***Trigger warnings for drug cravings, detoxing, descriptions of domestic violence, and mentions of drug use.***

Wait to start the song.

Detoxing got worse and worse with each day, but by the third week, the pain started to taper off. Ashley made the withdrawals bearable by making Josh laugh and letting him give her tattoos once his hands didn't shake so much. Debby helped by making Josh eat and sitting up with him on the nights he wasn't sure he could survive. Things were getting a little better. Josh had never imagined getting to this point.

With the detox came a feeling of unity in the trailer. Josh didn't have to stay in the bathroom all day anymore, so he got to hang out with the girls in a way he hadn't in a long time. Instead of hanging out with them while he was high or waiting to get high, he could actually be a person with them.

Debby taught him how to make pie one night after she got home from work. It was a blueberry pie, and his hands didn't shake so much as he helped her do the lattice work on top.

Josh slept on the couch for a few nights, but he always woke up with one of the girls on the other couch or on the floor beside him after they'd fallen asleep making sure he was okay. Sleeping in their bed with them had started out as a matter of convenience, but it was just so easy to get comfortable there.

By the sixth week, they'd all fallen back into a modified version of their old routine. Everything was the same except that Josh didn't shoot up when Ashley did anymore, and Ashley didn't shoot up where Josh could see her.

Lots of old habits emerged though. The girls started giving Josh food off their plates whenever they didn't finish something. They put their feet in his lap when they watched tv. The habit of kissing each other whenever they left the house re-emerged. Since Josh wasn't working anymore, he'd started cleaning the house during the day out of habit. Words like "babe" and "honey" started being tossed around without anyone meaning to say them.

No one discussed these little changes. They just pretended this was normal behaviour, and it worked for a while. It worked until the three of them started having sex from time to time. They tried to pretend that was normal behaviour, but they couldn't lie about that part. They weren't acting like people who just lived together anymore, and they knew it.

Unsurprisingly, it was Ashley who broke the silence. They were all in the kitchen one morning before Debby left for work, sipping coffee and eating toast. Ashley was pulling Debby's hair up into a bun for her, occasionally stealing sips from Josh's coffee as she did so. Josh didn't protest, grabbing the pot and pouring more into his cup every now and then when he and Ashley were running low.

"So how long are we going to avoid having the relationship talk?" Ashley asked calmly as she slid a final bobby pin into Debby's hair before sitting down next to Josh and picking his coffee up off of the table. Her eyes watched both of them over the rim of the mug as she took a drink. She set the mug down when no one answered. "Admit it. We're doing pretty much everything we did when you two were dating, except this time, I'm doing more one on one shit with Josh."

After a prolonged silence, Josh admitted, "I don't know what the fuck I'm doing in any aspect of my life, and that includes whatever this is. I'm pretty sure Tyler and I aren't together anymore since we haven't even spoken in over a month, but I don't know what that means for the three of us."

Debby remained silent, as if she didn't dare to even attempt to offer up her opinion on the matter. Part of Josh greatly appreciated that. She was allowing his needs to outweigh her own. That was something she'd never been good at before.

A thought kept reverberating through Josh's head, and he chewed his lip as he tried to keep it in. He didn't know how it would be received, and he didn't want to fuck everything up now that they were all starting to really figure things out. Somehow, however, it still slipped out.

"If we're going to do this again, I want both of you. Not just Debby," Josh blurted out.

Ashley's eyebrows raised, but she didn't seem surprised. Ever since she'd come to lie with him in the bathtub a few weeks ago, they'd been bonded far beyond just being friends who had once shared a girlfriend. Despite Ashley identifying as a lesbian, she'd kissed him just as much as Debby had lately, and they didn't always need Debby to act as a buffer between them during sex anymore. They were ready for this. At least, Josh thought they could be.

Ashley and Debby looked at each other for a moment. Josh watched an entire nonverbal conversation pass between the two of them, and it was a testament to how well he knew both of them that he understood every unspoken word the two women shared. They looked at him after a minute, and Josh smiled when Ashley pushed his hair back off of his forehead gently.

"Okay," Ashley agreed, making his smile widen. "But I have some ground rules."

"Yeah, so do I," Josh agreed easily.

"You don't get to call me a baby," Ashley began, making Josh laugh.

"You don't get to call me a princess," Josh countered.

"I'm not shaving any part of my body for your benefit," Ashley added.

"How would that benefit me?" Josh asked with an amused smirk.

That response seemed to please Ashley. "Touché."

Josh folded his arms atop the table and looked at her seriously. "If you bring drugs around me or use anything in front of me, I'm out of here."

"You've got yourself a fucking deal, boyfriend," Ashley agreed confidently, making Josh grin. She pulled a face then. "Ew. I have a boyfriend." She looked at Debby. "What have you done to me?"

