25.| I SHOULD'VE

NATASHA WAS THAT ONE PERSON THAT JAMES FOUND IT DIFFICULT TO TALK CLOSELY WITH. It didn't matter that, even when she said that he could go to her with absolutely anything, he found it difficult to do just that. He found it difficult to allow himself to grow close enough to her so that he would be able to do that, even when she was more than comfortable with him. James knew that her opening up to him and the other heroes was something new to her as well, but she felt comfortable with James, and she had told him that.

He held his phone in his hand and he tossed it between his two hands, wondering how he was going to even start the conversation, how he was going to manage the conversation they were going to have. James didn't know why he was even nervous to talk to her, either. The two of them were incredibly close to each other, a little too close for the comfort of some. But he was glad that he had someone that he could talk to and be something with.

A sigh left his lips as he was about to dial Natasha's number, but just before he could there was a knock on his apartment door. He lifted his chin to the door and he walked over to pull it open, to reveal Natasha Romanoff. The redhaired woman stared up at him for a few seconds, before slipping into the apartment. They both stared at each other for a few seconds, neither of them knowing how to even kickstart the conversation. Seeing as neither of them were good at talking about their feelings.

"How are you?" Natasha asked him, her arms crossed over her chest as she stared at him. James pressed his lips together for a few seconds, trying to think of an answer, which made Natasha continue. "I know that you don't like talking about . . . the Executioner, but I want to be that person you can talk to. Tony told me that it's incredibly difficult for you to come back from, but-"

"I'm not fine," James cut her off, rubbing his arm as he stared at her. His lips parted for a few seconds, before letting out a heavy sigh. "Before the Avengers, before any of it, I was the one person that Nick Fury liked to use as his lead assassin. It wasn't Barton, Nichol, or any of them. It was me. It wasn't something that I was proud of and it wasn't something that I ever told Tony because he wouldn't have known what to do with that information. Nick Fury saw something in me, something that he could use to his advantage--"

"That was why he sent you after me," Natasha cut him off, pressing her lips together for a few seconds and she nodded her head for a few seconds. "He sent you after me initially because he wanted you to kill me, not to bring me in." James nodded his head. "Why didn't you kill me?"

"I don't know," It was the truth, James didn't know why he didn't go through with the original mission and kill Natasha Romanoff when she was nothing more than a KGB agent. When she was nothing more than an assassin who went after others so that she could get her paycheck for it. She wasn't anything more than a Red Room assassin who had a particularly scary skill set, but that wasn't who she was anymore. "I should've."

Natasha took a step closer to him and she stared up into his eyes, and she tilted her head to the side, "If Nick Fury told you to kill me know, would you?"

That was a question that James never expected her to ask him, though it was one that he should've known. Natasha was that kind of person who wanted to know who her enemies were, or who the possible enemies were. It was a question that made him think about that. Did he want to kill Natasha Romanoff? No, of course, not. But if she became someone that Nick Fury wanted out of the picture, would he kill her for that?

James took a step closer to her, closing the space between the two of them and he stared down at her. He didn't know what he was doing as he rested a hand against her cheek, brushing his thumb against it. She stared up at him, not completely sure what James was going to do, or what he was up to. But that was the thing, James didn't know what he was up to either. He didn't know if what he was going to do was going to be the best option for their relationship, or if it was going to completely ruin it.

It was a spur of the moment, and James pressed his lips against Natasha's.

The former Red Room assassin was caught off guard by his kiss, and she felt herself wrapping her arms around his neck and deepening the act. The two of them stood there, locked in a kiss for only a matter of moments before James pulled away. He stared down at her for a few seconds, not knowing if it was the right thing to do, but he knew he had to answer her question.

"No," James answered her, shaking his head as he locked eyes with her. "No, I wouldn't kill you. I could never do something like that to you."

A small smile appeared on her lips as she stared up at him, moving her hand to his cheek and caressing it. She was the one to lean in and press her lips against his, and when it was done, the two of them spent the rest of the evening talking. Talking about anything and everything that came to mind. Answering any burning questions that they had for each other, including ones that had something to do with their relationship and where it was going.