming. Water dripping from the ceiling. And then there was the lobby. Just like the upstairs. The machine, the sink, the counter. The shelves. The boxes. The tools. And then in the middle of the floor, drawled out smoke. Off a circle on the floor. I nudged it carefully with my foot, and a bit more smoke drawled out. I felt so.. exhausted. Like I was going to pass out. This only made the screaming worse. But that screaming.. that screaming..

I picked up the bomb. Squeezing it between my fingers. Feeling the plastic crack beneath my fingers before I screamed and threw it at the ceiling. ..what.. what was I doing..? I can't.. I can't.. I can't-

I must've hit something.
Suddenly something roared, knocking me to the floor. Flooding the hallway with smoke. And then came the sirens.

I have to get back to her
I have to..
get..
h..