Debby laughed, wrapping both Josh and Ashley into a warm hug. "Trust me. It won't be that different from before. You two have always kinda acted like you were dating. That's what made me so sure we'd all be okay living together in the first place."

"I'll go easy on you, baldy," Josh reassured Ashley, making her laugh against Debby's shoulder.

"Whatever, sicko," Ashley laughed out. She pressed a kiss to Debby's lips before asking her, "Are you sure you don't just want to call in sick and spend the whole day rotting on the couch with us? Josh doesn't puke as much now, so he makes fun of commercials with me again. Plus you can cuddle with us, and making out is more fun when you're there too."

Debby smiled nervously, looking at Josh once again as if she was afraid he'd kick her out of the trailer for even considering it. "Do you guys...want me to stay?" She asked hesitantly.

"Yes! So badly!" Ashley insisted excitedly, and Josh found himself saying, "Dude, come on. All three of us should be here."

Debby's eyes lit up. "I guess I could call my boss and-"

It was a testament to how much Josh's body had already started to mend itself over the past month when he was able to throw Debby over his shoulder-making her squeal in delight as she was carried to the living room. Some of his strength was coming back. He still felt like absolute shit most of the time, and the cravings washed over him every single day, but he was managing right now. He was doing okay.

Start the song. It's Flaming Hot Cheetos by Clairo.

The three of them got comfortable on the couch, each somehow touching both of their partners as Ashley flipped through Netflix before deciding on some bizarre crime documentary that Josh knew he wouldn't pay any attention to. He would definitely sleep through it, seeing as his body kept wearing itself out too quickly as it tried to heal itself.

He was currently lying on his back with his head in Ashley's lap and his legs across Debby's. His eyelids got heavier when Ashley started to play with his hair, smiling when she told him he should let her cut it again soon since it had gotten so shaggy lately. When Debby still seemed hesitant to interact with him, Josh held one of his hands out to her. She smiled hopefully as she took it in hers, and looked absolutely relieved when he pulled her down to lay her head on his chest. He wrapped his arms around her and closed his eyes.

"I'm sorry," Debby whispered to him quietly, prompting him to meet her eyes, which were full of tears. "About everything. I'm sorry. This is my fault, and I know I don't deserve a second chance but-"

Josh hushed her, stroking her bleached hair softly as he looked up at Ashley, who looked guilty too. "If you wanna make it up to me, just keep helping me get better. That's all I want. I just want to get better."

"Deal," the girls both agreed.

Josh nodded and closed his eyes again. "Then we're cool."

They fell into a comfortable silence as the girls watched the documentary, and Josh began to drift off to sleep. It didn't take long for Josh to fall asleep again, but he wasn't really expecting it to. His body had a lot to heal from, and the best way for it to do that was to shut down for a bit.

---

Josh woke up when his head was shifted out of Ashley's lap so she could go to the bathroom. She kissed his lips softly before she left the living room, and he smiled as he watched her walk away. Her departure left Josh alone with Debby, who was absentmindedly massaging his feet as she watched the documentary in front of her with rapt attention. Apart from rubbing his feet, however, Debby wasn't paying any attention to Josh.

He blinked sleepily as he looked at her, unable to keep himself from smiling while he took in her freckled cheeks, dark eyelashes, hypnotizing hazel eyes, and full lips. Her hands were gentle as they massaged the tired muscles in his feet. Every muscle in his body still ached distantly from time to time, so the soothing touches were extremely welcome.

"You know, I don't actually think you're a bad person," Josh told Debby after a few minutes, prompting her to tear her eyes away from the television screen and meet his with surprise and confusion slapped across her facial features. "I think we were all in a bad place when I left. Having two addicts and one recovering addict all under the same roof probably wasn't the best idea. None of us were stable enough."

"Does having two recovering addicts and an addict make us more stable?" Debby asked tentatively.

Josh thought about that for a moment. "I feel more stable than before. I haven't relapsed in almost two months, and I know for a fact that I couldn't go that long before I came back here."

"Yeah, but you did that. We didn't. All we did was let you stay in a trailer you already own so you could detox without anyone knowing about it," Debby pointed out quietly. She hesitated before admitting, "Josh, I really think you're only dating us again because you think we're the ones who got you clean, but we didn't. You aren't giving yourself any credit at all, and it's really worrying me."

"All I did was sit in the bathtub," Josh pointed out, but that only seemed to bother her more.

"You stayed clean after you got out of the bathtub though. You aren't even smoking as much as you used to. You're doing so much better, but all you want to focus on is the fact that we were here when you started to get better. You're giving us all the credit, and we don't deserve any of it," Debby argued.

