I went to a Mental institute to see someone. It's been a long time since I saw  her. She was not able to recognize me that time.  Alam kong marami siyang nagawa na hindi maganda, but I can't stand seeing her like that. Well I admit it is satisfying to see her suffer in this place, after what she did to me. Above all  just chose to forgive her even if she does not ask for it.  Sabi nga ni Taylor, masyado akong mabait para patawarin siya. Para akin, to move on, means to accept, let go and forgive.

I don't want to carry the burden of having this madness towards her. Ano pa ang mapapala ko sa galit ko. I want a new life, besides I am fine now, I should be thankful for it. 

I was about to enter her room ng bawalin ako ng isang nurse. It is her therapy today at hindi muna ako pupwede na pumasok. I was about to leave when I saw Mrs.  Sarmiento, sits on a bench near to her daughter room. Kanina pa ba siya dito? Bakit hindi ko man lang siya napansin. 

"Good morning." I greeted  she just gave me a small smile.  TInabihan ko siya umupo, now we are both staring Lauren through the window. We are a bit in a silence, I don't know how to open a conversation to her, mukhang ayaw rin naman niya ng kausap. 

"I can't stand her seeing like this, she's getting worse. She even forget that I am her mother. Is this the consequence of doing the right thing, I betrayed her." She breaks our silence. Her eyes are bit teary. I know it is painful for her to see her daughter in that situation and she was not able to do it. 

"You just did what you think is the best Ms. Sarmiento. Don't lose hope"

"I know, I don't lose hope, ganyan naman ang mga nanay. It is just I don't want her suffer." Tumango ako na lang ako, I can't say a thing to ease the pain. Wala rin naman akong magagawa. 

Nagpaalam na ako na umalis she just nod before I leave. I just thought to pass here before I go to Amaya. I don't know why, maybe gusto ko lang dumalaw sa kanila. Espcially to Ms. Sarmiento, seems I want to comfort her kahit papapaano, balita ko rin kasi hindi na siya nadadalaw ni Nikko. Kahit yun lang ang magawa ko after she helped me, tumanggi man ako sa kanya, but she secretly helped me para maibangon uli ang Amaya. She asked more people to invest her, nalaman ko nang sabihin sa akin ng isa mga mga taong kinausap niya. 

I give my key to the valet before I enter the lobby. 

"Welcome back to Amaya Miss Eris!" Halos mapatalon ako sa gulat, kung hindi baka atakihin pa ko sa puso. The crowd of Amaya employees welcomed me with their thunderous voices. The lobby has a big banner in it at halos magulat malaking picture ko roon. It is like chibi, wherein that big face of mine is fierce.  Napatakip ako ng bibig sa sobrang pagkaoverwhelm at nahihiya talaga ako sa malaking picture na nakasabit roon. 

"Hola Eris, welcome back here at Amaya Main." Taylor emerged from the crowd and raised her both arms to greet me, na parang ngayon lang kami nagkita na dalawa. 

"Any messages to them." I knew it, siya talaga ang may pakana ng malaking mukha ko roon. I am still looking to our people, mukhang tinipon niya lahat pati ang board. 

I genuinely smile at them and waved my hand. "Masaya ako na nandito kayong lahat to greet me, kaya maraming salamat sa bawat isa sa inyo, dahil diyan may palibreng lunch tayo." The crowd cheered happily with my announcement. Well sino ba naman ang hindi matutuwa sa free lunch diba?

"Thanks everyone for your participation balik na tayo sa dati" Taylor clapped her hands to signal them to go back to work. Pagkatapos, inakbayan naman niya ako papasok sa elevator. 

"Like my present?"

I shrugged "It is too much." Sabi ko at itinuro ang chibi ko na kasabit doon. 

"I bet you like it huh, don't worry I'll hang them in the office." Sinamaan ko siya ng tingin sa sinabi niya.

"Don't you dare" I'll punch her face if she did. I am so embarassed on that. Mamaya, sasabihan ko ang mga maintenance na ipaalis ang malaking mukha ko doon. The banner is enough for me. 

"Good morning" Aira lively greeted us. I gave her a smile and sinenyasan na pumasok sa loob.

"How's Taylor as a boss, I hope di ka pinapahirapan niyan." Napatingin siya kay Taylor, she just grinned.

"ok naman po" Nahihiya niya pang sabi. 

"Basta, if she did something, tell me ha. Huwag kang mahiya" Sabi ko.

"Actually po ginawa niya po akong chaperon sa mga dates niya." Pinandilatan ko siya ng mata. Aba talaga, dinamay pa si Aira sa paghahanap niya ng makakadate, I don't if it is her tactic to get over with Michael. 

"Wow! Your nicest way to say thank you Eris. You are very welcome."

It's nice to be back in my own office. I took a glimpse of it. it is still in its white minimalist set-up. The only changes is that there is a table beside my desk. 

"Don't worry I did not use your table, look." That explains why there are already two tables in my office. I ask Aira to sit and orient the schedule for to day. 