"Deb-" Josh tried, but Debby was a little bit panicky now, so she just kept talking.

"And frankly, I'm afraid you're not going to stay sober if you stay here. I'm scared I'm gonna fuck it up or that Ashley is. I can't always protect you, Josh, and neither can Ashley. How long do you really think she's going to commit to only shooting up where you can't see her? What if she gets lazy, and leaves her shit laying around for you to find and gettriggered by? What if I slip up again, and you're around that? This isn't a good place for you, and we all know it. Ashley and I just love you too much and are too selfish to encourage you to go somewhere safer. We love you too much, and I don't think that's fair to you. You deserve to be happy and safe and healthy, and we all know you can't get that shit here. You're staying because it's comfortable, not because it's what best for you, and I don't want you to do that," Debby rambled out frantically before taking a deep breath.

Their eyes remained locked with each other for a moment, and Josh knew they were both fully aware that everything she'd just said was true. He swallowed nervously.

"Where else would I go?" Josh asked quietly.

Debby's eyes flooded with tears, and she climbed up to lie beside him on the couch. Their arms wrapped around each other as he buried his face against her throat. He squeezed his eyes shut tight so his own tears couldn't slip through.

"I've burnt every fucking bridge I had left, Debby. I fucked up every single relationship I had, and I have no idea how to fix anything. I'm just stuck like this, and it's so fucking messed up because it's completely my fault," Josh admitted shakily. "Debby, even when I'm trying as hard as I can to get sober, I'm still just like my dad. I don't want to be like my dad. I don't want to be some meth head in Oklahoma with four kids I don't care about and a wife I beat the shit out of whenever I get high. I don't want to be like him, but I keep doing every single goddamn thing he's ever done."

"If you don't want to be like him, you need to accept that some of those bridges aren't going to be fixed, and you need to start building new ones and focusing on the ones that matter most," Debby told him quietly.

Josh studied her eyes for a moment, knowing full well that she was completely right. He nodded after a moment, quietly asking, "Can I borrow your phone?"

"Definitely," Debby replied quietly, immediately climbing off of the couch and going to get her phone off of the kitchen counter. She smiled encouragingly at Josh as she handed it to him and watched him type in a number he knew by heart.

The one person in the world Josh wanted to talk to most picked up on the fourth ring. "Hello?"

Josh squeezed his eyes shut, covering them with his hand as he said, "Hey, Jordan. It's Josh."

There was a sudden crashing noise, followed by some fumbling, and finally Jordan's tearful voice asked, "Are you okay? Where are you? Do you need me to come get you?"

Josh smiled slightly. "I'm okay. I'm...uh. Actually, I'm six weeks sober. It's not a long time, but it's better than I've done in a while."

His little brother gasped. "What? Josh! That's huge, dude! I'm so proud of you. That's-Holy shit! Does Mom know?"

"I haven't told anyone. I'm kind of trying not to let too many people know. I just kind of wanted to hear your voice or whatever," Josh said, feeling Debby leave the couch so he could talk to his brother alone.

"Do you need anything?" Jordan asked reflexively.

Josh took a deep breath before saying, "No. I don't need anything. I just thought I should try calling you without any strings attached or whatever. I'm kind of in a weird position right now. I've never done this before. Well, I have, but that was when I got out of rehab. I had therapists and shit. Now I'm just sort of trying to figure everything out on my own. Well, not on my own. I've had a little help."

"Help from who?" Jordan asked curiously.

Josh shook his head. "I'll tell you later. I just...don't really want to talk about me. Tell me about school or something. Are you still thinking about military school?"

"I don't know," Jordan replied. "I can't really afford it, and I think that would just be another form of escapism, you know? I sort of want to prove that I can make it out of here alive without having to be thrown a life preserver. It sounds dumb, but-"

"It's not dumb," Josh reassured him quickly. "I think that's really sick, dude. You're seriously the most badass guy I know. You've got this. I already showed you everything not to do, so now you've got a road map."

Jordan laughed. "I miss you. You should pick me up from school tomorrow! You could even come to dinner at the house. Mom would be really happy to see you're doing good. She's been worried. We all have. You just disappeared out of nowhere."

"Yeah, Sorry about that. My brain was all messed up, and I-"

"Tyler already told me about the fight. He felt awful about it. He kept telling us that he should've stayed and talked it out with you instead of just leaving," Jordan explained.

Josh sighed. "It wasn't his fault. It was mine. Besides, he needs to focus more on school than dating assholes. He's gonna get out of Oklahoma, and I don't want to be the thing keeping him here when I don't deserve him."

Jordan hummed. "Yeah, I guess. I think he should probably get to be involved in that decision too though, should he? It doesn't seem very fair to ghost him right after he saved your life. He just needed a second to breathe, and you never gave him a chance to come back. That doesn't really make sense to me."

"Did he tell you what I said to him?" Josh asked, feeling guilt and shame flood throughout his body.

"He told Mom. She wasn't very happy with you, but she told him that you tend to say shitty things when you're supposed to be getting better because you think it'll make us give up on helping you," Jordan said calmly. "Can I tell Mom you're alive then, or is this a secret call?"

"You can tell her," Josh replied. He hesitated before asking, "How's Dad?"

"Not sure. He got high and started hitting Mom. I had to drag him out of the house. I locked him out and called the police. He's in jail right now. Mom will probably bail him out eventually, but he's gone for now," Jordan explained calmly.

Josh shook his head more out of frustration than disbelief. He'd done the same thing Jordan had more than a few times before his parents had kicked him out. "I'm sorry you had to do that. Are you okay? That's never easy."

"I'm okay," Jordan assured him. "It's nice to not have to be worried about him coming home for the time being. Abbie seems happier too. Mom won't say it, but I think she's relieved too."

"Well, call me if he comes back. I don't want you to have to deal with him when he's violent like that," Josh instructed.

Jordan laughed. "Dude, I'm not bringing you in here either. You did your time dadsitting. Now you get to spend time on yourself. When you're better, you can help. Until then, take it easy."

Josh sighed. "I wish I could just get you guys out of there. If I could find you another place to live before he got out, that would be so much better. Then he couldn't hurt any of you anymore."

"It is what it is," Jordan replied simply. "Hey, I've gotta get my homework done, but I want you to call me tomorrow, okay?"

"Okay. My phone got stolen, and I haven't bought another one, so I'll call you when I can," Josh told him.

Jordan hummed his understanding. "I was wondering why Debby was calling me. Does this mean you're back together?"

"Not sure," Josh replied. He thought about it for a moment before confiding to his brother, "She has a girlfriend."

"Oh," Jordan commented, sounding surprised. "Sounds like a definitive no then."

"Not really," Josh disagreed. Although telling Jordan this secret meant letting him in and being vulnerable, Josh admitted, "It's the same girlfriend she had when we were dating last time, only this time, I'd be dating both of them. Last time Debby was dating me and her, but we were just dating Debby."

"Seems confusing," Jordan replied. He giggled. "Maybe I'm just dumb though."

Josh smiled. "Still smarter than me, man."

Jordan laughed. "Swear you'll call tomorrow?" He asked.

"I swear. Hey, I love you. I'm proud of you for helping Mom and working on your homework," Josh insisted.

He could practically hear the smile in Jordan's voice as he said, "I love you too. I'm proud of you for trying to get better."

"I'll talk to you tomorrow," Josh promised.

"Yeah, you will. Bye, Josh."

"Bye, buddy."

Josh set Debby's phone down on the coffee table when the call ended. He drew in a shaky breath and pressed his palms against his eyelids until he saw stars. He could do this. He could get better. He could be a good big brother. He could do this. He needed to do this because Jordan and Abbie needed him to be capable of protecting them from their dad.

"You okay?" Debby asked softly as she sat back down on the couch.

"My dad's in jail for beating my mom up while he was on meth," Josh whispered, still pressing against his eyes. "Jordan had to drag him out of the house and lock him out."

He felt Ashley sit beside him as well, shifting his head back into her lap. Her fingers soothed through his hair. Debby snuggled against his side again, wrapping him up in her arms. They both hushed him gently when a sob left his lips.

"I should be there," he insisted.

The girls both hushed him again, offering him gentle touches as he continued to sob. He felt Ashley shift out from beneath him and slide down to sit on the floor beside him. She turned his head and kissed him softly and slowly. One of his hands left Debby's side to hold onto Ashley's cheek as she kissed him. Debby's fingers soothed softly through his hair as she pressed a gentle kiss to the space beneath his ear.

"It's okay, baby boy. It's okay. This is where they'd want you to be. They'd want you to be somewhere where you can stay sober and feel safe. It's okay," Debby reassured him gently.

It took more gentle words like those to coax Josh to the bedroom. The girls undressed him down to his underwear before doing the same to themselves and tucking him into bed between them. They slathered him in kisses and words of affirmation, and that made him feel safer, yet his veins still burned and his blood still begged him for just another dose of the thing that could make this pain and frustration disappear. There were arms wrapped around him though, holding him steady and reminding him that he couldn't give in. Things would only get worse if he did, even if that seemed like his only option right now.

When Josh couldn't calm his cravings enough to fall asleep, Debby convinced him to repeat the Serenity Prayer with her. Just like they had on so many nights before, they repeated the words again and again until Josh was fast asleep between his girlfriends, dreaming about the one person he wanted more than he could ever want them-the one person he would never deserve.