"As of now, we have meeting with the board at 10am and final briefing to all the models at 1pm and a rehearsal with Mr. Sarmiento at 3pm."

"Thanks Aira."

I spin the pencil using my fingers. Am I ready to see him face to face. I know I am loking forward for this, pero hindi ko alam kung paano. Huli na yung nasa New York kaming dalawa. 

"Erisha, ok lang yan. Ano ka ba? When you see him go kiss him! Get married you bitches." 

Taylor rolled her eyes when I gave her my threatening glare. Talagang nabasa niya pa ang iniisip ko a?

"I know you want it too. Kunyari ka pa? Sabi niya at umalis na siya papuntang conference room, sinamahan na rin siya ni Aira sa labas.  I look at the clock, malapit na rin pala mag 10am. I sigh, kaya ko to. 

When I open the door I saw Shira at my door, mukhang papunta siya sa opisina ko. 

"Hello Eris." I hugged Shira back.

" I am sorry if I was not there to greet you, also I like to congratulate to your exhibit in New York, Andromeda told me."

"Well thanks" I smiled at her.

"May meeting nga pala tayo sa boardroom, naisip kong dumaan dito." Sabi niya at inaya ako papunta doon. As we arrived on the conference room,madami na ring tao sa loob. I can't help my eyes to roam around to see if Nikko is there. Wala pa siya. 

We took our seats, some of the board members welcome me back. We did some little chit chats, habang si Taylor at Aira ay naghahanda ng kanilang presentation sa walk. Taylor is incharge in the event, so mas gamay niya kaysa sa akin ang mga mangyayari. Minsan, nalilingat din ako sa labas, Nikko is not yet there. 

As Taylor started the first slide, sakto namang dumating si Nikko. Every eyes are on him, well sino ba naman ang hindi napapatingin kapag nalalate ang isang tao diba.  She take aShestarted the presentation about the event, the preparation and the rehearsals of the models. Nagtama ang tingin namin, pero agad akong umiwas at tumingin sa handout na hawak ko. 

I pretend to be calm, my breathing starts to become heavy. Shit.

Taylor, reminds again the procedures of the event and how it will be done. This meeting also serves as the final briefing with our upcoming runway show. 

"Again Eris and Nikko will be our walk." Muntik ko nang maibuga ang iniinom kong kape.Bakit kami uli ang nasa final walk? What the fuck. Napatingin uli ako kay Nikko, He is looking at me too, kaya agad akong umiwas. 

"Well that's fine with me." Sabi niya. 

Shit.I should not agree on this in the first place. 

Naunang umalis sila Taylor at Aira dahil may mga appointments pa silang aasikasuhin. Ako dapat, but kailangan kong daw magfocus sa rehearsals. Para akong naestatwa sa kinauupuan ko. Why is it happening again? I can't work with him, bakit kasi kinuha pa siya ng Amaya, without my consent. 

"Eris." Nanlaki ang mata ko sa gulat dahil sa pagtawag niya. I gave him a small smile, it is the most nicest thing I can do. Hindi ko naman alam ang sasabihin sa kanya.

"Kamusta? It's been a long time." He said casually.

"Well everything is fine, akalain mo ba naman magkatrabaho ulit tayo." The fuck Eris! What did you just say. 

"Yeah Great." He said. 

Isip Eris, isip ka ng pag-uusapan niyo. Well ito na rin naman, kaharap mo na siya, sulitin mo na. 

"Nikko." Parehas kaming napatingin kay Shira na nakadungaw sa pinto. Nginitian niya kaming pareho.

"Nandyan ka pa pala Eris." Sabi niya at tinuon ang kanyang pansin kay Nikko. 

"Nikko, kanina pa kita hinahanap. Tara na?" Nikko gave me an weary smile saka tumalikod sa akin at naglakad paglabas ng conference room. Iniwas ko ang tingin sa kanila at kunyaring inaayos ang mga files sa tapat ko. Pero hindi ko pa rin mapigilan na sumimple tumingin sa kanila. 

"Nikko tara na!" Shira clam her arms to Nikko  as they started to leave the room. 

Sumulip ako sa pinto, they a both taking and Nikko even smiled at her. His captivating smile that I always wanted to see, pero hindi ko nakita iyon nang nagusap kami.

I could see the connection between there eyes,  they seems to be happy in each other. Parang wala na silang pakialam, basta na nga lang niya ako iniwan dito. Not even talk to me.

I am Jealous of it. 

Well yes!I am so Jealous, I wish ako yung kausap niya ngayon, hindi si Shira. Ako sana yung kaakbay niya.  All our memories suddenly flashed back in my mind. What if's already running to my thoughts. Puro sana, sana hindi ako umalis. 

I sigh. If I chose to stay , I won't be able to reach what I am today. To explore things na mas magagawa ko.  Everything is a matter of choices.  I guess we are not really meant to be. 

 What matters is he is already happy and loved and I achieved what I want to be. 

................................

Maybe another chapter or two or three, thanks for staying still. Love lots!  Please share your thoughts in the comment sections. It inspires me. hahaha.